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| Literature Please come visit. People get upset, write poetry about it, and post it here. Sometimes we also talk about books. |
06-17-2007, 03:51 PM
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#1
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The drizzling state of Denial
Posts: 263
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Jungian Halloween
Bone-buried beneath a
high-cheekboned moon with
twinkling star smiles,
my heart plays
necromancer, marionette-raising
my corpse from its runny red
grave. Pumpkin-eyed and
lean, it flutters
around my ribs like a ghost bat,
then like a Halloween ghost hung on a tree
as I speak to
another someone. Its
eyes fade like denim, then
it flickers away again,
clad in the coffin of
crumbling friendship.
I wrote this today. I know it's not spectacular, but...any thoughts on it?
__________________
Being yourself is like taking a shower; if you don't do it too often, you'll start to stink. Like, really bad. Gasmask school-evacuation-for-anthax bad.
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06-17-2007, 03:53 PM
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#2
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Flushing, NY
Posts: 3,206
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I like how you broke up the lines.
__________________
"Live for today, but know that tomorrow always comes- even if not for you."-MollyMac
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06-17-2007, 04:01 PM
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#3
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The drizzling state of Denial
Posts: 263
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Thanks. When I do free verse, I let the line breaks free as well.
__________________
Being yourself is like taking a shower; if you don't do it too often, you'll start to stink. Like, really bad. Gasmask school-evacuation-for-anthax bad.
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06-17-2007, 04:10 PM
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#4
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Flushing, NY
Posts: 3,206
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I've never thought about doing it that way. I am very rigid with my line breaks when I write. There's a certain rhythm in my head, and the lines have to meet that rhythm. I've never thought otherwise.
__________________
"Live for today, but know that tomorrow always comes- even if not for you."-MollyMac
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06-17-2007, 07:29 PM
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#5
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The drizzling state of Denial
Posts: 263
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Do you mean a meter-like rhythm, or just a rhythm? To me, breaking lines doesn't necessarily break rhythm. Rather, it can be symbolic, to give the poem an actual shape, or just arbitrary. It can affect the rhythm, though, yes.
__________________
Being yourself is like taking a shower; if you don't do it too often, you'll start to stink. Like, really bad. Gasmask school-evacuation-for-anthax bad.
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06-17-2007, 07:41 PM
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#6
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Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Somewhere in this Universe, that's all I'll say.
Posts: 713
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I like it a lot. I didn't see quite as much of Jung as I thought though...but ti was interesting. The line breaks caused a certain flowy jerkiness, if you see what I mean. Yes, I know that was oxymoronic. But I like it. Keep writing please. I'm curious.
__________________
Yawn. This is rather tedious, is it not?
www.chansondeplume.blogspot.com
^Mon blog d'ecriture en francais. Veuillez lire et commenter!
Translation: My writing blog in french. Feel free to read and comment.
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06-17-2007, 08:08 PM
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#7
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Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: The drizzling state of Denial
Posts: 263
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Yeah, I know what you mean about the flowy jerkiness, actually.  I guess I'm accustomed to writing like that, so when I read it, it doesn't hit me as something strange.
About Jung - you're right, it's not some super-deep thing about him. The main Jungian ideas in it are about the personality 1 and 2 and the shadow. I didn't do a perfect job separating them, I don't think.
Thanks for the comments!
__________________
Being yourself is like taking a shower; if you don't do it too often, you'll start to stink. Like, really bad. Gasmask school-evacuation-for-anthax bad.
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