Daily Adult Goth?

viktorvoskov · 05-29-2007, 10:53 AM

Hello Everyone,

I am a young woman (despite the name) who is getting married very soon. Because of this new step in adulthood, I have to ditch some of the younger aspects of me, including ultra-gothy look. As a note, my fashion is very individual and not always connected with mainstream goth style, especially teen goth style. My daily fashions are Victorian, moderate cyber and street, vampy, among others. So, while walking in the mall I want my husband to look like he is walking beside his "wife" and not his "girlfriend." What sort of things can I wear that still expresses my gothic culture, but is mature and adult enough to be worn without negative feedback from my new family members?

Thanks!

maggot · 05-29-2007, 11:30 AM

I thought a wedding band signified it.

Why should you even care what anyone else thinks of you? Just tell them to shut the fuck up.

Go make an introduction, following the questions in the correct forum.

Underwater Ophelia · 05-29-2007, 11:47 AM

I actually think it's MORE mature to not feel like you have to change who you are to "fit in." It just seems very playground to me.
As an adult, realize that you are in control of your own life, and if petty people don't like you for your clothing style, the defect is in their brains, not yours.

chelseagirl · 05-29-2007, 12:45 PM

I've been married 3 times. I've spent a total of 10 years of my life married, and I've not once thought that I had to change the way I dress because of being married. I'm sorry, but it doesn't make sense to me that you would need to dress differently because of being married...therefore I suppose I cannot be of any help. Sorry.

Skade · 05-29-2007, 01:12 PM

"Not giving a shit what anyone thinks about you" reeks of teenage rebellion to me. Why should you care what anyone thinks? Because caring about the family you marry into might be a good idea?

Not caring what impression you make on people is the same as not caring about the opinions or feelings of those people. Which is not cool, especially not if they're your family.

viktorvoskov, in answer to your question, I would suggest just going for a dark, but more elegant look. You could wear long skirts, pen skirts, satin shirts or dress shirts. A black dress shirt with a long, dark skirt can look very stylish and still be a dark look. If you already like the Victorian look I would imagine that an "elegant lady" look would suit you well. You could still use corsets or waspies over a dress shirt in subtle colours. I'd avoid materials like PVC, vinyl, leather and not too much crushed velvet (which can just look a bit cheesy anyway) and go mainly for satin and cotton. This site: www.heavyred.com has some items like the ones I've described.
The only other things I would avoid for a mature look are ripped or torn clothing, really loud colours and punky details like studs and spikes.
If you use make-up you could use grey, silver or dark brown shades on your eyes instead of pure black, and a light powder without foundation for a more natural look. If your hair isn't a natural colour now, you could go for black or brownish-red. Some ideas for your hair could be either long and pulled back, perhaps piled on top of your head, or a sleek, short cut.

viktorvoskov · 05-29-2007, 01:16 PM

But you see, my husband's family is very religious, and I think they'd be offended to see their son married to a girl wearing chains and heavy make up and all that stuff. You must realize that anyway, as an adult and to make the most of a normal life I have to tone down the metal and lace a bit. I know I shouldn't have to change, but I don't want my husband or his family to feel ashamed of having me as part of them. All I need are some fashion tips on how to stay individual and out of mainstream fashion of any sort, but mature as well.

Linen · 05-29-2007, 01:19 PM

I'm somewhere in the middle on this opinion-wise compared to the previous posts.

I've been married for two years now, and I haven't felt the need to change my general style just to suit the in-laws, and especially not for society in general. When I'm visiting the in-laws I don't dress significantly different from everyday, but I certainly wouldn't go all-out and have on club, concert, party, or festival garb either. I just wear the same things I wear to work (our dress code isn't strict).

I don't see the need to try to "fit in" just to please them, but I also don't go out of my way to look completely gothed-out just because I can. Granted, my in-laws life on the other side of the country so I only see them maybe 1-3 times a year at most, so my situation is a lot different from yours.

