Rant Thread

[Restless Dead]

I shall firstly apologise for the following rant, especially reading this thread and realising the kind of serious shit the rest of you had to deal with (particularly EPS and Disfunction, I hope things look better for you guys soon), it makes this seem rather crap and whiny but I would like to try and get it out of my system.

Basically, I saw a man kill himself this morning and I’m not really dealing with it. I’ve seen dead people before, I was an auxillary nurse for a while and I worked in a morgue, but this is the first time I’ve seen someone actually take their own life. I currently work at a coffee shop at a railway station, right down on platforms 3 and 4. I’ve been working there for a year and a half, and in that time there have been 4 suicides by people putting themselves in front of a high speed train, but this was the first one I actually saw happen. Normally the person goes right down to the end of the platform where they can walk off the end and stand on the tracks and wait, but this man stood right next to the shop and jumped down just before the train came through. It was…disturbing to say the least.

Thankfully this was early morning, and there were not very many people about, so not a lot of people had to see it. I was bored (not much going) and I had noticed him sort of pacing and acting suspicious, and this being a train station we’re told to ‘observe’ any one acting suspicious and report it because of the terrorist attacks in London and threats that have been made against the station. So I was watching this guy pacing around, looking up the tracks, looking to see who was around, looking at me looking at him. I heard the train, saw the lights, and he just jumped, just fucking ran, jumped and waited for a split moment until it hit him. Being the dumb fuck I am I just stood there staring at what was left and then grabbed the phone to say I ‘think’ someone had jumped. Not sure why I said ‘think’ but they (station staff) were already on to it and started rounding up the few people who were around and getting them to the evacuation points (the station has to be closed in this kind of event).

I know I should probably feel sorry for this guy, that he clearly felt so awful about life that the only solution he could see was to launch himself at a train, but I can’t help being really pissed off. I’m all for a person’s right to kill themselves, but making someone watch you do it is totally fucking selfish. Didn’t this guy have the slightest bit of concern for anyone else? What about the poor guy driving the train? He sees someone on the tracks and he knows what’s coming, there’s no way he can stop the bloody train. To put someone through that just because you’re too chicken shit to cut yourself is beyond fucked up. So now I have a graphic visual of what his insides look like, and I have to go to work tomorrow and try not to think about what happened there this morning. I bet when the local papers come out there will be a front page dedicated to the poor man so depressed that he felt the need to tragically take his life.

Well fuck him. And fuck them. And I don’t believe in Hell, but if I did I would hope he was there.

I’m sorry if this causes offence to anyone, I’m probably just being overly bitter, it’s kind of obviously been a bad day.

[ExistentialDisorder]

I can't imagine anybody deliberately jumping in front of a train like that, to off themselves. I mean god damn, that's just a whole lot of violence. I think it takes not only a lack of faith in your own life, but a whole lot of self-hatred, to want to go out in such a brutal way. But I guess it does insure you wont live through it, for those who want to be sure of that. Sorry you had to witness such a thing, Restless. That was definately inconsiderate on the jumper's part, tho I doubt he really gave a shit about who saw it, so long as no one tried to stop him.

I don't want to get into a debate with anybody. I'm just going to say that I don't believe that suicide is selfish. The method one takes to commit it can be and often is selfish and inconsiderate, but not the act itself. I think the selfishness comes on the part of those that would try to convince somebody not to commit suicide, due to their own (selfish) wants, desires and feelings for/towards that person. If somebody has reached the point in their life that they really, truly don't want it to go on any longer, for whatever reasons of their own, then it should be their choice to end their life. A lot of the time those people eventually find either a lack of courage to go through with it, or something else that helps them hold on, or both. Committing suicide in front of somebody is definately wrong tho, I won't argue that at all. Go away somewhere private and do it, where nobody else will be subjected to the trauma of witnessing it. The sad thing is a lot of people, especially teens, do it for attention, sometimes even some twisted sense of vengeance. I've been suicidal, I know how it feels to wake up wishing you hadn't, or to go to sleep hoping you wont come out of it. what it's like to truly hate life and want an end. I've plotted it out before, figured out the perfect way, for me, to go about it. It never consisted of jumping in front of a train, or off a bridge, or anything violent like that. It's really not a hatred for life itself, but for what it hands you, especially when you didn't deserve it or ask for it at all. And some things just never go away, no matter how much you ignore it or try to cope, it's all still there just beneath the surface. So far I've been able, for the most part, to keep finding things that help me hang on. But what happens when even that's not enough? What's left? Some are stronger than others and can deal with a hell of a lot more. I just think that it's selfish of others to want you to go on, to keep enduring when you honestly, sincerely just want it all to end. Because it's not their pain, they're not the ones that have to deal with it day after day. Love them enough to let them go, and be happy for them in the hopes that they've somehow found some sort of peace with themselves.

