Sex Change

MitsyMayhem · 08-17-2008, 12:06 PM

I'm not really whining, I don't think.
I just need some advice.
My friend's always wanted to get a sex change and she finally told her parents.
Well her mom cried and now she has to go to counseling at a church.
I've seen worse shit, but I don't know what to say to her.
I really like this girl, and even if I was against her wanting a sex change for romantic reasons, I want to offer encouraging words.
Any help, please?

Minyaliel · 08-17-2008, 12:21 PM

If it were me, I think I'd just have told her that whatever happens, I'd be there to support her and help her in whatever way I could to make her feel better. In such a situation, that might be the best thing to do; just be there, and be a good friend.

JCC · 08-17-2008, 12:22 PM

Bullshit, your friend can do what she wants and you should tell her exactly that.

Joker_in_the_Pack · 08-18-2008, 01:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JCC

Bullshit, your friend can do what she wants and you should tell her exactly that.

Unless her friend is under 18 in which case this is not true.

DementiaNocturne · 08-18-2008, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joker_in_the_Pack

Unless her friend is under 18 in which case this is not true.

In which case she should help her through it until she is. :/

$haDe · 08-18-2008, 05:19 AM

I would says "Don't worry, ur mom'll understand in time.."

Depend on how her mother was like?

JCC · 08-18-2008, 05:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joker_in_the_Pack

Unless her friend is under 18 in which case this is not true.

I meant that her parents have no right to tell what to or what to not do, even if that means waiting until she's of the legal age and having a sex change. I didn't mean to accompany her into a back-alley and perform a makeshift sex change operation or something.

Tam Li Hua · 08-18-2008, 07:29 AM

I think that just continuing to be her friend and being very accepting of her choice will help tons.

Does your friend have the same religious views as his family? [Yes, I used 'his' on purpose.

]

MitsyMayhem · 10-06-2008, 05:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

I think that just continuing to be her friend and being very accepting of her choice will help tons.

Does your friend have the same religious views as his family? [Yes, I used 'his' on purpose.

]

No not at all Tam. He's agnostic and hates the way his family shoves religion into his face. I do to. It's disgusting to me.

And as an update.

It's been along while. He's not feeling any better. My phone broke, so I haven't been able to talk to him and I finally found him on IM for the first time in forever. He's losing up fast. I said that he only had two more years, but he can't hold on that long and that at 18 he'd basically be homeless if he didn't have his parents. That and his grades are slipping which are what I've always told him to focus on so he can escape. He's going to the therapy, lying his way through, but it's so hard and I can tell. This is really bothering me, I care for him so much. I really do.

MitsyMayhem · 10-06-2008, 05:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by $haDe

I would says "Don't worry, ur mom'll understand in time.."

Depend on how her mother was like?

Her or his mother is usually polite to me on the phone, but we haven't been able to talk for a while and I have a feeling she's blaming me or something because I was who Bekah spoke to the most. Bekah can't do anything on the computer anymore either. They watch all her sites and she's pretty much banned from everything.

StrangeLove · 10-06-2008, 09:03 PM

Has he considered emancipation? I don't know what his living situation would be like otherwise.

Visum Res · 10-06-2008, 09:19 PM

I can't exactly say I can relate to the issue, but I do know you should do whatever is humanly possible to be there for your friend. At the same time, though, it would be wise not to aggravate their parents, particularly if their already controlling of your friends communications.

ellelino · 10-07-2008, 02:26 AM

I'm a psychologist, and in my opinion if the therapist is any gd, he/she should be able to tell the true will of your friend, and guide him from there. all you can do is make sure your friends knows that your there no matter what

HumanePain · 10-07-2008, 04:03 AM

One thing that may help is to talk with her about the process of the sex change, what to expect (at least two psychological evaluations a year apart, if it is a year later and you still want it the doctors will do it. They just don't want to perform the operation on someone who had a whim), when to plan on it (when she has the money, when she is of legal age etc).

The visualization of happier future when she attains her goal helps to put off depression and frustration with her current obstacles. Hope.

In regards to her parent's attitude: if they are rational people capable of listening to reason with an objective mind, she can say the following in response to their "religious" objection:

Is their position that they are against it because "God made her that way"?

If so, God made some people with birth defects such as cleft palate and genetic predisposition to certain diseases, but God also allows man to perceive how His Universe operates and thus permits man to improve the lives of other's by "loving his fellow man as he loves himself" and subsequently bring God glory by demonstrating that love. If doctors can demonstrate love for fellow men/women/children by saving them from suffering and premature death and illness, why not also make sex changes too to make a fellow man's life better? It still demonstrates love for one's fellow man and brings God glory . Any scientific advance brings God glory, going to the moon, understanding DNA, anytime we unlock the secrets to the Lord's universe we come closer to God.

It may convince them from a religious perspective.

Mealla · 10-07-2008, 04:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellelino

I'm a psychologist, and in my opinion if the therapist is any gd, he/she should be able to tell the true will of your friend, and guide him from there. all you can do is make sure your friends knows that your there no matter what

Unfortunately, if it's through a church as it sounds like, she probably won't get someone so understanding on the issue. On the plus side, her mother may come to accept it with time. There was a girl I knew in college who came out to her mother as a lesbian, at first her mother had a horrible reaction, crying, carrying on, and telling her daughter she'd rather she be pregnant than that, etc., but a couple years later her mom had finally become very accepting of it.

ellelino · 10-07-2008, 05:03 AM

well eventually parents will have to back down, they always do...
but the important thing is that whatever is done, is done for the right reasons, and not some false hope of a better life, cause life has nothing to do with your sex, I think!

StrangeLove · 10-07-2008, 07:48 AM

Just being a source of emotional support can be the greatest thing you can provide.

