Goth All Grown Up

LadyLucretia · 10-11-2007, 04:00 PM

I'm interested in the experiences of those of us who by most accounts should have "grown out of it" quite some time ago. I mean the 9-5ers, the married couples, the proud parents - those who manage to balance adult life with being in the scene.

I just started a new job working in research and am obviously trying to make a good impression. But this weekend I am attending a monthly club event on Friday, working at my second job Sat. afternoon (and maybe evening), and then heading to a lavish Halloween bash. Then, Sunday, I have the club night I help run to attend. I am afraid to even think about what Monday morning is going to feel like.

I dress very normal at my work, because I believe in keeping my personal and professional lives separate. I'm sure my coworkers would find my social life quite wild if they knew about it, but to me it's completely normal and I couldn't image doing anything else. But sometimes it does seem like I'm living a double life.

Does anyone else ever struggle to balance it all? I mean, being old enough to have adult responsibility, but still being young enough (in years or in spirit) to want to still be 'in the scene'?

KontanKarite · 10-11-2007, 04:17 PM

I'm lucky enough not to struggle with the balance. Being a paper pusher and wearing Demonias and DIY'd/modded clothes are pretty much my attire for work. I am quite lucky. BUT, I rarely have enough time to myself. I'm not in the public eye though, so whatever.

Most of my coworkers think I'm weird and strange, but I let my performance at work show through.

What I find is that the more people will let you be you, the more you're inclined to just chill because... fuck it, you'd rather be with your friends, you'd rather be able to hang out in the evenings.

It's pretty common for me to work 11 hour days, so I rarely do anything until Saturday nights when I go to ConFuzion. Other than that, I've managed to meet a HELL of a charmer punk girl who likes to show me around Louisville. It's a nice contrast for now.

viscus · 10-12-2007, 01:22 PM

Yeah, I don't know if I quite qualify as a "grown up" yet. I'm 24 and I have a full-time job, but I can dress mostly casual and it's not a job I intend to make a career out of. And I'm still single.

But I know what you mean, it is a bit awkward to talk about music and clubs with coworkers, and I'm sure the shoulder bag that I bought at an anime tradeshow that's covered in goth pins and patches earns me a few strange looks now and then.

KontanKarite · 10-12-2007, 05:24 PM

Well, even after explaining to them about what I'm into and what I listen to, it's funny to hear them assume that I listen to metal.

It's fine though. They see through my interesting facade and know that I'm generally a really sweet and caring person to be around. I wouldn't hurt a fly. ^___^

Necropolis · 10-12-2007, 05:41 PM

Yeah, I'm a Realtor and I day-trade and based on that line of work, I'm sure you imagine a really "normal" looking person. Let's just say I have EVERY style of black suit you can imagine. Problem solved. Heh.

Obviously you can't come to the office and closings completely decked out, but there are definitely ways to dress a little more conservative and still feel comfortable that you aren't compromising yourself for a job.

I busted this one dude in my office taking the "top horror movies of all time quiz" and we start talking about obscure horror films and metal. He's wearing khakis and a blue dress shirt. You just never know who's in to what.

The most important thing to hold true is that this is in your HEART - not a facade. Therefore, no matter how you dress, it doesn't really matter. It's a way of life and if you really feel that way, it's not a "phase" you're going to grow out of. I don't mean that directed toward the OP, just in general.

HumanePain · 10-12-2007, 06:24 PM

It is difficult for me to live a double life, I have to be me, so I dress the way I want to at work and damn the torpedoes. I get away with it because (like Kontan said) my performance speaks for itself. I get raises, bonuses and awards, so I must be doing something right.

