Feeling blue....

Yvette_Du_Pointe · 04-30-2009, 05:15 AM

Pretty much what the title says.
I need to rant. Now.
For the past couple of days, I've been really down in the dumps. I can't explain why or what's causing me to feel so upset.
I came to College this morning (I'm on Lunch break right now) and I figured out why.

Around a month ago, I confessed my feelings to this guy that I'd been practically drooling over since I met him almost a year ago (a year this August). It took me so damned long to tell him because he had a girlfriend (who was an utter bitch to him and really knocked his self-esteem down). He was cool with it and surprised that I liked him because he doesn't believe that he's that attractive (no thanks to his ex. He didn't have a really good self-esteem to begin with, anyway). I also told him that I didn't mind if he wasn't interested in me in that way, and then he said he's never really thought of me that way, but his feelings might change.

A few weeks later, me him, and a few of our mates went to London during the Easter holidays. While we were down there, however, I realised that I did mind if he wasn't interested. I told him this in the privacy of my hotel room away from everyone else. Again, he wasn't freaked otu and he was cool with it. He then had to go, so we hugged, and then I aksed him "Do you see me as anything more than a friend?". He was quiet for about a minute, and then said "No". I can't explain how I felt when he said that. My heart just sank. He then repeated what he said the first time, saying that his feelings might change.
So now I'm feeling shitty because of this.
I really, really do feel something for this guy. I can't explain it. I've only had one boyfriend (my sex-obsessed ex) and even when I was with him, this other guy kept on creeping into my mind. He was always there, lingering at the back of my mind, and I found myself thinking more about this other guy than I was about my boyfriend at the time.
I mean, I just absolutely can't describe this feeling. I'm not as high as a kite when I think about him, but I often smile whenever I get a text from him and my legs turn to jelly in his prescence.
I really don't know what to fucking do about this.
It's driving me insane.

honeythorn · 04-30-2009, 06:13 AM

You're just going to have to let it go.

Been there, done that, only I NEVER tell them. I know what the answer will be so I don't need to tell them.

It'll leave an empty bit but you'll learn to live with it.

Yvette_Du_Pointe · 04-30-2009, 11:22 AM

But surely if he says that his feelings might change, then I should have some hope, right?
I just.... can't explain the way I feel around this guy. It's not just his looks that I love. He's got a great personality. He's the only attractive guy that I know who isn't an arsehole, nor has turned out to be an arsehole.
And he's so passionate about music, too. He's a great musician and singer.
Should I let go, or should I wait and see what happens?

maggot · 04-30-2009, 01:44 PM

As a male, I feel comfortable speaking for my entire genre. When he says his feelings may change, he finishes the sentence early. He leaves off "but they probably won't unless you do something really special for me." So, either do something (FLIRT!), or give up.

Furthermore, all men are obsessed with sex; some have just learned to hide it better. It's a can of worms that's already been opened by hormones; just don't date a guy you don't wanna fuck. Seriously, dating's basically "interviewing" someone for marriage, so you're gonna have sex with them at some point, any way. True story. : P

Joker_in_the_Pack · 04-30-2009, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggot

Seriously, dating's basically "interviewing" someone for marriage, so you're gonna have sex with them at some point, any way. True story. : P

Oh shut up.

I've gone on many dates simply because I felt like doing something that night.

Yvette_Du_Pointe · 04-30-2009, 02:10 PM

I don't want to scare the poor guy off....
We were joking around one day about sex and virginity, and I jokingly said to him "Can you be my first, Steven?" and he replied "Of course". Thing is, he's so hard to read, that boy. I wasn't able to tell if he was being serious or not...
Not.... that I'm getting my hopes up or anything, but yeah....

honeythorn · 04-30-2009, 02:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yvette_Du_Pointe

But surely if he says that his feelings might change, then I should have some hope, right?
I just.... can't explain the way I feel around this guy. It's not just his looks that I love. He's got a great personality. He's the only attractive guy that I know who isn't an arsehole, nor has turned out to be an arsehole.
And he's so passionate about music, too. He's a great musician and singer.
Should I let go, or should I wait and see what happens?

Just try not to dribble at him or make things obvious. Just be friends since you are already. If they change they change, just prepare yourself for the fact that they are just as likely not to. Don't let yourself hope too much. The less you hope, the less of a letdown it'll be if his feelings do not change and the easier it'll be to get over it.

Trust me. I learned very quickly not to allow such hopes to rise too high. In my case this worked as the unfortunate objects of my ogling have never ever ever felt the same. Ever. So it's easy for me to harden myself to the rejection and carry on existing. I can understand some don't find that so easy though.

As for you, see how you go. I don't mean stop talking to him or anything like that. Just stay friends, don't flirt too much ( if that is what you have been doing, you didn't say ) and for gods sake try not to let the green eyed monster take over if he starts seeing someone. That'll just put him off.

KontanKarite · 04-30-2009, 02:27 PM

I'd drop it if I were you. In fact, I wouldn't even attempt to be his friend.

Thing is, you say you want to continue being his friend and if he's at all intuitive, he'll smell your bullshit a mile away and ALWAYS know you as the girl that's obsessed with him and this will probably make him uncomfortable every single time.

Time to find someone else, dollface.

maggot · 04-30-2009, 05:59 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Joker_in_the_Pack

Oh shut up.

I've gone on many dates simply because I felt like doing something that night.

I WILL NOT SHUT UP.

I just count that as hanging out with sex.

