Requiem For My Dreams

[Damned Queen]

Crying again
I am wailing for my praises
Weeping to death
I try to fill up empty pages
My lamentation's dirge
Is the music to compose
The requiem for my dreams
Upon the lyrics my grieve wrote

[$haDe]

Originally Posted by Damned Queen

My lamentation's dirge

It sound ok to me.

But the line I quoted sound weird.


ps. the name remind me of the movie "Requiem for a Dream"

[Twisted-mind]

I like it you have a talent

[Noirette]

Too many cliches.
But it's not that bad. Choose a more intimate subject, even something less dark and emotional, and then express it in the most intresting way you can, without emotions to standin your way.

[KontanKarite]

If it's been written 1000000 times more before you, don't write it.

It wont stand out, it wont be interesting. I wrote this kind of stuff when I was 13.

Drop the "darkness" and try to convey real emotions or convey darkness without crying souls and grim reapers.

[Damned Queen]

hehe I know it doesn't stand out... and the tittle is pathetic (so it'd be awesome if anyone has a better one) and yes it's full of emotion... even though it's not good I like it... it gives out a very tough time of my own and the words I chose couldn't describe it better... but maybe I didn't put them in correct... Thank you all for your posts :-)

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

If it's been written 1000000 times more before you, don't write it.

It wont stand out, it wont be interesting. I wrote this kind of stuff when I was 13.

Drop the "darkness" and try to convey real emotions or convey darkness without crying souls and grim reapers.

Listen to the man, he speaks the truth. This is more or less the most important advice you can receive if you're trying to write decent poetry - all else is merely crafting and practice.

[Damned Queen]

Who says I don't? I totally agree with him!

[KontanKarite]

I think what irks me about these themes in most poetry on here is the dehumanization of the author. They're no longer human, but a tortured monster or social pariah. No one can relate to it because we're NOT monsters and when words like these are delivered from those with at least an internet connection, it loses even more credibility because the reader can at least assume that the author isn't exactly in strict poverty either.

We are not gods or monsters or even conduits of some divine tragedy or comedy. We are all just people and it's better to say that your heart hurts instead of the angels lamenting your bleeding soul.

[Despanan]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I think what irks me about these themes in most poetry on here is the dehumanization of the author. They're no longer human, but a tortured monster or social pariah. No one can relate to it because we're NOT monsters and when words like these are delivered from those with at least an internet connection, it loses even more credibility because the reader can at least assume that the author isn't exactly in strict poverty either.

We are not gods or monsters or even conduits of some divine tragedy or comedy. We are all just people and it's better to say that your heart hurts instead of the angels lamenting your bleeding soul.

Holy crap. This may be one of the most intelligent and insightful things I've ever heard you say. kudos dude.

[KontanKarite]

You know... usually when I give these critiques, I imagine you're saying them.... sometimes.

[Despanan]

If I were saying them there's be alot more "Shitfucks" thrown in. I feel the beefs up the mix.

[KontanKarite]

What about saying people spew out poetry like it came out of their shitting dick nipples?