Something that's been plaguing me for a long long long long time.... - Page 2

raggedyanne · 04-08-2007, 09:54 PM

I'm straight, but i still understand how hard it is to be in an abusive situation. Kotan has it harder, I think, but people always just say "pssh, get over it." The only advice I have is to date nice people who wouln't hurt a fly, then progress up the personality ladder from there. Also, parents can't not like that of which they do not know.

mrs.wes straker · 04-08-2007, 09:55 PM

Hmm, where does one find these "nice people who wouldn't hurt a fly?"

raggedyanne · 04-08-2007, 10:03 PM

Starbucks, bookstores, and hippy concerts

mrs.wes straker · 04-08-2007, 10:06 PM

Ha ha! That was funny.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 04-08-2007, 10:10 PM

Epic. Your life reminds that of Giamoco Casanova, I'm sorry your father pressured you to be straight. Relating to that, I have trouble with sexual idenity. I've barely had any relationships, my father, knowing I'm goth, thinks that because of this I am gay (back living with him). He also thought that apparently if you wear make-up and lack a c*nt, you are gay as well. Striving I was to leave that place...striving...I've had one true relationship with a woman and that long ago. It ended tragically. I wish not speak of this anymore.
bye-bye. goth4ever.

mrs.wes straker · 04-08-2007, 10:17 PM

You need a hug Vyvian, and I'm sending you one now.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 04-08-2007, 10:20 PM

(AOL voice): You Got Hug!
(Screen): Mrs. Wes Straker
ME: Aw..thank you.

raggedyanne · 04-08-2007, 10:21 PM

hugs for all. My ex was an abusive bastard who threatened me so my parents never even knew we were together. I still haven't told them and it's really hard for me to connect to people in a 'more than friends' way. I know this thread isn't about me, but I thought you should know the basis for my whining.

mrs.wes straker · 04-08-2007, 10:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by raggedyanne

hugs for all. My ex was an abusive bastard who threatened me so my parents never even knew we were together. I still haven't told them and it's really hard for me to connect to people in a 'more than friends' way. I know this thread isn't about me, but I thought you should know the basis for my whining.

You parents are your protection until you can fend for yourself. They might be a bit old/boring/stale/judgmental/etc. BUT they are your number one advocates. You should consider confiding in them to a degree so you can get the help you need, and you might be able to go into adulthood ready for a healthy relationship, with scars, yes, but not with open wounds.

Vako · 04-09-2007, 02:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Fast forward to Italy. Then I went out in Napoli and ran into a very strange man on the street. He was all in my intimate zone and asking me what I wanted while my gaydar was on red alert. I turned him down. For that, he tried to kill me.

You ran into a sociopath that happened to be homosexual. Most gays are gentle, law-abiding people. I do think that you will meet homosexuals that are decent, but you have to go where they hang out. There is no need for all of this fear. Gays are just people. There are ones of highly developed quality of character, and ones that are scumbags. Just like every other group of citizens.

And just because a person realizes he is a homosexual and becomes accepting of it does not mean he has to "act a certain way" i.e. "flamboyant" or effeminate".Those are stereotypical rolls that are "expected" of us. just be yourself and you will find other gays that are like-minded and have decent character. It's about the love and romance of fellow man, not about violence.

Now before anyone over-reacts and tells me how ignorant and simple-minded I am, just realize that I have been around this mean old world and took the time to post this advice out of the goodness of my heart.

Cheers.

DarkHeartedDemoness · 04-09-2007, 02:32 PM

Dude, Vako, why would anyone call you ignorant over that?

Seriously, I went over your post a couple of times, and I couldn't find anything that made me think, "Gosh, I bet that's offensive to someone."

Vyvian Blackthorne · 04-09-2007, 02:54 PM

I'm sure it's difficult generally for homosexuals...anywhere. Of course they'd obey the law to give their own community a good name. I can compare this with something...but eh, I've mentioned this numorus times already :/

Arashi · 04-09-2007, 10:23 PM

So, you date girls so your family is happy with you? Why put yourself through that?
Did you ever think of going with the whole "If they don't like it, they'll just have to deal with it"?
I'm pretty sure if you went with whoever you truly fancied, and decided not to care about the family's thoughts of it, you'd be free of the burden that is plaguing you, and they may even come to accept it over time.

