In the memory of the lost loved ones

[ellelino]

Well, recently I have lost a very dear friend of mine. I thought we were best friends, and we used to plan leaving this earth together when we were children. She broke the pact however, slit her wrists and off she went, without any warning, without any sign of distress. Now, I'm not sure how I feel about her anymore, I didn't go to her funeral, and I even wore white today. Nobody has a clue as to why she did it, not even me...
Is it normal to hate your oldest and dearest friend, and resent them after they pass away? Without even feeling any guilt or sorrow?

[Joker_in_the_Pack]

You're resenting her for leaving you. I think the main reason you're feeling the resentment is so you don't have to feel sorrow. It's like when you get mad when someone hurts you, instead of upset or whatnot. This is uncharacteristic of me to be so nice and sincere, but best of luck to you mate.

[$haDe]

Sorrow,You should feel. But Guilt,You should not.
It's not your bad. You didn't cut her wrist,did you?


Oh! and...
She's your friend,so far. Why did you doubt that ?

[$haDe]

Originally Posted by Joker_in_the_Pack

You're resenting her for leaving you. I think the main reason you're feeling the resentment is so you don't have to feel sorrow.

I totally AGREED.

[Catch]

It is natural to be angry with anyone who has died whether it was intentional or accidental. It is one of the steps of grieving.

[drewsilla]

Everyone grieves in diffrent ways. This is yours.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Ultimately it is a selfish and irrational feeling, but I have confidence that in time you will realize that.

For now, just accept that while the feelings you're having are selfish and irrational, they're normal.

[Crying_Crimson_Tears]

I would remember that she was your friend. She had her reasons for leaving, and they were her reasons alone. She made the decision not you.

So, don't feel guilty,

Anger is part of the grieving process. Let yourself feel it, if need be. But remember even her soul needs your friendship and your support. If that makes sense at all.

But be sad too. It's okay to feel the sorrow.

[Catch]

Originally Posted by drewsilla

Everyone grieves in diffrent ways. This is yours.

Actually there are stages of grieving: morning, anger, blame, negotiation and letting go. My father died when I was young and didn't know the stages, so I felt like a monster for hating him. It was nice when finding someone with answers. It helped me get through it better without the additional hang up wondering if I was mentally ill.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Catch

Actually there are stages of grieving: morning, anger, blame, negotiation and letting go. My father died when I was young and didn't know the stages, so I felt like a monster for hating him. It was nice when finding someone with answers. It helped me get through it better without the additional hang up wondering if I was mentally ill.

Not everyone goes through those stages, they are just what most people go through.

I'm sorry that you have lost your friend, just remember that you can't help what you feel, whether it be anger, sorrow, grief, or even happiness. Just try not to let those feeling take over and keep you from dealing with the loss.

[Catch]

Originally Posted by Solumina

Not everyone goes through those stages, they are just what most people go through.

I'm sorry that you have lost your friend, just remember that you can't help what you feel, whether it be anger, sorrow, grief, or even happiness. Just try not to let those feeling take over and keep you from dealing with the loss.

It still isn't abnormal to feel angry at the person that died or is dying. Blaming others people and yourself is also normal and even engaging in odd behavior trying to recapture the feelings you had when they were around in negotiation.

There is actually a book about it. It is entitled, "On Death and Dying," by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. It talks about the five stages of coping with the death of a loved one. It can also apply to some leaving that is still alive and people who are terminally ill, because sometimes when we know someone will no longer be with us anymore, the stages begin.

Here is a link to the article:

http://www.seedsofknowe.com/dying.html

They state the phases as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. That is roughly what I said.

[Catch]

Sorry, here is the correct link. The review is similar, but the reviewer probably read the book.

http://changingminds.org/disciplines...ubler_ross.htm

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Catch

It still isn't abnormal to feel angry at the person that died or is dying. Blaming others people and yourself is also normal and even engaging in odd behavior trying to recapture the feelings you had when they were around in negotiation.

