The Pregnancy & New Parent Thread!

[Linen]

My husband and I are now officially TTC (trying to conceive). I am so anxious and excited. We just started this month, and I'll have to wait for another 2-3 weeks to know the results because I have a somewhat long cycle. The wait is driving me insane! I am so impatient. Hehe.

So, I want to hear about your experiences as a potential/current mother or father-to-be, or as a new parent! Have you received criticism for your goth lifestyle in relation to this, and if so how do you respond to it? Share your general frustrations as well.

I know that in addition to the way I dress, and my piercings, someone will inevitably make a comment about how I should cut my almost waist-length hair because "the baby will grab it all the time" (hello? that's why you put it up). I will also receive criticism because I'm a vegetarian, and everyone will question whether or not I'm getting proper nutrition. :roll eyes:

I am 24 and my husband is 28, btw. We both work full-time, and I also go to school part-time as well as doing most of the house work. *sigh* I have wanted to be a mother since I was about 4-years-old though! LOL

[d.Nox]

Originally Posted by Linen

My husband and I are now officially TTC (trying to conceive). I am so anxious and excited. We just started this month, and I'll have to wait for another 2-3 weeks to know the results because I have a somewhat long cycle. The wait is driving me insane! I am so impatient. Hehe.

So, I want to hear about your experiences as a potential/current mother or father-to-be, or as a new parent! Have you received criticism for your goth lifestyle in relation to this, and if so how do you respond to it? Share your general frustrations as well.

I know that in addition to the way I dress, and my piercings, someone will inevitably make a comment about how I should cut my almost waist-length hair because "the baby will grab it all the time" (hello? that's why you put it up). I will also receive criticism because I'm a vegetarian, and everyone will question whether or not I'm getting proper nutrition. :roll eyes:

I am 24 and my husband is 28, btw. We both work full-time, and I also go to school part-time as well as doing most of the house work. *sigh* I have wanted to be a mother since I was about 4-years-old though! LOL

First of all, good luck! It sounds like you've waited to get your shit together before trying for a baby, which I heartily approve.

Second, there's no way you'll be able to work full time, go to school, etc. once you have a child--or at least, it shouldn't be done. If you're going to be a parent, don't screw your kid over that way. Plus, what kind of daycare can raise a child to properly embrace the dark side?

I am 27 and my wife is 25; we have a 16-month-old son (who, it should be noted, is The Chosen One). We're also vegetarians; aside from the constant nagging of our pediatrician, nobody cares too much.

To be honest, we haven't gotten too bad of a reaction to being black-clad parents. There's a bit of an increase in staring, double-takes, and so forth, but a freakish couple with a kid is less threatening, apparently, than the same couple without a kid. We have been surprised at how many nice old ladies will come up to us wanting to see our son.

There's plenty of advice about parenting available, both good and bad. I won't add anything to it, not because I don't have anything to say, but because it really won't matter. However much you research and learn ahead of time, it's very different once there's an actual baby in your house; nothing I can say will prepare you for it.

Good luck to you and your husband. We will expect pictures.

[Linen]

Originally Posted by d.Nox

First of all, good luck! It sounds like you've waited to get your shit together before trying for a baby, which I heartily approve.

Second, there's no way you'll be able to work full time, go to school, etc. once you have a child--or at least, it shouldn't be done. If you're going to be a parent, don't screw your kid over that way. Plus, what kind of daycare can raise a child to properly embrace the dark side?

Thanks! Hehe @ embracing the dark side. My husband actually isn't anywhere near goth, though he likes *some* dark music. Any child of mine, however, will definitely appreciate those things.

I will be able to take 12-14 weeks of paid leave after the baby is born, but after that I will have to return to work unless my husband can find a job that pays close to twice what he makes now. My husband and I work almost opposite shifts, however, so 3 of my 5 workdays he will be home all day, and there will only be two days out of the week when we might need a babysitter for about 3 hours until I get home from work (6 hours total per week). I am hesitant about daycare and/or babysitters, but as a former daycare worker myself I do know that there are a lot of really responsible, knowledgeable, albeit underpaid childcare workers out there. I will be taking a hiatus from school for awhile (a semester or two), but eventually I need to finish my degree.