GothGarl · 04-09-2007, 10:38 PM

I believe the source of your problem may be your father; not that dude in Italy. I say this because it sounds to me like you were comfortable with your sexuality until you came out. Until, your father "heavily chastised and rejected" you and, I assume, made you feel like you were a disgrace for you thought, "This will make your family proud." At such a young age, I would presume it left emotional scars and would explain why you don't feel "okay" with yourself.

However, being attacked by that psycho certainly did not make things easier.
Sounds like now you have problem thrusting guys or people in general. Which makes sense, fear keeps you alive. However, it can keep you from living.

Sadly, after saying all that I have little solutions to offer. I would advise you to confront your father, to come out to close friends (if you haven't done so yet) and, as others mentioned, going places that are gay friendly.

But for what it's worth, I can relate to what you wrote (in my case it would be girls, though). Being attracted to a few girls and wanting to be with them. It terrifies me also, but pretending to be straight is killing me and yet I'm bi. I have told my closest friends, although they can't relate, it definitely helps to know that I can talk to them. I'm sharing this information with you to show you that you're not the only one.

This is probably strange (or maybe not, I’ve never dared to ask girlfriends if they liked these sorts of things), but I like this part:
"At this time, I had wanted to do "shows" on attractive guys for the pleasure of my GFs. I was more than comfortable with the idea of making out with them, naked bodies pressed together, his hard shaft entering my mouth. All so that she could see something that I thought she would find beautiful."

I hope this does not offend you, but helps you in anyway possible.
(Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors, english is not my first language nor my strongest subject.)

disorder · 04-09-2007, 11:51 PM

Go to Sydney one February. The annual Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras. I watched it one tv once. It looked quite fun.

whispertwist · 04-10-2007, 12:18 AM

Way back in the dark ages when I was in high school, I was a beard for two gay boys. This was before Stonewall, before gay rights, and back when homosexuality was officially a disease.

Neither of them came out to me, but I knew. There was little physical contact with either of them, but we did have a lot of fun and were good friends.

This was also back when good girls didn't, so the lack of physical contact beyond a hug and a good night peck was something I never gave much thought to. (I was 13 and 15 for each 'boyfriend'.)

Far from being damaging relationships, both of these friendships helped this very shy girl become more socially comfortable. I think it did the same for the boys, one of whom I was in contact with until he died from AIDS.

You live in an area where being known as gay might actually be dangerous. You face hostility from your father. I am not, repeat not, advising you to hide the fact that you are gay from the world. But I am saying that having good friends that are female (definitely come out to them so there is no misunderstanding) might give you the leeway to quietly find safe male companionship.

Feel free to ignore this; I AM old as dirt and the teenage social scene is an alien world to me now.

raggedyanne · 04-11-2007, 03:12 PM

Whispertwist, you should never call yourself old; just say that now you are old enough to drink the good stuff and actually pay for it. I have found that my gay friends benefit a lot from hanging around my girly friends. It may be that we're a bit less afraid of male homosexuality, or that girls can act like matchmakers. Not to mention the fact that we give awsome advice. Like this: move to California.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 04-11-2007, 04:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Arashi

So, you date girls so your family is happy with you? Why put yourself through that?
Did you ever think of going with the whole "If they don't like it, they'll just have to deal with it"?

I agree. I have made an assumption perhaps, that Kontan is gay and only applied to hetreosexuality by strict orders-which is sick that no one can welcome acceptance in the first place. It's like me and my parents with goth, yet I rebellied til they understood-I think Kontan should have done the same regarding his sexuality. Once you get used to something it becomes apart of you.

Poor Kontan, here's a cyberspace hug!!! (Don't get too close though)...
Heh, just kidding

honeythorn · 04-12-2007, 02:14 PM

In used to know a guy who was a friend of a friend. He came out to his parents that he was gay ( I always suspected him ) and his mother threw him out. But basically he told her to live with it, and he went merrily on his way and got a place of his own ect. Last I heard he was seeing someone, so it just goes to show that it can be done.

