Confused

MotherofMercies · 05-13-2008, 09:57 PM

So I went to the doctors on Tuesday for a jab. She asked me how my sleeping patterns are going and my tiredness (even if my sleeping patterns are normal I'm still drained and tired) I said it’s been pretty bad lately. Anyway we got into a deep conversation (about my past and other shit) and to cut a long story short she is testing me for depression. Argh. I never liked weak people and I'm finding it hard to comprehend that I could possibly suck at life. But I guess I'm just stubborn.

Anyway I told my friend about it and her doctors want her to be on meds for her depression as well. But she refuses because they stopped her from "feeling" and she kept grinding her teeth while on the meds. She hated it so she never takes them.

So has any body experienced anti depressants and if so what are your experiences? I am a writer, will the drugs make me that numb that I won’t be able to write anymore?
This really does suck.

KontanKarite · 05-13-2008, 10:08 PM

I was put on one. Yes, it did make me feel well, more apathetic than anything. Zoloft. That's what I was on. Once I dropped that, I got into something like martial arts. It was better than any pill you could take.

Get into something you can really get behind. That's what I did.

MotherofMercies · 05-13-2008, 10:12 PM

Hmm I was always interested in martial arts. I did get into something I liked a few years back, wicca. But organised religion isn't for me anymore.
Is it good for anger management? Or a bad idea...

KontanKarite · 05-13-2008, 10:53 PM

Martial arts is amazing for anger management. You'd be surprised as to how less mad you'll be throughout the day.

15 minutes of good hard sparring with someone can really mellow you out.

Tin_Lizzie · 05-13-2008, 11:32 PM

I'm a writer too, and depression does wreak havoc with the Muse... the most frustrating thing about depression is lacking enough focus to even write a grocery list, much less poetry or fiction. Maybe you're not there yet, and let's hope you don't reach that nadir.

No, I've not taken antidepressants. I have mixed feelings about SSRI drugs. After seeing my friends go through so much agony to find the right dosages, I chose to look for alternatives. I made lots of lifestyle and dietary changes that I found improved my mood, and it's far less invasive than messing with brain chemistry. I know that isn't viable for everyone and it takes a level of self-education because the docs would rather write a prescription. There is a book I wish I'd had back then, called "The Chemistry of Joy" by Henry Emmons. I'd recommend you take a look at it before you start on medications. Also, any exercise will lift your mood and for now just try to avoid refined sugar and caffeine! Switch to green tea, it has a calming effect and more polyphenols (antioxidents).

Kristin · 05-14-2008, 12:32 AM

Depression isn't a sign of weakness, so don't beat yourself up over that. I've suffered from depression off and on over the years. Zoloft made me feel the most normal, but wreaked havoc with my sex drive - low enough as it is already. That was intolerable for me, so I quit it. Wellbutrin was a good one for me until I realized it was exacerbating my Tourette symptoms. I did some research, and found out people with tics (Tourette's, etc.) should not be on Wellbutrin. Oops.

My mom says St. John's Wort helps her. It's available over the counter. You shouldn't take it before surgery because it dilutes the blood.

Zoloft is really mild, and I'd consider it one of the safer ones to use if you absolutely need something to get you through. For the past few years, I've been coping on my own. Diet and exercise do seem to help. I also take organic flaxseed, which is suspected to help with depression. Tin_Lizzie is right on about lacking the drive to even write a grocery list. I remember that feeling so well, like trying to swim through mud and not seeing any light. That, and feeling like I wanted to drive my car off a cliff, made me seek help. It hasn't been that bad for me for a while though, although like you I'm inexplicably tired these days.

What really scares me is when doctors play around with dosages and different meds like you're a science experiment, without trying to get to the bottom of the problem. When my step-dad finally started trying to get help for his severe depression and suicidal thoughts, they put him on all kinds of things. They mixed and changed his meds often, and put him on something that suicidal people should not have been put on. They also took him off something else cold turkey and doubled his dose of another one when those two meds should not have been combined at all (I researched them afterwards and found out they shouldn't be administered within 2 weeks of each other, and not at all if the patient is suicidal). I don't remember exactly what they did, but Paxil and Celexa were just two of his prescriptions. He ended up hanging himself. I'm not saying that's what caused him to commit suicide, but it couldn't have helped. He wasn't himself the week before he did it.

