Gnet Supernatural

[Despanan]

Carry on my wayward sonnnnnnnnn!
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to reeeesssssst!
Don’tcha cry no more…

[A hand crashes down upon the interior dashboard of a 1967 Impala, speeding eastward along I-64; a second later another hand turns off the radio. the music stops.]

DEAN: (growls) What the hell Sam?

SAM: How many times have we listened to this song Dean?

DEAN: What, you mean today?

SAM: Eight times Dean.

[Sam shifts his large frame to the far side of the leather seat: a vain effort to relieve a small amount of pressure from his quickly cramping legs.]

SAM: We have listened to this same tape eight times over. I am begging you; can we please put something else on?

[A pause. Dean turns the radio back on]

Once I rose above the noise and confusion-

DEAN: No.

Just to get a glimpse beyond this illusion-

SAM: No?

I was soaring ever higher-

DEAN: No. Kansas kicks ass.

But I flew too high-

DEAN: Besides the only other band I have in reach right now is Survivor, and I’m freaking sick of them.

[SAM clams up]

SAM: Jerk.

DEAN: Bitch.

[Sam stews]

Though my eyes could see I still was a blind man
Though my mind could think I still was a mad man-

DEAN: Aww, come on Sammy. Man-up.

I hear the voices when I'm dreaming-

SAM: Dean…

I can hear them say-

DEAN: We'll put on "If you like Pina Colatas" next if it makes-

SAM: DEAN THE ROAD!

[DEAN looks up to see a 1968 Chevrolet Van with a dirty green paint job and a license plate reading "HMNPA1N" swiftly making it's way into his lane. In a practiced motion DEAN spins the wheel of the Impala, narrowly avoiding being clipped by the side of the encroaching car; however, the strain is too much for the Impala and it spins out while Sam and Dean hold on for dear life, finally coming to a stop some thirty yards down the road. Sam opens the door and shouts at the offending vehicle:]

DEAN: LEARN TO DRIVE DIPSHITS!

[A faint refrain of "Eye of the Tiger" is the only reply as the van speeds away, it's red tail lights disappearing into the night]

DEAN: I am so freaking sick of that song...

SAM: What do you suppose was up with the Mystery Machine?

DEAN: (Getting back in the car) I don't know Sammy, I don't know and I don't care. The only thing I want at this point is to never see those Slack-Jawed Dipshits ever again.

*Blackout*

Carry on my wayward sonnnnnnnnn!
There’ll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to reeeesssssst!
Don’tcha cry no more…

[Versus]

Holy shit. Yes. Hp as an axe murderer ok go plz.

[Apathy's_Child]

Shit yeah! I was wondering if you'd ever get around to writing a spec. This'll be awesome. I'm guessing most of us are gonna be demons and, consequently, wasted before the credits roll. My feelings about this are best described as... ambivalent.

[Saya]

I associate Supernatural so much with fangirlism and gay relationships, in my head this is already going to turn into a Kontan/Despanan slash fiction. Or Kontan/Sam and Desp/Dean. This is too much to think about!

[KontanKarite]

Saya... that's 4chan creepy. Your avatar makes me uncomfortable now.

[Saya]

Dude, its EVERYWHERE. Deviant Art, fanfiction websites, just type "supernatural dean castiel" in google images and see what comes up. Most Supernatural fans I know IRL are fangirls who know this. More of a Destiel fan than a Wincest fan, that's the shit that's creepy.

Funny you should mention the avatar, I sadly found a lot of compromising fan art the other day where he was fucking an avatar of himself. Selfcest?

[KontanKarite]

If you could travel 2 seconds into the past, would you fuck yourself? I would.

[Despanan]

Previously on Supernatural

Dean: Sam!

Sam: Dean!

Dean: SAM!

Sam: DEAN!

Dean: Sam?

Sam: Dean.

Dean: SAM.

Sam: DEAN.

Dean: Dean?

Sam: Sam.

Bobby: Sam. Dean.

Sam: Bobby?

Dean: Sam.

Sam: Dean.

Bobby: DEAN.

Sam: Dean.

Bobby: SAM!

Sam: Sam?

Dean: Sam.

Bobby: Dean...

Dean: Bobby.

Sam: Bobby!

Bobby: Bobby.

Dean: SAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!!!!

Sam: DEEEEAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!!

Bobby: Idjits...

