"I'm much older than you..."

bleedingheart344 · 05-17-2007, 03:58 PM

Is it just me, or does anyone else hate it when people can only use their age as a vice? I was talking to my ex (people know that whole chestnut) and I was commenting on how bad of a decision she has made. She tells me that her and her ex thought they were taking things too fast. Afterwards, I use an analogy for sex, since she is highly focused on sex. And I said that if you base a relationship on sex alone, it will seem like you're taking things too fast. I asked her if she ran into this, she agreed with what I said and replied with "sex is just sex to me" I said, "I know that, but you didn't answer my question."

She says that she hasn't when she just said that she did. She said that her new boyfriend said that it won't make her seem like a whore if she's having sex with one person without having a relationship with them like she's doing now. She says she feels like a whore. I say "well, you must not entirely agree with him if you feel that way." Then she says that I'm judging her when I never did in this. And she says" "I'm much older than you are and have a better understanding of this. I've grown up"

I say, "isn't growing up developing a resistence to sex and maturing in your relationship strength?" Then she became defensive and stuff.

I hate not being taken seriously when I kept running her into contradiction after contradiction. Oh well, I just felt the need to whine about it. Others may discuss this or other situations that they haven't been taken seriously due to age.

HumanePain · 05-17-2007, 05:07 PM

She was using age because she had no other reply. Your reasoning (or "sounding board" reflection of her thoughts) was confirming her insecurity about being a whore. She shared something with you and then attempted to back pedal when she heard your comments.

Greater age does not necessarily mean "seeing" or "understanding" something a younger person can't see. Jillian would have mopped the floor with her, and he is still (not for long) 17. I'll bet she was at least 4 years older than him, but he is far wiser and sees further in the "crystal ball" than she can, I suppose.

MollyMac · 05-17-2007, 07:14 PM

Age is too often used as a qualifier and a mean to distance oneself. It is merely a number of years, and not an indicator of anything else.

I have a co-worker who has been a receptionist with "30 years experience",,, it is more liek one year's experience 30 times over...

Age can be a way to say, "look, I've been there", but it says little esle other than "I have nothing else to agrue with".

BlackButterfly · 05-17-2007, 08:19 PM

I *HATE* that defense. Just because one is older doesn't make them automatically right. They're just old and wrong.

Drake Dun · 05-17-2007, 09:05 PM

"You'll understand when you're older" is a conversation stopper. There are so many things wrong with that, I don't know where to start.

There's this TMBG song that cracks me up...

"...But I was young and foolish then. I feel old and foolish now."

Drake

Vako · 05-17-2007, 10:00 PM

In my crowd it's known as "pulling rank".

There are literally some people who think that age is synonymous with wisdom. It doesn't matter how long a person has been alive, if they didn't learn or take example from their experiences, they are no more "wise" than a 20 year-old person who learns and takes example from his experiences, remembers them, and applies them to how he conducts his life. The world is full of 45 year-olds who have the mental, sociological, emotional, and spiritual development of a 15 year-old because they lived their lives in denial and arrogance, not evolving.

Also, it is entirely possible for a 20 year-old to have been through more meaningful experiences in his lifetime than a 45 year-old. What has the 45 year-old done all his life? This scenario is rare though.

MollyMac · 05-18-2007, 05:15 AM

It's the "I'm the mommy, That's why." for more general conversation.

bleedingheart344 · 05-18-2007, 07:14 AM

I feel that this is pretty much a case of a discrepency between age and wisdom.

JCC · 05-18-2007, 09:55 AM

Meh, when I go on forums and have discussions with people and disagree with them, because I'm 13 (which makes me wonder if they hadn't hit puberty at 13, confusing) they'll make out that I'm pre-pubescent or something, then go "Hahaha, go grow some pubic hair!". When people use age as a retort or a way of judgment, that's your signal that you're talking to somebody incredibly ignorant and to break off all contact.

killer_asian_Dax · 05-18-2007, 10:28 AM

Long live the days of the intelligent and wise children! Too often am I surrounded by "adults" who, just because they are older, feel that that automatically makes them ALL WISE and ALL KNOWING.

Most times when I come across people like that I just wish I had a friend around to bet that those people have never gone through one singulalry traumatic, wisdom building experience in their life. I would be SO RICH!!!

My dad is a prime example. And it also doesn't help that he was born back east (Arkansas). When I was growing up, it was always, "You'll understand when you're older;" and, "....because I'm an adult! I know what I'm talking about! You're still a kid..."

Never fear though, when you've finally grown into an adult, you'll rock their world and they'll just be old, bitter and jealous they weren't as smart as you when they were your age.