I'm not trying to scare you, but to stress that it's really important to know your doctor before you trust him to give you meds that will affect your mind. Some of them really do help and can be lifesavers, but you want to get help immediately if you get suicidal thoughts, and be really careful if your doctor wants to keep changing your medicine. Do your research on everything.

Oh, and have your thyroid tested too, if you haven't already. A malfunctioning thyroid can cause both depression and tiredness, and won't require antidepressants to fix.

MotherofMercies · 05-14-2008, 12:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tin_Lizzie

I'm a writer too, and depression does wreak havoc with the Muse... the most frustrating thing about depression is lacking enough focus to even write a grocery list, much less poetry or fiction. Maybe you're not there yet, and let's hope you don't reach that nadir.

No, I've not taken antidepressants. I have mixed feelings about SSRI drugs. After seeing my friends go through so much agony to find the right dosages, I chose to look for alternatives. I made lots of lifestyle and dietary changes that I found improved my mood, and it's far less invasive than messing with brain chemistry. I know that isn't viable for everyone and it takes a level of self-education because the docs would rather write a prescription. There is a book I wish I'd had back then, called "The Chemistry of Joy" by Henry Emmons. I'd recommend you take a look at it before you start on medications. Also, any exercise will lift your mood and for now just try to avoid refined sugar and caffeine! Switch to green tea, it has a calming effect and more polyphenols (antioxidents).

Thank you tin lizzie.
The thing during my high school years I used to write A LOT. I still wasn't myself. These days I only managed to finish a draft copy of something I was writing when I left town -away from everything and everyone-. I think its where I am living at the moment and the circumtances that's letting me down. When I left school I was exercising and looking at aternatives, it worked for at least six months. I think my best friend went through three types of drugs to find the right dosage, so its really not something i want to go through but I am willing to at least try. And I will definitly look into that book.
Thanks again.

MotherofMercies · 05-14-2008, 12:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Martial arts is amazing for anger management. You'd be surprised as to how less mad you'll be throughout the day.

15 minutes of good hard sparring with someone can really mellow you out.

I think I might strap up the boxing bag again. Its not martial arts but it'll do for the moment.

Tin_Lizzie · 05-14-2008, 01:05 AM

Glad I could help. Keep up with the writing by daily journaling. Even if you write "argh my muddled brain!" in a hundred different ways, it will help. I think of journaling as a writer's way of practicing scales, when the time comes to play Mozart your fingers are limber, i.e. you're ready to write that masterpiece.

MotherofMercies · 05-14-2008, 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kristin

Depression isn't a sign of weakness, so don't beat yourself up over that. I've suffered from depression off and on over the years. Zoloft made me feel the most normal, but wreaked havoc with my sex drive - low enough as it is already. That was intolerable for me, so I quit it. Wellbutrin was a good one for me until I realized it was exacerbating my Tourette symptoms. I did some research, and found out people with tics (Tourette's, etc.) should not be on Wellbutrin. Oops.

My mom says St. John's Wort helps her. It's available over the counter. You shouldn't take it before surgery because it dilutes the blood.

Zoloft is really mild, and I'd consider it one of the safer ones to use if you absolutely need something to get you through. For the past few years, I've been coping on my own. Diet and exercise do seem to help. I also take organic flaxseed, which is suspected to help with depression. Tin_Lizzie is right on about lacking the drive to even write a grocery list. I remember that feeling so well, like trying to swim through mud and not seeing any light. That, and feeling like I wanted to drive my car off a cliff, made me seek help. It hasn't been that bad for me for a while though, although like you I'm inexplicably tired these days.

