US school cancels prom 'over lesbian date'

[Ben Lahnger]

There are plenty of threads in this section, Politics and Whining to discuss religion and what it may or may not be responsible for. There's only one dedicated to this subject.

I'm not trying to pick on any one person who responded here; I'm just trying to get the conversation back on track.

[Tam Li Hua]

Fair enough. =)

I know this may be cynical, but I have to wonder about the -real- motivations of the teen lesbians making this so public. Don't get me wrong; I'm in no way defending the school's actions, but I'm also not entirely sure that the two students had absolutely pure motivations. [Note: I tend to be cynical about humans in general; I'm not picking on any group in particular. =) ]

About scholarships: IMO, -both- girls should get one, and not just one of them, since they were both involved in bringing this to public attention.

[Ben Lahnger]

Actually, only one was involved in bringing this to public attention. I have watched public appearances with Constance on Ellen, Wanda Sykes and the morning network programs. I've seen video testimonies distributed by the ACLU. Constance appeared in every one of them. All public statements in print have come from Constance.

Her date, apparently by mutual consent, chose to stay out of the limelight. So no, both don't deserve a scholarship based on the merits of bringing this to the public's attention.

And I have admired Constance's calm poise in the midst of much criticism and even threats of violence against her. When I saw her father interviewed he said he almost had her withdraw her challenge based on some of the hateful mail and email that was coming in, but decided to let her proceed and told the school that if anything happened to her he would hold them responsible.

Tam Li Hua, in light of that and the other information that is freely available in the articles that have been linked to here, I don't think it's really a smart thing to question the woman's ulterior motives here.

You might as well say "That Rosa Parks was just looking for attention."

[ape descendant]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

And I don't know what ape descendant believes in. Probably Atheist. I see a lot of pagans doing this kind of bullshit, though, and I wonder if they actually believe that paganism is any more sane than any other belief.

Yepper. Although, "paganism" isn't a specific belief or even belief system.

[Underwater Ophelia]

Originally Posted by ape descendant

Yepper. Although, "paganism" isn't a specific belief or even belief system.

No, but every single aspect of it is nonsense just as much as Christianity.

[Ben Lahnger]

So, just when I think the mud-suckers in Mississippi can't get any lower ... well, here's what has happened most recently to make me question the humanity of the residents of that state, described first in this excerpt of an email I received from the ACLU:

Fake prom, real hurt

It just keeps getting more shocking and hurtful.

We've told you about the ACLU lawsuit on behalf of Constance McMillen, the Mississippi student whose school canceled the prom rather than let her attend with her girlfriend. Last month, a federal judge in Mississippi ruled that the school violated Constance's First Amendment rights. However, the judge was satisfied by the school's promise that Constance would be welcome at a private prom, so he did not force the school to put its own prom back on.

What happened next is shocking.

Last Friday, Constance went to a private dance that was billed as the school prom. The event—attended by Constance, her date and five other students—was essentially a decoy event. According to news reports, virtually all of the other students went to a parent-sponsored prom to which Constance was not invited.

Here is a little more detail in an article from the Toronto Sun:

Students send lesbian to decoy prom

Last Updated: April 7, 2010 4:17pm

SOURCE

Constance McMillen thought she was going to get to go to her prom after all. But it was all a hoax.

Instead, she was sent to a fake prom along with six other students, including two with mental disabilities.

McMillen made international headlines last month when she teamed up with American Civil Liberties Union to fight an Itawamba County School District ruling that forbade her from taking another girl to prom as her date. They took the school to court, and a judge ruled the school could not bar McMillen and her date from the prom. Rather than comply, the school cancelled the prom outright.

The community then raised funds to host a private prom for the kids. When McMillen asked about it, she was directed by her peers to a country club in Fulton.

But when she showed up Friday night - with her female date at her side, and sporting a tuxedo - there were only seven students there, including herself and two students with learning disabilities.

The rest of the school was at another prom.

"They had two proms and I was only invited to one of them," McMillen told Advocate.com. "It hurts my feelings.”

While McMillen's plight has prompted outpourings of support from around the world, the prom's cancellation has garnered her the contempt of her peers in her hometown.

Leading up to the prom, many Itawamba students covered their Facebook pages with messages about majority rights, and how McMillen should back down. One anonymous person even created a Facebook page called “Constance quit yer cryin'.”

The page featured a picture of a screaming baby.