And now:

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

[Interior-Night. Camera pans up and focuses on a plastic Ghostbusters II logo, hanging from the rear-view mirror of a 1968 Chevy Van speeding down I-64. Various dime-store toys and figurines line the corroded and peeling dashboard: a hodgepodge of bobble heads, a few different batman action figures, hand-held carebears, and various unrecognizable figurines, most likely of Japanese origin. A hand grips the steering wheel while a few feet away, a pair of them hammer out a rhythm which is noticeably off-beat of the song crackling over the radio. The hands belong to JOSH, a man in his mid-twenties who wears weathered black combat boots, slim-fitting maroon corduroy pants, and a slightly distressed 1950 US Navy Pea-coat. The coat is accentuated by various buttons, hand-crafted from bottlecaps, bobbypins, and acrylic paint bearing everything from arcane symbols to hand-painted slogans, camera zooms in on a prominently displayed white button over the left-hand collar which reads "Ananasi Charm". The driver is a big man (though one would certainly not consider him "Hulking"), a little older than JOSH, he wears black jeans, black leather motorcycle boots, a nondescript t-Shirt and a brown 1960's-era buckskin jacket. Around his neck hangs a Native American medicine bag, and looped into a leather twining bracelet around his left hand are several bits of pearl, which upon closer inspection resemble human teeth. His hair is long, and a goatee juts handsomely from his chin. The driver's left hand plays absentmindedly with the edge of a thick brown mustache, the overall effect of which makes him somewhat swashbuckling in appearance, as if he were some amalgamation of equal parts Indian, Hippy, and Pirate.]

BRENT & JOSH: (Singing at the top of their lungs, Off-Key, to the radio)

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your action for chlorine
Don't lose your grip on the Reams and the Mast
You must fight just to keep and ariiiive...

[A head pops into frame from the van's rear. As this is Supernatural it belongs to a ridiculously cute brunette in her mid-twenties. She wears tight jeans, and a tasteful button-up blouse (unbuttoned) over a navy-blue Baby-T shirt with the picture of a pineapple inside an empty glass on the front. Her left nostril is tastefully pierced and she wears a pair of black, horn-rimmed glasses, her hair is pulled back giving her the sweet, bookish look of a classically beautiful heroine; the kind you might find in old movies looking wistfully out of a window.]

BRENT, JOSH & MELANIE:

It's the eye of the tiger,
it's the kill of the night
Rising up to the challenge of our rivals
And the last known survivor
stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eeeyyyyeeee!
...of the tiger!

JOSH: I am so freaking in love with this song!

MELANIE: I think you're getting the words wrong.

JOSH: I don't give a good God SHIT! Melanie, All I know is when I hear this song I feel HARD. Hard like a TIGER. Hard like ROCKY!... (Raises his arms) AMERICA!

BRENT: Hard like a dick?

[Melanie rolls her eyes]

JOSH: Dude, don't sully this. This is real. Eye of the Tiger baby. The last known survivor stalks his prey in the night That's us. We do that. Like a TIGER.

Pause.

JOSH: This should be our theme song.

MELANIE: I think you'd have to take that up with Sylvester Stallone.

JOSH: Shit...nigga's old. He don't need it anymore. Needs ta pass the torch.

MELAINE: (offended) Josh, language.

[Josh looks at her, confused. then he farts.]

MELANIE: (Retreating to the rear cabin) It is so hard living in a van with two boys!

Pause.

JOSH: I thought she was going to say "Down by the river"...What's her problem?

BRENT: The N-word dude. You aren't black. You can't say it.

JOSH: Not even if I add an "A" on the end instead of an "E-R"?

BRENT: Not even then. It's a cultural taboo; like eating human flesh or killing an eagle without first gettin' right with the bird clan.

JOSH: ...But saying the N-word won't turn me into a Wendigo.

BRENT: Doesn't matter. Apologize.

JOSH: [to Melanie] Sorry baby, won't say the N-word around you no more; not even with an "A" on the end.

[Camera pans back, MELANIE flips him off.]

JOSH: She's fine.

[The radio plays quietly]

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry


BRENT: I will say, It does seem appropriate...

JOSH: The N-word?

BRENT: The song. Hand me a Lucky Strike.

They stack the odds, still we take to the street
For the kill with the skill to survive

[JOSH pulls a cig. from the packet and hands it over to BRENT. Brent puts it in his mouth and starts to light it, but:]

JOSH: Oh Dude, chorus is coming back! [Slaps Brent's shoulder in exuberance] It's the EYE OF THE TIGER, IT'S NO FRILLS AND ALL BITE RISING UP TO THE CHALLENGE OF SURVIVAL-

BRENT: Dude, I've got fire!

