Tips for moving in with a significant other...?

[Pineapple_Juice]

So. Just thought of something. One bedroom apartment. Two people. One sewing machine. One sewing table. One duct tape dressform. Three fabric bins. What's a girl to do?
Where should I sew without being in the way?! AAArgh.

[Solumina]

Is there perhaps a corner that is somewhat out of the way? My current apartment has a "dining nook" that Jake has made into his office space and that seems to be working out fine for all of us.

[Pineapple_Juice]

Well the one we're thinking of doesn't. There's a large living room area that branches into a dining room ans small kitchen and there are doors leading off the living room to the bath and the bedroom, but I suppose I can create my own litlte nook somehow.

[emeraldlonewoulf]

The greatest piece of man advice i ever got:

"there are three simple things to keeping a man happy. Feed 'em, Fuck 'em, and leave 'em alone."

This phase is in no way meant to be demeaning or cruel to either side, it just works really, really well, and then when you do spend time together he will give it more attention and you more respect.

That really is just about all they want. If he wants something more than that he will tell you.

If he says you are beautiful, sexy, wonderful, etc., believe him and don't argue. He obviously believes it, don't point out little bull shit you think is wrong and distract him from what he appreciates.

If he is willing to help with things, great, he will. If you ask him to do something or change something more than twice, and nothing happens, it probably never will happen. That's why you make each time clear and succinct, when there are no distractions. Be specific, and explain the "what" and "how" before the "why" and "how it makes you feel when he doesn't do it". Those parts are important too, but the first two take precedence. ( as a side note, trying to "talk" during sex or interrupting the game or a WoW raid does not count, that will only make him remember you being pissy and not giving a shit about what is important to him) Asking (or whining, nagging, suggesting or reminding) again won't help, and will drive you crazy.

The best way to keep a relationship going good is to make sure YOU stay emotionally healthy. Make sure you have a life outside of his interests, friends, etc. make sure you have "my" friends in addition to "our" friends.

As a side note, make sure you ALWAYS possess the ability to be financially independent if you need to be, and ALWAYS have transportation options that are your own. This helps ensure you are in the relationship because you choose to be, not because you feel as though you have to be.

Now, with all my "worldly wisdom" ( LoL) bared to Gnet, good luck, and may you have many happy co-habitating years ahead of you!

[JCC]

Originally Posted by emeraldlonewoulf

The greatest piece of man advice i ever got:

"there are three simple things to keeping a man happy. Feed 'em, Fuck 'em, and leave 'em alone."

This phase is in no way meant to be demeaning or cruel to either side, it just works really, really well, and then when you do spend time together he will give it more attention and you more respect.

That really is just about all they want.

I find that pretty fucking offensive. A woman has to clean the dishes too.

[Pineapple_Juice]

So what do you define as financially stable? I will soon have three jobs and I am going to school but I could never afford a place by myself without someone else being a roommate. Does that mean I'm not financially stable? I can pay all my bills and I don't ask him to buy stuff for me. Does that count?

[Solumina]

Don't worry about it, as long as you don't feel like you need to stay with him for financial reasons then it isn't a problem. I wont lie Jake and I have both been at least a little financially dependent on each other at some point, where we could afford our bills but the other paid for everything else, and it hasn't been an issue for us.

[emeraldlonewoulf]

Above, I said "financially independent", not "finacially stable". What i meant was, make sure you have some form of income that is your own, and maintain your own banking ability. Sharing expenses is fine, you can always make do with a little, as long as the little is there.


Also, about this:

Originally Posted by JCC

I find that pretty fucking offensive. A woman has to clean the dishes too.

Hell no! We made a deal, I will do all the laundry, wash, dry, match socks, fold or hang, put away, reattach buttons, patch, I even use the freakin' iron under duress, but he does the godamn dishes! Especially if feeding him involves cooking :P

[the-nihilist]

Whatever you do, be sure to cheat on him as much as possible. He'll appreciate that, and the both of you will begin forming an unbreakable bond.

[Razeal18]

can't really argue with woulf. make sure to divide yall's time between alone time and togeather time. it adds value to everyones time becuase you have a choice.

[Lochnar]

Identify bubbles. What I mean by that is, there are some activities that absorb one's concentration. For me it's writing/designing code. When I'm in my bubble I do not want to be disturbed until the house is on fire. My wife, also, has her bubble activities. Learn what these things are (for yourself and your S.O.) as they are an important part of "me time". Breaking the bubble leads to more useless arguments then are necessary. For most people, moving in together there will be enough of those arguments without adding more.

So, identify the bubbles. Once that is done both of you need to be ready to have the bubble broken once in a while. It happens once in a while and it's not the end of the world.

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

PJ, if your apartment has a walk-in closet, that might suffice for a sewing corner. You'd be surprised how much can fit along one or two walls, especially if you can tolerate keeping your fabric bins on high shelves or having a few clothes hanging above your workspace. Plus, when you've finished something, you can just turn around and hang it up on the rod ; )

Also, I agree with the need for both together and separate time. If you two never do things independently of one another, you won't have anything interesting to discuss. However, if you don't set aside dedicated time to do things together, you won't have a chance to discuss them anyway.

[Ben Lahnger]

Wow, we've resurrected this thread two and a half months later ... I'm sure PJ is living with the bloke and largely no longer in need of the advice.

[Lochnar]

Crap...fucking hell...well, guess I can't bitch as I didn't see it until Ben pointed it out. Fuck I hate that.

[Ophelia's Snorkel]

*facepalm* Serves me right for not checking the date : )

[Catch]

I only have one tip from my experience of living with someone I was dating. ~clears throat~ If you run out of tiolette paper and money, public restrooms and national parks have free tiolette paper to their visitors and having been on the property makes you a visitor.

[Pineapple_Juice]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

Wow, we've resurrected this thread two and a half months later ... I'm sure PJ is living with the bloke and largely no longer in need of the advice.

Not true. In all actuality we have since broken up and therefor I have no need for said advice, but the space saving tips are excellent and always useful.

[Ben Lahnger]

Okay. We really ought to start a "Tips for organizing your things" thread ... it would stay relevant longer! LOL!

[Pineapple_Juice]

Subtitle: Because relationships fade, and organization can last a lifetime...