joke thread...

Murasaki eyeliner · 04-29-2008, 09:19 AM

ok i have no idea why i set this thread up,but if u have a joke or anything funny to say post it here and i might not hit u with a rubber chicken

hang on i remember now,i wanted too know why the hell arn't there any goth jokes,i must be looking in the wrong places,so like i said before post any jokes u found/made up here (knock knockers will be garrotted)

here's my (terrible) offering to the altar of titilation

Q. what do you get if u cross penis enlargement with a heartogram?

A. spam margera

acidxrainbows · 04-29-2008, 02:15 PM

Q. How many dead babies does it take to paint a wall?

A. Depends on how hard you throw them.

Q. What's worse than a dead baby in a garage?

A. A dead baby in a thousand garages.

Everyone loves a good dead baby joke or two =P

Murasaki eyeliner · 04-30-2008, 05:10 AM

lol good one

Haunted House · 05-01-2008, 09:01 AM

The best goth related joke ever:

Q: How many Rozz Williams' does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: He's dead.

LOL

Dreggas · 05-01-2008, 09:15 AM

Q: What do you call a bullimic vegetarian?

A: A Salad Shooter

Jaye Jang · 05-08-2008, 10:02 PM

Q: What do you get if you cross a spider with a horse?
A: I don't know, either, but if it bites you, you can ride it to the hospital.

Q: What do you get when you run a canary through a meat grinder?
A: Shredded Tweet.

Q: What's green and red and goes 70 mph?
A: A frog in a blender.

Best I can do for now.

disorder · 05-08-2008, 11:37 PM

What did the farmer say when he couldn't find his tractor?

'Where's my tractor?'

KontanKarite · 05-08-2008, 11:44 PM

These jokes are lame.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It doesn't matter why, Cthulhu will devour your soul, crush your dreams, invert your entrails, shatter the very fabric of your mind, and implode your full senses into dark, oblivious, and unknown terror!

Kristin · 05-09-2008, 12:07 AM

Lamest joke ever, but I love it because it's so stupid:

Why do ducks have webbed feet? To stomp out forest fires.

Why do bears have big feet? To stomp out flaming ducks.

Murasaki eyeliner · 05-13-2008, 06:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

It doesn't matter why, Cthulhu will devour your soul, crush your dreams, invert your entrails, shatter the very fabric of your mind, and implode your full senses into dark, oblivious, and unknown terror!

overkill much?

Bete Noire · 05-13-2008, 08:22 AM

Cthulhu does not deal in "overkill"

xParadigmx · 05-13-2008, 08:28 AM

ok. another dead baby joke

whats worse than a dead baby?

a pile of dead babies.

whats worse than a pile of dead babies?

the one on the bottom that has to eat his way out.

-snicker-

ZombieG · 05-13-2008, 10:18 AM

Me and you in binary makes 10.

Vexik · 05-13-2008, 04:10 PM

Q: How many goths does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

A: What, and spoil the endless night?

I can't take credit for that one, though I forget where I heard it.

Here's one I did make:

What do you call a $50 bill paid for studying?

A research Grant.

Haunted House · 05-14-2008, 09:12 AM

Kontan ftw!

Noumi · 05-14-2008, 11:52 AM

A driver is pulled over by a policeman. The police man approaches the driver's door. "Is there a problem Officer?" The policeman says, "Sir, you were speeding. Can I see your licence please?" The driver responds, "I'd give it to you but I don't have one." "You don't have one?" The man responds, "I lost it four times for drink driving." The policeman is shocked. "I see. Can I see your vehicle registration papers please?" "I'm sorry, I can't do that." The policeman says, "Why not?" "I stole this car." The officer says, "Stole it?" The man says, "Yes, and I killed the owner." At this point the officer is getting irate. "You what!?" "She's in the boot if you want to see." The Officer looks at the man and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes, five police cars show up, surrounding the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun. The senior officer says "Sir, could you step out of your vehicle please!" The man steps out of his vehicle. "Is there a problem sir?" "One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner." "Murdered the owner?" The officer responds, "Yes, could you please open the boot of your car please?" The man opens the boot, revealing nothing but an empty boot. The officer says, "Is this your car sir?" The man says "Yes," and hands over the registration papers. The officer, understandably, is quite stunned. "One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence." The man digs in his pocket revealing a wallet and hands it to the officer. The officer opens the wallet and examines the licence. He looks quite puzzled. "Thank you sir, one of my officers told me you didn't have a licence, stole this car, and murdered the owner." The man replies, "I bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!"

