Just another Random n00b...

[Random Havoc]

1. What do you do? (Hobbies, job)
I am currently a live in aid for my elderly grandparents, aged 85 and 91 respectively. This tends to keep me too busy to have any real occupation, and renders most hobbies difficult to pursue with any real focus. Though, I am an old fan of computers and generally spend a good deal of time learning more and more about them when I can. I've also recently taken up sewing to more cost-efficiently alter my own garments.

2. Where are you from?
I live in the state of Kansas for reasons explained in the previous question, though I spent a few years living in California and prefer the climate there much more than I do here, and will likely end up back there sooner or later when my obligations here have gone their natural course.

3. Who is your favorite author?
I'm partial to Anne Rice, and H. P. Lovecraft, I'm also quite fond of the works of George Orwell, though I'd be hard-pressed to choose a single author.

4. What are your favorite films?
Rocky Horror Picture Show, History of the World, Part 1, and Monty Python and the Holy Grail are by far my favorite movies. I also enjoy many of the B-rated horror films, "Clue" the movie based on the board game, and various other whimsical films.

5. What music do you want played at your wedding?
I'm former military, and a confirmed bachelor for a variety of reasons, so if this dreaded day should ever come, I would suspect Taps would be most appropriate.

6. At your funeral?
Probably a Celtic style dirge of some type, I can't think of anything specific off the top of my head.

7. This IS a gothic website, so... how do you want to die?
I don't generally think on it, I figure I don't have many options in the matter it will come when it comes and therefore isn't worth thinking about one way or the other. The one thing I have decided is that I don't want to live on trapped within my body on life support for years.

8. What kind of casket would you want?
I'm partial to dark-black stained mahogany with nice soft pillow style underlays if we're talking 'as a bed'. Once I'm dead, it doesn't really matter what they do with the carcass.

9. What's your FAVORITE outfit?
I'm partial to black dress clothes. Dress shirts, straight slacks, ties, suit vests, blazers, that kind of thing.

10. What's one thing you miss about being a little kid?
Absolutely nothing. I hated my childhood, I'm glad it's over.

11. What's your favorite band?
Bauhaus, KMFDM, Siouxsie and the Banshees.

12. What kind of education do you have? What is/was/will be your major?
I've got a G.E.D. and basic military training, that's really all. I never was challenged by school, and never enjoyed my time there generally resenting having to be there at all. I spend a good deal of time self-educating, but I've never thought of turning that towards gaining a degree.

13. Why did you join?
I'm really not sure, probably loneliness wanting to be around people I have something in common with, no matter how little it may be.

14. If the first 13 questions didn't give it away. What is your gender?
I am a gentleman of the night, straight, and eternally-single by choice.

What wasn't in the previous, I am deathly intolerant of children. I am an outspoken atheist. I don't consider myself gothic, I simply enjoy the music and the company of those who do consider themselves gothic. Labels generally don't impress me much, we're all human beings, any other definitions we choose to place upon ourselves are just a means to further segregate into little cliches so we can talk badly about those not a part of said cliches. Generally I think everyone needs to learn to get along better than we do normally. Finally, I think the worst words any man or woman can utter are 'There's nothing you could say to change my mind.' An open mind is the only thing that allows us to tolerate those who don't share our values, closing your mind in any way leads to hatred, and bigotry. Just my two cents, keep the change.

[CarrionCorpse]

I hate children too.
Welcome.

[Ben Lahnger]

This is pretty good. Yeah, don't get married. There are less costly ways to pay for sex.

Welcome to this place. I look forward to your contributions.

[Random Havoc]

I've actually got the belief that marriage is far more beneficial for men than for women, so I consider it a statement of equality that I refuse to ensnare a woman in such a proceeding.. Course, I'm probably deluding myself...

Thank you both for the welcomes..

[Ben Lahnger]

Since I'm a man who cooks his own meals, washes his own laundry, knows how to do enough sewing to mend any clothing that needs it and genuinely only asks a woman to be good company, I have a different opinion about whether marriage is more beneficial for men or women.

