Lake Eyes.

[Underwater Ophelia]

I haven't written in forever, but here is a poem.
I'm probably going to revise it, and when I do, I'll stick it in here.

those lake eyes
i was down there
sloshing
i was tramping around
frog skin and tiny bones mashed between my toes--
it's frigid cold
the crabgrass feels like walking through razorflowers
on my purpled pale looking feet
and just
those lake eyes
they seemed sunshiney from a distance and
the cat tails don't just grow around the water
they've invaded it
so that there's an itch and some ugly redness around the rims
fish around their stalks at the bottom
and those damn lake eyes

I just couldn't climb out.

[HumanePain]

This has a delicious Baudelaire tint to it! And somehow the fact that you as a female wrote it makes it that much more appealing, that you can express raw, muddy nature with a simultaneous and odd attraction to it, makes it more fascinating.

EDIT: Now I realize what it is, it is unsaid contrast of delicate female with raw nature. If I may suggest: for the benefit of readers who do not know you, include descriptions or hints of the narrator's gender, it will amplify the contrast and repulsiveness of the lake. Maybe something like:

"those lake eyes
i was down there
sloshing
i was tramping around
frog skin and tiny bones mashed between my painted toenails--
it's frigid cold
giving me goosebumps to my nipples
the crabgrass feels like walking through razorflowers
on my purpled pale looking feet
and just
those lake eyes
they seemed sunshiney from a distance and
the cat tails don't just grow around the water
they've invaded it
so that there's an itch and some ugly redness around the rims
fish around their stalks at the bottom
and those damn lake eyes
looking up my dress"

[korinna5555]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

so that there's an itch and some ugly redness around the rims

Syphilis? Have fun with that.

When you have a minute, could I get some more maple syrup?

/spam

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by korinna5555

Syphilis? Have fun with that.

When you have a minute, could I get some more maple syrup?

/spam

Way to embarrass yourself by trying to insult me and showcasing your complete inability to recognize even a theme so obvious it's in the title.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

This has a delicious Baudelaire tint to it! And somehow the fact that you as a female wrote it makes it that much more appealing, that you can express raw, muddy nature with a simultaneous and odd attraction to it, makes it more fascinating.

EDIT: Now I realize what it is, it is unsaid contrast of delicate female with raw nature. If I may suggest: for the benefit of readers who do not know you, include descriptions or hints of the narrator's gender, it will amplify the contrast and repulsiveness of the lake. Maybe something like:

"those lake eyes
i was down there
sloshing
i was tramping around
frog skin and tiny bones mashed between my painted toenails--
it's frigid cold
giving me goosebumps to my nipples
the crabgrass feels like walking through razorflowers
on my purpled pale looking feet
and just
those lake eyes
they seemed sunshiney from a distance and
the cat tails don't just grow around the water
they've invaded it
so that there's an itch and some ugly redness around the rims
fish around their stalks at the bottom
and those damn lake eyes
looking up my dress"

Eh, it's not bad, but the point wasn't really anything to do with my being a female at all.

[HumanePain]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Eh, it's not bad, but the point wasn't really anything to do with my being a female at all.

Looking back at what I wrote I can see how you think that, sorry, I misspoke.

What I meant to say was I know what it is that I liked about it, not that I knew what you yourself were saying.

[korinna5555]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

so obvious it's in the title.

Uh, yeah. I DID notice, Captain Obvious.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by korinna5555

Uh, yeah. I DID notice, Captain Obvious.

So you had the ability and option to use your deep and complex wit to make a scathing and relevant remark, yet chose to say something completely unfunny and embarrassing for god knows what reason?

That's...more stupid than even I have been giving you credit for.
Brava, good lass, brava.

[mindless1]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

I haven't written in forever, but here is a poem.
I'm probably going to revise it, and when I do, I'll stick it in here.

those lake eyes
i was down there
sloshing
i was tramping around
frog skin and tiny bones mashed between my toes--
it's frigid cold
the crabgrass feels like walking through razorflowers
on my purpled pale looking feet
and just
those lake eyes
they seemed sunshiney from a distance and
the cat tails don't just grow around the water
they've invaded it
so that there's an itch and some ugly redness around the rims
fish around their stalks at the bottom
and those damn lake eyes

I just couldn't climb out.

I like your poem. Though you may think it is incomplete....it sounds good as it is. I like 'razorflowers' that's interesting.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Thanks.
ARound the lake on the farm where I used to live were these horrible little plants. They were very low to the ground, so you couldn't notice them when you walked on bare feet, and it really felt like you were being cut up if you stepped on them.

[korinna5555]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

ARound the lake on the farm where I used to live were these horrible little plants. They were very low to the ground, so you couldn't notice them when you walked on bare feet, and it really felt like you were being cut up if you stepped on them.

Makes me think of horsenettle:
http://biology.clc.uc.edu/Fankhauser...leP1010007.jpg
Ow..