I never saw Goth as something "to grow out of", I mean, if you love the music, love the fashion, love the lifestyle, why grow out of it? I know friends who love Country and Western music, and wear pointy cowboy boots to Cahoots on the weekends, and they are the same age as me. Another is into salsa dancing, and she is the same age as I am, so why should only Goth be reserved for younger people and the rest are ok for us 50+ folks? O_o

Graveyard.Crow · 10-12-2007, 07:03 PM

I know I am not old enough to officially claim I "didn't grow out of it" but I would just like to comment on your post. The other day a man in his 30's told me that one day I will grow out of it just like he did. Just nice to see a completely opposite view.

d.Nox · 10-12-2007, 08:18 PM

I'm lucky--I work out of my house for a composition firm on the other side of the country. Nobody I have to deal with professionally ever sees more of me than my name on an email, so I dress and act exactly as I please.

But that's a new thing. Up till three months ago, I worked at a small office doing the same job. I dressed as I do now--black dress shirts and so forth--but toned down the accessories a bit, and tried not to say anything too random. I found that as long as I was open when people had questions, and didn't get defensive, people got used to my quirks soon enough.

emeraldlonewoulf · 10-13-2007, 12:25 AM

a composition firm? do you mean like a contract/freelance writing gig, or what? It sounds interesting.

LaBelleDameSansMerci · 10-13-2007, 12:33 AM

I got lucky with my summer job, cuz they started a "blakc pants and black or white shirt" semi-uniform, so I was able to wear all black every day (considering that I feel like such an ass in white that I won't even wear it at home), but I don't intend on making a career out of it. I'd prolly be tempted to shoot myself if it came to that....

d.Nox · 10-13-2007, 09:11 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emeraldlonewoulf

a composition firm? do you mean like a contract/freelance writing gig, or what? It sounds interesting.

A comp house is a publishing contractor who does the actual work of putting books together. We do everything from editing the manuscript to paging the book; most of what people think of as publishing is actually done not by the publisher but by a firm like the one I work for.

It's not really that interesting; we do textbooks, most of which are steaming loads of poorly-written crap designed mostly to fill a vacancy in the publisher's lineup, or to bolster some half-rate professor's publications list. I weep regularly for the state of education in this country.

crucifix · 10-13-2007, 11:01 AM

I have to dress like a corporate goth for work. They won't allow me not to come in to the store not in uniform (I've tried before :P). I keep it simple, dark, and do a few accessories, E.G.: my skull ring and paling myself out (yes, I consider makeup an accessory, and a damn big one too) but nothing too extreme. As necropolis said, it is what's in your heart.

KontanKarite · 10-13-2007, 11:17 AM

Mwahaha. Me being a "male", I still get away with wearing make up to work.

Saddiction · 10-13-2007, 11:18 AM

I personally like having the alternate lifestyles. I work in a rather corperate environment, so I dress business casual Monday to Friday. On the weekends (and sometimes week nights), I retire the Pradas and pin stripes, in exchange for the plastic hair, goggles, and boots.

Edit: 11 years growing strong, and I haven't grown out of it. If anything, I've perfected it

raggedyanne · 10-13-2007, 11:27 AM

I wouldn't call myself grown up, but I do face the same work issues as some. In my job as clerical assistant (and sometimes mechanic) for the shop down at the airport I have to wear a "nice" shirt and nice pants with heels. The dress code is sexist, but I get away with a 40's inspired goth look most days. The guys don't complain ; P If I'm helping my grandpa out in his bike shop during the summer then I usually wear black cargo's and a black tank top with something from invader zim on it; very casual.

††BlackRose†† · 10-13-2007, 01:43 PM

I'm not "grown up" yet, but its interesting to hear what everyone has to say. Especially since I plan on getting into an accounting profession. I think wearing subtle gothic clothing may be an answer.

I really do hope I don't grow out of the subculture. I think this is really for me. I found that I could really connect with the values and norms of it.

d.Nox · 10-13-2007, 06:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ††BlackRose††

I really do hope I don't grow out of the subculture. I think this is really for me. I found that I could really connect with the values and norms of it.

The older I get, the more I "grow into" it. And if I ever do "grow out" of it, I know that it'll just be an expansion, not a rejection, of who I am now.

