Auto-fellatio - Page 2

bexxle · 12-19-2003, 02:57 AM

Well try losing weight. Maybe just get some baby oil.

MrMaelstrom · 12-19-2003, 03:09 AM

hey Tiberius, I got the perfect and cheap solution for you:

walk up to a latino, be him italian, spanish, portuguese or south-american.

Insult him.

Don't worry about about expenses. You'll have your dick in your mouth in no time. It just happens that it won't be attached to you anymore, but it will be in your mouth without expensive surgical procedures.

bexxle · 12-19-2003, 03:21 AM

That's really sexy. Probably be warm and tingly after the doctors shot him up with Novocain.

MrMaelstrom · 12-19-2003, 03:42 AM

It ain't Bobbit, babe
. It ain't cut off; it's torn away (the whole thing, balls included). With the bleeding it causes, it kills.
What's the point of shooting a corpse with novocaine?

bexxle · 12-19-2003, 04:15 AM

Good point. Isn't there some kind-of unwritten rule that men don't talk about stuff like that because it might give people ideas? I don't even have one and it sounds painful.

MrMaelstrom · 12-19-2003, 08:27 AM

Edit: Shit! wrong thread! Never mind this people. Just keep on licking your privates...

bexxle · 12-22-2003, 06:28 PM

Thank you Xnguela, you're making me look good.

bexxle · 12-24-2003, 02:24 PM

It’s whatever it is. I don’t like weird sex either. It has also been a long time since I’ve even dated (years) so sex and any other is out. There are friends to hug and sex chat on the forum. That’s my romantic life. Now that you’re here, you’re the big religious freak that doesn’t want to be touched.

You’ve out ubered me. Go on a head. Do you wear black all the time and respect Morrissey?

Manimal · 12-24-2003, 04:34 PM

Removing body parts to enable the possiblity of greater success with give yourself sexual pleasure is retarded. If you can't find a playmate of whatever gender/configuration you prefer in this wonderful internet age then you're not really trying. Regardless of that, I can't even imagine, all physical impracticalities aside, that it'd ever feel better to do it to yourself then have someone else do it to you. I mean seriously... is it better to masturbate or recieve a handjob; lick yourself or be licked; Etc etc... ?

Give up this foolish persuit self indulgance and join the complicated but rewarding universe of fucking other human beings.

and to this...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xnguela

You know, I don't find it all that intriguing to put my mouth on other people's excretional organs, much less my own. I mean, I PEE out of it! that's just gross. I've never thought that licking at my own urine would be even remotely appealing, and i'm disgusted by those of you (i.e. tiberius) that do.

You may not like the thought of it but if you are close to compatible with my personal definition of attractive then I'd happily lick your peehole

bexxle · 12-25-2003, 03:19 AM

Right. If it is the right person sure. You know though, there is quite a few gothics that have devoted their lives to celibacy. He might just be trying to spics things up a little.

I devoted myself to meeting the right man, but don’t date. Therefore, have chosen a life of abstinence. (Things got a little wild after getting *****, then I got in to a couple serious relationships. Celibacy might be for your entire life.) Sure there are other things to do. I had a male roommate for a bit. I would wear my underwear and pajamas around the apartment. Give him big long two armed hug and rub his back. Sometimes sneak up behind him in bed and come up behind him like a cobra to cuddle him while watching television, along with some other basic smutty behavior that would annoy him.

If I meet the right man though, that is compatible and can grow old with, sex is a real possibility. Oral too. That’s about as kinky as I’ll get. Maybe wear costumes.

So good luck to you tiberius in your ventures!

bexxle · 12-25-2003, 10:34 AM

Showe you bizznaches, get on with the talkin' 'bout sucking on yo' dizzeles.

tiberius · 12-25-2003, 04:26 PM

If you want something done right, do it yourself :lol:

Alain · 12-26-2003, 03:26 AM

You seem pretty set on sucking yourself off. Are you sure it's for the fun, and not just that you want to suck cock?
Don't tell him to find a girl, people! Any guys here up for some action? I think there's someone ready and willing... (lol)

bexxle · 12-26-2003, 07:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alain

You seem pretty set on sucking yourself off. Are you sure it's for the fun, and not just that you want to suck cock?
Don't tell him to find a girl, people! Any guys here up for some action? I think there's someone ready and willing... (lol)

Would that someone be you? ~ puff on cigarette ~

WolfMoon · 12-27-2003, 06:11 PM

At the risk of sounding unpopular or being ridiculed.I would if I could,but I wouldn't remove body parts to do it.It would beat the hell out of doing without!Who knows your body better than you do?But then,if you know your body so well then you should be able to give instructions to whoever you're sleeping with.

bexxle · 04-01-2004, 12:23 AM

I don't know about removing body parts. Quite frankly people have hands. That's why we're the only animal that can't do it. Probably too easy, so why try harder than really necessary?

SuicideJade · 04-01-2004, 12:37 AM

nope. not interested at all

Twirl · 04-01-2004, 06:55 PM

I swear to god I've never read anything more funnier on a forum than this thread....mwahahahahaha!

Maybe it's the wine...Smack me if you wish...I do appreciate the honesty, but this was as equal ~exciting /entertaining~ reading the comments during the commercial breaks as it was watching my favorite show Survivor!

Old thread I see....but fuck...all hands to you or shall I say tongue for your enjoyment!

I just kept reminiscing this scene from the movie Sour Grapes where one of the actors actually was doing it! Make believe of course.

I'm all for masturbation (as I am to sex with a partner)... To each his or her own way of doing it...