Bete Noire · 05-14-2008, 12:18 PM

Ah old but highly amusing.

KontanKarite · 05-14-2008, 01:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Murasaki eyeliner

overkill much?

Cthulhu doesn't "overkill", Cthulhu cthulhus...

Some Cultists claim the great old one's tears cure cancer. Too bad the only tears that are ever shed are the tears of those who's very fabric of their sentient and holy souls get shredded asunder and discarded into pure, alien, concentrated TERROR!!!

Vexik · 05-15-2008, 07:34 AM

Did you hear about the boy who went to Las Vegas looking for someone to demonstrate how to win at craps?

He was looking for a positive roll model.

Megansmom · 05-20-2008, 05:44 AM

Why don't ghost go out in the rain?
It dampens their spirits

LaBelleDameSansMerci · 05-20-2008, 09:49 AM

I've got a couple jokes

Three lawyers and three engineers were going on business trips to the same city on the same weekend. The three lawyers show up at the train station and ask for three tickets and pay. The engineers only buy one ticket.
The lawyers ask the engineers, "How are you all going to get on the train with only one ticket?" and the engineers grin knowingly and say "You'll see."
When they get on the train, the lawyers head to their seats, but the engineers all pile into one bathroom. When the ticket collector comes by and knocks on the bathroom door, the engineers open the door a crack and stick out their ticket, and then later come out and claim seats. The lawyers are impressed and figure they'll try it on the way back.
And so, when it's time for everyone to go home, the lawyers buy one ticket, and the engineers buy none. The lawyers are, again, surprised and confused and ask how the engineers are going to pull it off. The engineers, again, smile knowingly and say "You'll see."
They get on the train and each group heads directly for the bathrooms. A little while later, the lawyers hear a knock on their door and a voice says "Ticket please," so the lawyers open their door a crack and hand over the ticket. They snicker and congratulate each other on their sneakiness.
Before they're done this though, the lawyers hear another knock at the door and another voice says "Ticket please."
.....

A farmer is having a competition to see who can build the cheapest fence to contain all his sheep. A fence builder, an engineer and a mathematician sign up.
The fence builder builds a rectangular fence around all the sheep.
The engineer herds all the sheep into a smaller area and then builds a fence around them.
The mathematician builds a fence around himself, and says "I define this area as the outside."
.........

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematician are all staying at a hotel.
The engineer gets woken up by a fire outside his door. He fills a bucket full of water, douses the fire in the hall and then goes back to bed.
The physicist gets woken by a fire outside his door. He sits down and figures out the most efficient way to put out the fire, and uses that method to put it out, and then goes back to bed.
The mathematician gets woken by a fire outside his door. He does some calculations on a paper, says "A solution exists!" and goes back to bed.

Splintered · 05-20-2008, 11:41 AM

Q: What do you call 300 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start.

Optimists say the glass is half full.

Pessimists say the glass is half empty.

Engineers say the proportions of the glass are twice that which is required.

There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don't.

Documentation is like sex: when it is good, it is very, very good; and when it is bad, it is better than nothing.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician were on vacation in Scotland. From a train window, they saw a black sheep in the middle of a field.

"How interesting", observed the engineer, "all Scottish sheep are black."

To which the physicist replied, "No, no! Some Scottish sheep are black!"

The mathematician gazed heavenward, then intoned, "In Scotland, there exists at least one field, containing at least one sheep, at least one side of which is black."

Jaye Jang · 05-25-2008, 04:03 PM

Okay, it's an election year so here goes:
Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: 11,003. One to hold the lightbulb, two to turn the ladder around and 11,000 to do the paperwork.

Q: How many bureaucrats does it take to paint a house?
A: 21,003. One to hold the paintbrush, two to hold the ladder, 1000 to move the house back and forth, and 20,000 to do the Environmental Impact Statement.

acidxrainbows · 05-25-2008, 05:41 PM

Q. What did Colonel Sanders say when he heard the "Why did the chicken cross the road" joke?
A. "I missed one?"

Valrys · 05-26-2008, 05:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by acidxrainbows

Q. What did Colonel Sanders say when he heard the "Why did the chicken cross the road" joke?
A. "I missed one?"

pah hahahahahah
That gave me a good chuckle

Q. Whats worse than finding a feather in your kfc?
A. The Holocaust