Lonely...

Vyvian Blackthorne · 03-21-2007, 03:23 PM

I am so lonely. Boo hah. I cry now. Atmosphere blank.
That's all I have to say.
-----------------------------------------------
Well, seriously, I honestly have no one who truthfully loves me. I only had "one" person who did; but that was more than a few years ago. Or at least, I love them. There's no way to salvate the sorrow that I truly have for such a loss, words barely describe such a lonesomeness. My family is estrained from me, and I only have few salvations. Otherwise, reality, people, ect. have not treated me well. Why do I go on? And as cliche as it may sound, goth is a true salvation toward me. Art is as well. I have no real friends, and since I find no other goths like me to where I live, growing up only discrimanted for being own my darkly inclined self, I felt this was a true way to go into my gothic community. Yet otherwise, however, I am a broken, love loess soul who has no 'real' friends. This is the only place I feel confortable speaking of this on the internet

Vyvian Blackthorne · 03-21-2007, 03:23 PM

I do dearly hope I won't be embarressed for posting that in the future...reason being, I hope not to be laughed at or mocked. I haven't supplied all details of my current life, though.

bleedingheart344 · 03-21-2007, 03:28 PM

Well, I'm hoping this is one of your very few serious posts... but if you're honest and serious about this, you can msn me if you need any consoling.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 03-21-2007, 03:33 PM

Well, yes, it is a serious post. I'm not normally serious and rather embarressed or nervous at times to speak of my own personal life. Thank you very much for your support.

bleedingheart344 · 03-21-2007, 03:34 PM

Could I have your msn?

Ryga · 03-21-2007, 03:46 PM

hmmmmmm.... Sounds like me...

I can't come up with any words of comfort, sorry...

Minyaliel · 03-21-2007, 03:57 PM

*pats on shoulder and gives Vyvian a comforting hug* Life can be a bitch, but look at it this way: what doesn't kill you will inevitably make you stronger... take that as the word of someone who's been there, and almost drowned in her own depressions and loneliness. Keep your head above the water.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 03-21-2007, 04:55 PM

bleedingheart, sorry, I don't have an MSN. The only other contact address I can give you is my email address. Which was, in an attempt to write it, blocked. I'd suggest searching Vyvian Blackthorne, perhaps a link toward my blog will be there. Minyaliel, I see your point and I greatly appreicate your philosophies, though in such a society it's so much more pressure to 'get over it' and such. The sorrow of my lost love does pass, yet the pain can not be taken away from what I feel. And there is no other true way for me to describe this without prosetylizing. Sorry.

Mir · 03-21-2007, 04:59 PM

Vyvian, I've been there too. And it takes a long time to move on but move on you shall. In the meantime, have some chocolate chip ice cream. *passes you some*

Lynn377 · 03-21-2007, 06:41 PM

I'm sorry you feel so crappy right now. I wish there was something I could say to make you feel better, but I know there isn't. I've no way to comfort you, but you are not alone here.

KontanKarite · 03-21-2007, 08:09 PM

Vyvian,

Like everyone else, I'm sorry about what you're going through.

Honestly, goth was something of a saving grace for me as well. You say you're lonely and that I'm sure is true.

But in this digital realm, a cyber reflection of the world, distances shortened to the length of a few pixels, you find you are not alone. I know this much is possibly for certain: If this were a real environment, you would be among family.

Be strong and take those steps forward to create your own family. They're out there and we are the evidence of this.

If I could, I would offer you a clove, a shot of absinthe, and a home cooked meal, maybe go out and find a gaggle of goths at a club or something. I am sure this is something everyone here would do for you if only they could.

Brightest of blessings.

Saddiction · 03-21-2007, 08:52 PM

When you think your world is crashing down, know that it can get better. If you want it to. You ultimately need to take the initiative to change the situation. Atleast that was my experience. Nevertheless, hope you start feeling better.

HumanePain · 03-21-2007, 08:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Vyvian,

Like everyone else, I'm sorry about what you're going through.

Honestly, goth was something of a saving grace for me as well. You say you're lonely and that I'm sure is true.

But in this digital realm, a cyber reflection of the world, distances shortened to the length of a few pixels, you find you are not alone. I know this much is possibly for certain: If this were a real environment, you would be among family.

Be strong and take those steps forward to create your own family. They're out there and we are the evidence of this.

If I could, I would offer you a clove, a shot of absinthe, and a home cooked meal, maybe go out and find a gaggle of goths at a club or something. I am sure this is something everyone here would do for you if only they could.

Brightest of blessings.

That was some awesome comfort there dude.
Vyvian: don't forget you have to hang on my arm at the Gnet party!

Vako · 03-21-2007, 08:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Vyvian,

Like everyone else, I'm sorry about what you're going through.

Honestly, goth was something of a saving grace for me as well. You say you're lonely and that I'm sure is true.

But in this digital realm, a cyber reflection of the world, distances shortened to the length of a few pixels, you find you are not alone. I know this much is possibly for certain: If this were a real environment, you would be among family.

Be strong and take those steps forward to create your own family. They're out there and we are the evidence of this.

If I could, I would offer you a clove, a shot of absinthe, and a home cooked meal, maybe go out and find a gaggle of goths at a club or something. I am sure this is something everyone here would do for you if only they could.

Brightest of blessings.

^

What he said.

