Telling your parents

[Cre_Babe]

Just how can you tell your parents, who believe in all goth stereotypes, that you are gothic?

[maggot]

Well, maybe if you make them read Goth With a Sledgehammer, their views might change.

[Nardol]

Why do you really have to tell them anyway? Unless you feel the need to radically change your style of dress, they probably won't notice.

[Virulent Dryad]

That works.

[spookypurple]

Show them who you are. Let them see it in your everyday goings-about. Do it gradually is probably best.
Remember the tale of the frog in the pan of water? The water grew hotter so gradually that he never even noticed he was being boiled until it was too late. Hmm. Probably not one of my best analogies...

Let them see that you are still their little one - because let's face it, some parents never grow out of that. Right up until she died, my mum still called me her 'little last yellow chicken' (it sounds better in Welsh, trust me!), and I was in my early thirties! And as soon as they realise you're not some odd changeling, they should (in theory) be okay. And if you set the example of remaining constant in your feelings and opinions of them then (again, in theory!), they will take your lead and just accept that this is the wonderful person you are growing into.

[Iriacynthe]

If you just say 'mom, dad, I'm gothic', they probably won't know what to think about it and they might freak out. If you just be the person you are (their kind, loving child, that is) and you wear the clothes you like and listen to the music you like and so on, they will probably notice you have a different style than most people, but they will see that you're still the person you always were.
Maybe they really won't mind, maybe some day they will ask you 'why do you wear black almost every day?' or 'what's that weird music you're listening to?', and than you can explain what gothic is and why you feel attracted to it. Just keep it simple, they'll probably get over it.
Don't be angry if they tell you that no, you can't buy a velvet dress or no, you can't go to the local goth club, if you handle things in a mature way they will hopefully loosen up. If they don't, well, wait 'till you're old enough to do whatever you want.

[Claudia]

The only thing that changed for me was my wardrobe, makeup and hair.

Also, try having your folks read the stuff on Wikipedia, if they're skittish.

[Minyaliel]

Just don't tell them, show them, that's probably the best thing you could do. I've never told my mother I'm into gothic... but then, she'd probably not know what goth is, anyway.

[mutsumiasakura]

Urm, Claudia, hun. You might want to trot over to the introduction section and make yourself known there. Just a suggestion.
Hurry, before it's too late.

[Sanctus Dei]

Before anyone else gives you and overly dramatic advice... let me ask you one question;

What is it you think they might actually have a problem with?

[Magpie_Tendencies]

Originally Posted by Cre_Babe

Just how can you tell your parents, who believe in all goth stereotypes, that you are gothic?

Heh. Your screen name made me laugh. I just skimmed past it and I thought it said "Cry_Baby"

[Godslayer Jillian]

Do you think there might be a way I can convince them to wear whatever I want to?
It's not that I want to dress like a spooky kid or anything that would scare the average parent (except maybe for black nail polish), but they don't like it when I don't blend in with the rest of the people, so as long as the Victorian style isn't common, they won't allow me to dress it.

[Solumina]

say that it is a hot new trend in Europe and then tell them how uncool and out of touch with fashion they are

[Sanctus Dei]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

Do you think there might be a way I can convince them to wear whatever I want to?
It's not that I want to dress like a spooky kid or anything that would scare the average parent (except maybe for black nail polish), but they don't like it when I don't blend in with the rest of the people, so as long as the Victorian style isn't common, they won't allow me to dress it.

Who needs convincing? You're 17 Jillian, at this point you SHOULD be wearing whatever you want to. But for the sake of the thread, I'd explain to them that you're artistic and one way to intend to express that is through personal style. Never give them the option to say 'No' but inform them so they know what to expect. Chances are when they see your not going to change much inside, just outside... they'll be fine with it

[Cicero]

I've never understood how parents could be so concerned with what their children look like - more specifically, concerned when they look "different".

My mother would always use the word "different" as a compliment. And why not? Shouldn't a parent what their precious child to stand out from the crowd? It really is beyond me how some people think.

Jillian, my advice is to simply tell your parents that dressing that way makes you happy.

[spookypurple]

Yeah, same here. My dad and my late mum is/was a bit eccentric and (not necessarily connected) always encouraged me not to be like everyone else. In fact, I think one of the best compliments I had from my father was when I turned up in a pair of DMs ("At last! You're wearing sensible shoes!").

[horrorgirl]

I don't see why you have to tell your parents that you are gothic. Seriously. I never told my mom anything when I started listening to hardcore and deathrock. I just listened to the music and dressed the way I liked and it was never an issue. I don't see why kids these days feel the need to shout out their 'identities'. Just be yourself.

[Hillary]

I was always into darker things since I was a baby. I never told my mum or Dad. Wait... who does that? Are you suppose to sit your family down and tell them, "Mum... Dad... I'm gothic"? I must have missed the part of devolping.

[Godslayer Jillian]

I never told them "Mom, Dad, I'm gothic"

The story isn't that long. I once came back angry from school, and we're used to talk about our day, so I told them that they took away total black from me, which doesn't go against the dresscode, but they already consider me bad enough for not being christian, so they do not want to endorse the feeling that I can also be gothic (and hence, my parents learned I'm a goth)
After correcting them from every bias they had towards the gothic culture, they enjoyed the artistic approach that the gothic culture has in, if not everyone, at least in myself.
The problem will always be the appearance.

[Kinflame]

What can they do? My mom's fine with it, but my dad thinks I'm a failure because I have a devilock and wear black. It's not like he can stop me, if he takes away my clothes I'll burn his. I really get pissed when people try to suppress individual choice, and excercise mine fully.

If it comes down to them, just tell them it's YOUR choice, not theirs. It's alot more simple than it sounds.

[horrorgirl]

Originally Posted by Kinflame

What can they do? My mom's fine with it, but my dad thinks I'm a failure because I have a devilock and wear black. It's not like he can stop me, if he takes away my clothes I'll burn his. I really get pissed when people try to suppress individual choice, and excercise mine fully.

If it comes down to them, just tell them it's YOUR choice, not theirs. It's alot more simple than it sounds.

If you are underage and live under their roof YOU have to respect the wishes of your parents and do what they want. Being a little snot to your parents because 'Oh my gawd my parents won't let me dress in black' is ridiculous. If your whole identity and personality is based upon what you wear then you don't have a clue.

[Draconysius]

I believe that people calling themselves "gothic" are confining themselves to their own sterotypical ideal of a "gothic" person, so that would be a very contradictiory statement in my eyes. I believe one should shed all labels; enjoy music, art, fashion, literature, and poetry without considering first whether it's "gothic".

[Solumina]

good point, grills really are icky by the way

[Godslayer Jillian]

What's a grill?

[Niels]

Like brackets?

hm...

I don't get it... is it, like coming out of the closet kind of thing?

'Mom, dad, I'm gay'
'Mom, dad, I'm gothic'
'Mom, dad, I'm black'
'Mom, dad, I'm human'
'Mom, dad, I'm an asshole'

'Yes honey, we already thought you would be and we are totally fine with that, aren't we dad?'

'hm... yeah yeah'

*sigh* kids these days...