Men who care more about their dicks than their Girlfriends.

[HumanePain]

Well! I must say this topic has been more divisive than George Bush!
The Gnet Clash of the Titans over what else? Sex.

[JCC]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Well! I must say this topic has been more divisive than George Bush!
The Gnet Clash of the Titans over what else? Sex.

It's not about sex.

[gothicusmaximus]

So, to summarize the last couple pages of this thread, the members of gnet who append smiley faces to every sentence they type and constantly act like they're hyped up on ecstacy to the point that they're perturbed by nothing have hypothesized that anyone who is ever mean has probably experienced a life-altering trauma.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

So, to summarize the last couple pages of this thread, the members of gnet who append smiley faces to every sentence they type and constantly act like they're hyped up on ecstacy to the point that they're perturbed by nothing have hypothesized that anyone who is ever mean has probably experienced a life-altering trauma.

Nope. Wrong. Said it was one possibility among many.

Some folks are just born mean, but those born that way aren't really all that common, and I would dare to put forth that it's difficult to raise a child to be a mean adult in a well-adjusted, loving, yet properly disciplinary home.

Originally Posted by HumanePain

The Gnet Clash of the Titans over what else? Sex.

You ain't just whistlin' Dixie, brother! XD

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

That's fine to be sure of yourself, but when you get upset because you infer things from what we say that we in no way intended, then that -is- being defensive...and needlessly so.

Also, I think it's a bit hypocritical to get upset about someone calling you a bitch when you act so callous towards them, when you call people morons and idiots for no reason at all constantly.

I'm sorry, what did I infer that you didn't intend?
And what's more, how do you know it's me being defensive and not you being a poor communicator?

[Underwater Ophelia]

No, it's not about sex.

It's about how people aren't excused from their behavior just because they've got PTSD or they're depressed.

If their actions are excused, it means their actions don't matter.

I'm saying these actions do matter. Giving people with mental illness a license to act however they want will ultimately make them feel more invisible and uncounted than they already do.

It's like saying, "Oh, it's ok, she does what she wants because she has PTSD." I'm saying she has as much accountability as everyone else because she's just as much a person as everyone else.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Also, Wynneth, could you do me a favor?
Show me where I berated Bleed.

Saying someone is wrong is NOT berating them. Even using forceful words is not berating.

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

No, it's not about sex.

It's about how people aren't excused from their behavior just because they've got PTSD or they're depressed.

If their actions are excused, it means their actions don't matter.

I'm saying these actions do matter. Giving people with mental illness a license to act however they want will ultimately make them feel more invisible and uncounted than they already do.

It's like saying, "Oh, it's ok, she does what she wants because she has PTSD." I'm saying she has as much accountability as everyone else because she's just as much a person as everyone else.

No. Does everyone want to know what this thread is about?

It's about a young girl who's had a troubled past that reached out for help and the majority of people responding are slapping her with harsh words and accusations.

Ophelia, for the last time, no one is saying that someone's actions are excusable, simply because they're sick. I am saying that she can't help it in that she doesn't know how to take control of her life, right now. She needs help. She doesn't need people beating her down.

I'm sure she does that better than any single one of the antagonists on this site could do.


Edit: Berate, as defined by Merriam-Webster.

: to scold or condemn vehemently and at length.

For further clarifcation:


Main Entry:
con·demn
Pronunciation:
\kən-ˈdem\
Function:
transitive verb
Etymology:
Middle English, from Anglo-French condempner, from Latin condemnare, from com- + damnare to condemn — more at damn
Date:
14th century

1: to declare to be reprehensible, wrong, or evil usually after weighing evidence and without reservation <a policy widely condemned as racist>
2 a: to pronounce guilty : convict b: sentence, doom <condemn a prisoner to die>
3: to adjudge unfit for use or consumption <condemn an old apartment building>
4: to declare convertible to public use under the right of eminent domain

[Catch]

Originally Posted by JCC

It's not about sex.

I agree. This has nothing to do with sex.

[chelseagirl]

Sex is an important part of a mature relationship. A MATURE relationship. BLEED, you are only 16 - at that age sex should NOT be an important part of a relationship, unless you are both ready - and certainly NOT a requirement. Your boyfriend IS trying to manipulate you into sex. I can't really say though that what he's doing is in any way out of the norm for a teenage boy who is currently a hormone bomb ready to explode. Sure, he has sexual needs, but what he really needs to do is masturbate and take care of these needs himself until you are ready for sex. You can't make someone ready for sex when they are not -and at age 16, not even taking into account being molested, nobody is probably truly ready.

I DO think you should go to counseling to come to terms with what happened to you.