I am 27 and my wife is 25; we have a 16-month-old son (who, it should be noted, is The Chosen One). We're also vegetarians; aside from the constant nagging of our pediatrician, nobody cares too much.

To be honest, we haven't gotten too bad of a reaction to being black-clad parents. There's a bit of an increase in staring, double-takes, and so forth, but a freakish couple with a kid is less threatening, apparently, than the same couple without a kid. We have been surprised at how many nice old ladies will come up to us wanting to see our son.

Aww your son sounds adorable! Do you guys dress him in "normal" clothes, alternative clothes, or a little of both? I think I will do a little of both simply because as much as I abhor pastels on myself, they do look awfully cute on babies. I will definitely have some selection of spooky baby clothes, though. Hehe. I'm even thinking of doing the nursery in black, red, and white. I think it can be done tastefully without looking shocking, and the color scheme would suit either gender. Besides, some psycholigists say that black & white are very stimulating to the infant brain.

There's plenty of advice about parenting available, both good and bad. I won't add anything to it, not because I don't have anything to say, but because it really won't matter. However much you research and learn ahead of time, it's very different once there's an actual baby in your house; nothing I can say will prepare you for it.

Good luck to you and your husband. We will expect pictures.

I am really big on researching, but thank you for reiterating it! I'm so lucky to have had lots of experience with babies and children of all ages, so I won't be in as much shock as some new parents are. I know having your own is very different from caring for other peoples' children, though.

Thanks for all the info! I will definitely post photos.

[Drake Dun]

Originally Posted by Linen

I will also receive criticism because I'm a vegetarian, and everyone will question whether or not I'm getting proper nutrition.

Dude, that's not joking stuff. I don't know if there's a solid scientific line on whether that is safe for your baby, but it's the kind of thing that's worth asking a doctor about.

You are playing with nature. Humans can play with nature and win, but only if they go into it with their eyes open and the facts at their fingertips.

Drake

[Linen]

Originally Posted by Drake Dun

Dude, that's not joking stuff. I don't know if there's a solid scientific line on whether that is safe for your baby, but it's the kind of thing that's worth asking a doctor about.

You are playing with nature. Humans can play with nature and win, but only if they go into it with their eyes open and the facts at their fingertips.

Drake

Oh trust me I will tell my doctor about it. I will make sure I get all the nutrition I need, but I am not going to eat meat unless for some odd reason my doctor says it is absolutely vital to the baby's health. And I definitely refuse to eat any sort of seafood as I absolutely detest it - I haven't had seafood since I was 10.

[d.Nox]

[BOLD]Linen[/BOLD] wrote:
Aww your son sounds adorable! Do you guys dress him in "normal" clothes, alternative clothes, or a little of both? I think I will do a little of both simply because as much as I abhor pastels on myself, they do look awfully cute on babies. I will definitely have some selection of spooky baby clothes, though. Hehe. I'm even thinking of doing the nursery in black, red, and white. I think it can be done tastefully without looking shocking, and the color scheme would suit either gender. Besides, some psycholigists say that black & white are very stimulating to the infant brain.

We're both pretty allergic to pastels, and can't stand cartoony little animals and tractors and such, so our options are rather limited on how he's dressed. We have a few "spooky" clothes--onesies with pirates and skulls and such--but for the most part he wears a lot of brown, and a lot of stripes. Old Navy, ghastly as it can be, has lots of more-dignified-than-average baby clothes.

And yay! for your nursery colors.

Drake Dun wrote:
Dude, that's not joking stuff. I don't know if there's a solid scientific line on whether that is safe for your baby, but it's the kind of thing that's worth asking a doctor about.

You are playing with nature. Humans can play with nature and win, but only if they go into it with their eyes open and the facts at their fingertips.

