Shark Week RPG

[gothicusmaximus]

You go to take a bath.
There is a fucking shark in the tub.
What do you do?

[Alan]

Make the best of it.

[gothicusmaximus]

That is the vaguest Shark Week roleplaying ever. Clearly you're not feeling sufficiently festive, Alan-- or should I say SCROOGE?

[Underwater Ophelia]

I LOVE SHARK WEEK.

Were I to find a shark in my tub, I would NOT punch it in the gills, as Adam and Jaime from Mythbusters taught me it does little good.

I would, however, swim close to the bottom of the tub, as this makes it harder for the sharks to attack.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Were I to find a shark in my tub, I would NOT punch it in the gills, as Adam and Jaime from Mythbusters taught me it does little good.

SHIT, what about the nose? Because I was going to say "I'd punch it in the nose." I guess I'm dead already.

[ssj_goku]

fite the shark one part of a time. Start with punching it in the nose and the dick at the same time!! Then drag it reverse to make it drwond.

[Anarasha]

I'd use the shower instead of the tub.

[vindicatedxjin]

Weak Shark


Week Shark


Weak Shark


Shark Week

[Sinjob]

I'd call my girl in and me and the shark would see who eats better pussy.

[Despanan]

I challenge the Shark to a Children's card game.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

You go to take a bath.
There is a fucking shark in the tub.
What do you do?

I'd scrounge outside to find a small neighbor to feed to it. I want my shark well-fed and sassy!

P.S. - You can take a bath anywhere. How many times in this life do you have the opportunity to HAVE YOUR OWN SHARK?!?

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by Despanan

I challenge the Shark to a Children's card game.

See, that's where this thread leaped over the resident of said tub.

[Hearts_Purple]

I'd eat it. Shark meat tastes kinda like chicken, from what I recall.

[MissCheyenne]

I'd read it stories and then challenge it to a game of poker.

[vindicatedxjin]

I would sing the shark song with it...hand motions and all...

[Solumina]

I'd grab it by the tail, flip it over, and give it a belly rub. Cuz all pets like belly rubs, pet sharks are no exception.

[honeythorn]

Check the salinity of the water was correct for the species of shark, fit a protien skimmer and super large filter to the bath and take water test rea....


Oh fuck it I'd knit the big slippery bastard a pink squid hat and some matching fin mittens with tentacles on....

[Anarasha]

Originally Posted by Despanan

I challenge the Shark to a Children's card game.

Yu-Gi-Ooooh!

[Razeal18]

I'm with hearts of purple i'd eat it.

[JCC]

Back away very slowly and call the relevant authorities.

[d0p3y]

I would find out the best way to some money out of my bizzare new friend.

[Breathless Horror]

Originally Posted by JCC

Back away very slowly and call the relevant authorities.

Why back away? The fucker's in the tub, and if it chases you, it'll die anyways.


I'd attach frickin lazers to its head, man. Bitches don't know shit about my lazer shark cavalry!

[gothicusmaximus]

I need to stop browsing gnet drunk. Of course, I won't.

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

I LOVE SHARK WEEK.

Were I to find a shark in my tub, I would NOT punch it in the gills, as Adam and Jaime from Mythbusters taught me it does little good.

I would, however, swim close to the bottom of the tub, as this makes it harder for the sharks to attack.

Hygiene before safety-- a rewarding outlook if you don't mind a short life. Despite your attempt to respect the murderous beast's personal space, your tub ain't big enough for the both of you. You are eaten.

Originally Posted by Saya

SHIT, what about the nose? Because I was going to say "I'd punch it in the nose." I guess I'm dead already.

You are dead.

Originally Posted by Goku

fite the shark one part of a time. Start with punching it in the nose and the dick at the same time!! Then drag it reverse to make it drwond.

Your approach is a sound one, but the shark is pursuing a similar strategy, and to far greater success. You are eaten one part at a time.

