Crimson's Innocence

[Toy Killer]

A quiet clearing of oaks that reaps enough light to bear a rose bush,
The bush raised two sibling roses, Sister Scarlet, and Brother Crimson

Scarlet beamed brightly, suckling every sweet strand of sun in her bright volumous petals.

Crimson lazily held his head aloft, hopeing for enough hydration from his hidious roots.

Scarlet spread herself bright and blooming, harbringing the throught of the heavenly...

As Crimson skulked and scowled and shriveled and shaded himself from the vicious boast before him.

Scarlet, never brighter, never paid heed to the giggles and shrieks of the four year old horror to come.

Scissors shearing, Scarlet's shaking, stems are snipping, a single little finger is bleeding, amoungst all the violent bouts of thrashing...

leaving a single stranded bright scarlet petal behind, leaving Crimson to softly and silently suffer the thoughts surronding his scattered security.

softly and silently suffer his innocence in a quiet clearing of oaks that reaps enough light to bear a rose bush.

[KontanKarite]

...Woah.... jesus...

I am not at my happiest, but I'm not blind enough to see that for some reason, today calls for beautiful words.

[Toy Killer]

This poem has been written and rewritten and scrapped and unscrapped again and again in a perpetual circle to get it perfect, I still think it needs alot of work.

In the summer of my junior/senior year of highschool, I lost a close friend in a drunk driving accident, long before her time. She was had nothing but destiny before her and passed away before that potential could be truly utilized. I became a wreck and Crimson's Innocence was born.

[emeraldlonewoulf]

This feels real. You convey that very well in your writing. This is a worthy piece, lots of substance, although you are right, it does need some polishing.

[Toy Killer]

Whenever I write it, I feel like i'm trying to untie knots that retie themselves. I want the consanence to be significant to each of the roses, Scarlet to have S's and C's while Crimson has F's and S's, so that the twins have a very strong shift towards one another and I can get away from reminding the reader whom I'm talking about in each line. I'd also like to make the migration towards a specific number sylables in each line, letting the final line be a little longer, so the voice of the poem leaves him feeling much lonelier, but I haven't had much success with finally choosing one count per.

I'm sure I'll never be very satisfied, it'll always be the home project I have to occupy my time.

[HumanePain]

Almost an Alice in Wonderland feel to it. Cool.

[korinna5555]

This reminds me of my best friend. She died when I was 13, and it was very sudden..

May I have your permission to print off a copy and place it with her picture?

[Underwater Ophelia]

I honestly don't see a lot in this poem, but I think this stanza is incredible.

Scissors shearing, Scarlet's shaking, stems are snipping, a single little finger is bleeding, amoungst all the violent bouts of thrashing...

[Toy Killer]

You may, I'm honored you like it that much.

[Toy Killer]

I've always liked constanence, I out right abused it in this poem, save the opening and closing line.

[faye_falling]

I'll admit when I first saw it was about roses I thought it was going to be cheesy, but I really liked it. Cool.

[Noirette]

I like it.
Often it's better to use an allegory to tell about the strongest feeling, for simple words just can't tell the whole meaning.

[Toy Killer]

Allegories and symbolism have always taken very complex things like human emotion and filtered them into easily processed bridgeways from one persons feelings into anothers understanding.

[TheSomnambulist]

I think your diction is absolutely beautiful.

[††BlackRose††]

Yeah, I must agree, it sounds very lovely.
And the symbolism is very nice too.