Plenty of vegetarians have healthy babies. If your diet has enough variety to keep you healthy for nine years of vegetarianism, your kid should no problems. Just make sure to get enough protein.

[Linen]

Originally Posted by d.Nox

We're both pretty allergic to pastels, and can't stand cartoony little animals and tractors and such, so our options are rather limited on how he's dressed. We have a few "spooky" clothes--onesies with pirates and skulls and such--but for the most part he wears a lot of brown, and a lot of stripes. Old Navy, ghastly as it can be, has lots of more-dignified-than-average baby clothes.

And yay! for your nursery colors.



Plenty of vegetarians have healthy babies. If your diet has enough variety to keep you healthy for nine years of vegetarianism, your kid should no problems. Just make sure to get enough protein.

Haha yeah I'm sure that even if I can manage to find cute baby clothes that aren't pastel, someone from one of our families will probably buy a few hideous things that we will be forced to put on our child when said family member(possibly the grandmothers) comes to visit to appease them. LOL.

What are your nursery colors?

I eat a lot of soy protein, but now I've heard soy might not be that good for an unborn baby either. Sigh... everything "causes cancer" or other problems these days.

[d.Nox]

[quote=Linen]Haha yeah I'm sure that even if I can manage to find cute baby clothes that aren't pastel, someone from one of our families will probably buy a few hideous things that we will be forced to put on our child when said family member(possibly the grandmothers) comes to visit to appease them. LOL.[quote]
If your family members visit infrequently, you can always say the clothes don't fit anymore, or don't fit yet, or something. We're lucky; our son is tall and skinny, so most clothes fall right off him unless we buy them specially.

What are your nursery colors?

Being on a budget, we're pretty limited in our choices; there's no strong color scheme. Most of his furniture is black, because we can buy whatever is available and paint it; there's also a lot of royal blue, but that wasn't on purpose.

I eat a lot of soy protein, but now I've heard soy might not be that good for an unborn baby either. Sigh... everything "causes cancer" or other problems these days.

Soy is a problem; IIRC, one cup of soy contains as many estrogen-type hormones as five birth-control pills; if overused, it can cause big problems down the line, around adolescence. In our experience, it's all moot, since our son--like many other babies--doesn't handle soy very well; it gives him horrible indigestion.

[Azaezl]

Good luck on ttc! I hope it happens first time for you.

I'm 24 my husband is 28, same as you, well I've not long turned 24 and Nick's gonna be 29 in december. Anyway we have a 2yr old daughter and I have to say being a mum is fantastic. Like you I always wanted to have children,I want more then one but Nick says 1 is enough, that way we can focus all our love and attention on her.

Indoors we let her wear whatever, because she's just gonna get them dirty, as long as it's not pink, we hate pink so she's never worn it. When we go outside she has various black outfits she sometimes wears red but Nick likes her in all black like him, but I think she looks adorable in black & red.

As d.nox said it's surprising how many people feel less threatned because you have a child, well people on the street anyway and old ladies seem to smile and wave and stuff. We always get nice comments about her leather jacket and sometimes we get the odd comment about her being all in black and it's not right, weird or whatever.

The grandparents know not to buy any pink or frilly stuff, they try their best to get black / red clothes for her but they know we let her wear whatever indoors so they can get her 'normal' stuff sometimes.

One thing that is awful is playgroups, the mums there are really nasty, hence why we rarely go. When we do they shun us and try and keep their kids away from our daughter, think they are also shocked because my husband is there, none of theirs bother going.

You can't fully prepare for parenthood, some people just take to it and other's struggle at first. It's a very up and down experience, some days you'll think oh what have I done, I just want 5 minutes to myself and other's you can't imagine life without them and are amazed that you created this little monster.

I found the newborn stage very easy, I was expecting it to be very difficult and tiring as everyone kept telling me it would be, but lucky for us we got a good baby. It's the toddler stage that's tiring and you have to watch everything they do and play with them all the time, answer their questions, get woken up at 6am to a little face saying 'mummy... toys', sorry I'm waffling, it is great though, I'm sure you'll love it!