But the page, which had 1,782 fans as of Wednesday afternoon, has been taken over by McMillen's supporters, with hundreds of wall posts taking up her cause. Those opposed to Constance were unheard in the group.

“You may think Constance has to put up with the wrath of her classmates, but those classmates still have to put up with the wrath of the internet,” wrote Natalie Wyatt from Denver, CO.

“The people who started this page should be ashamed of themselves. Their supporters should be too,” wrote Elizabeth de Vos from El Paso, TX.

Constance's plight is not the only time that the Internet has jumped to the defence of students in Mississippi, though.

Oscar-winning actor Morgan Freeman produced a documentary film called Prom Night in Mississippi in 2009 about the struggles of teenagers in Charleston, Miss. to have a prom that didn't segregate black and white students.

Charleston, only 200 km from Fulton, held its first integrated prom in 2008.

So it seems the nearly all of the student body was in on this cunningly planned and well secreted deception, as well as some number of the parents. It's disgusting to think that the people there thought this was a better idea than just letting the girl attend.

Unfortunately, my moral outrage is extremely unsatisfying and I find I wish there was something I could do about this (short of kicking some ignorant southern ass.)

For what it's worth, I'm passing along what the ACLU recommends:

So many people have contacted us because they are outraged by this situation and want to do something. I can tell you from my conversations with Constance that there's nothing she wants more than for these kinds of hurtful actions to end for students all across the country.

There's a way we can all help Constance with that goal— by demanding that Congress pass the Student Non-Discrimination Act.

The Student Non-Discrimination Act would be the first comprehensive federal prohibition against discrimination in public schools based on a student's sexual orientation or gender identity.

Please help make schools safer for all students like Constance by urging your Representative to support the Student Non-Discrimination Act.

Discrimination and harassment are an unacceptable daily reality for too many LGBT students all across the country. If outrageous experiences like the one Constance McMillen has been through are going to end, we have to respond.

[Mariner]

Such very sad news...I have a multitude of names I would like to call everyone involved with creating that fake prom.

[Saya]

Yeah I saw that news story when it first broke, it just made me too upset. I can't imagine doing that to a fellow student no matter how much I dislike them.

Whats the big deal? Its not like they're going to have sex on the dance floor. You're not going to get the gay by going to the same prom as a lesbian couple. This is really really frustrating, I can't imagine how Constance feels.

[Entropic]

I found this:http://lafiga.firedoglake.com/2010/0...sbian-student/

Which had this comment:

I am a senior at IAHS, and I’ve known Constance for the last 6 years. Please hear our side of the story before you decide on our fate.
The party we had in Evergreen (the county neighborhood I live in) is 30 mins away from the school. we rented out the community center, hired vendors, decorated, and our parents ran the security/chaperone staff- but it wasn’t prom. Prom was at the country club where constance and 7 other students were. The reason the senior class boycotted the actual prom was not because we hate gays. We wanted a drama-free gathering to celebrate 3 great years and 1 lousy one together, and we wanted to lay low. We also wanted to do it without the main cause of the lousy. What people are failing to realize is that much of the fault of this whole stink lies with Constance, not her mistreatment by the school district, but her crazy-reckless need for attention. It sounds mean and horrible and like we planned it all specifically to embarrass Constance, but we didn’t. We let her have her prom with her girlfriend and her tuxedo and we went to party it up in the “boondocks” not because we wanted her rights violated, but so we could salvage what has turned into a total fiasco. As a whole we didn’t support her decision to throw the district under the bus, or her insinuations that we’re all just a bunch ‘a hicks driving around in beater pick up trucks spitting tobacco and burning crosses. IAHS is one of the top schools in the state and I’m proud of that, and I’m proud that we took a stand and just said you know what? forget it, we have just as much right as you do to have a party for ourselves. So we did, and now we’re getting flack because poor Connie’s ego got a bit of bruising. She’s playing the lesbian card to prove she ALWAYS gets what she wants. This time, we didn’t just let her.
Take it as you will, because I’m sure it sounds like we faked her out, but understand this- the decision NOT to attend prom had nothing to do with the school or with Constance’s sexual preferences; it had everything to do with proving we weren’t going to let her and the ACLU steamroll us into doing what Constance wanted. We flexed the muscle of the majority and we’ll suffer the consequences.

I'm not saying I support, endorse, or even believe them. It's just something to think about.

[Saya]

"WA WA WA WA SHE'S LIKE SO DRAMATIC JUST LIKE THAT ROSA PARKS JUST SIT IN THE BACK OF THE BUS DONT MAKE A STINK OUT OF IT GOD SHE MADE THE BUS SYSTEM LOOK BAD."

