The Last Time You'll Ever Touch Me

[gothicusmaximus]

I wrote this poem a few days ago but for some reason didn't put it up on gnet, as I usually do my fabulous work.
I'll preface the piece with the observation that it is one of the most sheerly gawffickal compositions I've ever rendered, for, in addition to its sad title, among the words that comprise it are not only 'shadow' and 'dark' but 'bloodsuckers' and, indeed, 'vampire'. Without further ado, enjoy 'The Last Time You'll Ever Touch Me'.
---

The Last Time You’ll Ever Touch Me

Your slender fingers fall on the center of my chest
As dead leaves do upon asphalt before a chill wind sweeps them away,
And I know I’ll always stay the same for you.

I’ll stay the same for you like a notch
In your bedroom wall against which you can measure
How you’ve grown.

Always the same, like the time that’s on the clock
When the sun falls below the feet of your house,
And you shut your doors to keep out the bad bloodsuckers
Drawn by the dark from their hidey-holes.

I’ll be same like a hazy silhouette
burned into a brick ruin by an atom bomb—
and on your wedding night I’ll be at Blockbuster,
Renting Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter,
So we can watch it as we pass into sleep
like dead leaves, pulled by the wind from the glow of a streetlamp,
pass into shadow.

We’re both liars,
But only one of us is a lyre,
Over whose strings your slender fingers run themselves.

[HumanePain]

I only liked the last stanza. The rest reminded me of some of angsty teen stuff.
You must have reached that pinnacle in eminence where everyone expects superb compositions each and every time, and so mere brilliance is a let down.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by HumanePain

I only liked the last stanza. The rest reminded me of some of angsty teen stuff.
You must have reached that pinnacle in eminence where everyone expects superb compositions each and every time, and so mere brilliance is a let down.

Everything I post is angsty teen stuff. This might be a little more poorly disguised though.

[crimsonskies]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Everything I post is angsty teen stuff. This might be a little more poorly disguised though.

i LOLed at that. (if 'LOLed' can be used as a word).
great poem, i'm not that great at writing poems...i usually just write bad lyrics.

[Breathless Horror]

I enjoyed it. Last stanza is fucking great IMHO.

[Apathy's_Child]

I'm more or less indifferent to this. It's not badly written, but it doesn't really say anything that interests me.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

I'm more or less indifferent to this. It's not badly written, but it doesn't really say anything that interests me.

Well... well.... FUCK YOU, Apathy's Child. If you were half your age and had pimples, maybe you'd understand.

[Mir]

I thought it was great. Maybe not so much as a poem, but it would make for a great song. The first stanza was excellent.

[Sir_Vex]

I enjoyed it.

[Necrophagist]

It was reasonably good.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Mir

Maybe not so much as a poem, but it would make for a great song.

That's interesting, none of my poems have ever elicited that comment before. Maybe I should start composing melancholy folk melodies to which I can set my verse.

Originally Posted by Necrophagist

It was reasonably good.

Working my way up to unreasonably good.

[Necrophagist]

I made some lyrics for some power/death/black metal band. It sucked.

[sweetdreamr23]

I really enjoy your imagery.

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Well... well.... FUCK YOU, Apathy's Child. If you were half your age and had pimples, maybe you'd understand.

Nah. I spent the majority of my tenth year basking in the delights of having learned how to jerk off - I had higher priorities than existential angst. And my skin was and always has been flawless. Little back hair maybe, but nothing fancy.

[Ishan]

The enmity and idiocy on this particular thread are both amusing.
Wherefore art thou tears amid the laughter, and is such soiled behavior relegated hitherto a sad, sad board?

Don't try to write great poetry every time ... just write what you are feeling. If you have a grasp of the language, you shall produce something of interest ... if you are a master - then you may produce a masterpiece. But be prepared for criticism when it comes, whether you write of teen angst or of melancholy adult scenarios, which are similar to the teen angst ... LOL!

In this poem, it sounds like you were - to coin a modern expression - really PISSED OFF!

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Apathy's_Child

And my skin was and always has been flawless.

That's clearly the problem. Without the experience of at least a single blemish on your complexion, you'll never comprehend my agony.

The enmity and idiocy on this particular thread are both amusing.

I don't know what you're talking about, as no one has said anything particularly dumb yet.

[Ishan]

I don't know what you're talking about, as no one has said anything particularly dumb yet.[/quote]

OMG - wow.

[Apathy's_Child]

There's no enmity. If I swung that way, Gothicus'd be in trouble.

And my skin IS flawless, no nyeh.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Ishan

OMG - wow.

Perhaps you are experiencing difficulty in recognizing jokes as such?

And my skin IS flawless, no nyeh.

If you're content to trade poetic ken for good looks, so be it.

[Ishan]

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Perhaps you are experiencing difficulty in recognizing jokes as such?

I'll go with that ...

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