:-)

Clockwork · 03-21-2007, 09:05 PM

Anyone who would laugh or mock you for this deserves to be shot. I'm sorry for your lack of real flesh-and-blood friends, Vyvian. The best advice I can offer is to keep your chin up, maybe be a little more social to increase the odds of building a friendship with someone... and just hang in there. You really don't know what good things can lie ahead of you, just weeks or days or minutes. And, in the meantime, you always have us.

wishcat · 03-21-2007, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vyvian Blackthorne

I am so lonely. Boo hah. I cry now. Atmosphere blank.
That's all I have to say.
-----------------------------------------------
I have no real friends, and since I find no other goths like me to where I live, growing up only discriminated for being own my darkly inclined self, I felt this was a true way to go into my Gothic community. Yet otherwise, however, I am a broken, love loess soul who has no 'real' friends. This is the only place I feel comfortable speaking of this on the internet

I know how you feel and what you're going through because i have been there. I too have no real friends. The only one I have is my fiance. I don't really have anyone I can express how I truly feel too. No one else around here is quite like me or understands me, that is why I like coming here to this forum, because I feel there are people here that are more like me than those around me in life. I don't know if this is making sense, I am kinda drunk at the moment ^.^
I hope you find the comfort you need.

Delicate_Torture · 03-21-2007, 09:17 PM

I lamented at highschool, many many years ago, about my lack of friends. I knew that people thought that I was strange, viewed me with antipathy and that nobody wanted to speak with me.

Until I spoke with someone. There was a girl in my class who was a nerd and who nobody spoke with. So I spoke to her. And then we found another person who nobody liked, and we spoke with her. And so on, and so on.

After a few months I looked around to discover that I had friends. And they were real friends who were not simply people who I 'fit in with' as fellow goths, or who liked the same sort of music/clothes/blah as I did. We were real friends who had discovered each other in a period of adversity and that gave us a strength that none of the other groups at school had.

Have you tried speaking to someone?

Using us online as a crutch to support you for a while is alright. Using us as a prosthesis to replace a real time friendship isn't very healthy.

PersephoneX · 03-21-2007, 10:40 PM

My best friend has the same problem...Thing is, I love him...but i'm provinces away from him.

Its hard, i know. But we're all here for you...

*Nudges Vyv, and passes IcedZoo's around*

Vyvian Blackthorne · 03-22-2007, 04:39 PM

Well, responding to Delicate_Torture's post, yes I have spoken to someone, a therapist. But, I've gone through many, and because of my gothness and thoughts of the world-they almost sent me to a mental institution. Though I laugh of it now, I was afraid to converse to another professional soul, so I keep searching for more like me...much more I have not to say.
I also greatly thank Kontan as well, and everyone else for your support. Right at this moment I feel very quite numb, yet I regret nothing I have said. Once I get used to the responses to these kinds of situations, I shall add more details. Until then I must tell HumanePain that yes, I'll have to be on your arm-but be careful to scream-bleedingheart has quite the fragile ears.

mrs.wes straker · 03-22-2007, 08:42 PM

I know you're sad about being lonely, and I really hated being lonely as a kid and teen, but take advantage of the time you have to yourself. Remember also: It's better to be alone than be in bad company.

That might be a bad translation; its really a Spanish saying: Es mejor estar solo que mal acompanado.

*Hugs for the lonely*

Vyvian---Is it Vyv like on The Young Ones?

james"bloody tears" · 03-22-2007, 08:56 PM

im sorry if ya need someone to bitch to ill listen. i have messenger on both msn and yahoo

Vyvian Blackthorne · 03-23-2007, 02:39 PM

I think it's safe to add more details.
I just was reminded by a call from my Uncle a violent expirence I had in school. This was the public school, around the late ninetes, right after Columbine. Some arse hole came up to me and tried to give me a high-five. He was faking to say motivational things as his friends were in the back, clearly laughing. Finally I told him, 'Fuck off, you white trash inbred piece of shit--'

He punched me across the face.
I had endured bullying before, but this was amongst the worst. He pushed me several times and then stole the book I was reading (this was outside the school) and threw it on the ground, attempting to bury it. Now, remember, all this was just because I'm goth, meaning I'm generally different and since I had no deathawk (which would lead to some thinking I'm tough), I was picked on easily.

---
I know, it's already passed and yet the same hatred for goths is projected in the society I live in today. This is not a good part of Wales, I wish I could escape yet there is nothing I can currently do finacially to leave this awful place.
I'll keep looking for more goths in reality, though.

Saddiction · 03-23-2007, 02:49 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Vyvian Blackthorne

He punched me across the face.
I had endured bullying before, but this was amongst the worst. He pushed me several times and then stole the book I was reading (this was outside the school) and threw it on the ground, attempting to bury it. Now, remember, all this was just because I'm goth, meaning I'm generally different and since I had no deathawk (which would lead to some thinking I'm tough), I was picked on easily.

I find most testosterone driven 'tough' guys are over compensating for something. I had a similar experience in school but I was bigger than he was. I basically called him out on it and told him that he was only trying to impress his friend (singular), otherwise he would have kept his stupid mouth shut.
He never bothered me again.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 03-23-2007, 02:56 PM

Well, what I said to him was obviously either words that would get him to go away or to provoke a fight. It did neither, I was just senslessly punched. But yeah, this guy was like only a few inches taller than me, so I didn't know what to expect...

DarkHeartedDemoness · 03-23-2007, 03:38 PM

I hate to be "that girl", but I would recommend either staying with a large group of like-minded people most of the time, or keeping your mouth shut and learning how to run away. 'Fuck off, you white trash inbred piece of shit--' isn't going to accomplish anything, however true it may be. Jackass shitlickers like that do NOT back off in the face of confrontation, they see it as an excuse to escalate. They also do not typically fight fairly, because to fight fairly and to lose would be to show weakness, which is something they'd never do.

I'm sorry you have to deal with bullshit like that, but if it's like you've said and it's a common occurrence, I recommend coming up with "coping techniques" to get you through until you can put yourself in better situations.