Dating an older person, socially attceptable or not?

[angel_dark_demon_bright]

Is it or is it not socially attceptable to date someone older than you? For a woman to date an older man it would seem so, but vice versa?

This is the 21st century but not everything about society has changed. People agree and disagree on this kind of matter 50/50.

Im 18 and my girlfriend is 22. The age differance doesn't matter or concern either of us. But ive had people say to us both that they dont agree with us being together. They dont think it is right that i am dating someone older than I. In the five months we've been together only one person has said that we make a good couple and should be together.

Times change but it seems people's views on this subject dont. In todays world you dont usually hear about something like this happening.

(This isnt whining or a cry for relationship help, Im just looking to start a discussion)

[Disfunction]

It's about maturity. That's the only determining factor.

[winged_dreams]

*pokes Dis* I agree with him.

[Tall One In Black]

Originally Posted by angel_dark_demon_bright

Is it or is it not socially attceptable to date someone older than you? For a woman to date an older man it would seem so, but vice versa?

What is this "socially acceptable" you speak of and why would you think it would matter to us? And why should there be any difference between the genders?

Originally Posted by angel_dark_demon_bright

This is the 21st century but not everything about society has changed. People agree and disagree on this kind of matter 50/50.

50/50, huh? Was a study done or did you just throw those numbers out there? People disagree on many, many, many, many things. But the beauty of living in a free country is that it really makes no difference if people agree or disagree with you.

Originally Posted by angel_dark_demon_bright

Im 18 and my girlfriend is 22.

Four whole years!! Shocking!!

Originally Posted by angel_dark_demon_bright

The age differance doesn't matter or concern either of us.

Then why would you even give it a second thought?

Originally Posted by angel_dark_demon_bright

But ive had people say to us both that they dont agree with us being together. They dont think it is right that i am dating someone older than I. In the five months we've been together only one person has said that we make a good couple and should be together.

Please tell me you don't actually care if other people think you "make a good couple." Who cares if anyone agrees with you being together? It's really not their decision or their business.

Originally Posted by angel_dark_demon_bright

Times change but it seems people's views on this subject dont. In todays world you dont usually hear about something like this happening.

Actually, it happens all the time. Harrison Ford + Calista Flockhart. Ashton Kutcher + Demi Moore. Catherine Zeta-Jones + Michael Douglas. And all of those couples are far more than four years apart in age.

[rockandrose]

Age is not necessarily important in a relationship, maturity is what should be taken into consideration rather than the age difference. Naturally, there are exceptions to this notion.

You age does not determine your maturity.

The relationship between you and your partner should be exclusive and not easily affected by other people's opinions, unless you allow a third party to the relationship. It is not important what so ever as to whether other people 'approve' or 'disapprove'. If what others think matters to you, then wouldn't it be easier if you let them decide for you, since you can't decide for yourself? What value does your relationship hold if you buy into what others think of your relationship? Does age give value to a relationship?

A relationship should not be based on social acceptance or acceptance of others.

[Midnight_Terror]

Go out with whoever you want to, you should go out with a drag queen if it makes you happy. People have started accepting gays into society so I don't know why people have problems with age differences.

[The Minister Saint-Fond]

17 to 22 is not a big deal. 17 to 30, you should think about it.

[rockandrose]

Originally Posted by The Minister Saint-Fond

17 to 22 is not a big deal. 17 to 30, you should think about it.

Legally, it is a big deal.

[The Minister Saint-Fond]

Well, maybe... I think the technical age of consent in most places is 16. I've never tested that so I may be wrong...

[rockandrose]

I'm not sure about the law in America but it's illegal in Australia.

In Australia, 18 is usually the age of constent

[Manimal]

Four out of five of my serious relationships (lasting a year or more) have all been with older women ranging from two to five years difference. The one was almost exactly the same age as me. All of my not serious relationships and flings have been with younger gals (none of whome I'd consider a woman). It may be coincendence or simply how I'm designed - I don't know - I lost my manual long ago.

Either way - if she makes you happy than grab hold and don't let go. Unless she's collecting Social Security age, difference should bother you not at all.

[winged_dreams]

Originally Posted by The Minister Saint-Fond

Well, maybe... I think the technical age of consent in most places is 16. I've never tested that so I may be wrong...

In New Jersey, at least, the parents of the minor (under 18) can press charges against the older person. 17 and 38. Think about that. *shudders* I hate my stepdad. Guess which one's 38...

[Juliet Bathory]

I have a confession... I am the older woman, by a 3 years! (SHOCK HORROR!)
There are those who cannot stomach this kind of relationship and I myself lost a few friends over it, and to that I have only one thing to say... GOOD RIDDANCE! (have you ever noticed how close a friend is to a fiend?) They were lousy friends and I'm happier without them. The younger man was 16 when we met (the age of sexual consent is 16 in QLD Australia, 17 to be convicted as an adult for a crime, and 18 to buy alcohol) he's now 26, I'm 29, we have 2 kids, been together almost 10 years and married for 6. Am I happy, damn skippy I am. My advice is live your life your way, make no excuses, apologies or regrets!

Good luck!

[tenet_2012]

I dated a man that was 9 years older than me once. It was a great relationship. Very awesome sex...

It didn't last because we had varying views on religion, politics and many other things. The differences came mostly because of the age difference.

If you can both have the same ideas and understand each other than it will probably work. If not, then well...

[Juliet Bathory]

I've found that if you can agree to disagree on topics that you constantly struggle with such as religion and politics, you can still have a healthy relationship. I'm a druidic witch and my hubby is catholic. He goes to church for his rituals ans I practise mine in private. We respect each others beliefs while not resenting each other for them. In fact we admire each other for our convictions and only debate these topics when slushed.

