Oceaneyes/On Self-Realization

[Underwater Ophelia]

"What's your favorite part of me?"
Your ocean eyes.
Feeling insecure today, lovely?
Your ocean eyes.
Not so named for their being blue--
That's superficial. (pretty, though.)
You swallow me up.
You salt me up.


A bird flies over the ocean
No where to land
Can't swim
Feathers quivering
Eyes watering
It plunges in
And realizes it's really

a fish.

-me.

So yeah, don't like it, like it, want to know more about it, tell me.
It's about someone special.

[Apathy's_Child]

Fucking hell, it's so good to read a poem about love that doesn't just ramble on like "I love you so much, you complete me, we'll be together for eternity, our love our lovely love is like a lovely dove."

This is how it's done, kids. If your subject is one on which there's already a huge wealth of poetry, like love, then pick an unusual image, a striking metaphor - just, for fuck's sake find SOMETHING to make it new and make it your own.

I like the image of the bird with nowhere to land (my sole criticism is that it's actually "nowhere") realising it's a fish, and belongs under the surface rather than above it. Very original. The only line that could have been slightly cliched is "you swallow me up", but by following it with "you salt me up" (which sounds dirty btw ), the poem seems to mock at the could-have-been cliched image of ocean eyes by doing something new with it.

Hear that, darkangelv? Doing something new.
NEW

[Aaroneet]

Very clever poem. I like how you separated the phrase, "a fish" to give it more meaning.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

I like the image of the bird with nowhere to land (my sole criticism is that it's actually "nowhere")

Oh, I'm full aware how to spell it. I guess it's too subtle, but it's meant to be like no WHERE. Where=a place. No? Aww...

[Apathy's_Child]

Ohhh, I see. Fair enough.

[Uncle Smoov]

God, I'm sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth” pooetry. Why don’t you come up with something that isn’t about your and your miserable life? Better yet, why don't you come up with something that hasn't been done eighty times in the last six seconds, huh? What are you, scared of being original? From what quarter-assed literary theory did you pick that up?

It’s plain that the ‘someone special’ must either be retarded, an animal that wouldn’t be abused by the comprehension (if it can really be considered so) of your recycled letter duo, or someone about whom you feel the same way I feel when I read your poems.

This website would do well to screen for fourteen year olds like you who are sad because their bird died and how they gave it a burial at sea or whatever. Quit whining and be a grown up, like me. If I were to give you one piece of advice - and it kills me how undeserved it is - I would tell you that, next time that dreadful itch to see how many victims will give you some much sought after attention and pity for a few lines of missppellings begs to be scratched under your fingernails, pour some syrup of ipecac down the talentless hatch. After a few rounds of itching followed by nausea, you'll be as similar to Pavlov's dog in action (or, God willing, inaction) as you are in appearance.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Uncle Smoov

God, I'm sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth” pooetry. Why don’t you come up with something that isn’t about your and your miserable life? Better yet, why don't you come up with something that hasn't been done eighty times in the last six seconds, huh? What are you, scared of being original? From what quarter-assed literary theory did you pick that up?

It’s plain that the ‘someone special’ must either be retarded, an animal that wouldn’t be abused by the comprehension (if it can really be considered so) of your recycled letter duo, or someone about whom you feel the same way I feel when I read your poems.

This website would do well to screen for fourteen year olds like you who are sad because their bird died and how they gave it a burial at sea or whatever. Quit whining and be a grown up, like me. If I were to give you one piece of advice - and it kills me how undeserved it is - I would tell you that, next time that dreadful itch to see how many victims will give you some much sought after attention and pity for a few lines of missppellings begs to be scratched under your fingernails, pour some syrup of ipecac down the talentless hatch. After a few rounds of itching followed by nausea, you'll be as similar to Pavlov's dog in action (or, God willing, inaction) as you are in appearance.

You're just jealous of my big ass.

[badteccy]

Originally Posted by Uncle Smoov

God, I'm sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth” pooetry. Why don’t you come up with something that isn’t about your and your miserable life? Better yet, why don't you come up with something that hasn't been done eighty times in the last six seconds, huh? What are you, scared of being original? From what quarter-assed literary theory did you pick that up?

It’s plain that the ‘someone special’ must either be retarded, an animal that wouldn’t be abused by the comprehension (if it can really be considered so) of your recycled letter duo, or someone about whom you feel the same way I feel when I read your poems.

This website would do well to screen for fourteen year olds like you who are sad because their bird died and how they gave it a burial at sea or whatever. Quit whining and be a grown up, like me. If I were to give you one piece of advice - and it kills me how undeserved it is - I would tell you that, next time that dreadful itch to see how many victims will give you some much sought after attention and pity for a few lines of missppellings begs to be scratched under your fingernails, pour some syrup of ipecac down the talentless hatch. After a few rounds of itching followed by nausea, you'll be as similar to Pavlov's dog in action (or, God willing, inaction) as you are in appearance.

HAHAHAAHAHAH!!!! What the christ?!

