Top 100 fundie christian quotes *scary*

[Wormboy]

That website is fucking hilarious

This is what it would be like, if the majority of people were athiests.
ATHIEST KID: Mom, I'm going to go fuck a hooker.
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, son.
ATHIEST KID: Afterwards, I'm going to go smoke pot with my friends, since it's "not addictive."
ATHIEST MOM: Okay, come home soon!

The athiest kid leaves the room. The father comes home from work several minutes later.

ATHIEST DAD: Hey!
ATHIEST MOM: Hi, honey! I'm pregnant again. I guess I'll just get another abortion, since "fetuses don't count as human life."
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, get as many abortions as you want!
ATHIEST MOM: Oh, and don't go in the bedroom.
ATHIEST DAD: Why not?
ATHIEST MOM: There are two gay men fucking eachother in there.
ATHIEST DAD: Why are they here?
ATHIEST MOM: I wanted to watch them do it for awhile. They just aren't finished yet.
ATHIEST DAD: Okay, that's fine with me!

Suddenly, their neighbor runs into the house.

ATHIEST NEIGHBOR: Come quick, there's a Christian outside!
ATHIEST MOM: We'll be right there!

The athiest couple quickly put on a pair of black robes and hoods. They then exit the house, and run into the street, where a Christian is nailed to a large, wooden X. He is being burned alive. A crowd of athiests stand around him, all wearing black robes and hoods.

RANDOM ATHIEST: Damn you, Christian! We hate you! We claim to be tolerant of all religions. But we really hate your's! That's because we athiests are hypocritical like that! Die, Christian!

THE END


MADE MY DAY


hehe and notice my signature, it's true!

[Breathless Horror]

Originally Posted by Drake Dun

Nobody gets my jokes.

The antecedent to "he" in what you wrote was in fact the guy on the bus (not YHWH). So, I was deliberately misreading what you said to mean that you had denied the existence of the guy on the bus.

Maybe my sense of humor is a little off.

Drake

I'm a little late on this one, but if it's any consolation, I understood it.

[Drake Dun]

Thank you. :P

Drake

[LadyStardust]

There is no way to prove or disprove God completely. You can have an opinion on it, but really...if you're looking at it scientifically...then there's just no way to do either

My boyfriend is a total math freak, and he once told me about a mathematical equation that can be used to disprove God's existence. Don't ask me what it's called, though. I can't remember.

I would expect the creator of the physical world to adhere to physics, personally. But I would also expect Him to know how to manipulate said physics in such a way that He could both do something, and it not be ridiculously obvious that it was Him.

And that's EXACTLY the argument Fundamentalists use to refute the Theory of Evolution. "God put those bones there to test our Faith" is another good one.

[LadyStardust]

Just recently my son Bobby came out to me. I had been worried for awhile. His teachers said most of his grades were slipping and he seemed depressed and withdrawn.

Bobby said he'd been hiding it for awhile because he was afraid I would reject him. I sat him down and told him that I loved him and that God loved him, but that his salvation was in danger if he did not resist his unnatural tempations. I told him how being gay would mean he would live a shorter life, and that if he couldnt change his orientation he could be celibate like most the ex-gays are. He started crying saying something along the lines of "I knew you wouldnt understand! You're just like everyone else!" before running to his room and slamming the door.

What did I do wrong? I dont want to lose my son, but I fear I already have. I talked it over with his therapist, who had the ludicrous idea that homosexuality was unchangable and that trying to repress could lead to lots of psychological damage (I've dropped him and will try to be finding another therapist with more moral beliefs). I wouldnt be surprised if he's the one who's feeding my son all the homosexual propaganda about how its 'ok' to be gay. That, or how homosexuality has engulfed the media, making it seem 'cool' and 'hip' and how they were just another oppressed minority. You didnt have to worry about seeing two men making out on tv at my age! I dont want to sound like a fanatic, but Im worried what other effects will come out of this increasingly secular, immoral society obsessed with filth.

Am I too late? Or is it possible to save my son


[Note: the boy eventually took his own life.]

I tried following links regarding the boy's alleged suicide, but none of them worked. Is anyone else starting to doubt this site's authenticity?

[dark_dragon_of_ice]

I love trying to hit on the male funde's when they preach.

