Oh Holy Shit.

Post Modern Girl · 12-04-2007, 01:45 PM

It was my girlfriends 18th birthday party last night, the one she's been waiting on forever as she kept her pledge until now. So basically everyone got exceptionally pissed.
Her aunt's husband, Gordon, is a very nice and cool guy. I've spent many a night drinking and smoking pot with him, I find his company really welcoming. So anyway, at this party we were standing outside having a normal conversation, until (due to the copious amount of alcohol) the conversation turned to sex. He was saying how he prefared life before the baby, how he is unhappy etc. Then he began to tell me that he thinks im a very attractive girl and just silly little compliments like such.
Things got a little bit out of hand and he told me how he sometimes thinks about us having sex.
Now I have always had a soft spot for Gordon, but having sex with him is a no no, considering he is practically my girlfriends uncle.
He started feeling my ass and trying to kiss me. Admittedly I didn't really stop him at first but after a second, it kicked in that what was happening should not be happening.
Gordon is 28, has been married for 4 years and has a house and new born kid. Considering I am 18, i think it was a moment of bad judgement on his behalf. And Im not innocent either.

I told him to just leave it, to forget anything happened and never mention it again. But I couldn't keep it from my girlfriend, so I told her. Now she wants to tell her aunt what her husband is up to. I told her it's not worth it because it will just fuck things up. Now im at a loss, i have no one else to talk to, i need to get it off my chest and have some feedback. It's quite depressing me.

Tam Li Hua · 12-04-2007, 01:49 PM

I think that you need to let her tell her aunt. If he's doing this with you, he may try it again with someone else. It's better to confront him now before things get to the extra-marital sex.

imo, a married man with a baby shouldn't be having sex...or even making out with...anyone other than his wife anyways.

Post Modern Girl · 12-04-2007, 01:52 PM

I know that, that's what is fucking me of the most. But due to my blurred memory of the incident, Im not sure what my role in this was, what if I lead him on or something? Surely it would be my fault then?

Underwater Ophelia · 12-04-2007, 02:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Post Modern Girl

I know that, that's what is fucking me of the most. But due to my blurred memory of the incident, Im not sure what my role in this was, what if I lead him on or something? Surely it would be my fault then?

Nope. Not your fault. You'd just also be wrong.
If you hand someone a drink, and they drink the whole thing and get drunk, it's not your fault they got drunk. THEY chose to drink.

Post Modern Girl · 12-05-2007, 01:01 AM

It's not the drink that was the problem, it's what happened.
I really don't know what to do.

gothicusmaximus · 12-05-2007, 03:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Post Modern Girl

It's not the drink that was the problem, it's what happened.
I really don't know what to do.

The drink thing was a metaphor.

AngelikDemonik · 12-05-2007, 04:40 AM

A little saying...if drunk words are sober thoughts, what does that make drunk actions?

I think the Aunt deserves to know...If you were married, wouldn't you want to know if your partner did something like that?

TopHaggardDoll · 12-05-2007, 04:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelikDemonik

A little saying...if drunk words are sober thoughts, what does that make drunk actions?

I think the Aunt deserves to know...If you were married, wouldn't you want to know if your partner did something like that?

She's right.

You're gunna have to speak up, this isn't something you can just keep a secret. A woman has been lied to and betrayed, she needs to be told, it'll be more awful if it comes out years later.

Drake Dun · 12-05-2007, 05:25 AM

I agree with the above posters that the aunt should be informed, but I suggest you try an approach that gives the guy a chance to salvage some self respect and dignity. Tell him that the aunt is going to find out one way or the other, and recommend that it be from him that she finds out.

This requires some courage on your part, but if your moral sense works the same way mine does, you will feel good about yourself for going the extra mile.

Drake

ApothoKeri · 12-05-2007, 05:52 AM

Right so...

Basically, things got a bit blurred from drinking, slightly out of hand but it stopped?

IMO,

You stopped it on your part, so that is really where your responsibility ends. What he does with others if he is married is totally his personal issue (unless it is directly with you - but you stopped that). I really would not recommend inserting yourself farther into it. It will probably piss off a lot of people (and a lot of anger will be directed at you from all sides).