As for EPS, I'm sorry you're dealing with so much. I didn't know you were so ill. I hope you get well soon.

[Wise Child]

[quote=ExistentialDisorder]I don't want to get into a debate with anybody. I'm just going to say that I don't believe that suicide is selfish. The method one takes to commit it can be and often is selfish and inconsiderate, but not the act itself. I think the selfishness comes on the part of those that would try to convince somebody not to commit suicide, due to their own (selfish) wants, desires and feelings for/towards that person. If somebody has reached the point in their life that they really, truly don't want it to go on any longer, for whatever reasons of their own, then it should be their choice to end their life.

...

Some are stronger than others and can deal with a hell of a lot more. I just think that it's selfish of others to want you to go on, to keep enduring when you honestly, sincerely just want it all to end. Because it's not their pain, they're not the ones that have to deal with it day after day. Love them enough to let them go, and be happy for them in the hopes that they've somehow found some sort of peace with themselves.[quote]

I agree with most of this. I think I posted something similar in the suicide thread. I don't think I'd go so far as to say that suicide is not selfish - I think it is - but I think it's important to note that it's also selfish to demand that someone carry on living a life they find unbearable, so their loved ones don't have to suffer bereavement. I'm not comfortable with the idea that they should just be left to it - guess I'm just too damn socialised - and I do think people should be helped where possible, and sometimes prevented, if they're panicking over something that's realistically fixable. But who's to say what's fixable for another person?... Gah. My head hurts.

I could circle this subject for hours. But my main point is simply that I'm personally not comfortable with labelling ALL suicides selfish assholes.

And I'm sorry you had to see that, Restless Dead ... that must have been an awful thing to witness.

[PhilSmith]

Quickie rant 'cause I'm too damn tired to make much of it.

If you're going to (rightly) poke at someone's spelling and grammar, make sure you can spell the words yourself. It's G-R-A-M-M-A-R.

I shan't throw in an ad hominem argument or name names. It happens wherever I go. It's just there FYI. Or FSI at least.

[Magpie_Tendencies]

I'm trying to write a short story for English and it's not quite working for me. No matter what I do it doesn't seem quite right... Maybe I'm writing it from the wrong perspective. I'll have to think it through a little more I guess.

[Deviant Kitten]

They've been married for four years and I've always known he was a loser but.... what can you do? She's my mum, so I kept silent and let her live her life the way she wants to.

Now she's found out that he's either been cheating on her, or texting to arrange it! He used to try it on with me when I lived at home (hence why I left home and moved 100 miles away at 19) so I'm not surprised by this; just sad for my mum and angry that he'd treat her this way. He's such a fucktard!!!

*ahem* Rant/whine over.

[WolfMoon]

Dearheart,

I've been avoiding this issue, ignoring it's existance. Trying to believe that it's not real. But it is, I've just been selfish. It's hard for my mind to grasp that such terrible things happen to one so dear to me.

I feel numb when I think about what you're going through, I get weepy. You've been there for me more times than I can count. You've been a true friend and it's time for me to suck it up and do the same, despite the tears in my eyes.

Your strength in adversity astounds me. You've been through things that would have broken me a thousand times. You are strong and resilient and it's one of the many things that I love about you. You know that if you ever need help, I'm always right behind you.

If you ever need to fall apart, I'm here. You can rest your head in my lap, or on my shoulder.

I'm so glad that you've stayed around and that you're a part of my life. I feel unutterably lucky to have a friend like you.

I love you, girl.

[edible_eye]

wolfmoon -

that's an absolutely beautiful tribute.