[Anarasha]

I have nothing to share, really, but good luck!

[Linen]

[quote=d.Nox]

Originally Posted by Linen

If your family members visit infrequently, you can always say the clothes don't fit anymore, or don't fit yet, or something. We're lucky; our son is tall and skinny, so most clothes fall right off him unless we buy them specially.


Being on a budget, we're pretty limited in our choices; there's no strong color scheme. Most of his furniture is black, because we can buy whatever is available and paint it; there's also a lot of royal blue, but that wasn't on purpose.


Soy is a problem; IIRC, one cup of soy contains as many estrogen-type hormones as five birth-control pills; if overused, it can cause big problems down the line, around adolescence. In our experience, it's all moot, since our son--like many other babies--doesn't handle soy very well; it gives him horrible indigestion.

Eek @ the soy... does that mean it might act like a BC pill and not allow me to get pregnant? :O

Originally Posted by Azaezl

Good luck on ttc! I hope it happens first time for you.

I'm 24 my husband is 28, same as you, well I've not long turned 24 and Nick's gonna be 29 in december. Anyway we have a 2yr old daughter and I have to say being a mum is fantastic. Like you I always wanted to have children,I want more then one but Nick says 1 is enough, that way we can focus all our love and attention on her.

Indoors we let her wear whatever, because she's just gonna get them dirty, as long as it's not pink, we hate pink so she's never worn it. When we go outside she has various black outfits she sometimes wears red but Nick likes her in all black like him, but I think she looks adorable in black & red.

As d.nox said it's surprising how many people feel less threatned because you have a child, well people on the street anyway and old ladies seem to smile and wave and stuff. We always get nice comments about her leather jacket and sometimes we get the odd comment about her being all in black and it's not right, weird or whatever.

The grandparents know not to buy any pink or frilly stuff, they try their best to get black / red clothes for her but they know we let her wear whatever indoors so they can get her 'normal' stuff sometimes.

One thing that is awful is playgroups, the mums there are really nasty, hence why we rarely go. When we do they shun us and try and keep their kids away from our daughter, think they are also shocked because my husband is there, none of theirs bother going.

You can't fully prepare for parenthood, some people just take to it and other's struggle at first. It's a very up and down experience, some days you'll think oh what have I done, I just want 5 minutes to myself and other's you can't imagine life without them and are amazed that you created this little monster.

I found the newborn stage very easy, I was expecting it to be very difficult and tiring as everyone kept telling me it would be, but lucky for us we got a good baby. It's the toddler stage that's tiring and you have to watch everything they do and play with them all the time, answer their questions, get woken up at 6am to a little face saying 'mummy... toys', sorry I'm waffling, it is great though, I'm sure you'll love it!

Wow, how weird is that? My husband will also be 29 in December - on the 18th. I will be 25 in February.

Hehe. I am very fortunate to live within a mile of two consignment baby stores and two thrift stores. That will give us a lot of options, because even if we can afford some new stuff, I am quite the penny pincher. The only thing I will for sure get new is a car seat, because that is a huge safety issue. Used cribs can be OK second hand, but I'd need to make sure it was safe and didn't have a recall on it.

I'm not too worried about having an infant. I have tons of experience with them, as a former daycare worker and babysitter. However, I'm worried about how my husband will handle things when it's his turn for whatever. He says he used to babysit his cousins, but... that's not the same as working at a childcare facility - not as many babies/children to look after at once.

Originally Posted by Anarasha

I have nothing to share, really, but good luck!

Thank you!

[d.Nox]

Eek @ the soy... does that mean it might act like a BC pill and not allow me to get pregnant? :O

I don't think so--birth control is more than just estrogens--but I'm no expert. But if you have trouble conceiving, it couldn't hurt to cut it out, especially if you'll be doing so for the pregnancy anyway.

