Vampire books-that AREN'T stupid romance novels

chelseagirl · 02-28-2009, 08:40 PM

Can anyone recommend any good vampire books that are not stupid, smutty, romance crap that's aimed at female readers? Something like Bottomfeeder is what I'm looking for. Anyone?

And please, don't anyone post anything about Twilight in here.

Pineapple_Juice · 02-28-2009, 08:58 PM

There are these books called Twilight....

NO but seriously, the only vampire books I've read are the ones by Mary-Janice Dickinson. From looking at the cover and from reading the backs of the books I thought they were going to be horribly idiotic. I laughed my ass off through both of the ones I got. The first two are called Undead and Unwed and Undead and Unemployed.
Dunno if you were looking for serious stuff, but they're not really trashy.

Albert Mond · 03-01-2009, 12:24 AM

Dracula.
only******sneedtenletters

isobel black · 03-01-2009, 10:03 AM

Other than a spot of Anne Rice and a few short stories by Poppy Z. Brite I've only read the classics, with the exception of Carmilla none of them are really very good , but I have a soft spot for them anyway.

I would definitely recommend Carmilla.

Dracula is mediocre, Polidori's The Vampire quite poor, but both are entertaining and have been pretty influential.

Varney the Vampire is terrible but hilarious.

Man In Room 5 · 03-01-2009, 10:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by chelseagirl

Can anyone recommend any good vampire books that are not stupid, smutty, romance crap that's aimed at female readers?

There aren't any.
Seriously.

The whole point of vampire novels is that they embrace a dark sexuality that certain types of women can only embrace when depicted in metaphor....the type that are afraid or unsure of their own sexuality....which means they appeal most to women of the Victorian era and pubescent girls of today. If women were treated as equals, if their sexual desires didn't make them sluts or whores in the minds of hypocritical men, and if puberty wasn't so scary, the vampire genre would totally vanish from literature.

Mealla · 03-01-2009, 06:54 PM

Actually, Poppy Z. Brite wrote a very creepy full-length vampire novel called Lost Souls. Does have some sex in it, but definitely not romance in any sense of the word. Also, most of the people I know who like it are male. She also wrote several good vampire short stories as isobel mentioned. "His Mouth Will Taste of Wormwood" in particular is one of my favorites. Her Wormwood short story collection contains both that one as well as several other creepy stories, including a really good zombie one, "Calcutta, Lord of Nerves."

Poppy Z. is the main author of vampire stuff I really like though. Werewolves are more my specialty. Could give you pages of recommendations if you were looking for werewolf stuff.

If you don't want romance, STAY AWAY from the Dead Till Dark series by Charlaine Harris. The story/plot is somewhat interesting and they even made that True Blood series based off of it, but the series is more murder mystery than horror, with some noticeable smut/romance elements.

PortraitOfSanity · 03-01-2009, 07:27 PM

Well, if you can stand a little High Fantasy nerdiness, there's a good vampire series written for the Warhammer universe. I don't remember the author, but the series is called "Genevieve" I believe.

Apathy's_Child · 03-02-2009, 02:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Man In Room 5

There aren't any.
Seriously.

The whole point of vampire novels is that they embrace a dark sexuality that certain types of women can only embrace when depicted in metaphor....the type that are afraid or unsure of their own sexuality....which means they appeal most to women of the Victorian era and pubescent girls of today. If women were treated as equals, if their sexual desires didn't make them sluts or whores in the minds of hypocritical men, and if puberty wasn't so scary, the vampire genre would totally vanish from literature.

Glad someone else said it.

Pineapple_Juice · 03-02-2009, 03:41 AM

I just looked at my post and realized I said Dickinson when I meant Davidson.

I went to read Poppy once, skipped to the middle to get a feel for a page or two and I hated it.

Albert Mond · 03-02-2009, 03:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mealla

Poppy Z. is the main author of vampire stuff I really like though. Werewolves are more my specialty. Could give you pages of recommendations if you were looking for werewolf stuff.

A lot of people think vampires are Goth, but werewolves are way more Goth. I bet werewolves even shred their clothes on instinct. That's DIY genius, right there.

Pineapple_Juice · 03-02-2009, 03:51 AM

Too right, only doing things by moonlight, turning into savage bloodthirsty beasts when the sub goes down, eating people.

Man In Room 5 · 03-02-2009, 05:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Albert Mond

A lot of people think vampires are Goth, but werewolves are way more Goth. I bet werewolves even shred their clothes on instinct. That's DIY genius, right there.

But body hair is so not goth.

Pineapple_Juice · 03-04-2009, 11:21 PM

^ You make such a good point.

Mealla · 03-12-2009, 07:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Man In Room 5

But body hair is so not goth.

There is a difference between fur and body hair, and according to some legends the affected person didn't physically transform. In some, the werewolf was much more spirit or possession-based.

Another vampire book you might look into is Let the Right One In by John Lindqvist. It's the one the movie of the same name was based on, and from what I hear it's much more horror-oriented. Haven't gotten around to reading it yet (didn't find out till after seeing the film that it was based on a book), but if the film even resembles the book in any way, then it's probably the sort of vampire book you're looking for.

αρнσтι¢ єι∂σℓση · 08-03-2009, 10:16 AM

Unfortunately, the books I've read were all disgustingly romantic. Like, The last vampire trilogy, The vampire diaries.
Of course you can always read Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles.

Detarra · 08-03-2009, 12:58 PM

Have you tried Charlie Huston's novels?
*Already Dead
*No Dominion
*Half the Blood of Brooklyn
*Every Last Drop
*My Dead Body

Or tried going to Vampire Library? The entire site is dedicated to vampire novels.

voodoowitchdr · 08-04-2009, 04:17 PM

Yeah, vampire related stuff is supose to be romantic or seductive. It all goes back to the Incubis and Sucubus...