Underwater Ophelia · 05-29-2007, 01:24 PM

I don't think anyone told her to "not give a shit" about them. But no one should have to make a change that upsets them to the point where they go for advice from complete strangers.

You mentioned they're religious...why not take this opportunity to show them that not all people dressed in black wearing makeup are bad people? Instead of just doing what you think will make them happy, why don't you show them more about who YOU are on the inside.

viktorvoskov · 05-29-2007, 01:24 PM

In reply to Skade: I had replied before seeing your post, my mistake. Anyway, what you describe sounds a bit like what I already do. I am very familiar with Heavyred, but they can be a bit pricey. I have no PVC, and anything of that sort usually shows up in shoes, accessories, and jackets/coats. Punk is not my style, and neither is Emo, so you can cancel those. Every bit of advice helps me! Remember, I'm trying to keep the acceptance of my new family and life, but still hold on to the lifestyle of individuality I had since I was born.

viktorvoskov · 05-29-2007, 01:29 PM

Because of alot of the teeny goths' theme of "the world sucks and I need to worship Satan because my friends told me to" is widely accepted definition of Goth. Changing most of the world as well as my in-law's socially influenced opinions is going to be hard. Besides, I can do without a lot of the more teen-like aspects of my fashion and life in general. If I don't change something they won't take me serious and see me as a joke as well as an insult to humanity in general. It's not that I'm really doing anything wrong.

maggot · 05-29-2007, 02:08 PM

Religion isn't offended by people in chains. Bigots are.

IsolatedReptile · 05-29-2007, 05:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maggot

Religion isn't offended by people in chains. Bigots are.

I second this motion.

In addition, it's mature to dress appropriate to the situation. Meeting his parents? Skirt and blouse. Going to the mall, whatever makes you comfortable? Lounging around? Same thing.

Deciding what to wear maturely is based on the situation, not the age or marital status.

HumanePain · 05-29-2007, 06:33 PM

Viktor: I am 51. I try to retain my individuality. But I am very mild compared to the Deathrock Kings. But to show you a "mild" that is still different from the mainstream, here is what may be a more "conservative" look:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...45Grave004.jpg

The Vatican Cross I am wearing has purple jewels that give it a "gothic" look, yet the cross itself may reassure some of the family that you respect Christian culture (i.e. you are not one of Satan's minions).

An even milder look:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...ackbelt003.jpg

And finally "Corporate goth" (which is really not goth at all, but since the corporate world has no other word for it, the phrase has stuck):

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...Humane1138.jpg

Someday I hope to retire and be wheeled into the convalescent home looking like this:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...d-badteccy.jpg

deafasadoornail · 05-29-2007, 10:38 PM

Everybody has some pretty good advice.

I find the biggest thing is this -- I don't do head-to-toe goth when I'm trying to blend. I'll wear normal jewelry, no nail polish, subdued makeup, and not be in all black. Even wearing dark blue jeans rather than black really keeps people in their comfort zone, although I might be totally gothed out otherwise.

I think being a mature Goth means what IsolatedReptile says, dressing appropriate to the situation. Wear what makes you feel comfortable but maybe drop the things that you can live without. I rarely wear black eyeliner because of the upkeep (I wear contacts and rub my eyes a lot).

deafasadoornail · 05-29-2007, 10:39 PM

It occurs to me that Daily Adult Goth would be a good name for a newspaper. Sorry, I know it's not related...

Saphyra Runa · 05-30-2007, 01:03 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

And finally "Corporate goth" (which is really not goth at all, but since the corporate world has no other word for it, the phrase has stuck):

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...Humane1138.jpg

HP you made me giggle. You remind me of the man in the back of the comic books showing off his X-Ray vision glasses.

viktorvoskov I think Skade was pretty well right on on what you could wear and maintain your style while still being acceptable to your new family.

Your on the right track, you know what you need to do, but your overthinking the situation because of wanting to impress your in-laws.

HumanePain · 05-30-2007, 02:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by deafasadoornail

It occurs to me that Daily Adult Goth would be a good name for a newspaper. Sorry, I know it's not related...