[psyches_reflection]

Originally Posted by Linen

Eek @ the soy... does that mean it might act like a BC pill and not allow me to get pregnant? :O

Definitely not, I can assure you! If the oestrogens in soy worked that way it's intefere with the birth control pill, and I'd be up to my eyes in babies!

I have no children myself, but I have a much, much younger brother (19 year gap) who I occasionally take out for a stroll. Most people are fine with the whole smal child/goth adult mix especially old ladies, and especially when I dress him up a bit! Though I was in a very skally mall once and someone inquired very loudly if I'd stolen the baby for a snack...

Babies do adore black and white patterns, the contrast sends them crazy! Olly still goes crazy for my stripy socks.

Wittering aside, stay healthy and good luck to you and your husband!

[Linen]

Originally Posted by psyches_reflection

Definitely not, I can assure you! If the oestrogens in soy worked that way it's intefere with the birth control pill, and I'd be up to my eyes in babies!

I have no children myself, but I have a much, much younger brother (19 year gap) who I occasionally take out for a stroll. Most people are fine with the whole smal child/goth adult mix especially old ladies, and especially when I dress him up a bit! Though I was in a very skally mall once and someone inquired very loudly if I'd stolen the baby for a snack...

Babies do adore black and white patterns, the contrast sends them crazy! Olly still goes crazy for my stripy socks.

Wittering aside, stay healthy and good luck to you and your husband!

ROFL @ the comment in the mall. Sorry it's sooo funny even if it was offensive. I would probably laugh if someone asked me that, followed by possibly telling them to fuck off.

Thanks for the input & wishes!

[Frozeninside]

I'm currently 28w3d pregnant.
Linen are you still TTC?

[korinna5555]

I should be due in six days..

[raggedyanne]

Linen, god luck! You seem responsibl, prepared, and full of good humor!
I found it works best when you don't try. I'm currently about one month along and vegetarian. I've added chicken back into my diet and cut out caffine and alcohol.

Korinna, hugs! If you get pregnant we could start a new mommies group on g-net ;D

[korinna5555]

YEAH!

I recently added turkey back in because I don't enough to get enough my protein. I am bad about eating..

[Delkaetre]

One thing to avoid is peanut. For whatever reason, developing babies and very young children can develop a peanut allergy very easily if over-exposed to peanuts.
This I say as someone who knows all too many people with potentially fatal allergies to peanut.

[raggedyanne]

Wow. Peanuts? I don't eat them that much, but what about reeses'?

[Delkaetre]

I think it's mostly when they're used as the main kind of protein-equivalent in a diet. A few reeses' now and then should be fine, but eating a lot may be bad. When babies are still developing, it's much easier for them to develop allergies and intolerances- so feeding your under-one-year-old child peanut butter might not be the best plan.
Strange thing is, even though this is a documented trend, scientists are at a loss as to why peanuts are so much worse than other foodstuffs.

[Frozeninside]

For the longest time I lived on peanut butter.

[CptSternn]

I have a six week old boy. As far as lifestyle, nothing much changed, except the fact if you do dress goth you will be changing clothes a few times a day since the kid will puke on you, often, and baby puke is white and shows up on black even if you try and clean it in the sink.

Also note - I started a thread on this in the Fashion section on dangerous make-up chemicals that should be avoided by pregnant women or women TTC. Many make-up's and other beauty products contain chemicals that are toxic to babies in the womb, so make sure your not using them if you are TTC, pregnant or breastfeeding.

So you 'can' be goth while TTC, pregnant, or just after having a baby, but it's a bit more difficult with the clothing and make-up restrictions.

[korinna5555]

You're using formula, aren't you, Sternn? I hate how badly it stains..

[raggedyanne]

I just started a search for a nice goth couple in the San Francisco area who is looking to adopt. I'm about 8 weeks along, so I have a bit of time, but it's important that I be able to have contact with my baby and the parents even after the adoption. If anyone knows someone who's looking, please message me.