Broke up with Him. Must be Strong?

deathbycherries · 11-24-2010, 05:17 AM

Just broke up with my BF. He wasn't horrible, but I couldn't handle it. Well, some people told me that things he was doing, probably he wasn't aware of them, that were kind of cruel or selfish. Like I called him upset, and he didn't want to talk to me because he didn't want to be rude to his friend who was playing video games. He didn't even have much to say. He's also told me he was a sociopath early on and I should've been smarter but it got hard. I started to realize how emotionally unavailable he was, yet he wanted to be my BF a little too badly for me to handle. We're still friends, because he hasn't been horrible...but that he wants me not to listen to my family while trusting him, and we've only known each other for about a month, and we don't even spend too much time together.

It got difficult because I was having trouble breaking up with him, he would keep trying to get me back and it was making me feel nuts. The thing that hurt me most, was...well the way he made me feel like a sex object and then the fact that I was giving him so much attention and I felt like he wasn't even meeting me halfway. A guy I'm talking to also has a crush on me...so I wasn't sure if I should listen to this guy's advise about him. Because he got me paranoid. He's like, sure this guy likes the outdoors because then later he can beat you while behind doors.

But I mean, ok there were red flags, like that he left the army for getting in a fight and supposedly faked an illness. I don't buy it, I'm sorry, but this guy has changed the story a few times about things. Everyone tells me to RUN when they hear that he told me he's a sociopath, but I just wanted to give him a chance. It got so hard, without having to be, but mostly because of the way he made me feel so empty...not that he was trying to. It's just his personality, like he said himself "There's not much to me, I am who I am." But I wouldn't want him to read this, the other thing is I get afraid to say how I feel about him or to him because it is so negative...

But I guess I'm just venting, I need to be sure I don't let him convince me to go out with him again...it keeps me trapped. I feel like I'm not myself...just do..don't even know why...I struggle...but...

There's also the fact that I had recurrent nightmares of being murdered in my sleep and it made me think it could be him. Not a good sign, right? Well the other day when he was beating the shit out of the woodpile with his ax or wtv. sent me messages that this was not going to work out. I mean, if you think of all that he's said: got kicked out of the army for smashing someone's head on the floor, and the story has changed...and then that when he's drunk he doesn't know how to stop at a bar fight, not a good sign, that he wants me to work on my weight kind of pisses me off, once again I'm not wording that properly but that's the gist, he wants to "work out with me" to "help you get in shape" anyways...

.It's like I have so much negative feelings he cancels them out because his personality is so vacant and unpredictable. He laughs at jokes that are STUPID, like he will laugh for an hour about someone shooting pickles out of their mouth and not give a shit what I think....ok, it's kind of annoying....and...I feel bad...now but I shouldn't feel guilty, I'm a person with a mind and I have opinions that aren't going to change. Like I said, we're JUST friends and honestly, I'm having trouble wanting to spend time with him at all.

I just didn't want to hurt his feelings. I don't express it well because I have so much negative I could say, that's the thing. And he would take it as fucked up. If all these signs are really bad, then maybe they are right about him manipulating me. But it doesn't feel like it, I swear! He just wanted things to work out, get his life together, or just have a GF...but it didn't make sense to me. Why me? I kept asking why me why me...and I felt like it would become abusive, because he cares less about the inside feelings I have than the outside, the girl he can fuck....I often go overboard with this negative stuff, but he's also tried really hard to keep it going...it just wasn't working...

like "I'm going to quit smoking, but I want one last cigarette" same goes for alcohol. I don't think we were a good match. Maybe my family friends etc. were right. My brother said, "you know the freaky people that everyone thinks are insane and don't want to talk to, well I would date that girl and then find out. Usually the consensus is right." The thing with him was people really don't like him, just random people, give him glares. He's different like into punk but not really a punk...because he's got issues. He acts all like he's a rebellious punk but I don't think he's as punk as he could be. If you don't give a fuck, don't give a fuck. And if you do, do.

Underwater Ophelia · 11-24-2010, 05:41 AM

And this all happened in under a month.

Ahhh, puppy love.

deathbycherries · 11-24-2010, 06:16 AM

Pretty crazy. Yeah and I met his family. It was way to extreme for me; he was really pushing things. Like the night I had told him we were just friends, his parents invited me to breakfast with them. I was stupid, and I admit this was mostly my fault for letting him convince me to go out with him. I even bought him a really nice b-day present and then he wants to jump in bed and have rough sex. I ended up mostly just getting kind of screwed up about things.

Catch · 11-24-2010, 08:44 PM

Yah, you tell them off and keep moving.

in.the.moon · 11-25-2010, 08:34 AM

MOVE ON!!!!when the bad outweights (which is the case here by what you write) the good, move on. Maybe you expected ur love to change him after a while, or some bs like that, but that is verrrrrrrrrrryyyy unlikely to happen. So take some time for yourself, and be happy

deathbycherries · 11-25-2010, 03:14 PM

Thanks for the support. I realize it is bs to get caught up in false hopes of love in an empty relationship. I gave him my Ipod, a b-day present, let him sleep at my dorm and everything. But I'm moving on, no more being taken advantage of by people who swear they aren't taking advantage of you. I like someone else right now, anyways. And we're friends right now, but I know he cares about me more than this douche-bag ever did. I haven't talked to him since I broke up with him, and I'm going to avoid him from now on.

ape descendant · 12-08-2010, 07:59 AM

Yeah, avoiding him is probably a good idea. From what I've read, you totally know why you should just walk away from that situation. You gave him more of a chance than he deserved, and he blew it, big time.