There is actually a book about it. It is entitled, "On Death and Dying," by Elizabeth Kubler Ross. It talks about the five stages of coping with the death of a loved one. It can also apply to some leaving that is still alive and people who are terminally ill, because sometimes when we know someone will no longer be with us anymore, the stages begin.

Here is a link to the article:

http://www.seedsofknowe.com/dying.html

They state the phases as: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. That is roughly what I said.

I'm not saying that it is unusual for someone to be angry, I'm just saying that it is also perfectly normal to not go through those stages. For instance I was never in denial, nor was I angry, and I didn't bargain but the way that I reacted was still well within the range of normal behavior.

[Catch]

People go through it in different ways. Are you sure you didn't go through the stages when they were still alive? People go through it in different orders also.

When someone dies accidentially, by suicide or murder there is no preparation, so it begins at an awkward time. They are dead and the person it mad at them, unable to act out and feeling badly about talking ill of the dead. Speaking ill of the dead is something people are heavily against.

[Solumina]

From the moment he went into the hospital up until now I went back and forth between acceptance and depression, with a few periods of hope while he was still in the hospital, I never hit any of the other stages

[Moonlightballet]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

[Apathy's_Child]

Ellelino –I understand how you’re feeling (my dad killed himself when I was thirteen), and yes, it IS normal for anger to outweigh sorrow in these situations. Let yourself be mad at your friend – in fact, accept that a part of you may ALWAYS be mad at her. Trying to stop being pissed off at a time when you’re already messed up will only mess you up more, as you wind up feeling like a shitty, selfish person for not being okay with what she did. You don’t have to be okay with it – not yet, anyway – so just take it easy and let your head work itself out. You'll get over it.

[a morbid curiosity]

Anger is such a strong emotion, it usually burns out quickly enough, and to feel it during bereavement is perfectly normal. Just don't worry about it or you'll make things worse for yourself. You'll be fine though.
Good luck.

[Tam Li Hua]

Having dealt with the loss of a loved one myself, I can tell you that yes, it is normal to feel angry; as a few other folks have said, it's one of the five stages of grief.

*hugs* I'm sorry for your loss.

[If it makes you feel better about the funeral, I -hate- funerals. Viewings are barely tolerable, but I just don't think I could ever handle the funeral of a close friend.]

[ellelino]

first, I wanna thank you all, really it meant a lot to me.
I just wana say that I'm a psychologist, I know about the 5 stages, and I know about crisis management and loss.
This person however, she has saved my life more than 5 times, and she would tell me that I'm not allowed to leave this life without her, she gave me back what everyone else had took from me. I can't believe that someone like her, who reinstated the will to live in me, would go ahead and do that.
thank you all for your help anyway

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by ellelino

first, I wanna thank you all, really it meant a lot to me.
I just wana say that I'm a psychologist, I know about the 5 stages, and I know about crisis management and loss.
This person however, she has saved my life more than 5 times, and she would tell me that I'm not allowed to leave this life without her, she gave me back what everyone else had took from me. I can't believe that someone like her, who reinstated the will to live in me, would go ahead and do that.
thank you all for your help anyway

I'm pretty sure that's a lie...
You're only two years older than I am--you haven't had the time to even complete a four year school, let alone the specialized training required to become a psychologist.

Why lie about that?

[$haDe]

Could he be a psychiatrist ?

or

It's literary.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by $haDe

Could he be a psychiatrist ?

No...

Originally Posted by $haDe

It's literary.

...what do you mean?

[ellelino]

ok... am a psychologist...
I finished high school when I was 16, because I started school when I was 2, and skipped a class when moving from one country to another...
I started my degree at 16, finished my B.A when I was 19, and now I'm almost done with my thesis for masters...
so yes, I am a psychologist, and no I'm not some baby genious I just happened to get a move on in life, I'm always in a hurry to reach my goals.
Anything else?

[Underwater Ophelia]

Honestly, I still don't buy it.