It's 2:30 in the morning...

KontanKarite · 01-13-2009, 11:42 PM

And my partner isn't home.

We had a big disagreement about 2 to 3 weeks back. A big one. Things were said and things were finally understood.

We had a couple of rocky days following that conflict and now... now she's been very very upbeat. Things have been queerly smooth. We're... coexisting without fighting...

She rarely ever talks to me at all, I feel like I'm bothering her when I talk to her, she's been chatting a lot more on-line, and our sleep schedules have gone polar opposite. She's been going out and running her "errands" quite a lot lately during the night. It dawned on me when she went to discuss a script with her director at a coffee shop at 9 in the evening, on a Sunday. She didn't get home til about 4 or 5 in the morning...

She once told me about an ex she had. When she wasn't getting what she wanted, she sought it out from another. She had "cheated" on him.

I haven't been giving her what she's been wanting. I can't. It's not in me to be the kind of person she feels she needs. It's not that I fall short as a person, it's that I fall short of what she wants out of a partner. Thing is, I really don't care because it's not who I am.

So I could be wrong, but I think she's having an affair. I've been thinking on this a lot and honestly, the sting isn't so bad at all. It doesn't hurt in any way, save for a slight gnawing of expectation. If she is having an affair, I can only think to feel relieved.

I can also understand why she would do this. We are both on the lease to this apartment we have. If I were to find out, I could possibly burden her with the full thing and move in with a friend of mine. But... I'm not that mean, especially when as friends, we can get along.

So, I could talk to her about it. I could ask. But if I am mistaken, then I could very well be shooting myself in the foot and looking like I don't trust her. Maybe I don't and maybe there's a part of me that just doesn't really mind letting go.

Albert Mond · 01-13-2009, 11:50 PM

Eh. Try to make the best of it, I guess. The bright, sunny un-possibility is that she may be testing you to see if you remember what she said.

KontanKarite · 01-13-2009, 11:52 PM

Well that can be true. But then again, apathy doesn't play well in the odds for anyone. That's the problem I suppose. Despite what she's said, I can't really... care. Honestly, there's a part of me that almost hopes she may have found someone that makes her happy. :-/

nis~sijai · 01-14-2009, 12:15 AM

Do whatever you think is best for you, whether that means breaking up, or hanging in there and making the best of things.

Maybe you should plan a vacation together (doesn't have to be long, a weekend getaway will do) so you two can spend some time together?

exacerbatedpoet · 01-14-2009, 12:17 AM

Eh KK, I would give you my sympathy but I don't think that's what you need. You are who you are and she is who she is and I hope whatever comes out of this works for both out for both of you. The fact that you are apathetic about the whole affair ( not saying she is necessarily having an affair but just the the whole situation) speaks for itself. The question is do you want to be with your partner? When I say this I mean if you aren't together will that be a big deal to you? My advice If you really want to be together give a it little time and see whether you that makes you think she is having an affair or whether you think maybe you were wrong. If not and you think that you can't be who it is that she needs, then just go ahead and talk to her. At least then you can gain clarity. Either way, I hope every works out for the both of you.

KontanKarite · 01-14-2009, 03:30 AM

It's 6:30 in the morning... She's not home. Hmm...

Drake Dun · 01-14-2009, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

I haven't been giving her what she's been wanting. I can't. It's not in me to be the kind of person she feels she needs. It's not that I fall short as a person, it's that I fall short of what she wants out of a partner. Thing is, I really don't care because it's not who I am.

I hear ya, brother. Now, if you knew the details of my personal life, you would call me the biggest hypocrite in the world for saying this, but I suspect getting the communication channels open is the way to go.

PinstripesAndPithHelmets · 01-14-2009, 06:06 AM

If the thought of her having an illicit affair doesn't bother you, if it would, rather, make you feel relieved knowing that she is having an affair, you should break up with her.

mindless1 · 01-14-2009, 06:24 AM

Are you married?

Alarica · 01-14-2009, 08:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

It's 6:30 in the morning... She's not home. Hmm...

Is it possible shes doing it to fuck with you, and make you think shes having the affair, so you think you are losing her, get worried, and make an effort to be what she wants you to be? Sounds deranged I know, but I have a mate who played this game. If you really arent bothered if she is having an affair, maybe it is better to end it now, and stay amicable. If that is what you want. I hope you get it all sorted out soon, for your own piece of mind.

JCC · 01-14-2009, 10:05 AM

Easy solution:

"Hello partner, are you having an affair?"
"Y/N"
"Cool, bye/cool, wanna have sex?"

Solumina · 01-14-2009, 01:57 PM

It really seems like the two of you aren't what the other needs in a partner, whether or not she is having an affair it really seems like there is nothing good coming out of the two of you staying together as a couple. Talk to her about it and see if the two of you wouldn't be a lot better off living together as friends until your lease is up.

KontanKarite · 01-14-2009, 02:27 PM

She got home and we did have a talk. So for now, everything is ironed out. My suspicions were half correct, so we talked about that. She's told me that she will be safe and so will I. We haven't broken up, but we both identified that there are things that the other can't give us, so we both have opted to find those things in other people.

She really could have just told me to begin with instead of saying that she went to do some errands. o_0

But our relationship has become more organic, which is good for both of us I think.

exacerbatedpoet · 01-14-2009, 02:30 PM

I'm glad you guys talked and worked it out, KK.

Steppenwolf · 01-15-2009, 07:24 AM

I can only say : Time will tell ....................
(Advice from someone with enough experience : Prepare yourself for troubles)

KontanKarite · 01-24-2009, 03:51 PM

Meh... I dumped her. For good reason. I found the other guy she was sleeping with to be ugly and gross. He can have her.

New Personal Rule: If I don't like the third party, then dump the connection.

Albert Mond · 01-24-2009, 04:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Meh... I dumped her. For good reason. I found the other guy she was sleeping with to be ugly and gross. He can have her.

New Personal Rule: If I don't like the third party, then dump the connection.

Wait... I thought I saw you somewhere before!

KontanKarite · 01-24-2009, 04:22 PM

Bwahahahahaha!

Fae-wolf · 01-24-2009, 06:20 PM

:/ I hope you're situation gets better

Steppenwolf · 01-24-2009, 06:43 PM

I knew it
...............................

KontanKarite · 01-25-2009, 06:23 AM

Yeah, Steppenwolf, it was pretty bloody trifflin. I think it worked out best in the end.

Despanan · 01-25-2009, 08:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KontanKarite

Meh... I dumped her. For good reason. I found the other guy she was sleeping with to be ugly and gross. He can have her.

New Personal Rule: If I don't like the third party, then dump the connection.

Addendum to your personal rule: Stop dating unstable people!

Underwater Ophelia · 01-25-2009, 01:33 PM

So you wouldn't break up with someone for cheating on you, but you'd break up with someone for cheating on you with someone you don't find attractive?

Albert Mond · 01-25-2009, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Underwater Ophelia

So you wouldn't break up with someone for cheating on you, but you'd break up with someone for cheating on you with someone you don't find attractive?

The idea is that it's more of a "fuck you".

Underwater Ophelia · 01-25-2009, 06:34 PM

I don't think the person she chose to cheat on Kontan with has anything to do with Kontan.