I need advice

GothGarl · 04-29-2007, 03:57 PM

I hate to whine about my problems and ask for help, however, I feel the need to do so right now.(I hope I want regret this later)

I have a huge crush on a girl in school, however, she's straight. I've never felt this way for someone before. She's on my mind almost 24/7 and I don't know how to deal with it. I can't take the pain anymore, seing her in school day after day is pure torture. I get depress and want to cy when I see her, yet I can't stop looking around for her. I hate feeling so helpless and powerless. I rarely can bring myself to talk to her. When she's around I just shut down and when she's gone I can't concentrate.

Should I express to her, the pain and depression she causes me(she already knows I like her)? And if I should, how should I do so?

Firestorm · 04-29-2007, 06:38 PM

That decision is ultimately up to you.
Assuming that you do tell her, keep it short and concise. This avoids any misunderstandings.

MollyMac · 04-29-2007, 07:57 PM

If she is straight, then it is a moot point. If she already knows you like her, it is a moot point. Why create external drama when you are dealing with the internal? Why create an external problem where there isn't one?

She is not causing your pain and depression. You are causing it.

Before dealing at all with her, you need to get a hold of yourself and your feelings. Although emotions are rarely rational, you can understand them better. You are depressed and have anxiety ove rthis situation, i get that. But there are thing syou can do about it that do NOT involve creating a bigger problem- Have you been able to talk with a counselor or anything?

Encaitare · 04-29-2007, 09:54 PM

Since there doesn't seem to be anything you can do about it, just be strong and know that it will pass. Short(ish) story: I was fiercely in love with a close friend of mine and wanted to be with him so badly it hurt. I cried my eyes out far too many times because I knew it would never happen -- he said he didn't feel the same when I told him I liked him. It was a really rough time for me, but in time I got over it. Now, that doesn't mean that if he asked me out tomorrow I wouldn't say yes. But it's a dormant emotion if not a dead one, and that's fine.

You can overcome this too. Rejection hurts, even when the person is not being malicious about it. It's just a very frustrating thing. Something I actually found helped was noticing flaws in the guy I liked. Once you step back and take your crush off her golden pedestal, you might see that she isn't perfect. I also found it helped to talk it over with my crush, but I felt comfortable doing so because we were good friends. It doesn't seem like you're very close with this girl, so try talking to a friend or counselor instead.

Kraven de Sade · 04-29-2007, 11:13 PM

1. If she already knows that you like her, talk to her about it. It usually helps to simply get it off one's chest.

or

2. Pick and activity or two that can be used to get your mind off of her. Like writing, for example. And, following that example, make sure to write about something that has nothing to do with her. Concentrate only on the subject of the story/poem/song, whatever to the exclusion of all else. Aside from important stuff like homework and studies, of course.

GothGarl · 04-30-2007, 06:24 PM

Thanks for your advice

It would make sense to keep it short and concise; I'll definetely try. I don't know if I can pull it off though.

Im not sure what a moot piont is but I have already told her that I like her.
Usually I'm pretty good at understanding my feelings, but right now they're confusing me. Sometimes, I feel extremely good when I see her, but most times I feel depressed, hurt. However, I saw her today, and I felt so angry. I don't think I was mad at her, but at myself. I think its because I hate not having control of my feelings anymore. Or just feeling period. I try real hard not to feel anything, not to care for anything or anyone (exceptions are some family members and soccer).

I have talked to a friend but it's not helping right now. I haven't talked to a counsellor. I live in a homophobic and christian country. They consider homosexuality a sin. Their idea of counselling would be converting me to christianity, which is a big waste of time. I think talking to her would be more effective, if not I'll try writing.

Thanks for your help, it is much appreciated!

KontanKarite · 04-30-2007, 07:47 PM

I don't know how old you are, but I'm just going to say, there are FAR FAR better fish out in the sea. Plus, she's straight. Don't torture yourself too much, it does you no good because you will not find an outcome that is within your favor. It just wont happen.

Time to heal, time to move on, time to look for someone else. Remember, there is no one better than you and there is no one who is worth being a goal or a trophy to be had. You are just awesome without her. Hold no ill will to the girl and hold no ill will to yourself. This is just a very inconvenient circumstance. They happen.

Delicate_Torture · 04-30-2007, 09:50 PM

Taken from an earlier thread that asked almost the same questions...

"First of all.. I am a lesbian.