I see quite well where you are coming from and I understand your reaction to your boyfriend manipulating and pressuring you for sex. I was r@ped when I was 14. My next boyfriend that I had after that, when I was 16, pressured me and tried to manipulate me, etc., and it bothered me a LOT. It made me feel like he was trying to take advantage and violate me - I was associating it with the past issue of being sexually violated....it brings out that terror/desparation/confusion/anger that you felt when you were being abused, and you end up connecting the two actions subconciously. I'm not trying to say that a guy manipulating and pressuring someone for sex is any way on par with actually sexually abusing someone - but to the mind of an abused person there becomes a link - and it would really help for you to seek professional help to work through it.

You're boyfriend needs to understand how this is making you feel. Next time he starts pressuring you, hand him a bottle of lotion and tell him to take care of his need, because at 16, you are not ready yet.

By the way, how old is your boyfriend? I didn't see it anywhere in your post-but I could have missed it.

I really, really want to encourage you to see a counselor. I never did until recently and I really regret not doing so. I suffered for a long time alone - don't make that mistake.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

I'm sorry, what did I infer that you didn't intend?

You assumed that all of us were 'against you', simply because we disagreed. You assumed that when we said that something may be a possibility, then that meant that it was an absolute definite in our minds. Or my mind. Whichever.

A possibility means it can go one way or the other, and isn't a definitive judgment.

And what's more, how do you know it's me being defensive and not you being a poor communicator?

Because when I talk to other folks on other boards, I'm not misunderstood half as much as I am here by you and a few of your friends here. That's how.

[Catch]

I hope Bleed Rebelion makes an intelligent decision. That is more important than anything else.

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by Catch

I hope Bleed Rebelion makes an intelligent decision. That is more important than anything else.

Precisely.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

Nope. Wrong. Said it was one possibility among many.

Some folks are just born mean, but those born that way aren't really all that common, and I would dare to put forth that it's difficult to raise a child to be a mean adult in a well-adjusted, loving, yet properly disciplinary home.

So you think it's a likely possibility. That's a hypothesis. It's also stupid.
To be abrasive is just as natural as to be insufferably cheery, mordancy isn't some corruption brought on by grief. You act as if the way you conduct yourself is "right", and, the more another deviates from it, the more 'wrong' he or she is.
That you think I'm mean is pretty clear. You just insinuated that my parents PROBABLY DIDN'T RAISE ME RIGHT. That's the same snobby bullshit you chastised yourself for earlier, and you must know it.

[Wynneth]

Though I'm not really in this part of the discussion, upon reading Gothicus Maximus' most recent post, I thought I'd bring up another idea and see what people think of it.

Personally, I don't really have a well-formed opinion on the matter, so I'm leaving myself at an "open to suggestion/reason/what-you-will" status on the following theory.

Is it true or false that a large part of one's personality (read: the way one behaves, in general) is due to outside factors from one's early life? To elaborate on the aforementioned factors: who one's parents are, what they're like, how they behave--one's early friendships, what those friends are like and how they behave--one's classmates, etc. Does one, upon witnessing these things, take in the information and, based on their own reasoning, make the choice to take X from so-and-so and Y from another, becoming a blend of personal choices, guided by the things/people/situations/etc. by which they're surrounded?

-ponders on that, herself, for a while-

[JCC]

Yeah, it is.

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by JCC

Yeah, it is.

Is that in response to the question/theory I posed or something else?

[JCC]

The theory. I'm staunchly radical behaviourist.

[gothicusmaximus]

I agree with the idea that one's environment plays a predominant role in shaping one's character, but I don't see how that's relevant to this discussion.
What I was arguing wasn't that people are born predisposed to a certain nature, merely that those who don't act exactly like Tam Li Hua aren't the product of a BAD AND WRONG environment.

[Wynneth]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

I agree with the idea that one's environment plays a predominant role in shaping one's character, but I don't see how that's relevant to this discussion.
What I was arguing wasn't that people are born predisposed to a certain nature, merely that those who don't act exactly like Tam Li Hua aren't the product of a BAD AND WRONG environment.

It's not directly related to the discussion and, if you re-read what I wrote, you'll note that something you said triggered the thought in my mind. So, since people are very open to this sort of discussion, I figured I'd ask and see what people thought. Thanks for answering! -smile-

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Wynneth: “....This paragraph gives me cause for concern. The aim, in emotional health, is not to "get over it," but to process, heal and learn to live with the impact the trauma had on your life. The fact that it still haunts you and causes you great pain is the key to what I've been attempting to say…”
I understand what the aim is. Its just that at this point in my life for the last few months I have felt great optimism. Yeah life can suck sometimes and what happened is horrible, and yeah it hurts allot. It used to be almost crippling it affected everything. But when I say get over it I mean heal, I mean be able to function without it hindering me. I fell like I shouldn’t obsess about it, I shouldn’t think about it more then I have to because I think ultimately I will get better. I’ve cried soooo much that I just don’t want to anymore. I am soooo much happier then I used to be.