[Uncle Smoov]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

You're just jealous of my big ass.

Is that where you found that pre-literate stinkfest? I don't believe I, nor any other self-loving organism, is jealous of stinkaholism.

[Uncle Smoov]

Originally Posted by badteccy

HAHAHAAHAHAH!!!! What the christ?!

I'd expect as much comprehension from somebody who's name appears to commemmorate one of their assuredly many weaknesses. I suppose many cordial congratulations are in order for your living up to what was expected of you, and ascending not a whit above that.

[Romantic Raven]

I liked the entire poem, but my favourite line was "Feeling insecure today, lovely?". There's something about this part that feels a bit harsh and ironic, yet gentle and loving.

Oh, and Uncle Smoov, if you are so "sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth” pooetry", then why don't you leave this site? Like, right now? This is a literary forum, and everyone is free to post their work here without receiving undeserved and unhelpful criticism. And I'd suggest a bit more politeness, because I don't like your tone.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Romantic Raven

I liked the entire poem, but my favourite line was "Feeling insecure today, lovely?". There's something about this part that feels a bit harsh and ironic, yet gentle and loving.

Oh, and Uncle Smoov, if you are so "sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth” pooetry", then why don't you leave this site? Like, right now? This is a literary forum, and everyone is free to post their work here without receiving undeserved and unhelpful criticism. And I'd suggest a bit more politeness, because I don't like your tone.

I like that line too, for the same reason. It's almost a tease, because it's me who's asking, but at the same time, I know they are insecure, so it is harsh.

And as for Smoov, I'm pretty sure he was joking, and if not, his criticism was stupid, anyway.

[Uncle Smoov]

Originally Posted by Romantic Raven

I liked the entire poem, but my favourite line was "Feeling insecure today, lovely?". There's something about this part that feels a bit harsh and ironic, yet gentle and loving.

Oh, and Uncle Smoov, if you are so "sick of all this whiny-ass “Goth” pooetry", then why don't you leave this site? Like, right now? This is a literary forum, and everyone is free to post their work here without receiving undeserved and unhelpful criticism. And I'd suggest a bit more politeness, because I don't like your tone.

Why would I leave the site and let all these horrific poets get worse? Especially right now, at such a critical time like this! I would be doing myself a disservice, a disservice to this upstanding literary establishment, and a disservice to the entire world of English literature. You're apparent love for the art of the word is obviously not what it should be, is it, Romantic Raven? Or is it that your backward, stone age philosophy obliges me to refer to you as Platonic Pigeon?
Do you think this is a game? This is a responsibility greater than anything your raisin-like brain could ever understand, let alone bear on your shoulders. I'm aware that my stupendous criticism is underserved by you shiftless throngs of living filth. It’s hard enough to do ingrates like you favors. Are you still human enough to merely pretend to have one sobbing shred of a soul left in your hollow heart and admit – even if only to yourself – that my criticism is not only helpful but necessary for the future of literature? As for my honeyed tone, I’ll be the first to promote the value in the concept of ‘tough love’. I’ll also be the first to demote the value in your preferences in tone. I’d suggest a bit more silence, because I don’t like your diction.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by Uncle Smoov

Why would I leave the site and let all these horrific poets get worse? Especially right now, at such a critical time like this! I would be doing myself a disservice, a disservice to this upstanding literary establishment, and a disservice to the entire world of English literature. You're apparent love for the art of the word is obviously not what it should be, is it, Romantic Raven? Or is it that your backward, stone age philosophy obliges me to refer to you as Platonic Pigeon?
Do you think this is a game? This is a responsibility greater than anything your raisin-like brain could ever understand, let alone bear on your shoulders. I'm aware that my stupendous criticism is underserved by you shiftless throngs of living filth. It’s hard enough to do ingrates like you favors. Are you still human enough to merely pretend to have one sobbing shred of a soul left in your hollow heart and admit – even if only to yourself – that my criticism is not only helpful but necessary for the future of literature? As for my honeyed tone, I’ll be the first to promote the value in the concept of ‘tough love’. I’ll also be the first to demote the value in your preferences in tone. I’d suggest a bit more silence, because I don’t like your diction.

I'll be your proofreader, if you'd like.

[d.Nox]

I'll do the honors, if you don't mind, Ophelia. I am a professional.

Is that where you found that pre-literate stinkfest? I don't believe I, nor any other self-loving organism, is jealous of stinkaholism.

"I...is" is exactly the sort of pre-literate hill-billyism one would expect from someone who, like Smoov, endulges in a bit much self-love.

I'd expect as much comprehension from somebody who's name appears to commemmorate one of their assuredly many weaknesses.

"Who's name"? Not to be a grinch about the grammar, but "whose" is the preferred term, unless you're in Seussland.

"Commemmorate" (sic) is a big enough word even when spelled correctly. Stick to monosyllables; they're safer for troglodytes such as yourself.

You're apparent love for the art of the word is obviously not what it should be, is it, Romantic Raven?

