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03-29-2008, 02:53 AM
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#1
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,587
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Man Caught Having Sex with a Picnic Table
This isn't sp00ky, nor is it really news, but it is damn funny. 
http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/s...storyid=105778
BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.
The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.
The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.
Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.
Police say Price lives near an elementary school.
Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.
He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.
Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond.
TABLEFUCKER!
</Stifler voice>
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03-29-2008, 07:15 AM
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#2
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: UK
Posts: 865
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That is genius. A man should be allowed to have sex with his picnic table...DAMMIT!
__________________
~:She Is Your Suffering:~
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03-29-2008, 07:58 AM
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#3
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Amidst a shallow grave
Posts: 1,211
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You stole my article, Sternn. 
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03-29-2008, 08:38 AM
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#4
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Zootown
Posts: 426
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Hmmmm. What goes through your head to make you think, "Hey, I think I will stick it in the picnic table today!" ? There are worse things to do, if that works for him, more power to him!
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03-29-2008, 10:36 AM
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#5
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 621
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Oooh! That's hot! *eyes kitchen chairs*
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03-29-2008, 02:46 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 93
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Reminds me of that one guy who had sex with his bicycle.
What is it that makes inanimate objects so sexually appealing?
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03-29-2008, 04:02 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Amidst a shallow grave
Posts: 1,211
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Ask that to the jello lovers.
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03-29-2008, 05:24 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: In AL, which sucks
Posts: 500
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I hope he bought it dinner afterwards.
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03-29-2008, 06:08 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Back in Wisconsin(thinking about invading the south)
Posts: 3,693
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I hope he used protection, people who have sex with metal tables have a high risk of catching Tetanus.
__________________
"The chaos of the world viewed from a distance reveals perfection."- me
"Never overestimate the intellect of someone so foolish that they would exploit and perpetuate stupidity in the people around them, for they create their own damnation as they tear out and sell the pillars that support society as a whole, bringing it crashing down upon them."-me
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.”- Einstein
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03-29-2008, 07:21 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 526
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LMAO!! That's hilarious!! At least it wasn't a WOODEN table. Splinters on a dick would be a bitch.
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03-29-2008, 08:52 PM
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#11
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Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Heaven and Earth
Posts: 2,606
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lolwut!? :XD
Wow...I've heard of having sex on a table but with it..? I mean, don't they make dolls for this kind of thing now? XD XD XD
__________________
"Follow your bliss..."
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03-29-2008, 09:13 PM
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#12
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: The computer desk
Posts: 409
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Hey, when you get desperate...
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03-29-2008, 09:17 PM
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#13
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: East Haven, CT
Posts: 436
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Heh I'm guessing he hasn't had a real-life partner in forever and the table had rather enticing ridges on it. He should just move it into his bedroom. Or find a real life partner.
__________________
Help us to be the always hopeful
Gardeners of the spirit
Who know that without darkness
Nothing comes to birth
As without light
Nothing flowers
-May Sarton
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03-29-2008, 09:34 PM
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#14
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,000
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Odd. But hey, whatever turns your crank!
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03-30-2008, 12:07 AM
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#15
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Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Amidst a shallow grave
Posts: 1,211
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by prophecyofdoom
Heh I'm guessing he hasn't had a real-life partner in forever and the table had rather enticing ridges on it. He should just move it into his bedroom. Or find a real life partner.
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He was married and had a couple of kids.
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03-30-2008, 12:12 AM
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#16
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Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 621
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Wow! Can you imagine how bad his wife has to be in bed for him to be lookin' at furniture for lovin'.
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03-30-2008, 03:00 AM
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#17
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,587
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by bleedingheart344
You stole my article, Sternn. |
You have to be quick around here. It helps to be in the GMT.
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03-30-2008, 03:04 AM
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#18
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 4,587
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Fetishes come in two types: form and media. In a form fetish the person has a sexual attraction to the shape of something. Like high heels, fishnets, or panties. In a media fetish the person has an attraction to the material of the object. For example silk, fur, or leather.
That being said, I'm still trying to think of how to classify this one. Also, what would the proper terminology be for someone with a picnic table fetish?
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04-02-2008, 11:11 AM
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#19
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Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Temple of Love
Posts: 1,641
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Bat shit crazy?
Haha oh well, so the guy gets his wood from a piece of wood. Whatever turns ya on
__________________
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Kontan - "Eventually, you ended up looking like the freaking grim reaper towards the end of the game.
Now we got this cracked out jungle hobo...."
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