[WolfMoon]

Dis,

I truly feel your pain. My great-grandmother pased away when I was in foster care. I was 14 at the time. The State wouldn't allow me and my siblings to attend the funeral. It still bothers me and I'm 26, now. One of the things I still have against CPS and the like. I've visited my great-grandmother's grave, but it's not the same as being in the hospital to let her know how much she meant to me. I didn't have a choice in the matter. But it doesn't stop it from bothering me. I know my grandmother loves me somewhere, and that she, hopefully, knew I desperately wanted to be there.


If you get the chance to visit her, please do again. You'll only regret it if you're not there. I hope she passes quietly, love. Take care, babe. I <3 you like, Whoa!

*HUGZ*

You almost had your hooks in me, didn't you dear?
You nearly had me roped and tied, altar-bound, hypnotized.
Sweet freedom whispered in my ear...

[WolfMoon]

Originally Posted by edible_eye

wolfmoon -

that's an absolutely beautiful tribute.

Thanks, babe. You helped me a lot.

*hugz*

[Deviant Kitten]

*butts in on conversation briefly*

Thanks to whoever moved my rant to this thread, I didn't know it was in the wrong place! Oops!

*tiptoes out of the room again*

[pixisticks]

i'm in cosmetology and have about 1276 hours in it. any ways i am the only one there in black and green hair. i am also the one and only non cristian there, but i am open mined to other people bleifs.
any how i'm am starting to go nuts being around all of these closed mined girls that go around gossiping and acting like they are still in high school. pluss 5 of them are pregnat and feal that they have to talk about it every singel fucking day. i have been listing to this converstation for 6mounths now. and they started telling other girls there next.
i mean ever hear of sexual herasment.
but yah i just had to just get this off of my chest because know one ealse will listen to me.
i don't even know if i want to continue with school i would quite but i already put $1800 in to the education. that is alot of money to just throw away.
if any one wants to coment feal free i just want to blow off some steam.

[Manimal]

Move to Rant Thread please

[ExistentialDisorder]

Originally Posted by pixisticks

i'm in cosmetology and have about 1276 hours in it. any ways i am the only one there in black and green hair. i am also the one and only non cristian there, but i am open mined to other people bleifs.
any how i'm am starting to go nuts being around all of these closed mined girls that go around gossiping and acting like they are still in high school. pluss 5 of them are pregnat and feal that they have to talk about it every singel fucking day. i have been listing to this converstation for 6mounths now. and they started telling other girls there next.
i mean ever hear of sexual herasment.
but yah i just had to just get this off of my chest because know one ealse will listen to me.
i don't even know if i want to continue with school i would quite but i already put $1800 in to the education. that is alot of money to just throw away.
if any one wants to coment feal free i just want to blow off some steam.

Apparently you need a lot more education. Particulary in spelling and grammar. My god, it was painful just trying to read this shit. I need an aspirin now. I'm not the best at spelling by any means but freakin' christ. what the hell is 'bleifs' ??

[ExistentialDisorder]

Originally Posted by GeishaGirl

I would like you to find ONE person that was brought back from the brink of suicide who is not glad that someone saved them from doing it. JUST ONE.

And they have to be mentally stable. I'm not talking about crazy people who have voices telling them to do it, etc.

That's a rather illogical request, considering most people that are truly determined to off themselves just wind up finding another way once their first or fourteenth attempt has been foiled. I had a friend in high school that finally succeeded in doing so, after other people intervened some three or four times. He'd spend a few months in some shrink tank, long enough to convince his 'therapists' (read: the-r.apists) that he was okay. which isn't difficult to do by any means. i felt bad for him. people thought he was just trying to get attention. maybe he was. regardless, he was determined, obviously. sad thing is, he was only 16 or so.

But like I said, I don't want to get into a debate. I think maybe you take it too personally. Maybe you've dealt with suicide close to you in the past. If so, I'm sorry for that loss. I don't want to get on your bad side just because we don't agree on these aspects. you seem pretty cool.

[Tall One In Black]

GeishaGirl, I can sympathize with your eye issues.

After 18 years of contact lenses, my eyes have said, "No more!" They itch and hurt constantly. And they are filled with creepy red blood vessels so I look like a total drug addict. Worst of all, those blood vessels will never go away. They'll eventually "ghost" out - I hope! - but they'll always be there.