Do you spend a lot of time talking about the age difference between you? Is it an issue between the 2 of you, or between you and your friends?

[thetiesonyourcorset]

my boyfriend is 20 and i'm 17!!

my sister thinks he's disgusting but she doesn't know him like i do and i love him!!

[Phayte]

Once your of legal age date whoever the hell you want. If you want to date someone thats 50 years older.. go for it.
My step dad is 7 years younger then my mom, and they've been married for 8 years now. Whoever said "Age does not determine maturity" is right.

Any so-called friend that judges you on something like your boyfriend or girlfriends age isn't what I would call a friend. Loose them. Damn I hate fake people.

[thetiesonyourcorset]

yeah i agree but it's kinda gross to hear someone your age is going out with a 60 year old or something,i heard this 16 year old married a 60 year old and i almost died as i was 16 and my dad is 60...EWW! sorry...but i mean age doesn't matter in SOME cases but too much like that...come on...but then again if you love the person who cares what people think,right?

[grottogrrl]

It totally depends on the persons involved. I dated a guy when I was 18 who was 14 yrs. older. We connected intellectually, which was amazing after only dating other 18 yr. olds. Unfortunatly, I realized that he was emotionally and spiritually stunted. And it made me wonder, why did he have to seek out an 18 yr. old when he could have had someone in their 20's or 30's? It was control. Some older men just want a younger lady to get the kinks out. Some are legit. Some want someone to dominate.

[angel_dark_demon_bright]

Originally Posted by Tall One In Black

What is this "socially acceptable" you speak of and why would you think it would matter to us? And why should there be any difference between the genders?



50/50, huh? Was a study done or did you just throw those numbers out there? People disagree on many, many, many, many things. But the beauty of living in a free country is that it really makes no difference if people agree or disagree with you.


Four whole years!! Shocking!!



Then why would you even give it a second thought?


Please tell me you don't actually care if other people think you "make a good couple." Who cares if anyone agrees with you being together? It's really not their decision or their business.


Actually, it happens all the time. Harrison Ford + Calista Flockhart. Ashton Kutcher + Demi Moore. Catherine Zeta-Jones + Michael Douglas. And all of those couples are far more than four years apart in age.

When i say "socially attceptable" i mean that most people not in our age group tend to look down on a woman who dates a man who is much younger than he. They tend to see her as inferior, theyll look down on her with less respect than someone who is not in said relationship. Some Men and woman, at times, will think of her as easy or loose. And, while she and i dont care about what others think of them that doesnt make it any easy when you walk into a grocery store and have people start to stare and whisper.

When you live in a small town of less then 1000 where most of the population is older than 28 with old time values, fifty-fifty starts to become a pretty close estimate.

It hasnt mattered to either of us. Like Dis said its about maturity not age. I merely started this thread to bring up the issue that in some cases and in some parts of the country what others think can matter more than somewhere. Like in a more urbon place where its easier to give the idea of others opinions less care.

And i dont care who wants us to be together and who doesnt. Would i still be in this relationship if i did? No, because listening to comments like the ones ive heard would have surely ruined it much sooner.

And yes there are cases where these kind of relationships do succeed, just like any other. Its one thing to have a relationship that is out in the spotlight. And another when your a little, slightly lower on the world popularity scale.

[OdinicRite]

When I was 16 I dated a 26 year old woman for several months, she knew my age and so did her friends, never was a big deal over it. The relationship faded to black and that was that....My last serious relationship was with a girl that is six years older than I am. Age isn't a big deal......what is a big deal is maturaty and the attraction. Who really gives a flying fuck what is "socially acceptible" and what isn't???

[angel_dark_demon_bright]

It was just a topic for disscussion. All im saying is there are alot of people who would have a problem someone they know (a parent, relative or friend of the family for example) dating somebody more than two years older than they. Especially if the younger is under 21.

[Tall One In Black]

People stare and whisper at me when I'm alone; no younger boyfriend needed. And I don't care one bit. If you're not resilient enough to handle a little staring at the grocery store, you might not be mature enough to be dating at all.

And why is two years acceptable but four is not? What about three?

I think similarity in life experience or one's "place in life" is far more important than age. When I was 25, I dated someone who was the same age as I. But he was at 25 where I was when I was 18 - just getting out into the real world on his own. We were in two very different places in life.

Plus, age as a number does not mean the same for everyone. There are 13-year-olds who are wearing makeup, styling their hair, choosing sexy outfits and even dating. Did I do those things at 13? Ha ha ha! At 13, I was riding my bicycle and jumping on the trampoline. Style didn't enter my mind until I was around 16, and dating not until I was almost 18.

And as a final note: my parents are seven years apart in age; they have been married 41 years.



... I really wish I could jump on a trampoline now...

[WolfMoon]

Depends on how big of an age difference there is. If one looks like a sharpei and the other doesn't, pretty damned icky, if you ask me!

[Manimal]

There is a point where it becomes questionable. For me I think it'd be anything in the 8 to 10 year range and greater. At that point the difference would so great that there just wouldn't be very much in common to be shared. I couldn't imagine dating a woman ten years older than me. What would I have to offer? Same with ten years younger (or so) - which I have done - they had nothing to offer me so it was never a relationship - they were simply toys. How could I relate to someone who's biggest problem in life is that she got a F in math and mommy grounded her?

Life experience does mean alot. That being said I only know of one couple that are the same age. All of the other couples I know there's a gap of at least a year or two... but the gap is rarely more than five years - and even more rare that the woman is older by five years or more. Dunno what that means really but if age is an issue that you're worried about - then it'll probably break you up. If you'd have not even thought about it as a topic to bring up then it there's no issue.

The fact that it was even brought up at all means that it IS an issue.