Random people who talk to you

[LenorePoe]

You know what I hate? When you're sitting in a place such as a resturant, etc., and people have to sit RIGHT NEXT TO YOU. For example; I'm sitting in a fast food resturant, reading or listening to music; you have the whole rest of the empty resturant to sit anywhere you'd like, and you sit RIGHT THERE, a foot away from me. It just seems like unneccesary invasion to me.
Or people who talk to you when you're clearly busy or don't want to be talked to. I have literally had to get up and walk away from people who cannot take social ques, and will yap away despite my glaring and one word answers and obvious annoyance.
One time I was reading, my head down in my book, very intent on the material. Guy comes up to me, creepy old guy, perhaps drunk, and starts talking very loudly about the fucking weather while I'm reading. I hunch my shoulders forward, get deeper into my book, ignore him for the most part, heck even cover my ears in front of him, and he KEEPS TALKING.
When I'm eating, why do you have to stare at me? I was taking my lunch break once and this guy was watching me, making unbroken eye contact with me every time I looked at him, until finally I got up and sat somewhere else.

Don't sit so close to me that you're practically sitting on my lap when I don't know you. I'm not your friend.

Don't talk to me for the sake of talking. talking about the weather is so stupid and unneccesary when it comes to talking to strangers. No, I did not initiate contact with you, so why do you feel the need to gravitate towards me and forcefully chat with me about how gorgeous the weather is?

Seriously, I'm not a friendly fucking looking person. So why do the stupidest people have to talk to me?

[Catch]

That is annoying. Have you ever had someone tell you their entire life story while waiting for the bus? I have. One time it was really scary. I think she was in an abusive relationship. Another guy was visiting his dying Mother in the hospital. That's all part of appearing friendly.

[ape descendant]

Ah, the unwanted social contact... I find that it is reduced a little when one is wearing headphones.

I've also noticed, that in an empty restaurant people do tend to sit right next to or close, despite the fact that the rest of the place is empty, and then some even engage in obnoxiously loud conversation. I've also noticed that a lot of times when one is being seated the server's tend to seat one right next to other patrons, instead of spacing people out, however I think that would have more to do with sections for the servers and not wholly out of a desire to make one feel slightly awkward.

If some one comes to me to make conversations that I do not wish to have I usually just tell them, as politely as possible, to leave me alone.

[KontanKarite]

Hmm... I don't have this problem. At least, not anymore.

[Saya]

As long as I'm not getting creep vibes or they aren't offensive, I don't mind it, I met some pretty interesting people that way. Never happened in a restaurant but people who sit near me at the bus stop or on the bus is pretty common.

Now creeps on the street who somehow think if they say enough degrading things I`ll give them a blowjob, those I hate.

[Ben Lahnger]

Most of the time, in social situations, blunt and tactless is the way to go. I'm normally a guy who doesn't want to offend or hurt a person's feelings, but generally people don't get or don't respect polite responses and diplomatic attempts to ask them to leave you alone.

In the end, the best approach is like ripping off a band-aid ... tell them what you want quickly and directly. Do not hunch your shoulders or bury your face in your book. Tell them immediately, first thing, in a firm, self-confident voice that you are not in the mood to talk and do not want his/her company.

Otherwise, if you go through all the gestures you've been doing, people will absolutely hang around because they think they just have to wear you down. You're not sending a clear signal, no matter what YOU think your shoulder shrugs and one word answers should be communicating.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by Saya

Now creeps on the street who somehow think if they say enough degrading things I`ll give them a blowjob, those I hate.

I never understood that, from creeps on the street, construction workers on the job, jocks at the football field ... oh, I could go on with the stereotypes but generally, there are way too many men who thing the way to a woman's charms is to be insulting, condescending and downright mean.

WTF? How come in all my years I've never seen that work, and yet they keep doing it?

[Saya]

I think at least 90% of them do it just to be mean and make themselves feel like big bad men. They know it won`t work, they just like humiliating other people.

[Tam Li Hua]

On topic.

Yeah, I find that weird as well. It seems to be par for the course where I live, though, but is something I've -never- gotten used to.

I usually just smile, and try to end the conversation as politely and quickly as possible.