ZyklonB · 04-30-2009, 06:30 PM

LOL. Hanging out with sex? Sounds like a bathhouse.

gothicusmaximus · 04-30-2009, 08:36 PM

Diagnosis: you're fat.
Are you fat?

maggot · 04-30-2009, 08:40 PM

gmax has a point. This may very well be the case; are you?

Yvette_Du_Pointe · 05-01-2009, 01:12 AM

If that question is directed at me, no. I'm not fat.
My body weight is average for my height, which is 5ft 9.
KontanKarite: I'm not obsessed with him, and he knows that. He knows that I'm prepared to let go if he figures out that he doesn't feel that way about me.

Solumina · 05-01-2009, 01:26 AM

If you can really put aside your desire to be more then continue to be his friend but don't keep hope that he will change his mind. Sure there is a minuscule chance that he will but there is a much better chance that he never will and you will miss out on a lot of great guys because you infatuated with him.

gothicusmaximus · 05-01-2009, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yvette_Du_Pointe

If that question is directed at me, no. I'm not fat.
My body weight is average for my height, which is 5ft 9.

Ah, "average weight", the most popular self-characterization among fat people.
Until you produce pictures proving that you're not fat, you are fat, and the motive that drives your friend in his behavior is clear.

gothicusmaximus · 05-01-2009, 01:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yvette_Du_Pointe

He knows that I'm prepared to let go if he figures out that he doesn't feel that way about me.

"I'll just wait for him to decide... he can't know already, he needs time. A few months maybe. Until then I'll just follow him around."
Are you completely dense? When a guy says he doesn't feel a certain way about you, that statement can generally be taken to indicate that said guy DOESN'T FEEL THAT WAY ABOUT YOU. There's no process of deliberation taking place here, nothing to fucking figure out. He told you how he feels-- twice. Any sensible person could tell that, in saying his 'feelings might change', he's throwing you a bone so to avoid watching your fat jiggle with sobs.

honeythorn · 05-01-2009, 02:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Ah, "average weight", the most popular self-characterization among fat people.

Not quite, the more popular self characterisation (amongst fat women at least) , is "curvy" which really seriously annoys me, as it's a fucking insult to women who fit that description correctly. Having a visible waist amidst the acres and rolls of flesh when you're 18 stone, does not constitute curvy. Women like that do my fruit in.

Yvette_Du_Pointe · 05-01-2009, 08:55 AM

Gothicus, did you not read what what I posted properly or something?
Is said that he said that his feelings might change.
You're the fucking dense one if you missed out reading that part.
Plus, since when did being tall immedeatly make me fat?
I get weighed by my doctor every 6 months (by special request), and my weight is average for my height. I weigh in at 9st 5.
I'm starting to assume that you are mentally incapable of reading peoples posts fully and understanding them properly.

Ethawyn · 05-01-2009, 09:00 AM

hehe.....oh god................................

Solumina · 05-01-2009, 09:27 AM

YDP the guy said that he "may change his mind" for one of three reasons A) he cares about (as a friend) and didn't want to hurt your feelings B) he likes the attention of a girl fawning over him and doesn't mind stringing you along to get it or C) he isn't really into you but doesn't want to give up the chance to fuck you later (personally I think B is the most likely in this situation).

gothicusmaximus · 05-01-2009, 10:00 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yvette_Du_Pointe

Is said that he said that his feelings might change.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Me

Any sensible person could tell that, in saying his 'feelings might change', he's throwing you a bone so to avoid watching your fat jiggle with sobs.

Quote:

Plus, since when did being tall immedeatly make me fat?

It doesn't, but the fact that a teenage boy on the rebound rejected what amounts to your desperate plea to suck his cock indicates that you're most likely ugly, and excess fat is the most common form of ugliness. You should be glad that you're fat-- at least that problem can be easily solved, unlike a hideous face or Tourette's or something.

Quote:

I get weighed by my doctor every 6 months (by special request)

Why, so you can keep hearing that you're 'average weight' and stave off low self-esteem? You do realize that, due to the ever increasing rate of obesity in the US and UK, "average' and 'fat' are no longer mutually exclusive concepts?
If you produce pictures proving your claim, I'll believe you.

Quote:

I'm starting to assume that you are mentally incapable of reading peoples posts fully and understanding them properly.

And I'm starting believe you're in utter denial, not only incapable of taking a hint, but of taking a forthright "no" for an answer.

honeythorn · 05-01-2009, 12:03 PM

Actually 9 stone 5 ( or around 9 stone ) is the healthy weight range for my own height of 5'4 , so if she is 5'9 that actually would make her really quite slim . No one of that weight and height can be classed as fat. At all.

gothicusmaximus · 05-01-2009, 12:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by honeythorn

Actually 9 stone 5 ( or around 9 stone ) is the healthy weight range for my own height of 5'4 , so if she is 5'9 that actually would make her really quite slim . No one of that weight and height can be classed as fat. At all.

Bad news for Yvette if this is true, as she then most probably suffers from another, less easily remedied form of unattractiveness.

KontanKarite · 05-01-2009, 02:22 PM

Gothicus, your deductive reasoning is superb.

Mag · 05-01-2009, 02:48 PM

I'd keep in touch with him, but lay off with any "me and you" topics for a while, it might make him feel more and more defensive against you...People DO change...Maybe he just got out of the relationship and since she was harsh to him, doesn't think he ever wants a girlfriend at all right now...