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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
02-04-2008, 05:26 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: somewhere, I suppose
Posts: 1,733
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My Pale Porcelain Angel
Come into me
my pale porcelain angel.
Your brown brown hair
Your lovely dark eyes grateful
to gaze into mine.
Skin-to-skin warm,
closely we cling,
and I could have sworn
that our hearts synched.
One beat. Together.
Your sweet body.
Mine forever.
__________________
Peace, love, and happiness.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by dead_dreams
What the Hell is wrong with you!?!?! who the Hell kill's helpless and innocent babies? that's f***ing sick!!!
Don't you have anything better to do than pollute our forums?!?
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02-05-2008, 04:05 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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I hate this.
Don't take it personally, I hate nine out of ten of all the love poems I've ever read.
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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02-05-2008, 08:47 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 126
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I wouldn't use such harsh words, but love is a very overused theme. As a writer, you should try to branch out..
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02-05-2008, 10:01 AM
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#4
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Bucharest, Romania
Posts: 468
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The fact that the theme is overused wouldn't bother anyone if the poem were well-written. Anyway, Bella, you should try viewing it from a new perspective, so that it doesn't seem cheesy. Try using unusual metaphors, words which are not normally connected to love. Who knows? Something good might come out of it.
__________________
"I have cultivated my hysteria with delight and terror. Now I suffer continually from vertigo, and today, 23rd of January, 1862, I have received a singular warning, I have felt the wind of the wing of madness pass over me." - Charles Baudelaire
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02-05-2008, 10:24 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Posts: 4,678
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Love poems generally suck.
Avoid.
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02-05-2008, 03:37 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: somewhere, I suppose
Posts: 1,733
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Ah okie. It's the only love poem I've ever written, and I haven't written any since.
I didn't even think of the unusual metaphors idea, though. That may have made it a tad more bearable...
__________________
Peace, love, and happiness.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by dead_dreams
What the Hell is wrong with you!?!?! who the Hell kill's helpless and innocent babies? that's f***ing sick!!!
Don't you have anything better to do than pollute our forums?!?
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02-06-2008, 06:34 AM
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#7
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 2,721
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Don't feel bad kiddo, it's not an awful poem or anything. It's just not good enough to carry such an overdone subject. That's nothing to worry about, plenty of famous love poems suck.
__________________
All pleasure is relief from tension. - William S. Burroughs
Witches have no wit, said the magician who was weak.
Hula, hula, said the witches. - Norman Mailer
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02-06-2008, 09:16 AM
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#8
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Posts: 3,360
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I love it.
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02-13-2008, 04:39 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: somewhere, I suppose
Posts: 1,733
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Ah, thanks. I didn't expect it to be "oh wow that's great!" anyway. I just wanted to know what you all thought of it.  I'm glad now that I know tht stuff's overdone though.
Oh and, thankies, Mir.
__________________
Peace, love, and happiness.
Quote:
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Originally Posted by dead_dreams
What the Hell is wrong with you!?!?! who the Hell kill's helpless and innocent babies? that's f***ing sick!!!
Don't you have anything better to do than pollute our forums?!?
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02-16-2008, 11:35 AM
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#10
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Zaporizhia, Ukraine
Posts: 18
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The poem is just a set of poetic stock phrases... Sorry, nothing to comment on.
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