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Friendship
This is another poem that's angry and bitter. Ironically, I was a complete pushover as a child and for most of my teenage years. This was when I decided to start pushing back.
Is it because I'm introverted?
Is it because I look weak?
Is it because I'm more laid back than you?
Is it because I'm too weird for you?
Is it because you feel sorry for me?
That you all felt like you could control me
Like I was your little doll
As though I wasn't human
I remember each and everyone of you
And I hate you all
And I hate myself
For letting you have your way
Just because I was afraid of being alone
No
That's not completely true
I loved being alone even when I was afraid to admit then
You all approached me with your fakeness
I knew I couldn't trust any of you
But I didn't want to be hated
Not in that way
I didn't feel like having to walk by you
And feel you looking at me with your hate filled eyes
Knowing that you once looked at me with "friendly" eyes
I remember you
I remember all of you
You who used me so you could get things you could never have
You who treated me like I was your slave as though I had no feelings
You who saw me as nothing more than a punching bag for jokes
You who used me as your emotional crutch under a damn good manipulation of claiming to be a "true friend"
I had opened my heart to all of you
I gave you a shoulder to cry on
I followed you loyally though you didn't deserve it
Like the naive fool I once was
You know what
Fuck all of you
I am no one's doll
And I am no one's fool
You're all pathetic
You're so insecure that you feel the need to control others
Just so you can make yourselves feel like you're worth a damn
Even I'm not that insecure
Hmph,
With "friends" like you I never needed enemies
I bet your wondering why I never returned your calls
Or even tried to keep in contact at all
You messed your own selves up
I never needed friends
Though it would be nice if I had some
Even someone like me gets lonely sometimes
If there is such a thing as a true friend
But true friendship doesn't exist these days anymore
The only person you look out for is yourself
I'm a loner
By choice and force
Always have been
Always will be
You can't control me anymore
But in a twisted way I am thankful to you backstabbers
You've made into the cynical person I am today
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