If you are friends with her and feel that you can trust her, then I would ask her if the two of you can talk. I would tell her that I was gay and tell her that I just needed to tell someone because I felt really lonely not having anyone know about who I really am. I would tell her that I think she is a great friend and that I am really trusting her with this and asking her not to start spreading rumours about it or freak out over it.

At this stage I wouldn't tell her that I was interested in her. I would leave it for a couple of months and let her digest the news, let her realise that you are the same person that she has always known and that it doesn't matter whether you are gay, straight or bi.

Depending on how she deals with the news, after a few months if you still feel the same about her then you can approach the subject with her. Tell her that you are interested in her, that you think she is intelligent, pretty, funny and that you enjoy spending tie with her. Tell her that you don't want her to feel pressured or uncomfortable around you, but that you find her attractive. Tell her that if she doesn't feel the same way about you, then that is fine... but you just wanted to know how she did feel about you. Tell her that even if she doesn't feel attracted to you that you want to keep her friendship because that is what is important to you, and ask her not to feel uncomfortable with you because you are still the same person that she's always known. Assure her that you aren't going to do or say anything that will make her feel uncomfortable around you, and that you just want to stay friends. Tell her that if she needs some time to digest this then you'll leave her alone for a while so that she can think about it, but ask her to get back to you when she's thought about it.

If she does want time to think about that, then give her space to do so. Just treat her the same as you always have... no flirting, no little comments, no compliments. She is going to be over-sensitive and hyper-aware of anything that you say for a while, so you just have to play things cool. If she is really a friend it will settle back into how things were, though. You just have to be patient with her."

Hope this helps.

Something tells me I should just put this in my signature...

KontanKarite · 04-30-2007, 10:39 PM

You probably should, DT...

biohazard · 05-07-2007, 05:25 PM

Well if I were you I would just give up, and look for someone else. It might be hard at first, but it is better to accept the reality of the situation. If she is straight, there is a big possibility she will never be with you, even if you tell her about your pain. She might not even care, so you might be wasting your time thinking about her. Just try to forget her and try to get interest in some other things, and try to find something to take out your stress on.

HateMeImGothic · 05-08-2007, 10:44 AM

Easier said than done, allthough I do agree with biohazard when it comes to finding something to release your stress out on. You'll find the wisdom you seek in time. I find myself in a situation kinda like that, and it won't do you any good to dwell on it, but I am not going to try to make this sound easy cause I hated it when someone told me to just forget it.

Aaroneet · 05-08-2007, 12:31 PM

I can relate somewhat. Through my preteen years, I went through a phase where I found girls attractive (or, at least, my mother told me that it was just a phase). There was a girl I knew of in summer camp. I was head over heels for her. She had this immaculate, white skin, and scorching red hair...I digress. I was uneasy when she was present, and I wanted to tell her how I felt; that I wanted to be "friends" with her. I asked if I could talk to this girl in private; instead, she calls me out in front of the entire camp. Naturally, I said nothing and was heartbroken. My new, downtrodden outlook was only given fuel when a boy, that same year, asked me to be his "sweetheart". I didn't have the gall to respond; the fire that was burning in my soul didn't need to be released to the outside world.

HateMeImGothic · 05-09-2007, 06:04 PM

This is also true. Like I said you will find your answer, but I think the only place you'll find it is in you... Crap! I sound like Dr. Phill... *Bangs head on wall*

Lapin · 05-10-2007, 05:47 PM

Ah, it's like your ripped a page out of my notebook. I've been into a girl that I'm pretty good friends with for two years now, but she is also, alas, straight. And though it hurts, I still enjoy just hanging out with her.

My advice? Just deal. Don't spend every day sweating it out. You know you're into her, and it's not reciprocated. Whatever. Just accept it and eventually the feelings, though they have not left, are just a part of your day.

JuliaSeizure · 05-16-2007, 09:52 AM

That's rough. If she's completely straight and doesn't show any interest in more than just a friendship then by pushing the issue you could lose that friendship.
If she already knows how you feel about her, then I don't see how asserting your feelings toward her can do any good.

Perhaps it might be better to take some time off from your friendship until your feelings settle a bit. You could tell her that being around her is difficult for you and that you need to deal with the situation for a week or two. You can assure her that you love your friendship but that you don't want to create any discomfort by your intense feelings for her. If she's a friend, then she will understand.

I wish you the best with this. It's really a sticky situation to be in.