I look at others' snowy white sclera and I'm jealous. What a silly thing to be jealous of.

I got new glasses today and will be retiring my contacts indefinitely. I'll lose all my peripheral vision, get a neckache from bobbing my head up and down constantly, have sore spots on my nose and ears, fight with them while I'm working out... fan-fucking-tastic. I loathe wearing glasses.

It's time to sell off everything I own so I can afford vision correction surgery. I can't even imagine the joy of being able to see properly without the pain and frustration of contacts or glasses.

[Tall One In Black]

Originally Posted by Xnguela

My parents told me that if I get on the Dean's List for my entire senior year, and graduate within the 4 years, they'll help me fund my eye surgery. Definitely a goal I'm looking forward to meeting.

Do you need a temporarily adopted sister? I graduated in four years and stayed on the Dean's list. Surely the same rules would apply to me?!

I had no problems with my contacts for many, many years, so I made other plans and commitments with my money. But about a year ago I started to have trouble with contacts, and it's gotten steadily worse. Eye surgery has now become a number one priority.

[Tall One In Black]

Originally Posted by Xnguela

Is it higher priority than other surgeries you want...?

I'm not trying to be nosy.

The blepharoplasty takes priority for two main reasons: 1. I've been wanting it for about a decade and 2. Though it's annoying, I can correct my vision without surgery.

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Originally Posted by WolfMoon

Dearheart,

I've been avoiding this issue, ignoring it's existance. Trying to believe that it's not real. But it is, I've just been selfish. It's hard for my mind to grasp that such terrible things happen to one so dear to me.

I feel numb when I think about what you're going through, I get weepy. You've been there for me more times than I can count. You've been a true friend and it's time for me to suck it up and do the same, despite the tears in my eyes.

Your strength in adversity astounds me. You've been through things that would have broken me a thousand times. You are strong and resilient and it's one of the many things that I love about you. You know that if you ever need help, I'm always right behind you.

If you ever need to fall apart, I'm here. You can rest your head in my lap, or on my shoulder.

I'm so glad that you've stayed around and that you're a part of my life. I feel unutterably lucky to have a friend like you.

I love you, girl.

*Bawl*

Oh man...

We've been through alot the last few years eh?

SO many memories..Some Good.. Some i'm sure we could both have done without.. We've shared so much pain, and so many dark moments..But yours has been an unwavering prescence in my Life, in so many powerful ways.

I feel the same way bout you Girl.. Totally..

I am not exaggerating when I say, its the love, strength and support that I get from my most Precious Friends that give me the strength to keep fighting.. Family comes closer to describing that bond than Friend does.

I can't tell you how many times, I have been at my absolute lowest, only to find a wonderful private message waiting from you, filled with strength and shared drops of Blood. Or seen something friggin hilarious you've said, and found strength in the Psychotic Laughter that ensued from me.. I wouldn't trade your friendship for anything..

Not even all the Cure records in the World..

I'm glad you're part of me and I thank the Gods for you're Support and Love..

Every one of you has been a blessing to me in ways you will never know..

Thank You so very much just for Being...

Now excuse me if I go bawl my head off..

*tears*

[Gnossos]

EPS- I've been reading your stuff since you joined up hereabouts, and I've always been impressed by the compassion, integrity, and intelligence expressed in your posts. Not to mention the surgical-strike accuracy of your newbie-scolding.

It's like reading little poems that can calm the roiling of badly troubled waters, make us laugh, or deliver a much- needed kick to someone's snarky ass. It's a skill that many desire, and few possess.

The fact that you can do this with such wit, style, and eloquence despite your illness speaks volumes as to your spirit and strength. You're an amazing woman, and we're lucky to have you among us.

I send my very best wishes to you and yours, and the Wonder Kitty sends healing rays o' love (had to get my crazy cat lady-ness in there somehow, didn't I?)

*Big ole hugs from Gnossos*

[mortalitas incomitatus]

my phone is waterlogged and i cant see the screen.
bugga

[mortalitas incomitatus]

i think it's just you baby.

cough*wierdo*cough

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

What's wrong Ms. Yummy?