Cicero · 10-13-2007, 10:26 PM

If I end up in the profession I seem to be headed for, there'll definitely be a bit of an alternate wardrobe thing going on. It just isn't practical to scuba dive / hike through the jungle / attack factory whaling ships wearing ripped up tights and boots.

viscus · 10-13-2007, 10:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cicero

If I end up in the profession I seem to be headed for, there'll definitely be a bit of an alternate wardrobe thing going on. It just isn't practical to scuba dive / hike through the jungle / attack factory whaling ships wearing ripped up tights and boots.

Did you read Zodiac a few too many times? LOL

Cicero · 10-13-2007, 11:33 PM

Hmmm... I'd never actually heard of it before, but thanks for pointing me in its direction! It looks rather interesting.

LadyLucretia · 10-14-2007, 12:29 PM

Thanks to everyone who has replied, I've enjoyed reading people's responses. But this seems to be turning into a "what do you wear at work" thread, which wasn't my original intention. I am more interested in how people deal with being in the scene in a different phase of life.

For instance, I have a lot of younger friends with part-time jobs who simply have far more time and energy than I do to look for music. They will download dozens of albums and then tell me all about them, and sometimes it feels strange that they are more up on what's new than I am. But then I remind myself that I never have to worry about not being able to afford an upcoming concert like they do, and that I can afford to travel to festivals in other countries thanks to my full time job. I get to experience music in a different way then they do, so I think ultimately it balances out.

NachtSorcier · 10-14-2007, 12:39 PM

Well, I'm hardly a "grown-up," I'm only 20, I work at Hardee's and I start my first year of college in January. I wear a uniform to work and I have but one friend I see on a regular basis. He doesn't really make me feel out of place, he just gets on my nerves a little when he sends me link after link of videos to watch and I don't really care for any of them - he's into club/techno shit.

I just do what I do, listen to what I listen to and go on my merry way.

Clockwork · 10-14-2007, 12:45 PM

Quote:

But then I remind myself that I never have to worry about not being able to afford an upcoming concert like they do, and that I can afford to travel to festivals in other countries thanks to my full time job.

And that's just peachy, isn't it? XD
T_T

If anything, I feel like this is something you grow into more than out of. What with clubbing not even being a reality until you hit twenty one... what, are you supposed to only enjoy a few years before you resign yourself to complete mundane living? Humbug, I say.

It always makes me a little sad when someone says they've "grown out of it."

DarkGentleman · 10-14-2007, 01:19 PM

Me growning out of it? Pfftt, hell no. This is something I can never grow out of, even at the age of 36 and still love the lifestyle. I can pretty much balance the double life myself, I work in fabric distrubution and my bosses tell me: if you made it, you can wear it during work. I usually keep it fashionable and business like so it's being respectful. My work performance has a positive rating and I am due for another raise next month. My bosses want to promote me to assistant manager, but I have turned it down (twice) for a number of reasons and the fact I feel unprepared for the sort of thing.

As time went by, all the friends I had back in the 80's/90's have pretty much hung up the gothic lifestyle and moved on with their lives. That kinda explains why there isn't many around my age for me to associate with anymore. I am happy the way I am and I continue to associate with the older or younger goths, whether it's friends or accquaintances.

Dead Angel · 10-14-2007, 09:11 PM

Statement: In perfessional life in Amercia, it is becoming impossible to keep lives seperate. For instance: The internet is making snooping easier. (Look at the cases of Myspace profiling by bosses.)

Suggestion: The total duality of having to keep two lives might be hard, but seprerate computers is not out of the question. (Perferably putting your private life on a computer is a seperate lockable room.)

Prediction: In public, wearing masks will be required in five years or so. Prepare for this eventuality and get a mask somewhere

Statement: Opinion: Anybody who 'grew out of it' is mindtwisted by the normals. Religion is also a factor, and the weak may fall to the religious speech and rhetoric - falling out of the radii of the genre like a meatbag falling from a space vessel.