Oh shit, I suppose I'm the bad guy for now...

[KontanKarite]

A quick recap of my love life Italy:

Met a girl
She was great
She was a domme
I fell in love
She pushed me away
She pushed me away all the time
Entertained ideas with sleeping with other guys
Hung out with people who's bad character a blind man could see
I eventually got on a plane and left Italy, knowing she never loved me.

Now she loves me. I try to be friendly, I try to care and be nice. I try to have compassion. It's hard. This has been going on long distance for about 6 months now.

She breaks the news to me. She thinks she just got *****. She said there was a span of 6 hours that are completely lost to her. She said she woke up in her room, my boxers around her ankles and the guy she was hanging out with in his boxers only. She says she was *****.

Italy... if you can imagine, was a fucking nightmare. It's something I've been trying to put behind me. Then this shit happens. I didn't know what to think.

I knew the guys there. I knew of their character. I KNEW they were every single one of poor character in some way. Many were predators. Date rapists, mainly. She brings this incident up to me... and though I feel bad, I'm kinda miffed. I KNEW better. She was older than me, yet she never knew any better. Not all flowers that smell sweet are meant to be held. Apparently, she failed that class that taught you to detect the bullshit of others.

I know I've reacted wrongly to someone who may be a potential victim, but this kind of thing has happened to her before and she will NOT take the necessary steps to inform the law and get an investigation underway. She knows better, she just wont do it. I couldn't help it. I told her that I want to put the nightmare of Italy behind me. That I couldn't bear this kind of stuff any longer. Not when I KNOW that she knows better...

Am I wrong? Have I actually abandoned her, as she puts it?

[Lapin]

Holy Mother below me.

Man, you are in hell right now, arn't you?

As a female, I sympathize with her, the violation of body, the (most likely) feelings of helplessness, of desperation.

As someone with some common fucking sense, I want to smack her. She knew these guys were assholes and had serious issues. Not only that, they'd already proven they were capable of the act before. Yet she kept hanging around them.

She sounds very weak-willed and a bit soft in the head, and you have every right to be angry with her for being so stupid. But you shouldn't abandon her completely.

You need to stop allowing her to jerk you around by the heartstrings though.

[honeythorn]

I feel sorry for her, no one of any sex should have to endure that, but I think she needs some straight talking ( if you haven't given it already ) If she already knew of the ways and personalities of the men, then why hang out with them?

Not to sound harsh, but is she a typical attention seeker? I don't mean she's lying, but did she throw herself at these guys or encourage them in any way? I'm not exactly saying it's her fault as such, but did she put herself, perhaps unwittingly, into a situation where she would have been vulnerable?

This is what you need to make her understand. I can see why you're pissed off though. You need to get it through to her that if she geuinely believes she was ***** then she MUST get herself examined and inform the police.

I don't think you are a bad person for feeling angry or upset with her but from what you describe of her she needs some straight talking and strong advice.

I'm dumbfounded that this situation has happened to her before!

[emeraldlonewoulf]

Dude, run. She will be nothing but a soul-sucking attention whore. Yes, it is horrible this happened to her (if it did the way she says it did). But seriously, how hard is it to spin a story like that from simply tipping back a few too many and ending up in bed with someone? It sounds like she did what she wanted to do, felt guilty about it, and if she decides it was **** instead of consensual it gets her off the hook with you.
She will play the vulnerable little girl who needs to be rescued because it gets her what she wants, whether she realizes that's what she's doing or not. She will not grow up beyond that until she is forced to deal with situations herself.

If she really wanted a meaningful,loving, real relationship with you she would have shown that when you were there instead of pushing you away then and later calling you up halfway around the world looking for sympathy from a night of partying that went too far.

There are better prospects out there that won't play on your manly instinct to protect and take care of her in order to stir up shit and screw around on you.

As much as I know this has got to hurt, run as fast as your legs will carry you. You are worth more than getting jerked around like that.

[Drake Dun]

Thus far I get the feeling from the story that you are totally blameless.

