Male Advice Needed Please

Neurosis · 06-02-2007, 10:23 AM

I keep getting advice from females, but this time, I need some from males. Particularly older men, since you've matured much from the teen years.

So my boyfriend of almost one year broke up with me a week before we were officially dating for one year. That day, I went to take a math placement test for college, and he went bowling with friends. Apparently, he's met someone else and they "clicked".

His first excuse was that we didn't have anything in common. His second excuse is that we were "going too fast". During our relationship, he was the one who was talking about marriage, and me telling him that we shouldn't be thinking about marriage when we have our teenage lives to think about. It's also funny how he and his new girlfriend are already telling each other "I love you" when they haven't dated yet for a month. Look who's talking about going too fast. His third is that he can't stay with one girlfriend for the rest of his life.

I'm not ranting, I just need some advice, please. I didn't want to lose him in our relationship, so I kept to his needs, and took me halfway through to tell him that I loved him. Then he meets someone all of a sudden, and just leaves me to dust. I haven't been taking it well, and couldn't sleep and eat well for three weeks. It's now that I'm recovering.

He says we can still be friends, but when I tried that, he says that he only said that so I could leave him alone. Then he acts like a jerk just so I could get over him and hate him. I told him I don't hate him, and apparently this angered him a lot. He asks, "Why do you care so much?" Well, why shouldn't I care? We've been through together for so long, why won't I still care? He says that I should forget all the love he has ever had for me, and that there was his line whenever we got into a fight.

Everywhere I keep seeing things that remind me of him, without me intentionally noticing them. I pick up a book on warfare (his favorite topic) and the main character's name was Ben (his name). I watched two shows that involved a guy named Ben and a girl. Last Thursday, I was watching Good Morning America and they had the band Maroon 5 play "She Will Be Loved", which was the song we both enjoyed the most.

Yesterday, we saw each other in school and noticed that we both changed our hairstyles (we are both hair fanatics). We laughed at each other's hairstyles, and talked for a while, with laughs. One time, he looked at me the way he did when we still dated, such a loving look in his eyes, then he left angrily.

It's too soon to say that we'll ever end up together again, but I do hope so. I've done a lot for that boy and he ends it abruptly. He's two years younger than me (I'm 17, he's 15). Our birthdays are right next to each other. People told me that because he's so young, he doesn't understand. Maybe when he's my age, he'll open his eyes.

What's also strange is that I've written a blog on him on my MySpace, but made it sound sweeter, so I would not have sympathy from other people, something I didn't need. Apparently, he's read my blog, which I say is strange because he never reads my blogs! He says he can't look at me because he's with another girl.

Right now he says he wants me out of his life, but I don't want to believe that. I try to give him space to be on his own, and maybe someday soon, we'll be able to talk without strife.

Delicate_Torture · 06-02-2007, 10:31 AM

coughcoughEmoMuch?coughmumblemutter

Look at me.

Ishan · 06-02-2007, 11:00 AM

Wow. How neurotic. <-- That's supposed to make you smile a bit.

First, from a guy turning 38 in a few weeks, and you are just turning 18: You are so young you don't even realize how young you are. Even if you think you have a clue about youth ... wait until you are on the other side of the extreme baby years ... those are the days where you think you've begun to live and have only started to discover there's life outside your own skin.

The boyfriend is clueless, but so are you. Neither of you, whether dating for almost a year or nearly an hour, has any idea of what you may truly want in a partner ... so if he is acting like a ditz ... let him do it.

You are still going to feel anger, rejection, fear, lust, envy, hurt pride, a damaged ego, a wounded knee (again, meant to make you smile) and all of the other emotions that come with being a freshly discarded trophy.

Your picture online shows a pretty hot young girl (and you are still a girl) ... so think of how much more there is for you to do in this life ... all that will help you discover yourself.

He has decided to discover himself in another ... you can find out who you are without needing another person, and that realization is what will begin to breed a confidence in you that other men will want to share.

So, pine over him, cry, eat ice cream, cut yourself, cut him, whatever ... just don't self-destruct. You're going to feel a few wounds right now ... when the wave of pain hits ... feel it. When it subsides, be aware that it is normal to feel numb or cavalier about things. Whatever you are feeling may even be masking some underlying emotion - when that happens, embrace the confusion and know there is a fundamental emotion at work. It may even have NOTHING to do with him, or the two of you, or this planet in the 21st Century ... Jesus, when you were being born I was already entrenched in my career ... and I was as clueless then as I still am.

