Go Ahead, Rip The Flesh From My Heels To My Head

[Mr E Nigma]

This putrid rotting headache
Is seeping into all of my limbs
And deadening the world to my senses.

This stale tasting air
Seems to make anything
I try to eat taste like death.

The rough jagged edges of my blanket
Rip my skin to bits and tear at my fingertips.

The thorny pillow I rest my head on
Keeps me up for days on end and makes all my memories
Bleed down my face so often I'll never forget every sickly ill willed choice I've ever experienced.

Please don't look at me anymore.
I'm a wretched being worth no attention of yours.

[Mr E Nigma]

Trite as shite... I was up for 47 hours and I thought it was good at the time... -_-

Come back to me edit button...

[CrimsonPythonidae]

It's alright, I kinda liked it . . Coming from me that can't be too comforting though since I don't really know enough about poetry to be of any authority on it.

Seems like maybe you need some sleep :- )

[Underwater Ophelia]

It is trite, but the title is good.

Write this again, I think.

[CataclysmKitten]

its a good burst of creativity, like a balloon popping.
you've captured the very essence of the moment. thats all that matters.

[Mr E Nigma]

The issue KittyCat is that I write horribly when my own emotions are involved. Thankfully I'm quite an apathetic person 99% of the time. So I can usually write my poems logically, with cohesive intent, and legitimate reason. But once in awhile my emotions come out of left center field and explode in a giant decadent mass which mildly mimics that of a hairball... not very poetic...

A rewrite shall be posted. If I ever manage to write the damn thing well.

[CataclysmKitten]

it's not that you write horribly, it's that you misplace your words and jumble them up....resulting in a horrendous masterpiece.

[Mr E Nigma]

Rewrite -


My bones feel of glass
Blown by the most sadistic artist I never believed in.

And then he laid out some meat for Barbecue
But it was a little too well done and couldn't quench his hunger
So he draped them around my bones instead.

When he realized what he was making
He figured I should at least be able to see my maker
So he ripped out the eyes of an eagle and sewed them to the nerves in my head.
If I could've spoke I'd have been very gracious.

He sensed my concern
And cut open part of my face to give me a voice.
I mumbled out some unintelligible sounds and was quite sincere.

I was very self conscious though
And wanted all the meat on my bones covered up.
So, he ripped apart a couple buffalos and stitched me together some clothes.

I don't know about you, but if you've ever worn hand me downs
You kind of feel like your in someone else's skin.
And it's a bit itchy.


---------------------
-shrugs- I think I'm just gonna let this one go..

[KontanKarite]

The last part was fucking awesome! It really saved it from being a complete waste.

[badteccy]

Yea, I was gonna say the only thing I like is the title.