On being a jealous, possessive, trustless bitch.

Pineapple_Juice · 04-25-2009, 06:58 PM

I am that woman. I wish I wasn't. It pisses me off.
I must be incredibly insecure, because I constantly feel like I have reasons to suspect foul play in romantic relationships where no foul play occurs. I hate always feeling like I can never trust my partners because they're going to fuck me over.
For the record, they have always fucked me over, but that's another whining thread.
I don't want to care so much. If my partner is talking to another woman, I don't want to give a flying fuck. Somehow, I do. I feel like I have to investigate the situation in order to be sure that nothing is going on behind my back. Any time he hangs around women I am scared he's doing something with them, building a relationship that's gonna destroy ours. Any time I have to wait an hour our multiple hours for the reply to a text, I begin to worry.

When somethng makes me feel uncomfortable, I never say anything about it because I feel like every situation is probably me being irrational and I don't want to come off as exasperating or extreme, so instead I end up pouting in a grumpy mood and not telling him what the issue really is. The current partner of which I speak has never given me reason to doubt, except the stuff I make up and exaggerate in my own head. It's not fair to him that I act this way, making him pay for past dude's mistakes. This is disgusting, obsessive behavior that needs to end now but I'm not sure how to start.
I'm mentally defective-damaged goods, I say!

Drake Dun · 04-25-2009, 07:06 PM

By any chance would you be the sort of woman who gravitates toward assholes and reviles nice guys, and then is shocked and confused when the guys she chooses act like... well, assholes?

Pineapple_Juice · 04-25-2009, 07:29 PM

I'm not sure. When I'm interested in people I obviously don't think they're assholes otherwise I wouldn't like them.

Drake Dun · 04-25-2009, 07:34 PM

Well, you said that your partners have always fucked you over. If "fucked over" means cheating, and the partners are numerous enough to rule out bad luck, there's a pretty good chance you're bringing it on yourself.

Here's a question. How many of your partners have you cheated on?

Pineapple_Juice · 04-25-2009, 07:46 PM

Not a one. I think cheating's disgusting, despicable behavior.

Underwater Ophelia · 04-25-2009, 08:12 PM

I used to have a big problem with this, but now only a small problem.
You just have to be as rational as possible, and let the insane irrational thoughts pass.

Drake Dun · 04-25-2009, 08:18 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pineapple_Juice

Not a one. I think cheating's disgusting, despicable behavior.

That's encouraging anyway. There's not much data for us to go on here, so I'll just stick with the line that if it's a pervasive pattern you need to consider the possibility that there are bad choices being made on your end. Your partners choose what they do, but you choose who they are.

Pineapple_Juice · 04-25-2009, 08:33 PM

I know it. I think if I'm ever gonna get rid of this tendency I need to start being less insecure. if I'm sure about myself I'll be less likely to jump to conclusions that he's found someone he thinks is better, right? That sounds logical, I think. I need to get conceited.

Godslayer Jillian · 04-25-2009, 08:43 PM

Woah, you're not a dude?

Underwater Ophelia · 04-25-2009, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pineapple_Juice

I know it. I think if I'm ever gonna get rid of this tendency I need to start being less insecure. if I'm sure about myself I'll be less likely to jump to conclusions that he's found someone he thinks is better, right? That sounds logical, I think. I need to get conceited.

That, and maybe just don't have a partner unless you trust him.
Someone who loves you won't cheat on you.
If you believe him when he says he loves you, then you're all right.

ZyklonB · 04-25-2009, 08:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godslayer Jillian

Woah, you're not a dude?

It was stated multiple times throughout Gnet that Pineapple was female, I dunno how you could have missed that O.O

But it's understandable.

Pineapple_Juice · 04-26-2009, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

That, and maybe just don't have a partner unless you trust him.
Someone who loves you won't cheat on you.
If you believe him when he says he loves you, then you're all right.

That's very true. Good thing to think about.

the-nihilist · 04-26-2009, 03:43 PM

Yeah, stop drinking the haterade and take a chill pill man.