So .. take all of this for what it's worth, and if none of it applies to you ... move along.

... and fuck him ... he left you ...

james"bloody tears" · 06-02-2007, 02:11 PM

ok my advice might not really help but im going to try. My advice is this if he wants his space give it to him, but show him you still care. If he really loves you that should be all it takes. If you want a longer talk or more suggestions my IM is in my profile im almost always on.

Vako · 06-02-2007, 05:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Neurosis

I keep getting advice from females, but this time, I need some from males. Particularly older men, since you've matured much from the teen years.

So my boyfriend of almost one year broke up with me a week before we were officially dating for one year. That day, I went to take a math placement test for college, and he went bowling with friends. Apparently, he's met someone else and they "clicked".

His first excuse was that we didn't have anything in common. His second excuse is that we were "going too fast". During our relationship, he was the one who was talking about marriage, and me telling him that we shouldn't be thinking about marriage when we have our teenage lives to think about. It's also funny how he and his new girlfriend are already telling each other "I love you" when they haven't dated yet for a month. Look who's talking about going too fast. His third is that he can't stay with one girlfriend for the rest of his life.

I'm not ranting, I just need some advice, please. I didn't want to lose him in our relationship, so I kept to his needs, and took me halfway through to tell him that I loved him. Then he meets someone all of a sudden, and just leaves me to dust. I haven't been taking it well, and couldn't sleep and eat well for three weeks. It's now that I'm recovering.

He says we can still be friends, but when I tried that, he says that he only said that so I could leave him alone. Then he acts like a jerk just so I could get over him and hate him. I told him I don't hate him, and apparently this angered him a lot. He asks, "Why do you care so much?" Well, why shouldn't I care? We've been through together for so long, why won't I still care? He says that I should forget all the love he has ever had for me, and that there was his line whenever we got into a fight.

Everywhere I keep seeing things that remind me of him, without me intentionally noticing them. I pick up a book on warfare (his favorite topic) and the main character's name was Ben (his name). I watched two shows that involved a guy named Ben and a girl. Last Thursday, I was watching Good Morning America and they had the band Maroon 5 play "She Will Be Loved", which was the song we both enjoyed the most.

Yesterday, we saw each other in school and noticed that we both changed our hairstyles (we are both hair fanatics). We laughed at each other's hairstyles, and talked for a while, with laughs. One time, he looked at me the way he did when we still dated, such a loving look in his eyes, then he left angrily.

It's too soon to say that we'll ever end up together again, but I do hope so. I've done a lot for that boy and he ends it abruptly. He's two years younger than me (I'm 17, he's 15). Our birthdays are right next to each other. People told me that because he's so young, he doesn't understand. Maybe when he's my age, he'll open his eyes.

What's also strange is that I've written a blog on him on my MySpace, but made it sound sweeter, so I would not have sympathy from other people, something I didn't need. Apparently, he's read my blog, which I say is strange because he never reads my blogs! He says he can't look at me because he's with another girl.

Right now he says he wants me out of his life, but I don't want to believe that. I try to give him space to be on his own, and maybe someday soon, we'll be able to talk without strife.

Forget about him and find a guy who is capable of monogamy.

HumanePain · 06-02-2007, 06:12 PM

Neurosis, try to forget about him and get involved with something or someone else. There are two reasons for doing this:

a) If you still want to try and get him back, seeing you becoming independent and being seen as attractive (which you are, VERY pretty!) by a new guy will paradoxically make you attractive to him again. Most people are NOT attracted to a "clingy" ex who wants to be putty in their former significant other's hands, so do your best to NOT seem that way. Be the opposite, be strong, and live as if he has no bearing on your thoughts and feelings!

b) if it doesn't attract him back to you, then you have lost nothing, but gained living your independent life back again, and more importantly, will find someone more affectionate and faithful. When one door closes, another opens.

Renatus · 06-17-2007, 07:52 PM

Hmm I think I'll keep a link of this, it's helpful stuff here.

DeathChii · 06-17-2007, 08:08 PM

I won't give you advice... Because I am a girl haha;
Though my boyfriend did the same thing
He talked about marriage and everything, and he broke up with me about 9 and a half months in telling me he wanted to date other people before deciding who he wanted to be with the rest of his life.
I don't blame him. It's hard. From high school to the rest of your life, only being with one person. It made sense to me... Even though I didn't feel that way. Of course he was also an asshole =P We figured if we were meant to be we'd get back together in the future. Might as well have no regrets. I was heart broken.
My new boyfriend isn't an asshole =] So guess it worked out for the best.