Invisigoth69 · 05-18-2007, 05:55 PM

Ha! It is obvious why she is your EX, eh? Sheesh. A "real winner" she sounds like from what you say....
My question is why you still conversing with her for? (You do not really have to answer that, it is really none of my biz but rather a rhetorical question.)

waxwolf · 05-19-2007, 03:29 AM

I always used to say that the thing people miss about youth is the arrogance without justification, and that growing up meant finally looking at yourself objectively and having that all shatter, and having to start from scratch and earn your own respect, and that takes work. Most adults I know, however, have spent their lives finding new ways of shirking the work and forever deluding themselves into thinking they are fucking omniscient simply because they've existed longer than other people. Deep down they know they're just full of shit, which is where the insecurity and defensiveness comes from. They use age as a crutch in arguments because they genuinely have nothing else logically to go on. That's my berometer for maturity, regardless of age; if people are willing to look at themselves objectively and realize you have to proactively seek knowledge; it doesn't just come to you as you get older.

Lapin · 05-19-2007, 09:57 AM

My mom and grandma used to say that "because I'm the mom/grandma/adult" line, and they used to tell me the one about "understanding when you're older/when you have more experience".

What really, really grates on me sometimes, is that they were right in the end. There were a lot of things I didn't understand for a while, until I had to deal with some hard situations, or just gained a couple more years. However, they're both really smart people, so it wasn't like they were just saying it because they didn't know the answer.

JCC, you write very well for a thirteen-year-old. I never would have guessed your age from this post.

As for you Bleeding Heart.....okay, she's just an idiot who couldn't come up with a better reply.

DarkGentleman · 05-21-2007, 01:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by BlackButterfly

I *HATE* that defense. Just because one is older doesn't make them automatically right. They're just old and wrong.

Darn right, I dated a woman that was 12 years older than me for about 4 months.
When she said the same thing, I pretty much said "Well, I'm outta here because I ain't being your boy toy".

She thought I was in for the sex part, WRONG, I was in for the relationship.

KontanKarite · 05-21-2007, 02:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkGentleman

Darn right, I dated a woman that was 12 years older than me for about 4 months.
When she said the same thing, I pretty much said "Well, I'm outta here because I ain't being your boy toy".

She thought I was in for the sex part, WRONG, I was in for the relationship.

THIS actually happens to me quite a bit for some reason. Those crazy older ladies. ^__^

DarkGentleman · 05-21-2007, 02:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

THIS actually happens to me quite a bit for some reason. Those crazy older ladies. ^__^

Man, don't we feel "used".

bleedingheart344 · 05-21-2007, 04:43 PM

I strangely had the same thing happen to me. Connection? <_< >_>

KontanKarite · 05-21-2007, 07:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DarkGentleman

Man, don't we feel "used".

Yes, actually, I kinda do.

Graveyard.Crow · 05-22-2007, 10:55 PM

Don't you hate it when someone is only a year older than you and tries to use THAT as a vice

Seraphynth · 05-24-2007, 11:40 PM

I get that a line a lot. I also get the "because I'm an adult/parent/etc" and "because you're a kid" lines as well. I get these a little bit too often for comfort.
It makes me angry. I mean, one, I'm more than an age. Two...how is your age alone an indicator? I could understand if the argument were "I've been through this before" or anything similar to that.
But trying to make someone feel wrong and inferior just because of age? That's just not right.

I've met so many adults who remind me of my friends when I was 14. :/ It leads me to wonder just how many people mentally grow up.

LiUsAiDh · 05-28-2007, 02:32 PM

I always get people telling me "Don't worry, you'll grow out of your black phase when your a bit older, and then you'll see what I mean".

Mum always said that "Some people live the same year 80 times, and some people live 20 different years, which is older?" which is like what somebody said up there ^..... MollyMac I think it was....

Godslayer Jillian · 05-28-2007, 03:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MollyMac

Age can be a way to say, "look, I've been there"

This is the essence of why age is so important. It's all about experience.
I haven't had an older person not listen to me using the old age card (Although if he/she said "Look, I'm older than you." I'd answer "If that was an important factor, I'd be the one with such a stupid problem and not you. You know... you being older and all.") but I have had older people believe I should follow (not just listen) their advice because they're older.
I don't mind listening, but simply following is stupid (and I tell them so)because:
1) Advice is not as strong as experience. The older man might be right in his advise, but my knowledge of the consequences I avoided would be entirely theoretical, not empirical. The issue is 'would you rather be wrong, or uncertain?'
2) Advice is essentially egocentric. If someone advises you against doing something because they failed; he is assuming you will fail too. Just a well, if he is grateful he made the right decision and is seeing you making the opposite one, he is assuming there are no better outcomes than the one he got.

bleedingheart344 · 05-28-2007, 03:31 PM

Jillian, you hit it right on the head, so to speak. This is exactly why this whole situation upset me. I can accept advice gracefully but it doesn't mean I'll follow it. Yet what angered me was that she simply expected me to listen to her and think of myself as wrong because of what I had said.