JOSH: SING YOU BASTARD! [Grabs BRENT around the shoulder and pulls him over, causing him to drop the lighter into his lap] AND THE LAST KNOWN SURVIVOR STALKS HIS PREY IN THE NIGHT AND HE WATCHES US ALL WITH THE EEEEEYYYYYYEEEEE!

[BRENT looks down to grab the lighter out of his lap, as he does the van drifts into the other lane]

BRENT: DUDE!

JOSH: OF THE TIIIGEEERRRR!

MELANIE: WATCH THE ROAD!

BRENT AND JOSH: [Realizing that they're about to run another car off the road] SHIT!

[Brent frantically jerks the wheel, narrowly avoiding clipping the nearby 1967 Impala, which spins out behind them. Brent corrects the car there is a tense moment as they speed away.]

Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory-


MELANIE: (Looking out the window) Looks like they're okay.

BRENT: That's lucky.

JOSH: Man, those dudes in the Mustang almost got straight FUCKED UP.

Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive-

JOSH: You've gotta quit smoking bro.

BRENT: Me-?

MELANIE: You guys BOTH have got to be more careful.

BRENT: We're careful.

JOSH: Guys were probably assholes anyway. Who else drives a car like that?

[MELANIE furrows her brow and adjusts her glasses]

BRENT: We're careful. Mel, is everything okay back there?

Melanie: [Lifting up a hatch on the floor of the Van] everything is still in place.

BRENT: Good.

[Camera pans up, revealing a hidden compartment filled with weapons. Steaks, Silver knives, spears, handguns, sawed-off shotguns, a sword, and various arcane fetishes and vials of strange liquid.]

BRENT: We've got a long way to go before we catch up with our quarry...don't want to wipe ourselves out and save it the trouble.

Camera pans up and out of the Van, as it speeds off down the highway, towards the coming dawn. Blackout.

It's the eye of the tiger, it's
the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger...

[Solumina]

This thread makes me so happy.

[Despanan]

Glad to hear it, this was alot of fun to write.

[Saya]

I'd like it a lot if Wayward Son would get the fuck out my head.

[Despanan]

I know what you mean. I've been humming "eye of the tiger" all day.

[HumanePain]

Haha! How did you know I used to own a '67 Chevy van for real? (It was a recycled Sears delivery van with a straight six.) I must have spilled the beans in some post long ago. And the human teeth bracelet is sweet. So is the secret compartment and Kansas on the tunes. The only thing missing are vacuum tubes in the radio lulz.

[Apathy's_Child]

Shit, son!

I'm loving this.

[vindicatedxjin]

Freaking eye of the tiger....fuckkk.

[Apathy's_Child]

That was a total random choice, but somehow it just wound up suiting you guys something crazy. I got a real kick out of the image of you two in novelty Xmas hats, grinning, pointing at each other & singing that shit.

[Despanan]

[Interior – DAY, The Impala, driving along a local highway somewhere in Tennessee, SAM watches DEAN devour his breakfast sandwich]

DEAN: (Between Bites) Pictures last longer.

SAM: I get the feeling that this should not be documented.

DEAN: It’s breakfast Sammy, genuine “Dairy King” breakfast, Not “Dairy Queen” but a “Dairy King” Double Bacon Sausage Bacon Bagel with all the f-in fixin’s. That deserves a special kind of enjoyment.

SAM: Can you even taste it?

DEAN: (Chewing) It’s fleeting but GLORIOUS. It’s LIFE Sammy. Worf it down.

SAM: Wolf it down.

DEAN: What?

SAM: Wolf.

DEAN: Worf.

SAM: Worf is a Klingon.

DEAN: And I’m sure when he eats, he does it like this.

[DEAN finishes the sandwich and roots around in the bag for an extra hashbrown]

DEAN: So how close are we to old granddaddy bloodsucker?

SAM: Last reports we had from Bobby place him in…Johnson City Tennessee.

DEAN: Hmmm…not too far off, what do you think he’s doing down here?

SAM: Probably what you’d be doing if you were the first of your kind.

DEAN: I am the first of my kind—

SAM: Dean—

DEAN: There has never before been a Dean Winchester—

[Sam glares at him]

DEAN: And there never will be again. I am the Alpha Dean and the Omega Dean.