The funny thing is that while that person claims it wasn't prom, its been noted that on most of the student's facebooks they labelled their pictures "Prom!"

[Ben Lahnger]

Entropic, you're way off base if you think that statement is reasonable or should be considered as a credible explanation for the actions of the students or the adults in this tragedy. It was not Constance who caused the drama, but the school board, who cancelled the prom in response to Constance's understandable wish to bring her girlfriend to prom, which in this day and age should no longer be a problem.

The adults involved then successfully painted Constance as the villain in the piece, and children, being what they are, bought into that readily. The inflammatory language in that statement is a dead giveaway, and saying that Constance was doing this for attention or that she threw the district under the bus is clearly misappropriating blame. None of her statements ever described her fellow students in any way, let alone insinuating that they "all just a bunch ‘a hicks driving around in beater pick up trucks spitting tobacco and burning crosses." But I'll say this behavior wasn't far from burning crosses. And that statement is a poor defense of poor behavior. The bigotry inherent in it is startling.

By the way, I'm comparing and contrasting how much drama would have been generated if the school board would have just said that she could attend in the first place. I'm thinking none whatsoever.

Entropic, your a person I've come to expect reason and logic from at a high intellectual level. You should know better than thinking that statement is a document worth considering seriously.

[Entropic]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

Entropic, you're way off base if you think that statement is reasonable or should be considered as a credible explanation for the actions of the students or the adults in this tragedy.

Entropic, your a person I've come to expect reason and logic from at a high intellectual level. You should know better than thinking that statement is a document worth considering seriously.

Umm...

"I'm not saying I support, endorse, or even believe them. It's just something to think about."

The only reason I posted it was because it's supposedly the other side of the story.

[Ben Lahnger]

Okay. I assumed that the other side of the story was that the school board was intolerant and bigoted, and a bunch of adults convinced their children that Candace was selfish and a drama queen for wanting the same privilege that the other children wanted. That statement just confirmed it. The statement (from the anti-Constance Facebook page) was alluded to in the news story I quoted and linked to, but I didn't bother to go look it up because I knew what it would say.

There's no enlightenment in that statement, just emotional rhetoric trying to justify prejudice, intolerance and infringement of people's civil rights.

I get that you thought you were presenting the other side of the issue, but it's like posting the comments of the people who wanted to make Rosa Parks sit in the back of the bus ... there is no defense for indefensible behavior.

[Entropic]

Like I said, I'm not defending their behavior at all.

I consider it like posting pictures from the protests of the Little Rock Nine going to school. It's to show what they were thinking, what they said, and to allow us to better see why they are wrong.

I don't see what is wrong with that.

[Alan]

Hell, there's more legitimacy to the kid's post than you're allowing to defend, Entropic.
These kids just wanted a fucking prom, not a national controversy.

Ben, you say that it wasn't her who made it a big deal; it was the school board. That is correct.
But it would be really stupid to think that because THAT is true, it must also be true that the kids in that high school are bigoted hicks.
As far as they're concerned, they barely manage to salvage their prom. It's that simple. Why would you think they would care about anything further? They're fucking kids in fucking prom.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Alan

Hell, there's more legitimacy to the kid's post than you're allowing to defend, Entropic.
These kids just wanted a fucking prom, not a national controversy.

Ben, you say that it wasn't her who made it a big deal; it was the school board. That is correct.
But it would be really stupid to think that because THAT is true, it must also be true that the kids in that high school are bigoted hicks.

I'd say if you care more about sticking it to someone (and how is it not about sticking it to her? In that post they claim thats not the reason but they also want to show her that "we just didn't let her get what she wants." and wanted to salvage a prom, but there was a prom, the one Constance went to. If they wanted to prove they aren't hicks, why couldn't they stand being at the same party?) or even if you care about having a "drama free" prom (and really they are stupid if they think this wouldn't cause more drama), if you care more about those two things more than about human dignity and a fellow student's rights, then while I don't think that makes you a hick, i think that makes you a huge asshole.

As far as they're concerned, they barely manage to salvage their prom. It's that simple. Why would you think they would care about anything further? They're fucking kids in fucking prom.

I'd like to think that 18 year olds are better than that.

[Despanan]

fucking deplorable.

[Alan]

Originally Posted by Saya

if you care more about those two things more than about human dignity and a fellow student's rights, then while I don't think that makes you a hick, i think that makes you a huge asshole.

