Your meter is consistently off kilter, your subject matter is dull and your use of language just sounds pompous. Use your natural voice and if you can't be bothered to learn enough about meter to use it competently, you're probably better off just using free verse.
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All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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