[Cut to the Impala pulling into a small-town library parking lot, DEAN gets out of the car]

SAM: Dean.

[Sam motions to a Green 1968 Chevy Van parked a few spaces away, the license plate reads “HMNPA1N”]

DEAN: Oh come on!

[Cut to the boys on a stakeout, Dean is looking through binoculars]

SAM: This is stupid.

DEAN: They’ve gotta come out of there sometime.

SAM: We’re wasting time.

DEAN: That’s business, this is personal. Nobody runs Dean Winchester off the road…

SAM: Why don’t we just go in and ask who owns it?

DEAN: What, you crazy? We’ll look like psychos…

[DEAN crouches and glances through the Binoculars]

SAM: Why are you even using those? We can just stand there.

DEAN: [confused, then a little hurt] …’cause.

[SAM rolls his eyes]

DEAN: Look Sam, all I know, is they almost clipped the Impala. That is not cool, and someone’s gotta let ‘em know. This is a public service, so I’m gonna wait. Here. And when I see who’s getting into that Van I’m gonna straight...

[Through the binoculars, DEAN sees MELANIE as she walks out of the library and over to the Van. She is SMOKIN’ HOT.]

DEAN: …Get their phone number.

[SAM cocks his head to one side, staring at her.]

[Apathy's_Child]

I think you really nailed Dean in particular. Sam's pretty good but I remember him being whinier.

[Despanan]

Yeah. He has a tendency to get a little Emo. Hopefully that'll come off more in future scenes, because right now he's mainly just behaving as a foil for Dean, who is of course the superior Winchester.

[CuckooTuli]

Originally Posted by Despanan

... Dean, who is of course the superior Winchester.

True that. Also, I realised a few weeks ago after watching Mad Max 2 who Jensen Ackles reminds me of - I really think he looks a little like a young Mel Gibson, which amused me greatly given how the latter's ended up.

By the way, I just read all the new fanfics in one go, and this and the zombie apocalypse one are my absolute favourites. As a newcomer I find the idea of working the fanfic into a spec script a lot more accessible than just using forum members - I'm sure the advantage this holds for newbies is purely incidental, but it does make the story a lot more engaging for me. Not to mention that it's also well-written in its own right.

[Despanan]

Awesome. This is actually the first fanfic I've ever written, so I'm glad it's working for you.

I actually turned down the Gnet references in this one, because I want it to fit firmly into the Supernatural universe. They're still there, it's just that they're hidden (Like Melanie being Pineapple Juice, and HP being our Van).

Anyway, I should have the next scene or so later on today.

[Despanan]

[CUT TO – DEAN coming across the parking lot at a quick waddle, SAM follows behind him]

DEAN: Hey, hey, hey!

[Melanie turns around expectantly]

DEAN: How you doin’?

MELANIE: …Fine.

[DEAN leans against the Van]

DEAN: Nice Van.

MELANIE: Thanks…

[DEAN smiles at her. MELANIE looks at SAM in confusion.]

SAM: [Politely] Uh, actually you ah…last night you cut us off on the highway.

DEAN: It’s no big deal.

MELANIE: That was you?

SAM: Ahh, yeah.

MELANIE: Oh my God, I am so sorry.

DEAN: (quickly) It’s no big deal.

MELANIE: No, no, that’s terrible, you really could have been hurt.

DEAN: We’re pretty resilient.

MELANIE: (Suddenly weirder out) Wait…did you guys follow us all the way here?

SAM: Oh…

DEAN: What?

SAM: No.

DEAN: Not at all.

SAM: Coincidence—

DEAN: That’s crazy.

SAM: Total Coincidence.

MELANIE: Oh, okay, good…

[Awkward pause]

MELANIE: Anyway, I am so sorry…?

DEAN: I’m Dean.

SAM: Uh, Sam.

MELANIE: I’m Melanie.

DEAN: Think nothing of it Melanie.

MELANIE: Thanks, umm…It wasn’t even really my fault, it was these two idiots I’m-

JOSH: (OFFSCREEN) Holy crap, this looks just like that Mustang we ran off the road!

[Cut to BRENT and JOSH exiting the library]

BRENT: It does. Don’t that beat all.

JOSH: Man, what kind of assholes drive a heap like—?

MELANIE: (Quickly) Guys!

JOSH: What do you want woman?

MELANIE: Brent, Josh meet Sam and Dean.

