suicide note

The Antichrist · 09-05-2008, 11:44 PM

Cheap cocaine, a dry inhale, the pills that kill and take
the pain away
Diet of life, shelter without, the face that cannot
see inside yours and mine

When I'm hiding, when I need it, it lets me
breathe, for our handle on this life, I don't believe
this time

Would you look at me now?
Can you tell I'm a man?
With these scars on my wrists
To prove I'll try again
Try to die again, try to live through this night
Try to die again.....

Forever fooling, free and using, sliding down the
slide that breaks a will
Mothers angel, getting smarter, how smart are
you to regress unfulfilled? It's a damn shame,
but who's to blame?

Destituxe · 09-08-2008, 02:34 AM

..... Nice

Sir_Vex · 09-11-2008, 11:01 PM

At first I thought it was going to be an interesting transgressive poem, but it turned into a relatively average poem. With work I could see it working. Perhaps taking out the more common ideas and phrases such as bluntly asking about manhood and mentioning the scars.

Also I find the flow to be a bit odd, and it could use work. I'd suggest just playing with the line breaks until you make it work a bit more interestingly or naturally.

Disaffected Shoelaces · 09-12-2008, 01:08 PM

I like the last stanza, but the rest is, as Sir Vex said, very generic.

LittleStrangeling · 09-14-2008, 08:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sir_Vex

At first I thought it was going to be an interesting transgressive poem, but it turned into a relatively average poem. With work I could see it working. Perhaps taking out the more common ideas and phrases such as bluntly asking about manhood and mentioning the scars.

Also I find the flow to be a bit odd, and it could use work. I'd suggest just playing with the line breaks until you make it work a bit more interestingly or naturally.

Agreed....

Heavenly_Goth · 09-20-2008, 05:41 PM

that hit the mark of a broken soul....a person who has tried to kill themselves before.

The Antichrist · 09-20-2008, 07:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Heavenly_Goth

a person who has tried to kill themselves before.

Yes.But failed just to come back to get in the way again.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-27-2008, 09:58 PM

No offense but the first few lines remind me of the Pantera song of the same name.

Plus the chours section seems to be ripped from the song as well.

Deadmanwalking_05 · 09-27-2008, 10:05 PM

Here's a link to the song I'm talking about.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgyhG6vpf5s

The Antichrist · 10-02-2008, 07:55 AM

Again you finally figured it out.And again this was put up as a joke.

Godslayer Jillian · 10-02-2008, 07:57 AM

No one laughed.

The Antichrist · 10-03-2008, 09:28 AM

Naw you fucking think!

Noirette · 10-03-2008, 01:14 PM

What are you trying to prove by posting Pantera's lyrics?

JCC · 10-03-2008, 01:18 PM

He's hoping nobody would notice if he took lyrics from one of the most popular Metal bands of all time and passed it off as his own.

You could've at least chosen a band that don't have bad lyrics. Or suck.

The Antichrist · 10-04-2008, 11:54 PM

wrong dumbass.

Godslayer Jillian · 10-05-2008, 12:06 AM

Now, let's consider for a moment there is no context or personal feelings in here. From an unattached perspective, who is a bigger dumbass:

The guy that is assuming a logical conclusion but putting in a little insult

or

The guy that thinks it will make a hilarious practical joke to write a poem.... (still waiting for the punchline I guess)

The Antichrist · 10-05-2008, 12:33 AM

The fucking punch line is that it took almost a fucking month for some to realize that this was a real song.Anyway this shit is over.As in go to another fucking thread.

gothicusmaximus · 10-05-2008, 12:35 AM

If you don't listen to Pantera, you're dumb! Ha ha!

The Antichrist · 10-05-2008, 12:39 AM

True but I do listen to pantara.Alot.

gothicusmaximus · 10-05-2008, 12:50 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Antichrist

True but I do listen to pantara.Alot.

Man, was today the start of some kind of contest to determine the most painfully obtuse person alive? Like a stupidity olympics? Or are you all just trying to get me to kill myself by pretending to be so dumb that I don't even want to live in a world that has you in it?

Godslayer Jillian · 10-05-2008, 12:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Antichrist

The fucking punch line is that it took almost a fucking month for some to realize that this was a real song.Anyway this shit is over.As in go to another fucking thread.

So you feel superior for us not knowing about a shitty band?

If you posted here the first chapter of the Twilight series, and someone told you it's shit, and you told her it's from a book, and she tells you she's never heard of that book, it's pretty clear she's the winner.