On what fucked up terms does she want you to help her?

Drake

[eternalcrimson]

I’m going to make this short and sweet.

The past is the past for a reason. You are not supposed to relive it.

From what I gather Italy wasn’t that fun for you and yet you are still communicating with someone that’s apart of that fabric.

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I know I've reacted wrongly to someone who may be a potential victim, but this kind of thing has happened to her before and she will NOT take the necessary steps to inform the law and get an investigation underway. She knows better, she just wont do it. I couldn't help it. I told her that I want to put the nightmare of Italy behind me. That I couldn't bear this kind of stuff any longer. Not when I KNOW that she knows better...

This reminds me of that old adage, “You are the company that you keep.” and “Misery Loves Company.”

This has happened to her before and yet she doesn’t want to do anything about it. There is something very wrong here. It either means one of two things. 1) She is lying to you and doing it to get your attention or 2) She thrives on it subconsciously.

When I was a teen many bad things happened to me. When I was 16 I was blessed to have my first friend (and my first best best friend). We had fun in the begging hanging out with each other but I was very unhappy because of all the things that were happening to me at school and at home. I would go to him all the time to tell him my troubles. He would always tell me to go see a professional. I ignored him because I thought I could sort it out on my own. Then one day back in ’96 I told him I was ***** in a college bathroom. Actually I wasn’t ***** but had my first homosexual experience and didn’t know how to deal with it. In my mind then I honestly thought I was ***** and that’s what I told my best friend. He offered to get me a psychologist and he wanted to call the police on my behalf. I wouldn’t let him do. He saw right through me and our friendship ended that night. For the longest time after that I felt suicidal but I learned that I was thriving on the negativity. I thought by being negative that I could get love through pity. I felt regretful also because I know now the tremendous emotional burden I must have put on him. I just wish I could take all back so I could be his friend again.

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Am I wrong? Have I actually abandoned her, as she puts it?

No, she abandoned herself and I really think you should let her go if for any reason your own sanity.

[killer_asian_Dax]

You haven't abandoned her. You can only do so much to help a person. And of course, you have yourself to think about. If they won't take the necessary actions they KNOW they need to take to prevent bad things as such from happening again, then I say they deserve what they get for being so stupid. There's nothing you can do.

As F*d up as it sounds, it's true. It took me 2 r*pings to figure that out.

You're not a bad guy. You're just realising what it takes many others years and years to figure out.

[KontanKarite]

Thanks, guys. I try to tell my stories in a completly non biased way and even the ones that got an even fuller version of the story essentially told me the same thing, that she's a psychological vampire, if you will.

I didn't even know that was a real term. A psychological vampire. The one I told the greater story to had a BA in psychology, so I felt I could trust her on the matter. She really DID seem to know what she was talking about and confirmed my feelings on it as much as you guys did. She told me that the reason she figured this girl out so quickly was how quick she was to using the term "My Boxers" instead of her underwear.

[KontanKarite]

To give you guys an update, I notified the MPs over in Italy about the situation of what happened to her. Yes, part of this is me being a bitch, but another part is me being concerned about what COULD have actually happened.

I figured if she wont get the police involved, then I will.

[Aaroneet]

I actually agree with killer_asian_Dax. In certain respects, I can relate.

I have a tendency to be a quiet individual, I'll admit. I also, outside as well as within the confines of this site, am known for my writing ability. I am, as a result, or was, often belittled by others because I refused to conform to the big clique, etc. There was one boy who was unrelenting. He seemingly harassed me minute-after-minute, and tried to make me ashamed of my writing talent, something that has, and should, be a source of pride. I came home bordering on crying, cursing. I realize now that it was silly, yet I also have a tendency to overreact. I was to challenge him to a fight; that was the solution. It was, until I realized how foolish I was being. I was, and still am, known as possibly one of the best students in my class. It would be a shame to lose my reputation because someone made a silly comment. I did, what I felt to be the only logical solution; I told my mother. She said that she would alert the school authorities; I would have none of it. I didn't want my being victimized to become public, however, reluctantly, I realized that it is foolish to let someone bully you. I didn't have to be a victim; I could stop it. I marched into school the next day a new person, for the moment, anyway. The school authorities were alerted, and the boy was in trouble. I have not been bullied since.

