My soaring vein

Geoluhread · 07-19-2008, 07:37 AM

My poems are short and simple, but i like to think that they are good...
Here's one...

I just slash my veins over and over again
I have nothing to do, nothing to lose, nothing to gain
Every single drop eases the pain
Counts my time till the end of the game
I can't break the cycle
Can't cut the chain
All I've learnt to cut
Was my own soaring vein

JCC · 07-19-2008, 08:30 AM

Why is it soaring? Has this rebellious vein by some extraordinary feat of natural prowess managed to disattach itself from your body and sprout wings with which it has flown to previously undiscovered dizzy heights? Is it now a vein-bird, with its perfunctory beak and cawing sounds, sitting atop a tree picking its blue feathers?

crossbonesandfire · 07-19-2008, 08:36 AM

I like that poem! I think it's really good.

Geoluhread · 07-19-2008, 09:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

Why is it soaring? Has this rebellious vein by some extraordinary feat of natural prowess managed to disattach itself from your body and sprout wings with which it has flown to previously undiscovered dizzy heights? Is it now a vein-bird, with its perfunctory beak and cawing sounds, sitting atop a tree picking its blue feathers?

Don't let your mind wander dear, it's far too small to be let out on its own

JCC · 07-19-2008, 12:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geoluhread

Don't let your mind wander dear, it's far too small to be let out on its own

Did you borrow that putdown from Google?

Underwater Ophelia · 07-19-2008, 12:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geoluhread

Don't let your mind wander dear, it's far too small to be let out on its own

Dude.
No.

The poem wasn't good. It was cliche and poorly written. I think you should keep trying, but don't tell him he's stupid because he didn't like your poem.

JCC · 07-19-2008, 12:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Dude.
I think you should keep trying

EH?! No! Don't encourage them!

Disaffected Shoelaces · 07-19-2008, 01:13 PM

Honestly, I really didn't like this. It just wasn't well-written. Pain can be a good subject matter, but it's too... meh.

Also, most of the poetry I like is sincere and realistic, and we know from the fact that you're able to type that you don't slash your wrists over and over.

JCC · 07-19-2008, 01:15 PM

The main problem with your poem is that you present yourself as some prodigious wonder of the modern world that makes Bukowski look like a drunk twat. Saying that your poem is good isn't that bad (even if it blatantly isn't), but then telling me I'm stupid because I find one of your pointless phrases to be pointless is just annoying. If you weren't so self-involved that you flaunted yourself as a breathing masterpiece, I wouldn't dislike you so much.

You're not a writer. You're a typist.

Disaffected Shoelaces · 07-19-2008, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

The main problem with your poem is that you present yourself as some prodigious wonder of the modern world that makes Bukowski look like a drunk twat.

But... he was a drunk twat.

Someone had to say it.

JCC · 07-19-2008, 01:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Disaffected Shoelaces

But... he was a drunk twat.

Someone had to say it.

He might have been drunk, and he might have been a twat, but he was the best poet of the 20th century.

Disaffected Shoelaces · 07-19-2008, 01:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

He might have been drunk, and he might have been a twat, but he was the best poet of the 20th century.

Ooooh, controversial...

He was a bloody good writer though. No dispute here. Have you seen the Bukowski documentary film, "Born Into This"? It's awesome. He's much softer than you'd imagine from his work. I guess most people mellow with age.

JCC · 07-19-2008, 01:45 PM

I haven't seen that one, but I did see one where he talked about how he couldn't keep up with all of these women that wanted to fuck him because of his poetry. Talking about this postman that said;

"How do you get all of these women, Hank?"
"The secret is how to make them leave."

Right into his 70s he went to one of Sean Penn's parties and tried to have sex with Penn's mother. Awesome.

Methadrine · 07-19-2008, 01:50 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Geoluhread

Was my own soaring vein

Has someone touched the H again? Naughty.

Disaffected Shoelaces · 07-19-2008, 01:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

Right into his 70s he went to one of Sean Penn's parties and tried to have sex with Penn's mother. Awesome.

That... is my new favourite Bukowski anecdote. How did I not hear about this?!

Which one did you watch? I thought BIT was the only one.

I also have "The Future is Unwritten", the Joe Strummer doc, to watch later tonight after awaiting it for three months, and I am gonna sit down with a J and a pack of Doritos and enjoy the fuck out of it. I love documentaries.

KontanKarite · 07-25-2008, 01:36 PM

This is one of the worst poems I've ever read.

You know, I've read only ONE poem about pain and suicide that was truly brilliant in my entire life. Even the poems I write about pain and suicide are fucking lame.

Anyway, I wish I had a copy of that poem. It was written by an old old friend who actually knew what real pain was. Shame.

Magila · 08-04-2008, 10:31 AM

She never had cutting thoughts, that was probably a troll poem, don't have to take everything serious kontan.

Learn from your avatar

KontanKarite · 08-04-2008, 10:51 AM

Damn it, man! This is life and death we're talking about!! :o

knightmare · 08-04-2008, 12:54 PM

I'm not a cutter so I would like to know how self-inflicted pain relieves emotional pain. When I'm emotionally distressed I just reach for comfort food along with the majority of American whales.

HumanePain · 08-04-2008, 01:00 PM

I am not a cutter either but I have a two-fold theory:

a) An almost Catholic punishment of the self, the self in angst feels overwhelming guilt and inadequacy, and so the cutting is punishment and "wipes the slate clean".

b) Wounding oneself to the point of bloodshed is a tiny but forward direction towards death, where absolute oblivion would remove all pain. "Practice" for real suicide, to "peek around the corner" and see if one could do it. The act of tip-toeing close to the edge of the cliff also distracts the one suffering in the present life, takes focus off their problems and places mortality in view instead.

Just my 2 cents worth.

knightmare · 08-04-2008, 01:03 PM

That was very well-written, Humane Pain. I think those reasons definitely makes sense. Thanks

Noirette · 08-04-2008, 01:33 PM

And another reason:Pain sends wornings to your mind, it proves that life continues and theres something real.

As far from well written as can be, but I really don't know how else to describe it.

Maybe like losing control a little.
Someons else I know explained it as the oppossite-controlling your instincts of protecting your body and hurting it instead.

Bete Noire · 08-05-2008, 07:13 AM

I honestly liked JCCs reply rather a lot more than the original poem.

LadyStardust · 08-06-2008, 06:34 PM

Bete Noire, I agree.