As to -why- people do it...well, perhaps you just look like an interesting person they want to get to know..? Even if you don't intend to look that way, sometimes it just happens.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by Saya

I think at least 90% of them do it just to be mean and make themselves feel like big bad men. They know it won`t work, they just like humiliating other people.

Hmmm ... I always like to imagine that they do it because it makes their buddies laugh ... so maybe they're just trying to get in good enough with one of their buddies that HE'LL give the dude a blowjob.

Cause that work isn't going to do itself and clearly the woman who's the object of the ridicule isn't going to do it.

[KontanKarite]

Why does feminism have to be brought up explicitly in this thread? First it was attention from strangers that we don't want and now it's bitching about men being rude to women in public. Ugh. Feminism is annoying.

[Tam Li Hua]

^ I don't think it has anything to do with feminism. It's just that guys trying to get girls' attention in public by being loud and obnoxious is the most common of this kind of interaction.

If you aren't a girl, it's understandable why you wouldn't notice it as much.

[Saya]

Dude, its a type of attention from strangers that is unwanted.

[KontanKarite]

*rollseyes*

I'd bet the farm that you guys don't get nearly as much of that attention than you let on. I bet it's not nearly that big of a deal to have to bitch about it.

Also, I think you failed to realize who you're speaking to. Being the specimen of beautiful male that I am, it was VERY common where I used to live to get cat calls and rude remarks all the time. As it is though, I've been guilty of complaining about this very thing before when it was indeed a much more common occurrence. So no, this has NOTHING to do with being a female. I'm just annoyed that it seems like once again, this kind of discussion is going in the direction of feminine complaints.

[Alan]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

So no, this has NOTHING to do with being a female.

No, but it has everything to do with feminism, stupid.

[LenorePoe]

Originally Posted by Catch

That is annoying. Have you ever had someone tell you their entire life story while waiting for the bus? I have. One time it was really scary. I think she was in an abusive relationship. Another guy was visiting his dying Mother in the hospital. That's all part of appearing friendly.

Agreed. I've had customers come into my work, try to get me to do them secial favors or break the rules for them etc., and use the excuse "My sn just went to jail!" "I'm having a realy bad day!" "But I have breast cancer!"

[Saya]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

*rollseyes*

I'd bet the farm that you guys don't get nearly as much of that attention than you let on. I bet it's not nearly that big of a deal to have to bitch about it.

And what do you base that on? Its not everyday but it happens more than it should. Although its not as bad as I hear it is in other places where people will masturbate in front of you.

But yeah, sexual harrassment isn't a big deal, why do we ever complain? We should just take it as a compliment that someone would love to let us know that they'd like to orally **** us.

Also, I think you failed to realize who you're speaking to. Being the specimen of beautiful male that I am, it was VERY common where I used to live to get cat calls and rude remarks all the time. As it is though, I've been guilty of complaining about this very thing before when it was indeed a much more common occurrence. So no, this has NOTHING to do with being a female. I'm just annoyed that it seems like once again, this kind of discussion is going in the direction of feminine complaints.

Yeah its only very beautiful people who cant help getting praise who get sexually harrassed by strangers. They just can't help themselves. They have to let us know that they want to shove their cocks up our asses and slap us like a bitch!

And no one said it only happens to women anyway. Its just that, as a woman, all the cat calls come from men. I'm sorry I didn't add "and also I bet Kontan got cat called too from women, I should mention that otherwise he might get annoyed that something focused on the experience I have as an individual and grow concerned that there is a feminist conspiracy on Gnet."

And you complain about people complaining about sexual harrassment, but you had nothing bad to say about complaining about people just trying to strike up a conversation?

[LenorePoe]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

Most of the time, in social situations, blunt and tactless is the way to go. I'm normally a guy who doesn't want to offend or hurt a person's feelings, but generally people don't get or don't respect polite responses and diplomatic attempts to ask them to leave you alone.

In the end, the best approach is like ripping off a band-aid ... tell them what you want quickly and directly. Do not hunch your shoulders or bury your face in your book. Tell them immediately, first thing, in a firm, self-confident voice that you are not in the mood to talk and do not want his/her company.

Otherwise, if you go through all the gestures you've been doing, people will absolutely hang around because they think they just have to wear you down. You're not sending a clear signal, no matter what YOU think your shoulder shrugs and one word answers should be communicating.