[An Eccentric Cellist]

Eh. I'm a Pagan, which has NOTHING to do with the Occult. (I'm serious)
Anyway, my High Priest and his mate can prove Magick with the String Theory and the Chaos Theory. It's quite entertaining to watch them speak with people who have questions because they usually go over their heads.

What amuses me is that in nature heterosexuality is the exception not the rule, so it's the humans that have it all wrong.
I like the majority of Christians I meet. They're typically quite nice but if I get near any big crowds that give the "Extremist Christian" vibe I turn tail.

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by LadyStardust

And that's EXACTLY the argument Fundamentalists use to refute the Theory of Evolution. "God put those bones there to test our Faith" is another good one.

It is?

Huh. I've had several convos with literal creationists, and have never heard the argument about manipulating physical laws as a way to refute evolution. O_o;;;

Then again, most of the Christians I hang out with [including myself], see evolution as a perfectly acceptable thing. *shrug*

And the saying isn't "God put those bones there to test our faith," but rather, "Scientists put those bones there to confuse us," which is, of course, complete hogswash either way, and is something held by people who refuse to actually try and understand the Biblical text as the original writers intended.

Man, I'd be really bummed if I found out 'raptors and T-rex didn't actually exist. ;_;

[Godslayer Jillian]

Originally Posted by An Eccentric Cellist

Anyway, my High Priest and his mate can prove Magick with the String Theory and the Chaos Theory.

Puh-leez.
String Theory: -Hey I have a theory, what if everything was made up of infinitely long unidimensional strings?
- Ok, what would that imply?
- I don't know...
Chaos Theory: Everything eventually is bound to happen.... I guess...

So basically:
String theory: well, everything's connected... somehow... so it's only natural that we can manipulate these strings ... somehow ... you know?
Chaos theory: there are perturbations in an otherwise seemingly closed system. Guess what causes those perturbations!

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

Puh-leez.
String Theory: -Hey I have a theory, what if everything was made up of infinitely long unidimensional strings?
- Ok, what would that imply?
- I don't know...
Chaos Theory: Everything eventually is bound to happen.... I guess...

So basically:
String theory: well, everything's connected... somehow... so it's only natural that we can manipulate these strings ... somehow ... you know?
Chaos theory: there are perturbations in an otherwise seemingly closed system. Guess what causes those perturbations!

XD

xkcd: Greatest. Webcomic. Ever.

[CptSternn]

Originally Posted by LadyStardust

My boyfriend is a total math freak, and he once told me about a mathematical equation that can be used to disprove God's existence. Don't ask me what it's called, though. I can't remember.

Actually, God's existence can be proved through geometry and various geometrical equations. Google it.

[dark_dragon_of_ice]

Originally Posted by CptSternn

Actually, God's existence can be proved through geometry and various geometrical equations. Google it.

Is it a joke equation?

[LadyStardust]

I just spoke with my boyfriend, who says that it's a logic problem solved using discreet mathematics (the one that disproves God's existence). He's googling the geometrics thing now. Apparently he's taking it personally, heh heh.

[Romantic Raven]

Originally Posted by LadyStardust

I just spoke with my boyfriend, who says that it's a logic problem solved using discreet mathematics (the one that disproves God's existence). He's googling the geometrics thing now. Apparently he's taking it personally, heh heh.

Actually, mathematics can prove and disprove almost anything. A couple of years ago, our maths teacher proved through a very simple demonstration that 1 is a negative number. As for the existence of God, it has not only been proven, but also disproven, so I think you shouldn't take all these demonstrations too seriously.

[CptSternn]

You can't disprove the existance of God through math. Think about it. You can't disprove a negative.

For example, the WMD's in Iraq are of a similar argument. If someone claims you have something you don't, they can't prove you don't have it. You can't prove you don't have it. It can only be proven if you do have something.

If I claim you have my wallet, then how exactly do you prove that you don't? You can't. If you don't have it, you have no real way of proving it. It's easy to prove if you do have, but you can't disprove a negative.

[Sir Canvas Corpsey]

Math can be used to show that there is a likely chance of such things but not prove it; drawing Sternn's WMD argument for example; there is no way until we see such items that they have it, however we can use maths to calculate the likelyhood of such items being present, in the same way we could find equations to support or deny the existence of a higher being but until the Lobster King himself flies down from the sky in a teacup it cannot be proved.