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Originally Posted by Gnossos

EPS- I've been reading your stuff since you joined up hereabouts, and I've always been impressed by the compassion, integrity, and intelligence expressed in your posts. Not to mention the surgical-strike accuracy of your newbie-scolding.

It's like reading little poems that can calm the roiling of badly troubled waters, make us laugh, or deliver a much- needed kick to someone's snarky ass. It's a skill that many desire, and few possess.

The fact that you can do this with such wit, style, and eloquence despite your illness speaks volumes as to your spirit and strength. You're an amazing woman, and we're lucky to have you among us.

I send my very best wishes to you and yours, and the Wonder Kitty sends healing rays o' love (had to get my crazy cat lady-ness in there somehow, didn't I?)

*Big ole hugs from Gnossos*

You're another part of our Freaky Family that always makes me smile, inside and out...

You are truly a Beautful Soul, and the World could use about a Bajillion more of you..

The Depth of Your ability to be Passionate about what you do and the Lucky animals you care for is always Humbling for me, everytime you share a story of your daily adventures.

If there is a Heaven, there is a Penthouse Suite with your name on it..

Thank you on behalf of all those little Furry/Scaly/Fuzzy/Feathery Lost Souls you give of yourself everyday to help.

You're Husband is a lucky man..

Be sure and tell him I said you are a Goddess among Women and must be Worshipped.

*Hugs*

[Empty_Purple_Stars]

Originally Posted by Restless Dead

I shall firstly apologise for the following rant, especially reading this thread and realising the kind of serious shit the rest of you had to deal with (particularly EPS and Disfunction, I hope things look better for you guys soon), it makes this seem rather crap and whiny but I would like to try and get it out of my system.

Basically, I saw a man kill himself this morning and I’m not really dealing with it. I’ve seen dead people before, I was an auxillary nurse for a while and I worked in a morgue, but this is the first time I’ve seen someone actually take their own life. I currently work at a coffee shop at a railway station, right down on platforms 3 and 4. I’ve been working there for a year and a half, and in that time there have been 4 suicides by people putting themselves in front of a high speed train, but this was the first one I actually saw happen. Normally the person goes right down to the end of the platform where they can walk off the end and stand on the tracks and wait, but this man stood right next to the shop and jumped down just before the train came through. It was…disturbing to say the least.

Thankfully this was early morning, and there were not very many people about, so not a lot of people had to see it. I was bored (not much going) and I had noticed him sort of pacing and acting suspicious, and this being a train station we’re told to ‘observe’ any one acting suspicious and report it because of the terrorist attacks in London and threats that have been made against the station. So I was watching this guy pacing around, looking up the tracks, looking to see who was around, looking at me looking at him. I heard the train, saw the lights, and he just jumped, just fucking ran, jumped and waited for a split moment until it hit him. Being the dumb fuck I am I just stood there staring at what was left and then grabbed the phone to say I ‘think’ someone had jumped. Not sure why I said ‘think’ but they (station staff) were already on to it and started rounding up the few people who were around and getting them to the evacuation points (the station has to be closed in this kind of event).

I know I should probably feel sorry for this guy, that he clearly felt so awful about life that the only solution he could see was to launch himself at a train, but I can’t help being really pissed off. I’m all for a person’s right to kill themselves, but making someone watch you do it is totally fucking selfish. Didn’t this guy have the slightest bit of concern for anyone else? What about the poor guy driving the train? He sees someone on the tracks and he knows what’s coming, there’s no way he can stop the bloody train. To put someone through that just because you’re too chicken shit to cut yourself is beyond fucked up. So now I have a graphic visual of what his insides look like, and I have to go to work tomorrow and try not to think about what happened there this morning. I bet when the local papers come out there will be a front page dedicated to the poor man so depressed that he felt the need to tragically take his life.

Well fuck him. And fuck them. And I don’t believe in Hell, but if I did I would hope he was there.

I’m sorry if this causes offence to anyone, I’m probably just being overly bitter, it’s kind of obviously been a bad day.

I hope E_E doesn't mind me mentioning this, but he shared a similar experience not too long ago. I'm sure he'd offer an ear or a beer if you need it.

I'm so sorry that you had to see something so Fucked up..

You have every right to be angry at being forced to bear Unwilling Witness to his decision to check out..

Talk to someone about this if you can.. It can't hurt..

Hang in there..