Thanks, I just don't want to piss anyone off to the point of causing confrontation.

[Tam Li Hua]

Kontan: Dude, it's annoying -every- time it happens, no matter how rare it is. [If you've experienced it, then you should know. ]

It's doubly annoying when I'm trying to walk to work in upper 90s heat, at 7:30 in the morning on a week day, not looking my best, and a drunk guy in a hooptie pulls over and tries to talk me into coming over to his car.

OTOH, it -also- annoys me when a random female cashier tries to tell me her life story just because I made the mistake of saying to her yes, that particular brand of cheese is very tasty.

[Alan]

Originally Posted by Saya

And you complain about people complaining about sexual harrassment, but you had nothing bad to say about complaining about people just trying to strike up a conversation?

I hope not. Because that is a stupid complaint, and this is a stupid thread. I'd rather discuss this about harassment than humoring the socially inept OP.

[Razeal18]

I also have a bit of a problem with people talking to me in unwanted wayes. Its usually homeless people. Its ok thou they give me perfect oppurtunities to verbally barrage them with every ounce of stress i posess at the moment. If they get violent then i get to kill them. And the wonders of the western judicial system continue. AMERICA- FUCK YEAH.

but seriously When i find myself in an uncomfortable social situation i usually make myself the least likely person to want to talk to. I (a guy) start putting on lipstick, or picking my fingernails with a pocket knife usually reserved for cleaning deer. the unblinking stare in siouxie eyes usually chills the blood of most obnoxious idiots

[gothicusmaximus]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Also, I think you failed to realize who you're speaking to. Being the specimen of beautiful male that I am, it was VERY common where I used to live to get cat calls and rude remarks all the time. As it is though, I've been guilty of complaining about this very thing before when it was indeed a much more common occurrence. So no, this has NOTHING to do with being a female. I'm just annoyed that it seems like once again, this kind of discussion is going in the direction of feminine complaints.

Kontan, I'm afraid I just don't find it conceivable that you're cat-called as frequently as is even a moderately attractive woman. Maybe you're an Adonis whose sublime beauty inspires all who look upon you to ecstatic worship, but speaking as a mundanely attractive man, neither I nor any of my male friends can claim to have been made audience to unsolicited remarks as frequently as even the plainest girl I know. Bear in mind, I even invited heckling by wearing a cape for a year.
Really, it DOES have a bit to do with being female. Chicks are almost categorically smaller and weaker than we are. If you or I were faced with the inverse of what for young, New York women is a common experience-- were a girl to approach us from behind and whisper "get on your knees and lick me bitch" or actually seize us by the wrist and pull-- we can shrug it off, literally or figuratively. A girl, on the other hand, finds herself in a potentially dangerous situation, and the frequency with which she does can create long-term emotional distress.
Look, I know it's a bummer having been just barely born into a time when male ownership of women is no longer implicitly recognized by society at large, but let's not ignore reality just because we're mad at feminism.

[wishcat]

Haha this post made me LOL!

I get that all the time. People do the same thing in parking lots. I park my car in an area clear of cars, then suddenly, someone will pull up and park right next to me, even though there are one hundred other open spaces. I just don't get it. I think maybe people are lonely and feel the need to be close to others.

I am also a weirdo magnet. I like weirdos, but these people I attract are weirdo, weirdo! I once had a guy come into my store yelling, "Double X, Double X!" while crossing his hands in the air. He saw me and got down on one knee and asked me to marry him haha! Another time while I was at the mall in Downtown, I had a couple follow me around in the mall and on the buss, they also followed me home and befriended me haha, they were bored navy kids.

[Beneath the Shadows]

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Also, I think you failed to realize who you're speaking to. Being the specimen of beautiful male that I am, it was VERY common where I used to live to get cat calls and rude remarks all the time.

Then you left the Castro?

[KontanKarite]

So this thread has become a thread about sexual harassment instead of people just bugging you in general?

Honestly, I was simply pointing out that I notice a LOT of feminist stuff permeating in Saya's posts which get kind of annoying. But yeah, didn't we already have threads like that? Why can't this one be about people bugging you when you don't want it?

But sure, let's talk about sexual harassment instead of the original crux of the thread.