[Drake Dun]

Originally Posted by CptSternn

You can't disprove the existance of God through math. Think about it. You can't disprove [sic] a negative.

For example, the WMD's in Iraq are of a similar argument.

Exactly. The Jealous God is in the same category as Iraq's WMDs. Except he would be a much bigger threat if he were real.

The cry, "You can't prove it's not there" is in fact an explicit admission of defeat. Nobody thinks it's reasonable to assume the existence of the Invisible Pink Unicorn or flying teapots because they can't be proven not to exist. So why are Hussein/911 links and sky bullies a special case? Because people have other, manifestly irrational reasons to hold those beliefs.

By the way, the cliche that you "can't prove a negative" is not actually correct, although it's close enough for government work.

http://www.infidels.org/library/mode...er/theory.html

If you don't want to read all that, a simple illustration:

I accuse you of stealing my wallet. In fact, it was stolen by a mutual friend, who is present in the room. When he sees you blamed for the theft he has committed he feels guilty, so he produces the wallet from his own pocket, demonstrating conclusively that you do not have the wallet. Simple.

Drake

[LadyStardust]

Originally Posted by CptSternn

You can't disprove the existance of God through math. Think about it. You can't disprove a negative.

For example, the WMD's in Iraq are of a similar argument. If someone claims you have something you don't, they can't prove you don't have it. You can't prove you don't have it. It can only be proven if you do have something.

If I claim you have my wallet, then how exactly do you prove that you don't? You can't. If you don't have it, you have no real way of proving it. It's easy to prove if you do have, but you can't disprove a negative.

I suppose tearing everything you own to pieces and not finding it would be enough "proof." Then again, I suppose you could always have stashed it somewhere. Hhhmmm... this calls for more CSI episodes.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by LadyStardust

And that's EXACTLY the argument Fundamentalists use to refute the Theory of Evolution. "God put those bones there to test our Faith" is another good one.

"Does anyone else have a problem with the idea that God is FUCKING with us?!?!"

[Tam Li Hua]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

"Does anyone else have a problem with the idea that God is FUCKING with us?!?!"

Someone called?

I think the answer is more that we humans fuck each other and ourselves over so much and so often, that it's sometimes difficult for us not to see God in the exact same way.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

Someone called?

I think the answer is more that we humans fuck each other and ourselves over so much and so often, that it's sometimes difficult for us not to see God in the exact same way.

Hey - if God wants us to believe in him that much, all this foolishness about doing his best to hide the fact that he exists is kinda petulant.

I'm just sayin'.

[Drake Dun]

That's nothing that can't be patched up with a little more casuistry. Check it out:

But see, if he proved his own existence to you, then it would be impossible for you not to believe in him. That would be taking your free will away from you. God wants you to choose him.

With apologies to whoever it was that once echoed this apologetic here on Gothic.net.

Drake

[LadyStardust]

Originally Posted by Drake Dun

That's nothing that can't be patched up with a little more casuistry. Check it out:

But see, if he proved his own existence to you, then it would be impossible for you not to believe in him. That would be taking your free will away from you. God wants you to choose him.

With apologies to whoever it was that once echoed this apologetic here on Gothic.net.

Drake

This sounds about right. We got a lot of that "free will" stuff all through high school. There was also the whole "Jesus is knocking on the door to your heart. Will you let him in?" Blech.

[Apathy's_Child]

Yeah, but there's a difference between not proving your existence and actively attempting to disprove it, which planting fake dinosaur fossils would constitute. It's like the difference between the parent who says to their kid "I'd prefer it if you didn't do drugs, but if you do it when you're not in this house I realize I can't stop you", and the one who says the same thing but kits the kid's room out with a bong, a syringe and a crack pipe, hides all the leaflets on the dangers of drugs....... then punishes them for trying it out.

[KontanKarite]

"There is not one righteous man in Soddom and Gehmorah. I will obliterate both cities"

"Hey God, I bet I can find at least ONE."

"Fine, go ahead and try it."

"Here ya go."

Ok... cool. NOW I'm going to kill these cities. Thanks for pointing that guy out. I wouldn't want to unjustly kill someone."