BRENT: (Somewhat hostile, he puts his arm on MELANIE’s shoulder) Hi, who are you?

MELANIE: (She shrugs it off) They’re the guys we ran off the road last night.

BRENT: Oh, crap…

JOSH: That was you?

DEAN: Yeah.

JOSH: Man, you guys straight spun out! That was—

[Brent elbows him]

JOSH: Sorry…Nice car.

SAM: Thanks.

DEAN: Yeah, thanks.

BRENT: Anyway, was there any damage?

SAM: No.

BRENT: Good.

JOSH: ‘Cause we don’t have insurance.

DEAN: Ya don’t say.

BRENT: Yeah, we’ve been working on that…anyway, at least it worked out…so sorry for the trouble Mr…?

[DEAN doesn’t answer]

SAM: Winchester…Sam and Dean Winchester.

[SAM holds out his hand, BRENT doesn’t take it]

BRENT: Wait, Winchester? Like, the Kansas Winchesters?

SAM: Uh…

[SAM looks at DEAN, who Grimmaces and reaches into his pocket for his gun.]

BRENT: Oh Crap, Josh! It’s the freakin' Winchesters.

JOSH: Really?

BRENT: I think so.

JOSH: Well Ho-Lee-Shit…Good ta finally meetcha.

SAM: Ummm…

JOSH: Well put her there (Shakes Sam’s hand)

BRENT: We are big fans.

DEAN: Look, if this is about the books—

BRENT: What? No.

JOSH: Those suck.

BRENT: Seriously sub-par stuff.

JOSH: They had ya hanging out with Paris Hilton.

BRENT: That was dumb.

JOSH: And the Devil’s speech to that guy?

BRENT: Flimsy—

JOSH: Worst speech ever—

BRENT: Not much justification—

JOSH: Wasn’t Persuasive—

BRENT: Would not have let him into my Meatsuit—

JOSH: Not with that argument—

BRENT: You need to first ESTABLISH CHARACTER, if you want to do something like that—

JOSH: Listen to this man. He knows.

[DEAN looks at SAM, SAM looks at DEAN.]

BRENT: We’re FANS of YOURS. I mean, you guys brought down the DEVIL, Trawled Heaven and Hell, averted the APOCALLYPSE.

JOSH: Mad props on that one bro.

[JOSH holds out his fist for a pound, no one pounds it, he puts it down.]

BRENT: You guys burned Crowley’s bones.

JOSH: That actually didn’t make much sense.

BRENT: No it didn’t.

JOSH: I mean if Demons are really just spirits—

BRENT: Then why the hell did John Winchester wind up in Hell—

JOSH: After his body was burned?

BRENT: I know right?

(Pause)

BRENT: Our condolences.

JOSH: Shit’s fucked up.

DEAN: Wait, so you’re saying…

BRENT: (Conspiratorially) We’re IN the BUISINESS man.

SAM: You guys are hunters?

JOSH: We prefer the term “Ghostbusters”.

BRENT: You prefer that.

JOSH: I do.

[Pause]

DEAN: I can’t believe this.

BRENT: That we would run into each other? Yeah I’m surprised too.

JOSH: I know man, those books make it seem that there’s only like, TEN hunters in the whole world.

BRENT: Well there is that family they worked with.

JOSH: Yeah, but they were really thinly developed.

BRENT: We did not learn much about them.

SAM: What are you guys even doing down here?

BRENT: Tracking a Wampus Cat. Wanna help?

DEAN: Sorry, we work alone.
BRENT: Oh.

SAM: Ahh, yeah, we’re um—

DEAN: Working on something much bigger right now.

JOSH: Oh yeah? What? (pops a piece of gum)

SAM: Ahh, we’d rather not—

DEAN: We’re about to take out the VAMPIRE ALPHA douchbag.

MELANIE: What?

JOSH: Really?

BRENT: Ooohhh…

DEAN: Yeah, we’ve been chasing him for MONTHS, and we’ve damn near got the grandfather of all bloodsuckers cornered. So if you’ll excuse us—

MELANIE: Actually, about that…

[SAM looks at DEAN who cocks an eyebrow]

MELANIE: [To BRENT] You want to tell them?

BRENT: I guess I’d better. We sorta—

JOSH: Dude, we killed that guy last night.

[SAM looks from BRENT to MELANIE]

SAM: You…

[BRENT and MELANIE Shake their heads, JOSH lights a clove. DEAN snorts, cue commercial break]

[CuckooTuli]

Originally Posted by Despanan

Awesome. This is actually the first fanfic I've ever written, so I'm glad it's working for you.