What really scares me is when doctors play around with dosages and different meds like you're a science experiment, without trying to get to the bottom of the problem. When my step-dad finally started trying to get help for his severe depression and suicidal thoughts, they put him on all kinds of things. They mixed and changed his meds often, and put him on something that suicidal people should not have been put on. They also took him off something else cold turkey and doubled his dose of another one when those two meds should not have been combined at all (I researched them afterwards and found out they shouldn't be administered within 2 weeks of each other, and not at all if the patient is suicidal). I don't remember exactly what they did, but Paxil and Celexa were just two of his prescriptions. He ended up hanging himself. I'm not saying that's what caused him to commit suicide, but it couldn't have helped. He wasn't himself the week before he did it.

I'm not trying to scare you, but to stress that it's really important to know your doctor before you trust him to give you meds that will affect your mind. Some of them really do help and can be lifesavers, but you want to get help immediately if you get suicidal thoughts, and be really careful if your doctor wants to keep changing your medicine. Do your research on everything.

Oh, and have your thyroid tested too, if you haven't already. A malfunctioning thyroid can cause both depression and tiredness, and won't require antidepressants to fix.

Hey, sorry its taken me ages to get to your post my computer is on the fiz.

I trust my doctor as she is very well respected. But I will look at what she has prescribed me if she does prescribe me with anything. I have also tried alternatives and they only worked for a little while. I know I am not suicidel but I have been in the past, now I am just too stubborn. These days I just want to run away and change my name and start fresh...

Kristin · 05-14-2008, 01:39 AM

Oh, I forgot to add that my step-dad didn't have insurance, therefore no regular doctor. He kept getting shuffled around, and wasn't given the best of care since nobody he saw even seemed to care. I'm sure you have a major advantage over him there. I don't think it was the meds that caused him to be suicidal; he already had those thoughts but the combination and frequent changes confused him and left him unable to think rationally - that's my theory anyway.

I personally have not felt "numb" or unfeeling or anything on antidepressants I tried. Just normal, which is a great feeling when you've suffered weeks of having a fuzzy mind. The side effects made them not worth continuing, though. It doesn't work that way for everyone. I know someone who was on Zoloft for years and had no complaints.

I'm sorry if I'm not making much sense right now. I haven't been sleeping well lately and I'm really tired!

I too had only limited luck with alternatives. I think the reason I'm doing okay right now is just that I'm not bad enough to need anything else. I do have some really bad days or even weeks, though, and it's very easy to throw me off track and send me into the blues. Sucks when your brain isn't working right...

I also have to mention that humor is a huge antidepressant. I have a well-honed, twisted, wacky sense of humor that I've developed over the years to help me cope with depression! Sometimes a really good laugh will get me back on track again for a few days, or even just the afternoon. That's good enough for me.

Solumina · 05-14-2008, 01:49 PM

I've been on a few different anti-depressants and for me Zoloft was the worst, made me feel numb, in fact most of the SSRIs seemed to create more of a negative change than positive so I was put on Zyban (works on Norepinephrine and Dopamine, Norepinephrine seems to mainly influence motivation and Dopamine does lots of things including balancing your mood so if you are having motivation issues then I would recoment NDRIs and NRIs) and it was amazing, I felt so much better and so much more like myself. I am now off of the drugs (still go to therapy but that is mainly for other things as I am more or less free of depression which is kind of amazing I had Major Depressive Disorder). If the doc thinks that meds would help then at least give them a fair shot but try other things as well (any good shrink will tell you that a combo of drugs and therapy are the best way to treat most mood disorders). Martial arts, yoga, and meditation can do wonders for you mood so I would highly recommend that you try one or more of those.

emeraldlonewoulf · 05-14-2008, 03:22 PM

Ladies, I would just like to note that most of you seem to be mothers or women who runs households. This means that you work more hours, manage more details, complete more tasks and deal with more frustrations while just taking it all in the stride of a day. The next time you feel bad because you don't have the energy to write out a grocery list, think of everything you've already done this week, and don't brush aside the housecleaning, bringing kids to their various functions, etc., include those things in your list, because they all take time and energy.