So I'm not misinterpreted as being sexist or a misogynist, I would like to add to that statement that I am grateful we live in a somewhat enlightened age when women know they don't need a man to survive. They can go get anything they want on their own.

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

So I'm not misinterpreted as being sexist or a misogynist, I would like to add to that statement that I am grateful we live in a somewhat enlightened age when women know they don't need a man to survive. They can go get anything they want on their own.

Sadly not all women know that. I used to want to be a nun and you wouldn't believe the reactions I got, and they were mostly from other girls (a lot of it was "NO SEX?" but a lot of it too was "won't you be lonely?"). Not to mention all the pressure to date around, get a man and settle down. I have met girls in university too who were like "well I want to be a housewife but my parents made me come here to start a career first." o.O

I don't want to get married because historically it is just an economical arrangement in which the woman is given away to another family and loses her name and therefore identity, in Buddhism its no big deal anyway so there's no spiritual reason, and I don't think its fair to make someone promise me that we'll be together for the rest of our lives when we can't foresee whats coming, and plan a extravagant ceremony to somehow think we're special because of this promise. The only way a partner could get me to marry would be if we eloped, I think, and just went on a crazy adventure and used it as an excuse.

Hahaha, sorry newbie for ranting, a lot of friends have been getting married and having babies lately so its on my mind ^_^ Welcome, you seem pleasant enough. Oh, have you read The Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood?

[Random Havoc]

I don't mind the rant one bit, I enjoy hearing other people's ideas, and while the idea of becoming a nun is strange to me for entirely different reasons than those girls you went to classes with, I find their 'goals' of becoming property far more disturbing...

I haven't read that yet, but I'll be sure to keep an eye out for it..

[Saya]

Hahaha, well not a penguin, a Buddhist nun if that helps XD

I'd strongly recommend Handmaid's Tale if you like Orwell's 1984, I read it recently and have a strong urge to reread it already, it was that good. Its a dystopian about the return of America to Biblical laws, where women are property and only have value if they can reproduce.

[Random Havoc]

Sounds fabulous, I'll be certain it makes it to the top 5 of my 'must read' list..

I'm ashamed to say I don't know enough about Buddhism to know how a Buddhist nun is different than a penguin, but I'll look into it if just to inform myself.. I don't promise that it'll change my distress of the idea, though being more informed in general is a good idea in all things, if only so one can raise a better argument against them.

[Mariner]

You sound like a very interesting person Havoc. Your opinion of cliches and your open mindedness is refreshing. I must agree, in the end we are really all just human. Welcome.

[Razeal18]

Originally Posted by Ben Lahnger

Yeah, don't get married. There are less costly ways to pay for sex.
.

Whatabout intimacy and sharing yourself wholly? Whatabout making a vow to place this person first in ones life? Or am i just being a naive boy in makeup who listend to fairy tales too much. Not that i can convince anyone now but i am straight.
OH yes and Welcome havoc

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Random Havoc

Sounds fabulous, I'll be certain it makes it to the top 5 of my 'must read' list..

I'm ashamed to say I don't know enough about Buddhism to know how a Buddhist nun is different than a penguin, but I'll look into it if just to inform myself.. I don't promise that it'll change my distress of the idea, though being more informed in general is a good idea in all things, if only so one can raise a better argument against them.

I don't know enough about penguins to define the difference exactly, but I think the principle thing is that Buddhist nuns are not celibate because they are married to the church and their virginity is sacred, but because they took vows to seek enlightenment with all their energy and then teach others about what they learned, and its hard to dedicate yourself to find serious spiritual answers when you also have a family to take care of, or if you're in a romantic relationship we all know how deluded and crazy it can make you sometimes. Course now in the West not too many teachers, at least in Zen, encourage becoming a monk or nun, since lay people by their logic have an advantage, they can overcome daily suffering because its thrown in our face every day, whereas the monks and nuns in their convents lead relatively peaceful lives and never get to practice what they learned about patience or compassion as much as we do. Thats pretty much why I put the idea on the shelf, also because I was raised to believe that success is husband, home and children, so I was conflicted at the time.