Originally Posted by Anarasha

I'd use the shower instead of the tub.

You shower thoroughly, taking time to maneuver the Danish soap-surrogate under each of your rolls of fat. Your hair is scrupulously color-guard shampooed, your septum piercing is lathered with antibiotics, and you are as clean as ever. There's still a shark in your tub, though. What now?

Originally Posted by Sinjob

I'd call my girl in and me and the shark would see who eats better pussy.

You call your girlfriend and make your proposition.
"Hahaha Sinjob... what? A shark, huh? All right, sure I'll play along... let me just hop in the-- OH GOD OH GOD ITS EACH ONE OF ITS TEETH ARE LITTLE HACKSAWS HELP"
Call failed.
What now?

Originally Posted by Despanan

I challenge the Shark to a Children's card game.

Originally Posted by Ben

I'd scrounge outside to find a small neighbor to feed to it. I want my shark well-fed and sassy!

You head outside. Immediately, you notice someone you've seen around the neighborhood, desperately crawling his way towards you as blood seeps from the gushing wound where once was his left leg. Fading fast, he mutters, almost inaudibly, "sh-shark"...
What now?

Originally Posted by Heart's Purple

I'd eat it. Shark meat tastes kinda like chicken, from what I recall.

Originally Posted by Razeal

I'm with hearts of purple i'd eat it.

You'll have to kill it first. Millions and millions of years of evolution have stacked the deck against you-- what's the plan?

Originally Posted by MisCheyenne

I'd read it stories and then challenge it to a game of poker.

The shark writhes restlessly as you fumble through "Goodnight, Moon", making desire for a change of activity tremendously apparent. You concede, and as you're dealing him his first hand, he bites yours clean off.
What do you do?

Originally Posted by Solumina

I'd grab it by the tail, flip it over, and give it a belly rub. Cuz all pets like belly rubs, pet sharks are no exception.

The beast does not seem pleased. Indeed, one might judge it to be rather upset.
What next?

Originally Posted by honeythorn

Check the salinity of the water was correct for the species of shark, fit a protien skimmer and super large filter to the bath and take water test rea....

Oh fuck it I'd knit the big slippery bastard a pink squid hat and some matching fin mittens with tentacles on....

It's a Bull Shark, and it looks comfortable, albeit murderous.
You can knit all you want, but getting this motherfucker to model for you is going to be tough-- potentially deadly.

Originally Posted by JCC

Back away very slowly and call the relevant authorities.

"HER MAJESTY'S CONSTABULARY. ARE YOU INJURED?"
You attempt to explain.
"SIR PLEASE REMAIN CALM AND STAY IN YOUR HOME. AVOID ALL PLUMBING UNTIL OTHERWISE NOTIFIED. PLEASE REMAIN CALM. THIS LINE IS RESERVED FOR EXTREME EMERGENCIES"
Disconnected.
What now?

Originally Posted by d0p3y

I would find out the best way to some money out of my bizzare new friend.

You fashion a sign promoting your affordable mini-aquarium and venture outside, only to be taken aback as someone thrusts a shotgun in your face. "That supposed to be some kind of sick joke?"
Just beyond the barrel, you see the crazed eyes of a stocky, roughly middle-aged man-- his hair and clothes suggest he's literally rolled out of bed not too long ago.
What do you do?

Originally Posted by Breathless Horror

I'd attach frickin lazers to its head, man. Bitches don't know shit about my lazer shark cavalry!

Bitches don't know about the basketball-sized hole in your torso and how your own charred flesh is the last thing you smell.

[Catch]

Let's see, it couldn't be a large shark. If it was larger probably wouldn't go into the bathroom. Perhaps I could entertain it with bathtoys like rubber duckies or let it chew on a stick. Then put it back in the salt water aquarium.

[Hearts_Purple]

My bath tub doesn't have a stopper so I guess I'd just wait till it suffocates in the air, then chop off it's head and skin it.