Heehee I wonder what the funny pages would look like!

CountSixstring · 05-30-2007, 03:03 AM

This is a great topic. I understand. I wouldn't go to a job interview with a deathawk and being drowned in leather. Fear is a tool tat people in the public use to manipulate everyone else. If one gets scared of the goth, there are more to come. Tone it down. To be honest, the only times I fully goth up is before I do any show. Other than that, I'm pretty mellow, a lot like a hippie, more like a witchdoctor, but not with the rainbows and such. I guess the artsy side is the way to go.

Anguelon · 05-30-2007, 10:03 AM

I've noticed that you only care about ur inlaws point of view, sweety if your husband is happy then the hell with it. I'm married and i just tone it down a bit when i'm with my inlaws or at work. did i mention that my husband is very religious and accepts me for who i am? on the other hand, you can never go wrong with the classic look and for a regular day black jeans and a lace top or just a dark centered t-shirt will do the trick. Just wear slightly dark lipstick when with them. I know this is none of my business, but i don't advice you talking a walk to the alter if you're facing such things from now.

Cyntrox · 05-30-2007, 01:39 PM

I haven't read the whole post, but the person marrying you did so because of who you are - s/he wouldn't want you to change, right?

gloomth · 05-30-2007, 06:47 PM

i do empathize with your concerns TO AN EXTENT.
No dont change WHO YOU ARE to fit into an idealist image of marriage. I felt the same way just before i got married, and i got married young.
he/she loves you FOR YOU, not the Stepford wife youre expecting to become. Marriage doesnt change your SOUL, or your personality, it is a commitment and a symbol- not a magic wand of maturity
(hence the divorce rate)

But it is true that some aspects of "popular" gothic clothing CANNOT be worn past a certain age without looking as though youre selling the contents.
And frankly id rather cut my legs off than wear anything TrippNYC makes at my age. (no offense to those of you loving their stuff- i dont- each his own etc right).
YES YOU CAN BE GOTH, AND COVERED, AND ELEGANT, AND MATURE, AND NOT A TARTY LITTLE THING. it is possible to be CLASSY and goth.

mrs.wes straker · 05-30-2007, 07:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by HumanePain

Viktor: I am 51. I try to retain my individuality. But I am very mild compared to the Deathrock Kings. But to show you a "mild" that is still different from the mainstream, here is what may be a more "conservative" look:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...45Grave004.jpg

The Vatican Cross I am wearing has purple jewels that give it a "gothic" look, yet the cross itself may reassure some of the family that you respect Christian culture (i.e. you are not one of Satan's minions).

An even milder look:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...ackbelt003.jpg

And finally "Corporate goth" (which is really not goth at all, but since the corporate world has no other word for it, the phrase has stuck):

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...Humane1138.jpg

Someday I hope to retire and be wheeled into the convalescent home looking like this:

http://i145.photobucket.com/albums/r...d-badteccy.jpg

Brilliant post!

I'm married and most people woundn't think of leaving their houses dressed like I do. I'm a mom, and I work, and if I feel comfortable, I know I'm dressed appropriately. One's gut does tell them if their self presentation has gone too far.

Frankly, I'm happiest when I feel like I'm going a little too far. Oh, and another thing, my husband doesn't want to remove my "wife" status because of it!

badteccy · 05-31-2007, 07:33 AM

HumanePain...you just love that picture of Haunted and me...silly man!

HumanePain · 05-31-2007, 02:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by badteccy

HumanePain...you just love that picture of Haunted and me...silly man!

Haha! you two are the perfect couple. Actually I like best the one of you kissing Haunted on the bed with your blushing cheeks and wrapped in the stars and moon blanket, but I don't want to seem like, you know, a perv.

Vyvian Blackthorne · 05-31-2007, 02:19 PM

Good goth, HP, thank you very much T,..,T for posting that stuff here. You save the day once again! oH and how I adore your 'evil faces' on each pic, HumanePain

And you two are a cute couple, badteccy. Doot.

Goth Forever