[Solumina]

Originally Posted by Razeal18

Whatabout intimacy and sharing yourself wholly? Whatabout making a vow to place this person first in ones life? Or am i just being a naive boy in makeup who listend to fairy tales too much. Not that i can convince anyone now but i am straight.
OH yes and Welcome havoc

I believe it was just a joke. Plus you can have a loving, intimate relationship without getting married.

Personally I'm rather giddy and happy to be getting married but I can understand others who don't feel the same way, everyone is different.

[Random Havoc]

Originally Posted by Razeal18

Whatabout intimacy and sharing yourself wholly? Whatabout making a vow to place this person first in ones life? Or am i just being a naive boy in makeup who listend to fairy tales too much. Not that i can convince anyone now but i am straight.
OH yes and Welcome havoc

Firstly, thank you for the welcome, and thank you as well Mariner..

Now to address the reason I wanted to quote this... One doesn't have to become legally, or religiously, married to make these kinds of commitments to another person. In fact, I would like to think that these vows would mean more if they are personally binding than held in place by any outside organizations. There are good financial reasons for people who make these kinds of commitments to become legally married, but by no means does that mean that the commitments they make to one another have any legal meaning whatsoever. In the United States, marriage is a legal contract between two consenting adults. There are understood practices that go with it, and a good deal of religious symbolism is usually included as well, but if you need the eyes of an 'all-powerful, all-knowing being' watching over you to make your vows 'stick' as it were, then I, for one, would question how sincere you were in making those vows to begin with. I'm personally opposed to marriage, that doesn't mean I think everyone else should follow my example, I know many people who share many of my beliefs towards the problems of 'traditional religious marriage' who for legal reasons have chosen to get their personal relationships sanctioned by the government they live under, but those are legal, and financial reasons. It has absolutely nothing to do with beliefs that they can not be wholly intimate, or sustain a pledge of loyalty to their chosen companions. This, incidentally, is why I am 100% for legalising gay marriage even though I am a straight man who will essentially never be effected by these laws in either case. When the significance of an act becomes purely legal, as it has with marriage, there is no justification for denying that right to any person based on their sex, religion, or ethnicity. End rant.

[Ben Lahnger]

Originally Posted by Razeal18

Whatabout intimacy and sharing yourself wholly? Whatabout making a vow to place this person first in ones life?

Originally Posted by Solumina

I believe it was just a joke. Plus you can have a loving, intimate relationship without getting married.

Thanks, Solumina, for getting the humor. Thanks Random Havoc, for expounding in your answer some thoughts that mirror mine.

Razael, I highlighted the line in your reply to address it. I don't believe a truly healthy, mature relationship can be based on sacrificing yourself for another. When you get the emergency instructions from flight attendants on a plane, they always tell you to put the oxygen mask on your own head first and then you can help your cabin mates. It's like that in life ... each of us has to make sure we do everything we can to make sure we are hale and whole before we can really be any help to those around us.

I'm all for having that special someone in your life, and cheering for each others success. I just don't think you should take a vow that says the other person is worth more than you, whether that vow is a personal commitment or part of a marriage ceremony.

[Stormtrooper of Death]

Welcome to the OP, good tastes.

[Amunet]

Welcome Havoc, I think you will find a there are several very intellectual people such as yourself on here, and if you like debating, this site will definitely prove to be a great place to be challenged.

Looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts.

Amunet

[Underwater Ophelia]

Saya, why do you say if one loses his name his identity is lost?

[Saya]

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

Saya, why do you say if one loses his name his identity is lost?

That was an exaggeration on my part, but your name is an important part of your identity, and its holy hell unnerving to hear other women say after they get married "I am now Mrs Ralph Smith" or whatever their husband's name is. Mind you I never say anything when the last name is changed, but I still think its sad that its done purely out of a sexist tradition and I wish equal consideration was given when a name change is wanted. Myself that would be a big thing, I have an somewhat uncommon (I'm not sure just how) last name and everyone comments on it, I can't ever imagine being a boring old Smith.