Your apparent concern about the OP's language would be much better directed towards your own linguistic studies--unless, as I suspect, you're a troll.

Damn, I hate playing grammar Nazi--it always makes me feel as if I should have horn-rimmed spectacles and a gingham dress--but sometimes it has to be done.

[Uncle Smoov]

Originally Posted by d.Nox

I'll do the honors, if you don't mind, Ophelia. I am a professional.


"I...is" is exactly the sort of pre-literate hill-billyism one would expect from someone who, like Smoov, endulges in a bit much self-love.


"Who's name"? Not to be a grinch about the grammar, but "whose" is the preferred term, unless you're in Seussland.

"Commemmorate" (sic) is a big enough word even when spelled correctly. Stick to monosyllables; they're safer for troglodytes such as yourself.


Your apparent concern about the OP's language would be much better directed towards your own linguistic studies--unless, as I suspect, you're a troll.

Damn, I hate playing grammar Nazi--it always makes me feel as if I should have horn-rimmed spectacles and a gingham dress--but sometimes it has to be done.

You should be ashamed of yourself.
Poor U-Oph just wanted to play the "Find Uncle Smoov's Purposely Placed Grammar and Spelling Mistakes" game, but you – a veritable word hog – had to slaver all over the fun. For this, you are barred from reception of the grand prize: the head or headstone of your favorite living or dead grammarian.
I’m hard at work trying to figure out how a troglodyte can live in a gilded palace such as my own. And besides, I wouldn’t poo-poo troglodytism if I were as unfortunate as to share your position.
As for your admitted hatred for all but the Aryan race, and even then, only those within it who have horns, well, I is merely at a loss for words.

[d.Nox]

You should be ashamed of yourself.
Poor U-Oph just wanted to play the "Find Uncle Smoov's Purposely Placed Grammar and Spelling Mistakes" game, but you – a veritable word hog – had to slaver all over the fun. For this, you are barred from reception of the grand prize: the head or headstone of your favorite living or dead grammarian.
I’m hard at work trying to figure out how a troglodyte can live in a gilded palace such as my own. And besides, I wouldn’t poo-poo troglodytism if I were as unfortunate as to share your position.
As for your admitted hatred for all but the Aryan race, and even then, only those within it who have horns, well, I is merely at a loss for words.

So that's why they posted all those "Don't Feed the Troll" signs outside the palace...

Unfortunately, I realize my mistake one post too late.

[badteccy]

Originally Posted by Uncle Smoov

I'd expect as much comprehension from somebody who's name appears to commemmorate one of their assuredly many weaknesses. I suppose many cordial congratulations are in order for your living up to what was expected of you, and ascending not a whit above that.

Oh my god, this post was so moronic...you sure are giving me lulz.

[Uncle Smoov]

Originally Posted by badteccy

Oh my god, this post was so moronic...you sure are giving me lulz.

I heard the lulz are terminal. I’d hate for you to live longer than God intended, but I would get it checked out before you mistake genius for the moronic in Hell.

Q: How many Badteccy’s does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: A whole hell of a lot, seeing as they’re so shitty at everything.

[Nevan]

Smoov go fuck yourself.

Wait, on second thought, naw, you're not worth it.

*in no mood to waste words*

Good poem!

[Romantic Raven]

Does this reek of satire or pure stupidity? I'm a bit confused right now, I don't know whether to laugh or simply stare in amazement. Maybe I'll do both.

[Uncle Smoov]

Originally Posted by Nevan

Smoov go fuck yourself.

Wait, on second thought, naw, you're not worth it.

*in no mood to waste words*

Good poem!

Hey Even Nevan, why don't you come over here and say that to my face? I can deal with your cadaverous halitosis because I have a strong will. I can deal with your pug-ugly mug because my fists and I will only make it worse. I'm glad I won't have to deal with your high-pitched shrieking voice because you'll be too busy guzzling your wet nurse's milk.
Speaking of wasting words, I forgot that there's no point in asking a yellowbelly with soiled trousers and a bib with a teddy bear on it like you to keep it real and face me IRL. You stay in Wimpington. I'll stay here and rule, as is my wont.

How many Nevans does it take to overcome cowardice?
A lot, because Nevan blows mad chunks.

[Uncle Smoov]

Originally Posted by Romantic Raven

Does this reek of satire or pure stupidity? I'm a bit confused right now, I don't know whether to laugh or simply stare in amazement. Maybe I'll do both.

I'm glad to hear that you can tell that anything reeks, Smelly, outside of your own dripping pits. As perhaps you learned in fifth grade, if you reached such a peak, hygiene is all-around smell. That is, swell.
One time my dog escaped and when he came back in he was covered in mud. There was also a dead mouse, which I guess the sticky mud picked up, caught in his fur. He ran all around the house and we tried to clean him off, but we couldn't catch him. He dropped all of the stuff sticking to his fur around the house. I didn't see the mouse again until I saw my cat picking at it a few days later. Anyway, the moral is, take more showers. You really smell bad.

How much bribery does it take to get Romantic Raven to take a shower?