I actually turned down the Gnet references in this one, because I want it to fit firmly into the Supernatural universe. They're still there, it's just that they're hidden (Like Melanie being Pineapple Juice, and HP being our Van).

I figured you'd be Brent (as the name's in the link in your signature) and just assumed that made Josh Kontan. Just because, between the trolling and the zombie apocalypse thread, I've pretty much come to think of you guys as some kind of two-headed lulz monster.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Despanan

JOSH: We prefer the term “Ghostbusters”.

BRENT: You prefer that.

JOSH: I do.

This bit gave me a full on giggle fit, thanks for that.

[Despanan]

[A few ads for zit cream, Vampire Diaries, Gossip Girl…And we’re back. Supernatural’s crackly explodey, smokey logo is all over the screen. Cut back to everyone.]


SAM: Let me get his straight…You guys think you killed the Alpha Vampire.

[Brent opens his mouth, Josh cuts him off]

JOSH: We don’t THINK nothin’ sheet; we kicked that nigga down a WELL.

[Melanie Facepalms]

BRENT: DUDE!!!

JOSH: What?

BRENT: The Vampire God was BLACK. You can’t SAY THAT.

JOSH: He was BLACK? No he wasn’t, he was Vampire God.

BRENT: He was VAMPIRE GOD and HE WAS BLACK—

JOSH: God is a Black Vampire? You know—

BRENT: So you can’t SAY THAT.

JOSH: Not even—

BRENT: Not even with an “A” on the end.

JOSH: Look, I don’t see why you’re sitting here demonizing me, when you’re the one that kicked him down a well. I mean if I was Black Vampire God I’d much rather be called a…an N with an A than—

BRENT: (Through his teeth) He’s NOT just Black Vampire God, he’s VAMPIRE GOD.

DEAN: BOYS FOCUS!

[BRENT AND JOSH turn around, almost at attention]

JOSH: (under his breath) get kicked down a well.

SAM: Can you describe—

BRENT: Vampire God?

DEAN: The ALPHA Vamp.

BRENT: Sure…big dude…bald. Freckles. Really needs a manicure—

JOSH: Black…apparently.

BRENT: Always going on about “When the first human’s huddled around the first fire, I was the thing in the darkness.”

JOSH: Vampire God.

DEAN: And you two…

BRENT: Kicked him down a well. Back in Sparta Kentucky.

SAM: Okay…uhh, assuming you—

JOSH: Kicked him down a well.

SAM: Did this…How do you know he’s dead?

[Josh and Brent look at each other, they’re not getting it]

JOSH: Dude, we kicked him down a well.

BRENT: Yeah, you don’t come back from that.

DEAN: Look Chuckles, I don’t suppose you two have considered the fact that, oh let’s see: he’s a VAMPIRE.

BRENT: It’s a well.

JOSH: I don’t see why you’re being so obtuse.

[DEAN is now INCREDIBLY irritated. He starts to speak, SAM cuts him off]

SAM: Look…guys, uh, how do you know he didn’t survive the uh…

BRENT: Well.

SAM: Uh, yeah.

[JOSH and BRENT look at each other]

JOSH: Well, We’re still here, aint we?

SAM: Okay, but—

BRENT: Look, it’s been TWO days. That’s ONE FULL NIGHT since we kicked homeboy down that well. Now I don’t know about you, but if I was Vampire God, and I got kicked down a well, I think my first order of business would be to find and kill the two idiots who put me in that big fuckoff hole.

JOSH: We’re still here, so I think it’s safe to assume, we ganked Vampire God.

[DEAN and SAM Stare at them for a second, then Dean turns around and walks off]

JOSH: (calling after him) You mad bro?

[Camera follows Dean, he pulls out his cell phone]

DEAN: Yeah Bobby, I need something checked out…you are not gonna believe this one.

[Camera cuts back to SAM, still talking to JOSH, BRENT and MELANIE]

SAM: So, uh how did you guys even find him? I mean, we’ve been tracking this guy, for months…

BRENT: Wasn’t easy.

MELANIE: Josh had to become a vampire for a little while.

BRENT: Yeah, that was stupid.

JOSH: Everything was loud and Vampire God kept showing me his student films.

BRENT: Then we cured him—

JOSH: I got better.