That's high school for you. Kids are assholes (yes, even 18-year old kids) and apathetic.
But what is more stupid: to not care about a person's freedom of speech for the sake of a pretty prom, or to expect these same people to turn their pretty prom into an issue of 'human dignity'?
I'm the token left-wing cliché here and not even I think that these kids ought to make a social justice themed high school dance. People just don't work like that.

The only legitimate question here is, did the school pay for a decoy prom and a 'real' prom? And the answer is no, they didn't.
Get mad that kids are assholes, not bigots.

[JCC]

Alan, these people are only like two years fucking younger than you. They don't live in little bubbles where the reality of what they're doing never truly permeates until they reach their 19th birthday and the bubble bursts. They knew that the reason there was drama was because this chick was a lesbian, and they knew that they were creating a decoy prom because the person that they were deliberately excising was a lesbian. When the controversy started with Candace being a lesbian, none of them were supportive, and none have been supportive since. They are not just assholes who just can't come to terms with REALLY COMPLEX issues like vag-on-vag action and its legitimacy, they are fucking bigots, and they understood exactly what the fuck they were doing every second of the way.

[Joker_in_the_Pack]

It's stories like this that make me look down upon the south with such utter disgust. I've always heard from some misplaced southerner suffering from severe homesickness tell me that the south is really not entirely made up by these horrid bigots and that most people are rather nice. I then ask them if the south is so prone to people who protest what they perceive to be wrong, such as those teabagger assholes are, why the fuck hasn't there been an angry fucking lynch mob looking for the blood of these bigots? I'm not saying I would endorse murdering them, but at least it would serve a lovely point of proving that the south isn't what we all know it to be: A socially backwards clusterfuck of bigotry. If I was the girl I'd honestly be so fed up with this nonsense that I'd make sure I'd use that large scholarship to pick a state as diametrically opposed to Mississippi as I possibly fucking could.

As for Freeman saying that covert bigotry is any better than blatant one, bull shit. You have the luxury of ignoring covert bigotry, and it doesn't interfere with daily life unless you choose to pay attention to the rednecks.

Overall this whole clusterfucking mess makes me so bloody angry I've the urge to take several doses of E and beat off to a marathon of standup comedy just to keep my blood pressure from climaxing and causing my red blood cells from reaching the plasma state of matter.

[JCC]

WHOOPS, HER NAME IS CONSTANCE.

Candace, Constance, whatever.

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by Joker_in_the_Pack

You have the luxury of ignoring covert bigotry, and it doesn't interfere with daily life

Believe it or not, I actually don't like to derail discussions with tangential remarks, but I have to say-- god, this is dumb.

[Man In Room 5]

I didn't bother reading this entire thread because--like every thread on Gnet--it's become a simple contest of one-upmanship and knee jerk reactions instead of an intelligent discussion on the actual subject at hand. However, I'm glad to see that Ellen gave whats-her-face a scholarship.

I only wonder if Ellen will retract the scholarship 3 weeks from now when whats-her-face renounces her lesbian relationship as "a phase" like 90% of high school girls do.

[Ben Lahnger]

I highly doubt Candace would have clung to this "phase" so tightly in the light of receiving death threats for trying to get fair treatment here.

Alan, the girl feels sexually attracted to other girls. She didn't want to pose with a boy to get by, she wanted to take her sweetheart to the prom like all the other kids did. She wanted the same privilege that the other kids got. The simplest, most drama free way to solve this would have been to just let everyone attend one prom, wherever it might be.

The statement expresses that the kids feel Constance's desire to attend prom with a girl and taking the steps she did to try to make that happen was selfish on her part. That is bigotry disquised by false blame.

And, Alan, I did say the adults were the bigots and they convinced the kids to blame Constance. The statement does make it clear that the person speaking feels they got revenge on Constance for her selfishness. So they blame her for not having a prom. The adults convinced them it was her fault. Although, considering that they are almost your age, I think you and I should hope they would know better.

[KontanKarite]

The recent developments seems to show that it wasn't state-funded bigotry, but more social bigotry. Last time I checked, it's not against the law to be a bigot, even one of that kind of magnitude. Sadly, a giant privately funded party for the students isn't out of bounds with the law. But it is highly bigoted and blatantly unethical.

If I were in her shoes, I would have known the score. I wouldn't want to go to a prom with those assholes anyway. Fuck them. They can rot in bigot hell for all I care.