Ars poetica

[Noirette]

It's the first poem I wrote that is about a specific subject.
Any idead, recommendations orstatements about how bad my writing is will be accepted as long as they have reasonable reasons following them.

Words followed by words
Ideas vomited by ideas.
The common writer follows
Another’s footsteps, another’s fantasies.


The ghost of a young, fair maid
One who one died upon her lover’s grave.
At the same place where her tears she shed
Mourning her only love she couldn’t save
Red bloody rose has bloomed
And now her soul is cursed
Forever to be bound to the darkness of his tomb.


Another poem soon have followed
To immortalize the lovely mourner
Her grief was stuffed and hollowed
But don’t you think that it was over,
It has been repeated,
Retold and rewritten,
All for your pleasure.
Enrapturing the lady widow
Into a whirlwind of badly written poems,
Senseless clichés and symbols

[Apathy's_Child]

It's not awful, but my advise is drop the rhyme. Rhyme breeds cliche, and cliche is a fault which a lot of the imagery in this poem succumbs to.

To be brutally honest, I hated it, but it's not without potential.

[Velma Velvet]

There is nothing wrong with rhyme, cliche breeds from itself.
I think a good rhyme is harder to pull of than no rhyme at all.

"But don’t you think that it was over,
It has been repeated,
Retold and rewritten,
All for your pleasure."

I really don't like that bit (just rephrase it), but the rest is decent, not amazing, but decent.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by Velma Velvet

There is nothing wrong with rhyme, cliche breeds from itself.

There are a limited number of words in the English language which rhyme with one another, and therefore a finite number of concepts which can be expressed in rhyming poetry.

So, yes, it does breed cliche.

[Velma Velvet]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

There are a limited number of words in the English language which rhyme with one another, and therefore a finite number of concepts which can be expressed in rhyming poetry.

So, yes, it does breed cliche.

There are a limited number of words in the English language, and therefore a finite number of concepts which can be expressed in any poetry.

I could say the same thing.

If anything, because of the limited words that rhyme, anyone who can do a good rhyming poem should be commended.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by Velma Velvet

There are a limited number of words in the English language, and therefore a finite number of concepts which can be expressed in any poetry.

No, not true. Writing can leave gaps between the words which we ourselves have to fill. Take a poem most people know, like "Stopping By Woods On a Snowy Evening" - what's actually being SAID is not what the poem's ABOUT, so even though it's literally about the appeal of nature, it's metaphorically about something else entirely. (It's short and easy to find on the internet, in case you're not familiar with it.) Words need not be taken at face value.

We can also use the same old words to communicate new ideas which are unheard of to us, even if they do exist elsewhere, or to push a viewpoint which has been either marginalised or never expressed before. Look at the great writers (and not only in fiction and poetry) - many of them used the same old words to create an entirely new viewpoint. We can also use the usual words to create original images, which is hella hard when you're using rhyme, for the reasons given above.

[Grimspective]

The poem is fine. Its more than fine its a good work of literature. Stick to what you know. If rhyme is where you find your flow and comfort work with it. Don't feel the need to experiment with other forms unless you feel inspired to do so. Not on the basis that another poet called your style amateur or cliche. Not to say you would its just I've seen this situation a few times, and it led to a great deal of frustration.
True there is a finite number of words that exist in the English language however the vast majority of people only know about 30% of the language at any given time in their life. So I think you have some breathing room. On top of that once you feel you've exhausted your vocabulary there is always syllables and flow to play around with. If rhyme is your thing stick with it, the fact that you can make a good rhyming poem is only a testament to your skill and talent, not your inexperience.

[Apathy's_Child]

Writing a good poem is only an achievement if it's a good poem that hasn't been written before by someone better.

[Noirette]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

Writing a good poem is only an achievement if it's a good poem that hasn't been written before by someone better.

Which is exactely what I tried to say in this poem.
I guess that my attempt wasn't sussecful at all.

Besides, it's the first time I tried to write a rhyming poem in English, which is my third language, so my skills in choosing the right expressions and creating a good rhyme aren't good, I know. But I'm willing to improve tham, therefore I asked for your help.

Thank you for your comments.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by Noirette

Which is exactely what I tried to say in this poem.
I guess that my attempt wasn't sussecful at all.

Like I said, I thought there was some potential, even if I disliked the poem.

[Noirette]

By the way, I wrote it as a "reply" to this poem.