Pineapple_Juice · 04-26-2009, 06:11 PM

Greatest line in Gnet history.

Malice In Wonderland · 04-27-2009, 03:14 AM

Yeah I do that too.
But the other way round as I am a dude.

Tam Li Hua · 04-27-2009, 07:50 AM

I think it's natural [to a point] to feel a little possessive and scared when it comes to love. However, Ophie's right; when you find someone who truly loves you and whom you can truly trust, then you will find that fear subsiding. =)

Underwater Ophelia · 04-27-2009, 09:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tam Li Hua

I think it's natural [to a point] to feel a little possessive and scared when it comes to love. However, Ophie's right; when you find someone who truly loves you and whom you can truly trust, then you will find that fear subsiding. =)

That wasn't the point of what I said at all.
Damn it.

JCC · 04-27-2009, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Pineapple_Juice

Not a one. I think cheating's disgusting, despicable behavior.

Why?
khgyvcu

Solumina · 04-27-2009, 09:28 AM

Because it is cheating? Sure there are a lot of things that are much worse but trusting someone only to have them completely disregard that trust hurts like hell. If you are dating someone and you want to fuck someone else then tell your partner first, maybe the two of you could open your relationship up a bit or it may lead to a break up, either way your partner deserves better than you cheating.

Jack again · 04-27-2009, 09:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solumina

Because it is cheating? Sure there are a lot of things that are much worse but trusting someone only to have them completely disregard that trust hurts like hell. If you are dating someone and you want to fuck someone else then tell your partner first, maybe the two of you could open your relationship up a bit or it may lead to a break up, either way your partner deserves better than you cheating.

I think that depends entirely on the partner. But that's just my opinion, and opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one, and they all stink.

JCC · 04-27-2009, 09:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Solumina

Because it is cheating? Sure there are a lot of things that are much worse but trusting someone only to have them completely disregard that trust hurts like hell. If you are dating someone and you want to fuck someone else then tell your partner first, maybe the two of you could open your relationship up a bit or it may lead to a break up, either way your partner deserves better than you cheating.

Damn it, I asked Pineapple_Juice. She was going to say something like "because you're meant to stay committed to people" and I was going to be like "UH NO PINEAPPLE_JUICE" and she was going to see the error of her ways and stop being so possessive. Obviously I think that you should tell your partner that you're going to fuck someone else, but that wasn't the point, the point was that you shouldn't see a relationship as having monopoly over your partner's sexual encounters, THE POINT WHICH HAS NOW BEEN RUINED BY SOLUMINA'S INTERRUPTION.

gothicusmaximus · 04-27-2009, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Someone who loves you won't cheat on you.

Not necessarily. I believe to be in love with more than one person is most likely possible, and under the weight of such mental stress and faced with so grave a decision, most men will opt to have their strangely fish-flavored cake and eat it, too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

If you believe him when he says he loves you, then you're all right.

Unless he's mistaken, which is a contingency for which one should be prepared.
I thought I loved a girl once. Turns out I was wrong, shit was so cash.

Mag · 04-27-2009, 04:16 PM

just believe in the fact that if he's into you enough, he won't go after anyone else and keep being with you and appreciate the time spent together...

KontanKarite · 04-27-2009, 04:56 PM

Autonomy.

Learn it, live it, love it. Let it be your mantra.

Every time he's talking to another girl, remind yourself that he's a person who owes you nothing more than what he says he's going to give you and even then, he may even change his mind. So I would also suggest a bit of patience for your partner as well.

Underwater Ophelia · 04-27-2009, 05:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by gothicusmaximus

Not necessarily. I believe to be in love with more than one person is most likely possible, and under the weight of such mental stress and faced with so grave a decision, most men will opt to have their strangely fish-flavored cake and eat it, too.

I agree, it's completely possible to love more than one person. But if you love the first one, you won't put him or her at risk of emotional pain and becoming HIV+.