BRENT: Found Vampire God—

JOSH: And straight ganked his ass.

BRENT: Down a well.

JOSH: That’s what we do; we put evil bitches in holes.

[BRENT and JOSH hi-five. SAM looks on incredulously. Cut to Bobby, On the Phone with DEAN]

BOBBY: Brent and Josh? Yeah, I’ve heard of ‘em.

DEAN: What? Really?

BOBBY: Started catching word of those two a few months back. Sorta, exploded onto the scene. Haven’t been hunting long, but they’ve left a trail of paranormal bodies behind them as long as an Alabama Black Snake. Busted up a nest of vamps in Detroit, took out a whole pack of werewolves in Oregon…think they might have even ganked that mummy we’ve been hearing about in Chagrin Falls Ohio.

[Cut back to BRENT and JOSH, who are now treating SAM like their “Cool Uncle” and excitedly re-enacting the Alpha Vamp’s death. JOSH has gotten down on all fours behind Sam, Brent stands in front of him in an impromptu karate stance.]

BRENT: Okay, so now you laugh all evil and say: “Mortal Fools. I am that thing that wasn’t around the first fire.”

[SAM just kinda stares at him]

JOSH: (encouraging) Comeon dude.

SAM: (Flatly, confused) …Mortal. Fools. I am that thing…

[BRENT nods encouragingly and nonverbally tells SAM to continue]

[Cut Back to DEAN on the phone with BOBBY]

DEAN: What? No. Say again, you’re kinda breaking up…the reception down here is spotty.

[Cut to BRENT and SAM]

BRENT: (Quickly and Dramatically) Okay, but before you kill us Vampire God; Look at your vampires, then back to me, then back at your vampires, then back to me. I am not one of your vampires, I’m holding deadman’s blood and now it’s a stake. Where did I get it? Back at your vampires, What happened to them? They’re dead, but I could also be dead if you killed me. Now look down, now back up, where are you? Are you on the ground? No, you’re DOWN A WELL, why? Because THIS. IS. SPARTA!

[Excitedly BRENT throws a kick at SAM’s Chest. Cut to BOBBY and DEAN]

BOBBY: I said: From what I can tell the skuttlebutt is, these guys are geniuses.

[DEAN looks over, just in time to see SAM casually catch BRENT’S outstretched leg. SAM pushes him over and BRENT falls on his ass.]

DEAN: I don’t know about that Bobby.

BOBBY: Listen to me Dean, I only know them by their reputation, but based on that if these guys claim to have killed the Alpha Vamp, then I’m inclined to believe them.

DEAN: You have got to be kidding me—

BOBBY: I’ve got some friends near Sparta; I’ll send them to check out the story, till then? My advice is to keep your eyes on these two.

DEAN: Bobby, I’ve met these guys, I’m telling you, there’s no way they could’ve…their story doesn’t even make sense! I mean, a WELL? Comeon!

BOBBY: Don’t make much sense on this side of the line either, but like I said: Stay close. If these guys did indeed have a run-in with Nosferatu Prime, and if he’s not dead then you can bet he’ll be gunning for them: That means you need to stick to them like hellhounds stick to…you.

DEAN: Yeah, thanks for bringing that up Bobby.

BOBBY: Just want to make sure you take my point son.

[Cut to BRENT, getting up]

BRENT: yeah, like that…except it worked.

[SAM looks at Melanie, she nods. Camera pans to DEAN re-entering.]

DEAN: So, Just spoke to Bobby, we’ve got some guys checking out the ahh…

JOSH: (Helpfully) Well.

DEAN: Yeah, the well…Anyway, if it checks out, figure we’ve got a free afternoon, why don’t we all, uhh…

[DEAN looks at SAM for help]

SAM: Uhh, yeah, why don’t we go get uhhh…

[SAM looks at MELANIE, MEL looks at BRENT, BRENT Looks at JOSH]

JOSH: Nigga, I want some pancakes.

[Everyone frowns and looks at JOSH]

JOSH: What?

DEAN: Sure, lets all go get pancakes.

BRENT: (Slight pause) Sounds good. There’s a joint just a block and-a-half that way I’ve been wanting to check out since we rolled into town.

SAM: Cool. Let’s go.

[They begin to leave. MELANIE elbows JOSH]

JOSH: Chick, I don’t know what your problem is. I’d never call a black person the N-A word, that’s just for white people and vampires.

[Aaaaand we just lost three sponsors. Blackout.]