- When I said “I don’t have much else that’s worth waking up for in the morning.” I mean that compared to him all else pales. I feel like at this point in my life I don’t have much control over my life. I have to go to school and learn what they tell me to learn. I suppose I could just leave but that only makes things harder. I really just want to go and ride my bike across the country, things like that are what I want to do. Instead I wake up go to school, do 4 hours of homework, clean, talk to my BF (the best part of my day!) and then sleep. Its not a very exciting life. I miss going to concerts and gigs. I miss doing the things that I love to do. But I need to have a “perfect GPA” because my fam cant afford college and I “need” to go.
I understand that life can be awesome I have had days and even weeks of awesomeness. I have seen the absolute almost blinding beauty that DOES exist in the world, but right now I am stuck living an unfulfilling life. I suppose that possibility or the chance of awesomeness is worth waking up for. But as of right now in the current reality he is the best. He is what I wake up for, he is my love and passion, and I care more about him than all the rest. What more important than real love? I don’t think most of what people say matters really does. I don’t really want many things. I don’t care about many material things the only things I would be really sad to lose is my music and books. When I sit down and really think about what I want from life the answer is VERY CLEAR: I want LOVE. I want to be with him. I want to be HAPPY. I want to live in a earth friendly way. I want to be a good person and spread goodwill and kindness. (don’t I sound like a fucking hippie…. Lulz.. I kinda am one..). I don’t need money for that. I don’t need a degree, I don’t need nice clothes, I don’t need anything they say I do. At the end of the day I would choose him over everything else.

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Ophie: I in no way want to make you the villian. I have actually always liked you. I've always thought you came off as intelligent. You have just been pissing me off in this thread. I think you can sometimes treat others like they are less than you. I didnt respond to you the way I did because I had some kind of pre-existing dislike for you. I responded that way because thats how your post made me feel. I really dont give to shits if other members dont like you or think you are the villian. It doesnt change my personal opinion of you. It wouldnt hurt to be a little bit nicer to people. Or consider their feelings before yuou say shit.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by BLEED REBELION!!!

Ophie: I in no way want to make you the villian. I have actually always liked you. I've always thought you came off as intelligent. You have just been pissing me off in this thread.

I'm ok with that.

Originally Posted by BLEED REBELION!!!

I think you can sometimes treat others like they are less than you.

They are.
In what way is that relevant?

Originally Posted by BLEED REBELION!!!

I didnt respond to you the way I did because I had some kind of pre-existing dislike for you. I responded that way because thats how your post made me feel. I really dont give to shits if other members dont like you or think you are the villian. It doesnt change my personal opinion of you. It wouldnt hurt to be a little bit nicer to people. Or consider their feelings before yuou say shit.

I wasn't really concerned with your replies to me, but thanks for taking the time to tell me all of this.

Also, I have no desire to be any nicer than I am, because you might notice I'm not actually all that mean. If you recall, I never insulted you.

Allllso, I do consider people's feelings before opening my mouth. I don't think most of what I say is that hurtful.
If you're hurt by me saying you're wrong, that's a problem within yourself.
You either disagree and move on because you believe strongly that you did right, or you agree and so there is no conflict.

[BLEED REBELION!!!]

Okay I give up. I just wont talk to you any more, that seems the best solution I just dont have the energy to deal with this. Besides its not like we will ever have a realtionship with eachother that really matters... so peace out Ophie .

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Wynneth

Though I'm not really in this part of the discussion, upon reading Gothicus Maximus' most recent post, I thought I'd bring up another idea and see what people think of it.

Personally, I don't really have a well-formed opinion on the matter, so I'm leaving myself at an "open to suggestion/reason/what-you-will" status on the following theory.

Is it true or false that a large part of one's personality (read: the way one behaves, in general) is due to outside factors from one's early life? To elaborate on the aforementioned factors: who one's parents are, what they're like, how they behave--one's early friendships, what those friends are like and how they behave--one's classmates, etc. Does one, upon witnessing these things, take in the information and, based on their own reasoning, make the choice to take X from so-and-so and Y from another, becoming a blend of personal choices, guided by the things/people/situations/etc. by which they're surrounded?

-ponders on that, herself, for a while-

Yeah, in general, that stuff can affect one's personality and outlook on life a great deal.

For instance, I think if my parents had been happy in their marriage, I may not have felt so insecure about romance up until now.

Ask just about any psychologist, and they'll tell you [I believe], that what goes on in our early years can affect us for the rest of our lives. [Notice I said "can", not "does"; there -are- ways to not let such things affect a person, but they are -extremely- difficult to overcome, and usually take a LOT of outside support and help. This I know, because I've gone through it.]