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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
06-14-2006, 08:27 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 20
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The Truth About Life
The Whole World Sucks If You Ask Me, Some Days I Just Want To Die! In Fact,
I Feel As If Life Is A Lie, A Web We're Tangled Up In. We Struggle To Break The Surface, But We're Swallowed By Darkness. A Meer Thread Of Our Souls Is Left To Haunt The Bastards Left Behind. My Soul Stabs The Very Heart Of Humanity, Longing To Feel The Agony, Longing To Taste The Warm, Salty Blood, And Suck The Life Out Of The Mortals, Sentenced To The Hell That Is Life. Boo-fucking-hoo, They Taunt And Tease. But Someday, It Will Be Their Blood, Their Very Life Force, That Phases Through My Bleeding Heart.
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06-14-2006, 08:35 PM
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#2
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Australia. Finally back home.
Posts: 957
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by iloveafi
Boo-fucking-hoo, They Taunt And Tease.
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Hey! I got a mention! Aren't I the special one.
__________________
"It's strange to see how much people have changed through the years. Just for fun, see if you can find the point where we all turned bitter."
-- Chris Isaak
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06-14-2006, 08:42 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 20
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yeah, believe it or not, you kind of inspired me. Sorry for all that mean crap I said. I was pissed at my mom and that put me in an extra sour mood. Tell me what you think of my poem! Thanks!
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Originally Posted by Magpie_Tendencies
Hey! I got a mention! Aren't I the special one.
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06-14-2006, 08:44 PM
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#4
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Join Date: May 2006
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 2,126
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Haha, you got a mention magpie. You get to have a cookie from the jar because you got the mention of the day.
To iloveafi: hey, ever heard of a run on sentence? Try to avoid them, it makes reading a hell of a lot easier. If the whole world sucks, then you'll just have to keep away from the mouth. It cant suck you if you keep away from the dangerous end.
Honestly mate, grow some balls. Everyone has a shit time in life, but its full of great times as well. Just wait it out, lay off the depressants, and you'll be better eventually.
__________________
Everyone has a ghost...a phantom behind us which slows and drags us down.. This ghost or spectral has a name..."Regret".
"I've never regretted anything..." - Light Yagami
Life is a shit sandwich. Unfortunately, it's always lunchtime. How much bread you have goes a long way toward determining how easy it is to swallow.
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06-14-2006, 08:52 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Australia. Finally back home.
Posts: 957
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Corpsey
If the whole world sucks, then you'll just have to keep away from the mouth. It cant suck you if you keep away from the dangerous end.
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Ha! That made me laugh.
iloveafi - Corpsey is right about the run-on sentences and I don't like how it's all in capitals or how angsty it is.
But you credited me for inspiring you and I got a special mention so feel pretty good right now. Have a silver star.
__________________
"It's strange to see how much people have changed through the years. Just for fun, see if you can find the point where we all turned bitter."
-- Chris Isaak
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06-14-2006, 08:55 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: El Paso, Texas/ Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua
Posts: 9,203
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I don't like the poem.
I'm sorry but I abhor depressive attitudes. Actually, I'm not sorry.
Humanity is falling in a spiral of apathy. Nihilism is a common thing, suicides are normal amongst teens and up, Depression will become the second most common disability by 2020.
Humans are becoming masochists about reality. They would rather "face the truth that life is meaningless" than "live in our little fantasy land".
The Fantasy Land is the real reality (pardon the redundance, but it's well written); it's humans who make it Hell.
__________________
"No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world.
I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker."
-Mikhail Bakunin
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Originally Posted by George Carlin
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
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06-14-2006, 09:05 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Florida
Posts: 325
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I have my own fantasy world.. does that make me sane? 
__________________
And thus I clothe my naked villainy
With old odd ends, stol'n forth of holy writ;
And seem a saint, when most I play the devil.
~William Shakespeare
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06-14-2006, 09:08 PM
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#8
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: El Paso, Texas/ Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua
Posts: 9,203
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Much more than a Nihilist, and much more beautiful.
On a side note: Nihilists themselves are not evil or stupid. I myself am a Nihilist in that I find no point in life, but I think that's what makes it beautiful and worth living.
__________________
"No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world.
I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker."
-Mikhail Bakunin
Quote:
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Originally Posted by George Carlin
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
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06-14-2006, 09:10 PM
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#9
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 20
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Thanks, I respect your criticism. A developing poet needs to get some occasionaly. I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but i'm very upset. The more depressed I am, the more my writings suck. Sorry about the run on sentences. I'm not really paying attention, I was trying to paint my nails.(they're a really neat shade of black, too. I tried to paint a skull, but it didn't work out) I'll look more often before I submit stuff. However, Godslayer Jillian, lay off the suicide comments. Not trying to whine, but my brother just died of suicide, so I'd rather not have you throw it back in my face. I know I've written a lot of suicide stuff, but that's my problem. I like to write about what I'm depressed about.
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06-14-2006, 09:11 PM
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#10
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Australia. Finally back home.
Posts: 957
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The suicide thing is part of his signature sweetie. It wasn't directed at you or your writings personally.
__________________
"It's strange to see how much people have changed through the years. Just for fun, see if you can find the point where we all turned bitter."
-- Chris Isaak
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06-14-2006, 09:11 PM
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#11
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Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: El Paso, Texas/ Ciudad Juarez, Chihuahua
Posts: 9,203
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I come from a family with suicide tendencies, AND I'm a Nihilist as you know if you read my post.
I'm not throwing it at your face, but I'm damned if I do not condemn suicide, my repressed subconciousness.
__________________
"No theory, no ready-made system, no book that has ever been written will save the world.
I cleave to no system. I am a true seeker."
