Apology After Death

[Soul_Reaver]

Blood is draining from her wrists
Blood is flowing from open slits
The razor covered with red
Her body grows cold and dead
My voice whispers in her head
Saying come back to me dear
You can't die you belong here
She can sense my worst fear
Please don't die
I'm sorry
Please just try
And return to me
Don't leave me alone
I can't live without you
I can't live on my own
I'm sorry for what I did to you
I'm sorry for what i said to you
I don't care
If you don't forgive me
But I do care
About you coming back to me
Her pulse fades
The mistakes I made
Is the reason why
She has died

[Circle V]

Er... introduce yourself in the correct section.

I'd really rather you just left, but I'm being nice-ish today.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Trying to write some 'gothic' poetry, eh?
Sorry, you fail.

[MollyMac]

It fails to be Gothic, true. But the poem itself is decidedly Goth.

[Godslayer Jillian]

Creativity overload, I dare to guess.

[Shyantra]

Come on you guys/gals, he is a babybat. Cut him some slack.

[MollyMac]

This was posted for critique, not Care Bear hugs. Why enable bad and cliche` imagery?

[Johnny Gnar Gnar]

Wow. That was painful to read.

[Shyantra]

Ok but still, he is a newbie, doesn't he deserve some slack? And Soul_Reaver you need to post your introduction. We can get pretty nasty if you don't. (6)

[Godslayer Jillian]

Originally Posted by Shyantra

Ok but still, he is a newbie, doesn't he deserve some slack? And Soul_Reaver you need to post your introduction. We can get pretty nasty if you don't. (6)

He already went away. But why cut him some slack for being a newbie? It's not like Gnet holds the exclusive powers of poetry which are only learned after 300 posts.
That excuse reminds me of the girl that didn't understand sarcasm and said "hey im new 2 the site"

[roberteggleton]

I've met so many that could have said the same. Youth suicide is multiplying. And, the guilt associated is exponential.

To tell the world, the guilt that I've carried for years concerns my mother. After giving up her calcium to me in her womb, her teeth rotted out to public display. There was, and is, no medical (dental) coverage for poor people over age 18 -- emergency extraction only. When we went together to a public place, like Kmart, I would separate and pretend that she wasn't my mother because I was embarrassed. Otherwise, always a beautiful woman, her teeth ....

I've carried this guilt for decades (centuries). My recommendation is to tell the people that you love that you do and frequently.

"Rarity from the Hollow"

[Johnny Gnar Gnar]

Ok, I am all sorts of confused by that last post. My brain must have shut itself off from all the stress of the past couple days.

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by

I am all sorts of confused by that last post.

Robert was relating to the original poem at the beginning of this thread.

Edgar Allan Poe wrote in The Poetic Principle that a poem's words are appreciated more thoroughly by one who has shared the same experience.

Yes, there are well worn words in the ballad, but that does not prevent them from triggering recollections in a reader who has strong emotional ties to the experience described.

Death itself happens everyday, for countless generations, and yet it still has a strong impact on the families and friends who knew the deceased.

[Johnny Gnar Gnar]

Ok, I think I kinda follow you. My brain really isn't working. Tired, sick, dealing with B.S. Makes everything that much more fun. *crawls back into bed*

[MollyMac]

I guess some people write only in cliche and some people live only in cliche. Whatever blows their skirts up, I guess.

But cutting someone slack because they are new is not the point. If you want to be a writer, your skin's gotta be thicker. Very few things are right the first time jotted and I have found that the swift kick in the sternum from some (more) literary sites is a fantastic impetus.

Read it again, the poem is bad, and the feedback is dead-on.

It would be a lie and a crime to get all huggy-bear and overly accepting when somethin gis obviously flawed. Some of my older work was posted here- some to good reviews, some to reviews that would leave my nipples sterile. Made me better, not bitter.

But, can;t take the heat? Then Hell is not for you.

[HumanePain]

Yes, I agree, and I was not defending the composition from the feedback. I was merely explaining to Johnny what Robert's post was about. The composition evoked an emotional memory from Robert.

And you are most certainly correct in that a writer cannot grow without constructive criticism, and being shot down a few hundred times. In my personal experience, being ignored is the deepest cut of all, more than negative reviews. At least from negative feedback, you learn what you may need to change/improve.

[MollyMac]

I cannot recall who said it, but there was something once said by an artist "If you loved it, I have succeeded. If you hated it, have succeeded. If you are indifferent, I have failed."

Not that I hated the poem, it just blended in to too many images and lines from within the Goth genre, emo genre, et al. It may as well have been isosyphallic black lines of varying widths and a random number keyed under it.

If I scanned it, it would have been $6.66, only it was too taxing.

[Shyantra]

Ok fine I will shut up. HumanePain I will submit the next part to that story sometime either this weekend or next week.

[Momento Mori]

My writing/poems are from my soul, and laying those experiences and emotions for all to rip apart is the reason I will post none of it here.

It is a sign of maturity to offer to help instead of tear down. Had the author asked for your constructive criticism, maybe you could have offered it, and had he refused, you could simply not read something that may have been more polished.

In my introductory post, Morrigan said I was articulate and had a lot of enthusiasm, and hoped it would not fade. Now I know why she said that.

The success of a forum depends on the number of people actively contrubuting. Anything that tears that down harms the site.

Enough ranting. I'm going to go write....

[Mir]

I get exactly what you mean Momento Mori. I used to post here under the pseudonym LostAndCrazy, till I too, arrived to the same conclusions as you did.

[HumanePain]

Both of you, Momento and Mir (aka LostAndCrazy), write beautiful compositions.
I still reread and enjoy them now and then.

[Momento Mori]

Bob, would you send your e mail addy to chuk [at sign] skunkarific [dot goeth here] com. I've enjoyed your writing!

For those who tore the poor |\|008 apart, this was possibly the only forum I would have ever shared my writing when I found my 7 year old boy dead from heart failure. I would be unable to deal with the emotion and consequences of some self-appointed critic tearing it apart.

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