I digress; if someone wants to be helped, he or she has to do it out of his or her own accord. You said that this is an older individual. Part of growing up is taking responsibility for what happens in your life, that means fixing or altering a situation in which the circumstances don't necessarily seem to be in your favor. You are a caring individual, however, you are baring a burden that should be hers. People have to grow up when they are ready; that means meeting conflict by one's own self. As was once written, and I paraphrase, "It is only when we look into the abyss and see nothing staring back at us that we begin to find ourselves."

[Spyro]

Dude, well I'm going to sound very nasty ,but you said it happened before, thus this women needs help herself and from the MPs!

!!A friendly warning!!

The same kind of thing happened to me!Also a case of "I got R A P E D".
This was the accusation made towards my best pal the day i walked into his room!

Thus destroying a great friendship!

The point I'm trying to make is that she is going to be the cause of your downfall!

P.S. Do with it what you want! just a warning from one goth to another!

[KontanKarite]

Oh yeah. She's honestly trying to make it look like I'm the bad guy for getting pissed at her and she's using this incident that befell her as ammunition.

[Invisigoth69]

As someone with some common fucking sense, I want to smack her. She knew these guys were assholes and had serious issues. Not only that, they'd already proven they were capable of the act before. Yet she kept hanging around them.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yeah, I hate to say it but.... I side with what this person said.
I mean, really! SOMETIMES, that kind of thing just is NOT someone "jumping out of the bushes", you know? SOMETIMES well, shoot... a little more than sometimes (yeah, MY own experiences too, ok?) One is more likely to run into trouble like that when one consorts with trouble.
Know what I mean, jelly bean?

[KontanKarite]

Well it's like when I go out with friends to hang out at gay bars. It someone is macking on me hardcore when I never asked for it and they THINK it's okay, that person is ne'er going to see me at their place. Ever. It's about knowing where trouble dwells.

[Valerius]

Eh, had my brush with these psychological vampires before. Long, complicated story so I won't type it here to jack your thread. Seriously, the best way to make it stop is to just cut off all sorts of communication with this girl. You're in KYville, and she's in Italy, so how hard can it be?

I commensurate with what you feel, but you just gotta drop it like it's hot, like Snoop Dogg would say. Trust me, stop stoking the fire and it'll die.

[Dancing_in_rain]

Poor you. I'm sending over a cyberhug. It's not your fault. You shouldn't let the past take over. Move on. Cut off your links with thsi girl if you can. Yes, it's awful that she got r*p*d but she has to deal with that herself. If she wants your help dealing, she should ask you, but you've gotta understand that it's not your fault.

[Miss[T]]

I gotta say I agree with Dancing in rain, try talking to her about it in a calm understanding voice though, but start it off with saying sorry for yelling (Even if you don't mean it.) If she yells at you again just tell her to chill and that she needs to start to control what she does. If that doesn't work ignore her until or if you ever getting a phone call from her saying shes sorry. Shes not worth that much attention.

[Delicate_Torture]

As someone who is a survivor of the 'R' word, I would be greatly doubtful of the truth in her claims. People who have been through that feel too powerless to throw it at someone as a weapon to hurt them.

It would be like ripping a cancerous tumour out of your body and then trying to kill someone else by stuffing it down their throat to suffocate them with it.

~Excuse the charming image, please...

[mrs.wes straker]

Stop me if I'm being mean. How are YOU abandoning HER? She treated you like crap and now she can't have you, so now she wants you. You can be nice, but I don't think you owe someone who treated you like garbage anything. To be a kind ear that listens is great, but this person sounds very childish. I agree with Delicate Torture; it's horrid of her to use her alleged misfortune as a pity provoker or any kind of tool. She just sounds like a brat, wanting what's inaccessible to her and being quite inconsiderate.