-Mikhail Bakunin
Quote:
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Originally Posted by George Carlin
People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don’t care what people think.
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06-14-2006, 09:23 PM
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#12
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 20
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whatever
look, i'm sorry. I say some really stupid shit when i'm pissed. Forgive me. Oh, sorry about what I said to you on the sequel to "the truth about life" i'm really sorry. I'm really bad about letting my moth overload my ass.
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Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian
I come from a family with suicide tendencies, AND I'm a Nihilist as you know if you read my post.
I'm not throwing it at your face, but I'm damned if I do not condemn suicide, my repressed subconciousness.
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06-14-2006, 09:27 PM
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#13
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 20
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me too. Thanks for not being too harsh. I know this poem sucks.
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Originally Posted by Phayte
I have my own fantasy world.. does that make me sane? |
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06-15-2006, 01:34 AM
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#14
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: I'm underneath the sink, now what do you think, living under my sink?
Posts: 592
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A bit of structure wouldn't go astray.
Stop dwelling on the negative, you'll only sink deeper.
Try to look on the bright side you're alive, now start living.
Nihilism isn't my cup of tea, I prefer Absurdism. If we have a purpose chances are we won't agree with it.
__________________
Life is a sexually transmitted disease, and it's 100% fatal!
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06-15-2006, 03:51 AM
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#15
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Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: The Netherlands
Posts: 244
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Just a tiny note:
Can you please quote first and answer later... the reverse thing you do works kind of confusing...
Thank you.
I do think you have potential to become a poet, but you need to work on your metaphores. Try to avoid words as 'darkness' and 'blood', they are way to common in 'angsty teen poems', which makes them lose their impact...
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click here to be fooled
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06-15-2006, 04:58 AM
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#16
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Lebanon
Posts: 818
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Maybe it's just me, but reading this "poem" made me feel as if I were reading the lyrics to Emo Song...
__________________
"It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more." --From Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Cartman(South Park): It's a man's obligation to stick his boneration in a woman's separation; this sort of penetration will
increase the population of the younger generation.
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06-15-2006, 06:06 AM
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#17
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Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 1,247
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by iloveafi
The Whole World Sucks If You Ask Me, Some Days I Just Want To Die! In Fact,
I Feel As If Life Is A Lie, A Web We're Tangled Up In. We Struggle To Break The Surface, But We're Swallowed By Darkness. A Meer Thread Of Our Souls Is Left To Haunt The Bastards Left Behind. My Soul Stabs The Very Heart Of Humanity, Longing To Feel The Agony, Longing To Taste The Warm, Salty Blood, And Suck The Life Out Of The Mortals, Sentenced To The Hell That Is Life. Boo-fucking-hoo, They Taunt And Tease. But Someday, It Will Be Their Blood, Their Very Life Force, That Phases Through My Bleeding Heart.
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Don't worry, you'll come out of puberty alive.
__________________
Petrified for the millionth time...
Slowly my soul evaporates
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06-15-2006, 09:59 AM
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#18
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 604
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1989 the number another summer (get down)
Sound of the funky drummer
Music hittin' your heart cause I know you got soul
(Brothers and sisters, hey)
Listen if you're missin' y'all
Swingin' while I'm singin'
Givin' whatcha gettin'
Knowin' what I knowin'
While the Black bands sweatin'
And the rhythm rhymes rollin'
Got to give us what we want
Gotta give us what we need
Our freedom of speech is freedom or death
We got to fight the powers that be
(faint voice in the background)Let me hear you say
Chorus
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Fight the power
Wheve got to Fight the powers that be.
As the rhythm designed to bounce
What counts is that the rhymes
Designed to fill your mind
Now that you've realized the prides arrived
We got to pump the stuff to make us tough
from the heart
It's a start, a work of art
To revolutionize make a change nothin's strange
People, people we are the same
No we're not the same
Cause we don't know the game
What we need is awareness, we can't get careless
You say what is this?
My beloved, lets get down to business
Mental self defensive fitness
(Yo) bum rush the show
You gotta go for what you know
Make everybody see, in order to fight the powers that be
(faint voice in background) Lemme hear you say...
Fight the Power
Chorus
Chorus
Elvis was a hero to most(3x)
But he never meant, shit to me you see
Straight up racist that sucker was
Simple and plain
Mother fuck him and John Wayne
Cause I'm Black and I'm proud
I'm ready and hyped plus I'm amped
Most of my heroes don't appear on no stamps
Sample a look back you look and find
Nothing but rednecks for 400 years if you check
Don't worry be happy
Was a number one jam
Damn if I say it you can slap me right here
(Get it) lets get this party started right
Right on, c'mon
What we got to say
Power to the people no delay
Make everybody see
In order to fight the powers that be
Chorus
What we got to say
fight the power,cmon(x3)
__________________
Christopher Lee is a god....don't argue with me.
I'm gothtastically delicious!
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06-15-2006, 02:14 PM
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#19
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Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 17
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Quote:
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Originally Posted by Niels
Just a tiny note:
Can you please quote first and answer later... the reverse thing you do works kind of confusing...
Thank you.
I do think you have potential to become a poet, but you need to work on your metaphores. Try to avoid words as 'darkness' and 'blood', they are way to common in 'angsty teen poems', which makes them lose their impact...
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Niels is right.
iloveafi- Please do something about the whole quote thing. You practically have to read it upside down to understand what you're saying.
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10-04-2007, 01:32 PM
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#20
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Join Date: Jul 2006
Location: My own little world
Posts: 217
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Iloveafi, I'm going to be nice because I'm in a suprisingly good mood, just please work on the captilization errors. It looks really wierd
__________________
Sanity is overrated...
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