If he is going to self-destruct his own marriage he will do so but that really is his issue and a very personal one. If it never happens again and it really was a one time thing, then I don't see why there should be some big dramatic blowout with his wife and perhaps ruin three lives and prevent him from ever living near his child again all because he got a bit drunk and made a minor (one time kiss NOT even sex) mistake, idiotic bad judgment thing.

I really think it should be something left with him to deal with, IMO. Just tell him 'no thanks' from yourself personally and move on from the situation.

Post Modern Girl · 12-05-2007, 06:50 AM

See I agree with ApothoKeri, it's not that Im afraid of taking any responsibilty or wipping, I just think it should come from him.

Yes the wife deserves to know, but at the end of the day, there is a child involved. It's her that Im worried about.

Drake Dun · 12-05-2007, 07:30 AM

It's a genuinely difficult case. Let me ask, though, what makes you think that keeping it quiet will make things better for the child, rather than worse?

Drake

Wormboy · 12-05-2007, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelikDemonik

A little saying...if drunk words are sober thoughts, what does that make drunk actions?

Drunk words are sober thoughts, drunk actions are sober desires ^_^

AngelikDemonik · 12-05-2007, 11:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wormboy

Drunk words are sober thoughts, drunk actions are sober desires ^_^

Ah! I haven't heard that version of that saying. Thank you!

Wormboy · 12-05-2007, 01:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by AngelikDemonik

Ah! I haven't heard that version of that saying. Thank you!

I hope you haven't, I just made it up >_>

AngelikDemonik · 12-05-2007, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wormboy

I hope you haven't, I just made it up >_>

Very witty!

Post Modern Girl · 12-06-2007, 01:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Drake Dun

It's a genuinely difficult case. Let me ask, though, what makes you think that keeping it quiet will make things better for the child, rather than worse?

Drake

Well I tend to think of worst case senarios, if the wife freaked her lid, then surely they would break up, leaving the child in one of those "Live at mom's, visit dad's" situation, surely that isn't good?

drewsilla · 12-06-2007, 01:18 AM

Speaking as a wife with a child, I'd want to know.

Post Modern Girl · 12-06-2007, 01:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drewsilla

Speaking as a wife with a child, I'd want to know.

Would you really though? Or is that just morals speaking?

drewsilla · 12-06-2007, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Post Modern Girl

Would you really though? Or is that just morals speaking?

Ohhhh, not morals. Let's just say that sometimes marriage comes with troubles you honestly cannot foresee.

Your girlfriend's aunt needs to know. What she does not need is everyone else knowing and her not knowing. Her husband did wrong, and they need to talk it out (or scream it out). It's not your fault. You didn't come on to him.

Personally, it sounds like he's freaked out with his current situation, being married and having a new baby and all. He might be scared and be trying to prove that he's still a kid. Sometimes responsiblity does that to people, they do really stupid things. He needs to talk to his wife, be a man and come clean. If she loves him and thinks that he's worth it, they might come out of this better for it. Personally, I think they need some couples therapy, and maybe some new parenting classes, too. That might help him.

Post Modern Girl · 12-06-2007, 02:58 AM

See, that does sound really sensible. Im too young to understand the in's and out's of married life (and the fact that i'm not married).

But do you think it should come from my girlfriend, me or him?

drewsilla · 12-06-2007, 03:21 AM

It would be best if it came from him, but if he doesn't, then whoever is closer to the aunt should let her know.

I'd never be alone with him again, either.

Post Modern Girl · 12-06-2007, 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by drewsilla

It would be best if it came from him, but if he doesn't, then whoever is closer to the aunt should let her know.

I'd never be alone with him again, either.

Oh I don't intend to! I plan on staying very far away!

Noumi · 12-06-2007, 07:19 AM

That's the reazon I never drink, you just can't control the situation , and it always ends up badly. In your case I have to say, you did it well telling your gf, and she has indeed to tell hre aunt, thats the right thing to do...

Drake Dun · 12-06-2007, 08:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Post Modern Girl

Well I tend to think of worst case senarios, if the wife freaked her lid, then surely they would break up, leaving the child in one of those "Live at mom's, visit dad's" situation, surely that isn't good?

That's not good, but if it's the worst case scenario you can come up with, I envy your innocence. :P

Drake