Try to make a bit of time for yourself each week. I don't mean that half hour driving home from somewhere right before you have to make dinner either, and taking a bath with a few candles lit doesn't count on this either if their is a three year old needing a diaper change in the middle of it or a ten year old who just HAS to know if you signed that form for them RIGHT NOW. If you can, make that time be outside, or at least out of the house. Hubby can manage them for an hour, right? You do.

Also, if you can, once a year take a vacation, with some friends, or by yourself. It doesn't have to be expensive, maybe a camping trip or something. I mean a vacation without the hubby who always wants a beer right when you're trying to corral the kids to put sunscreen on them. A real one, with out your usual responsibilities.

Human beings aren't meant to work straight through their entire lives. I know women in their forties who haven't had two days together of their own time in 20 YEARS! I have friend who determined to do the once a year week vacation thing a few years ago, she goes on a camping trip with a few girlfriends, and it is amazing how much that will help depression. In addition to the rest and "wake-up" time for your brain, it gives you something to look forward to.

And damn the men who might object. They get their poker nights, bowling teams and that hunting trip in November. You get yours.

You deserve it.

MotherofMercies · 05-14-2008, 05:15 PM

Hey all, thanks for ALL your input. Its REALLY appreciated and I will keep you all posted.

DarkenedReveries · 05-15-2008, 12:37 PM

Hello. I've tried basically every antidepressant ever manufactured. It is indeed true what the above posters said about the pills killing off your creativity. I actually, after about six years of being on nonstop medication, stopped everything two months ago and I feel so much better, the difference is astounding. I actually have the will to write poems and draw for the first time in what seems analogous to forever.

Every pill I ever tried made me feel numb, or so much worse off than I was. My judgement was always clouded and I hadn't any desire to do anything. However, I do think that antidepressants can help certain people. It all depends on the individual, the amount, and what exactly it is you're taking. I've known people who have gotten so much help from pills. But yeah, I say that you should do whatever makes you feel comfortable. I hope my ramblings were of some help to you. Good luck. =)

raggedyanne · 05-15-2008, 01:37 PM

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and refused to go on medication. I'm training for my pilot's license, and being on anti-depressants falls under "taking mind altering drugs", so I wouldn't have been allowed to fly. I got my depression under control by eating less sugar, writing more, and upping my dance/exercise schedule. It's amazing what endorphins can do for you. Talk to a specialist in holistic medicine. He or she may be able to help you control your depression without the use of harmful medications.

ZombieG · 05-15-2008, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MotherofMercies

So I went to the doctors on Tuesday for a jab. She asked me how my sleeping patterns are going and my tiredness (even if my sleeping patterns are normal I'm still drained and tired) I said it’s been pretty bad lately. Anyway we got into a deep conversation (about my past and other shit) and to cut a long story short she is testing me for depression. Argh. I never liked weak people and I'm finding it hard to comprehend that I could possibly suck at life. But I guess I'm just stubborn.

Anyway I told my friend about it and her doctors want her to be on meds for her depression as well. But she refuses because they stopped her from "feeling" and she kept grinding her teeth while on the meds. She hated it so she never takes them.

So has any body experienced anti depressants and if so what are your experiences? I am a writer, will the drugs make me that numb that I won’t be able to write anymore?
This really does suck.

Being a manic depressive doesn't mean you're weak. I've had huge issues with manic depression and anxiety disorders, and I've managed to work up the will just this year alone to lose a fuck ton of weight. All it means is that you'll spend time being a self-defeatist before you can actually get your own ass on the job.

Also, about the killing off creativity thing: offset that with lysergic acid. Problem solved. (I don't take pills either. :| )

Solumina · 05-15-2008, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raggedyanne

He or she may be able to help you control your depression without the use of harmful medications.