Solumina · 10-07-2008, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellelino

but the important thing is that whatever is done, is done for the right reasons, and not some false hope of a better life, cause life has nothing to do with your sex, I think!

...you said that you were a psychologist, right? How exactly did you come to this conclusion? From what I have seen a sex (as in gender not the act) can have quite an affect on a person's life, I'm not attacking or criticizing your viewpoint I am just curious.

Underwater Ophelia · 10-07-2008, 10:36 AM

He isn't a psychologist.

Solumina · 10-07-2008, 10:53 AM

I kind of guessed as much but I assumed that he was at least a student of the subject as sometimes people say what they are studying to be as though they were already doing it (though he could just as easily have absolutely no education of the subject)

ellelino · 10-07-2008, 10:58 PM

well, to set the record straight, I am a psychologist in fact, with a Bachelors degree from Notre-Dame University, and currently finishing my thesis for my masters.
as for my statement:
"cause life has nothing to do with your sex"
well, it doesn't, you are a person who would live your life according to your personality and character which is predisposed at birth and shaped by the environment and every second of your life-experiences...
Haven't you ever met two people that are soooooooo alike, in character and personality? because I have, and being male or female didn't make any difference. Thus, "life is what you make it", and not what your gender is. It does affect your life, I can't imagine having to go through my periods every months, but I doubt that it would change me, in the end I will always be the same outcome of a nature versus nurture
what made you think I'm a psych student, and not an actual psychologist??

MitsyMayhem · 10-07-2008, 11:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellelino

well, to set the record straight, I am a psychologist in fact, with a Bachelors degree from Notre-Dame University, and currently finishing my thesis for my masters.
as for my statement:
"cause life has nothing to do with your sex"
well, it doesn't, you are a person who would live your life according to your personality and character which is predisposed at birth and shaped by the environment and every second of your life-experiences...
Haven't you ever met two people that are soooooooo alike, in character and personality? because I have, and being male or female didn't make any difference. Thus, "life is what you make it", and not what your gender is. It does affect your life, I can't imagine having to go through my periods every months, but I doubt that it would change me, in the end I will always be the same outcome of a nature versus nurture
what made you think I'm a psych student, and not an actual psychologist??

I'm sure you don't intend to, but don't start an argument in my thread.
And your way of typing doesn't lend itself to your claim of such a position.
Also, she's wants to be a guy, because she hates being a girl, and feela awkward in her body. It doesn't take a psychologist to know that some people feel uncomfortable being a certain sex, and due to that uncomfortably it does effect how they feel. She would be so much happier being a male. It's sometime difficult in society to be who you want to be and be a certain sex. Like down here, being a girl with short hair is a big deal, or being a boy who wears tight jeans.

Mealla · 10-08-2008, 05:03 AM

Going on what I covered in my womens' studies and a lingustics course on language and gender, let me take a go at this. Sex and gender can both have a very large effect on a person's life. While gender at face value appears to be more important, sex can restrict or change everything from marriage, how other people react to you (a convincing pre or post-op trans will get a better reaction than one not so convincing unless he/she is found out), and day-to-day life such as which restroom you can use. These things may be very important to people who feel they were born as the wrong sex.

But ellelino makes a very valid point. Some studies have shown that m to f transexuals are often unhappy with the change after the operation. Perhaps this has something to do with how successful the operation itself is (perhaps the new genitalia don't function as well as they expected), or it could be that it didn't change as much as they'd expected, or even things that changed for the worse based on how they are treated as a female.

Regardless, sex-change surgery is not something to consider lightly, especially given the high rate of dissatisfaction afterward. If she expects it to "fix" all her problems, she will likely be disappointed. Then again, all of this is why extensive counseling is required before such a surgery is performed. For some people, it's a good thing, but I think ellelino was merely trying to offer the advice that she be absolutely sure it's what she wants.

Solumina · 10-08-2008, 08:56 AM

I do not want to have an argument in this thread so I will simply answer your question and that will be the end of my conversation here

Quote:

Originally Posted by ellelino

what made you think I'm a psych student, and not an actual psychologist??

To put it quite bluntly you don't seem to have the knowledge base that anyone with a BA or BS in psychology would have (especially in regards to GID, something the posters friend appears to have, which even second year psych students should be expected to know about), on top of that it would be extremely difficult to have a masters by your age, which you admitted that you do not have and therefore you would not be a practicing psychologist, at least not in the US where you need at least a masters to work as a psychologist (you could however work in the field of psychology as a research assistant or some such thing and still consider yourself to be a psychologist even if that is not a completely accurate description of your position). I would have much rather had this conversation by PM so that it would be more open to in depth discussion (as I already said I do not want to argue in this thread and I have a feeling that this conversation may turn that way if it continues) but you do not yet have enough posts to send or receive PMs, if however you feel the need to continue talking about this then feel free to start your own thread.

Misty I am sorry if you feel that this has taking the focus off of your friend and I want you to know that I mean no disrespect to you or your friend. I am sorry to hear that she (or does your friend prefer he?) is in therapy that is not working for her. If at all possible I would strongly recommend that she sees someone else as there are methods of coping with GID until surgery become a viable option. Also if your friend has not heard of GID then that is something that she may want to read about as sometimes it helps people just knowing that there is a reason why they feel the way that they do.

Solumina · 10-08-2008, 09:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mealla

But ellelino makes a very valid point. Some studies have shown that m to f transexuals are often unhappy with the change after the operation. Perhaps this has something to do with how successful the operation itself is (perhaps the new genitalia don't function as well as they expected), or it could be that it didn't change as much as they'd expected, or even things that changed for the worse based on how they are treated as a female.

Most of the studies that I have looked at have mixed results so I would be very interested to see what studies you got that from.