Empty_Purple_Stars · 04-01-2004, 08:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by secretboy

Yes, hell yes.

Man, if I could suck my own dick I'd probably wanna do it all the time. It'd be great. Blow blow blow. Ooh yeah.

But then, you know, I'd probably get really insecure about it, like, jeez, don't I like me for something besides sex? Then I'd get into all these passive-aggressive arguments about sex, then I'm spending all the time obsessing over whether I secretly think I'm fat.

Or, you know, with my luck I'd demand a dinner and maybe a movie beforehand. Or you know, flowers. What the hell I'd do with flowers, I don't know. Pretty soon I'd get all resentful about myself or something stupid, constantly picking fights over something lame. Then I'm not talking to myself, and it's awkward, because I'm around myself all the time, I mean, you can't ever really get away from yourself. So there you are, 24/7 around yourself and you have these huge issues and no one wants to talk about anything because it'll just get ugly or something.

Then one day I'd probably wake up in bed and there I am, and the horror of it all is, every day for the rest of my life I'll be waking up in bed with me, and there's no getting around that and...oh god.

No. Hell no. You couldn't fucking pay me.

ok I don't know HOW in the FUCK I missed this all these months!!

*shudder*

Been a running joke of mine for years..

If I could lick Mah Pink Parts I'd never leave the house..

Order out for pizza.. :shock:

Seriously..What else would you need?

Maybe a bath now and then.. but besides that, your good..

*Sickos*

And umm Hula Boy?

You have some really serious issues we need to discuss when I get my psychology degree!!

Until then keep taking the blue pills okay?

:shock:

And as far as removing a rib or some shit so you can suck your own cock.. Well there is such a thing as TOO FAR to go for Head..

Removing your own ribs so you can suck your own cock = TOO FAR!!!

Get a Pocket Pal or something..They come with that life-like mouth with realistic sucking action now..

:shock:

Okay now i'm creeping myself out..

*shudder*

Going to bathe now..

Unclean..
Unclean..
Unclean..

:roll:

comatoast · 04-01-2004, 08:16 PM

*sigh*

Twirl · 04-02-2004, 09:13 AM

I seriously thought this was a pre april fools joke being that it was bumped yesterday or just a joke period. But I see no mention.

I'm still laughing...primarly because of the movie Sour Grapes.

This is the most obscene thing I've ever heard considering to remove some ribs so you can blow yourself or just giving yourself oral anyways.

To each his own...it's none of my business.

tekno_suicide · 04-02-2004, 12:47 PM

If for some strange reason I was given the gift to give myself head, I wouldn't. It's just not appealing to me.

OnMyOwn · 04-02-2004, 01:07 PM

No, im a pretty patient person when it come to those things...i can wait

Empty_Purple_Stars · 04-06-2004, 11:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Empty_Purple_Stars

Quote:

Originally Posted by secretboy

Yes, hell yes.

Man, if I could suck my own dick I'd probably wanna do it all the time. It'd be great. Blow blow blow. Ooh yeah.

But then, you know, I'd probably get really insecure about it, like, jeez, don't I like me for something besides sex? Then I'd get into all these passive-aggressive arguments about sex, then I'm spending all the time obsessing over whether I secretly think I'm fat.

Or, you know, with my luck I'd demand a dinner and maybe a movie beforehand. Or you know, flowers. What the hell I'd do with flowers, I don't know. Pretty soon I'd get all resentful about myself or something stupid, constantly picking fights over something lame. Then I'm not talking to myself, and it's awkward, because I'm around myself all the time, I mean, you can't ever really get away from yourself. So there you are, 24/7 around yourself and you have these huge issues and no one wants to talk about anything because it'll just get ugly or something.

Then one day I'd probably wake up in bed and there I am, and the horror of it all is, every day for the rest of my life I'll be waking up in bed with me, and there's no getting around that and...oh god.

No. Hell no. You couldn't fucking pay me.

ok I don't know HOW in the FUCK I missed this all these months!!

*shudder*

Been a running joke of mine for years..

If I could lick Mah Pink Parts I'd never leave the house..

Order out for pizza.. :shock:

Seriously..What else would you need?

Maybe a bath now and then.. but besides that, your good..

*Sickos*

And umm Hula Boy?

You have some really serious issues we need to discuss when I get my psychology degree!!

Until then keep taking the blue pills okay?

:shock:

And as far as removing a rib or some shit so you can suck your own cock.. Well there is such a thing as TOO FAR to go for Head..

Removing your own ribs so you can suck your own cock = TOO FAR!!!

Get a Pocket Pal or something..They come with that life-like mouth with realistic sucking action now..

:shock:

Okay now i'm creeping myself out..

*shudder*

Going to bathe now..

Unclean..
Unclean..
Unclean..

:roll:

Hula Boy this is your reminder to switch to the red pills today..

Got it?

T H E
R E D
P I L L S !

*geez*

:roll:

Oh yeah, I'm sending you the therapy bill...

Thanks Pal..

After reading this post last week I now have nightmares about you trying to suck your own Wang..

Who's your buddy?

:shock:

*sikko*

Loy · 05-26-2004, 04:06 AM

I saw this thread and thought of this routine Bill Hicks did once. He asked the audience if there were any women who "did not like giving blowjobs", and recaounted an earlier experience when he asked the same question.

"This one lady screamed back 'have you ever tried it'?

I said 'yeah....almost broke my back'

And now I'm seeing guys curling into their arms telling their dates 'honey, I have no idea what he's talking about', but guys...you know what I'm talking about. And let's be blunt here, ladies, if guys could blow themselves, you'd be sitting here alone right now....watching an empty stage."