Kontan, I don't know how old you are, but if you are able to move out or already have, then I see no reason why your father should have a say in what your sexuality should be. Only you can decide that, and if he doesn't like it then tough shit I say. I know he's your dad and all, but no-one can force you to be something you are not no matter who they are.

After reading your OP I would assume that you are bi since you speak of feeling lust for women ( please correct me if I am wrong though ) yet wish to be with a man now. Why not look up on the net and see if there are any gay pride parades or moots in your area soon. You don't have to be all camp and flamboyant because it's what people expect, just go and watch or perhaps confide in a female friend if possible and get her to go along with you.

Don't deny yourself a chance of happiness because your father can't cope with the idea of you being with a man. That's his problem, not yours.

KontanKarite · 04-13-2007, 11:37 PM

Thank you, guys. Part of me realized something tonight. I was watching this live band and the lead singer was beautiful. There's this girl named Vyxin who I would say is pretty, but even SHE could not compare to this guy and she was a go go dancer. Over time, and I don't mean this as a bad thing to the ladies, but I simply find myself caring less and less for the touch of a girl.

But more and more, I realize that when a guy touches me in an intimate way, my heart seems to race. I can't seem to stop smiling. I have a hard time getting it up, if you will, but the feelings are still there. Electric. I haven't felt that for a very very long time.

But there's a girl involved right now and she loves me. We have an open relationship, if you will... but now she wants me all to herself. She's over 1000 miles away now and I can't stop this preference that I'm facing. If anything, I'll probably end up being gay/bi in the end. Who knows?

And GothGarl, I have no problems with you liking how I express my feelings. There is something about it. Something that I miss. Maybe that's why I word it in such ways.

Vako, you're right. I know, first hand anyway. The guy I went on a date with when I came back to the states was such a nice guy. I trust him. It's not just men that I have a hard time trusting, it's people in general. Oddly enough, the "stranger" someone looks, the more comfortable I am around them. Maybe it's because I associate their odd appearances with a tendency to understand me on some kind of level more quickly than others. I know that's kinda shallow, but it's how I feel.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 04-14-2007, 06:33 AM

Everyone fantazies, and/or thinks about the same or opposite sex. That's a queer fact-sexual or not one must decide what there orientation is before getting into a certain-almost religious adhere-ing community (sorry for the shitty spelling) which brings me to the point that gay communities can be overrated at times, not in any offensive directed toward them but I've been to a few. I must say it's good for expression, but some of them were still concerned about their sexuality.
I am Bisexual because I have been in 1 male and 1 female relationship, this was it. Those relationships were one of the saddest and surrealistic encounters of my miserable life.
Kontan, I hate to say it this way but you may strike me as a not-so-flaming homosexual. I'm sorry to put it that way, though I never really thought of how 'pretty' someone was unless my mind and soul was to them.
Not to mention, when you get used to 'sex' with a female, or just have it once with so much mental pressure, it could becone more of a habit than a fact.

Wait...this has nothing to with the topic and now I'm talking like an idiot. Oh dear.
Well, Kontan, keep advised to always expirement, see what's right for you. You always have my support.

~GothicThorne

Vyvian Blackthorne · 04-14-2007, 06:34 AM

....That didn't sound all right, did it? Sorry, I'm arrogant..

Geez...

wishcat · 04-14-2007, 08:54 AM

Wow...ok.

First of all, I don't think you should be dating girls just because you feel it to be "safe." I don't think it's fair for the girls to date you or fall in love with you, because girls don't really turn you on. You are gay but afraid of comming out. I think you should just be true to yourself and your feelings and do what YOU trully want to do, which is be with men not women.

My oldest sister went out with this guy for a long time when she was young. One day, we moved out of state for a year and when we moved back, she re-united with her ex-boyfriend, but he wasn't the same. He was gay, flaming gay. This broke her heart but yet they remained freinds. He said that he loved her so much but wasn't attracted to a woman's body. He needed a mans affection. Eventually, he cut his hair short like a guy, and started dressing "striaght" he said he didn't want to be gay anymore and that he wanted to be with her. They got back together but it didn't last long. He couldn't deny who he was and eventually left her and went back to men.

You see, You can't hide who you really are. Just be true to your feelings and don't care about what people think of you. Do what makes you happy.