I doubt that you really meant any harm by this but it really bothers me when people refer to antidepressants as harmful medications, they are there to help people and if used correctly there is little chance of harm, the harm come from people (both doctors and patients) who do not use them properly, which is true of nearly everything. Yes I do know that if the doctor is fucking up that it can be hard to tell but if your doctor is less than attentive or is in anyway passive about how they treat you then you shouldn't trust them with your health and, if at all possible, you should find a new one.

emeraldlonewoulf · 05-15-2008, 07:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ZombieG

...

Also, about the killing off creativity thing: offset that with lysergic acid. Problem solved. (I don't take pills either. :| )

by this do you mean LSD or is there some other (legal, less potentially harmful) derivative I've yet to hear about?

ZombieG · 05-15-2008, 08:03 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emeraldlonewoulf

by this do you mean LSD or is there some other (legal, less potentially harmful) derivative I've yet to hear about?

LSD.

Salvia's still legal, I think. Fifteen minute trip of your life. Then you come down like a brick.

The last time I did it, I'd walked ten feet to escape a sofa that was trying to swallow me whole, and a room with arms coming out of the walls. When I came to, my shirt was covered in drool.

Edit: LSD isn't anywhere near as harmful as cigarettes. The after-effects are largely exaggerated.

emeraldlonewoulf · 05-15-2008, 08:51 PM

Aha. To my knowledge, salvia is still legal in all but five states, although several more are trying to pass legislation against it.

ZombieG · 05-15-2008, 08:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emeraldlonewoulf

Aha. To my knowledge, salvia is still legal in all but five states, although several more are trying to pass legislation against it.

Of course. I'm sure that much like marijuana, a Filipino man ingested it and his arms became laser cannons with chainsaws and he attacked random white, Christian schoolgirls with his tongue, which had mutated into a myriad of tentacles that spurted green goo that impregnates said hoes with mind-controlling larvae; all good reason to ban it.

True story.

emeraldlonewoulf · 05-15-2008, 09:03 PM

heh. That is just about how crazy some of the "reasoning" behind the legislation is. They're talking about dangerous hallucinogens that have effects lasting "hours". I'm sorry, I've never seen anyone with a salvia trip that lasted more that 15-20 min, and that was pushing it. Although, one guy was convinced he was a book and tried to climb into the shelf... that was funny.

To me, I think they should legalize all of it, but raise stiff penalties for those who use while driving or try to harm others while intoxicated. Kinda like alcohol. Drink what you want, but damn it, don't endanger others by your stupid behavior. Same principle for drugs.

ZombieG · 05-15-2008, 09:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by emeraldlonewoulf

heh. That is just about how crazy some of the "reasoning" behind the legislation is. They're talking about dangerous hallucinogens that have effects lasting "hours". I'm sorry, I've never seen anyone with a salvia trip that lasted more that 15-20 min, and that was pushing it. Although, one guy was convinced he was a book and tried to climb into the shelf... that was funny.

To me, I think they should legalize all of it, but raise stiff penalties for those who use while driving or try to harm others while intoxicated. Kinda like alcohol. Drink what you want, but damn it, don't endanger others by your stupid behavior. Same principle for drugs.

Yeah, really. I mean, I don't know about anyone else, but when I was stoned/tripping, the last thing I wanted to do was drive anywhere. I normally found myself having to anyway in order to keep from being caught with it by peers, just because of it's laughable stigma. Christ, how can people still believe that "Reefer Madness" ideal that smoking pot causes excessive laughing and mad piano playing skills before shooting someone? It took hours for me to muster up the motivation to get a cigarette that was at arm's length from me, because my spine was playing DDR.

The only reason drugs are banned is ultimately because of the vast influence of the soccer mom/religious mentality. Nevermind the fact that weed and salvia are about as toxic as eating potatoes, it's just too weird for the sadly still largely-fundamental contemporary society.

ITT: reformed junkies jonesing about awesome

Fuck man, Albert Hoffman originally intended LSD to be used by psychiatrists. (Which means the rant's still on topic. Awesome)