By the way, anybody ever watch TrueBlood. I read one of the books that is is based on and had to watch the series when I recognized some of the characters. Now I HAVE to watch it every weekend. Still a proud member of the Twilight resistence though.

erotomaniac87 · 08-06-2009, 08:53 PM

How about "Salem's Lot" and the short story "The Night Flyer," by Stephen King?

Saya · 08-06-2009, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by erotomaniac87

How about "Salem's Lot" and the short story "The Night Flyer," by Stephen King?

Night Flyer is also one of my most favourite horribly hilarious movies.

erotomaniac87 · 08-06-2009, 09:48 PM

I saw that movie a long, long time ago. You made me want to see it again. The short story should be better, though.

Pineapple_Juice · 08-07-2009, 01:16 AM

I'm gonna go ahead and once again tell you to read Undead and Unwed by MaryJanice Davidson. It's crazy hilarious.

Allow me to type up an excerpt:

Ch. 15

"My master will-"
"Shut the fuck up."
"You cannot speak to-"
"Shut the fuck up."
She leaned forward and her eyes went the color of the sky right before sunset. "You don't wish to fight with me...Betsy."

Ooh, eyes that change color when she's in a snit. Now I was really scared. "You bet I do, Tootsie Roll. Bring it, you cow! Let's see how you do when you're not hiding behind one of my friends."
I must have sounded almost as angry as I felt, because she hesitated. Then she crossed her arms over her chest, doing an admirable impression of someone who hadn't been momentarily frightened, sat back, and stared out the limo's window.

Yep, I was back in one of Noseo's limos. It had been waiting at the mouth of the alley like a big black gas-guzzling omen of death. I snapped the antenna off, just for fun, and threw it at Tootsie Roll's head. She ducked-barely. The driver didn't say a word, just held the door for me.

"I am Shanara."
"Shut the fuck up." I fumbled with my pocket-stupid linen trousers, they were going to wrinkle like hell-and tossed her a five dollar bill. "And go buy yourself a real name."

She let the bill bounce off her nonexistent chest, unfolded her arms, and started tapping her long red fingernails on the armrest. She was starting to get pretty pissed but, interestingly, wasn't doing anything. Did Nostril's edict give her permission to hurt my friends, but not me?

Time to find out. "Long red slut nails are so five minutes ago," I informed her. "In fact, it's more like five years ago. Just because you're dead doesn't mean you have to be a fashion eyesore."
"UNdead," she snapped.
"Dead," I said implacably. "When was the last time you had a nice steak? Or even a salad? Shit, a piece of toast? Dead people don't eat. We don't eat. Ergo, we are dead."

"We have more power than mere mortals can-"
"Blah blah blah, save it for the recruitment center. So, when did you die? You don't look a day over sixty."

Her flat bosom heaved in indignation. "I became gloriously transformed in 1972."
"That explains the nails and the bell bottoms."
"These are in again!" she nearly screamed, pointing to her Gap knockoffs.

"Nope, sorry. I know, I know, it can be hard to keep up. Most people aren't smart enough to pull it off." From the front I could hear a curiously muffled sound, almost like someone was strangling on their own laughter.

Shaloser turned, and, quick as thought, slammed her palm against the partition separating us from the driver. The glass cracked but didn't break. "Just drive, oaf!"

"Touchy," I commented. "By the way, Shamu, if you ever touch one of my friends again I'll bite off all your fingers and stick them up your nose." I smiled pleasantly. "And that goes for ol' Nostril, too."

I was all talk, of course...shit, I was a secretary, not an avenger. An out-of-work secretary, I might add. I could type like a son of a bitch. But I'd never thrown a punch.
But I could talk. I could yak until Judgment Day, if I had to.

"You'll pay," she said stonily. "You won't be like this tomorrow."
"Bored and pissed off? God I hope not."

She flinched like I'd poked a fork toward one of her eyes. Odd, very odd. I quickly thought about what I'd just said: bored? Pissed? God?

"God," I said. Another flinch. "Jesus Christ. Lord. 'Our Father, who art in Heaven...' "
"Stop it, stop it!" She was practically climbing the door, trying to get away from me. "Don't say it, don't say Those Words!"

"Stop talking in capital letters and I won't."
"What? I don't understand you."
"No one with your footwear," I said with a meaningful glance at her Prada knockoffs," ever could."

vae victus · 08-23-2009, 08:54 PM

check out A Matter of Taste by Fred Saberhagen

Ophelia's Snorkel · 08-23-2009, 09:10 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pineapple_Juice

I'm gonna go ahead and once again tell you to read Undead and Unwed by MaryJanice Davidson. It's crazy hilarious.

Allow me to type up an excerpt:

Ch. 15

tl;dr

No, seriously, I think I'd enjoy that. It's got a bit of a campy film noir approach - yes?

Ophelia's Snorkel · 08-23-2009, 09:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by αρнσтι¢ єι∂σℓση

Unfortunately, the books I've read were all disgustingly romantic. Like, The last vampire trilogy, The vampire diaries.
Of course you can always read Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles.

Yes, but you can never unread them.

Okay, The Vampire Lestat and Interview were pretty good, but I can't forgive her for that latest and proclaimed "last" abomination, Blood Canticle. Just goes to show, no one's ever too well-loved or famous to publish without an editor.

Pineapple_Juice · 08-24-2009, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ophelia's Snorkel

tl;dr

No, seriously, I think I'd enjoy that. It's got a bit of a campy film noir approach - yes?

Yeah, as well as grossly underappreciated humorous dialogue and a startling array of designer footwear. Do it. You won't regret it.