Well, I don't usually whine, especially on here, buuut...

[KissMeDeadly]

Alright, I'd like to point out that I'm not trying for a 'woe is me' kind of thread. I just want to bitch and vent for a bit, and perhaps get some good advice while I'm at it. I'm doing it here because, for one, I value a good few of gnet's opinions, and two, I'm basically anonymous, so there is comfort in that.

Well, I've never been one for 'love'. There have been a few flames in the past, but honestly, I've only ever actually wanted to engage in a relationship with maybe three or four women in my entire life. I don't know if that's normal or not, but given the track record of most of my friends, I'd say not. Maybe it's because I'm not at all interested in casual sex...but then again, how many guys don't want casual sex?

Anyway, I'm getting ahead of myself. So, I know you were all expecting it, but, there's this particular girl that I have grown very fond of. More than fond. I met her...three years ago? Maybe four. We're pretty good friends, talk a lot, that kind of thing.

I've asked her out once, but she had already began seeing somebody a short while before, and that was fine, we were and are still friends, but we had sort of a falling out due to bullshit I'm not going into because it doesn't entirely involve me (because I'm just so fucking important). When we patched things up and became friends again, I asked her out again since I knew she wasn't seeing anybody.

Well, you guessed it, she turned me down. She says she just isn't into me that way.

This, again, is fine, in a way. It's not like there is anything I can do about it, and I certainly don't feel that she's obligated to persue a relationship with me.

But, the strange thing is, during this whole three year period, I haven't even thought about another girl, even the one year that I didn't even have contact with her.

It pains me to say it, but I'm pretty sure that I love her. I've tried to see other women, but they just don't interest me. I can't even be mad at this woman, or annoyed, and I am very, very easy to annoy.

Well, that's pretty much it. I just don't know what to do with myself. I've tried for years to forget these feelings, to move on, to find somebody else, but I just can't seem to do it. I'm at my wits end. She and I share everything, and it just seems to me that having such a deep emotional attachment to me, that she would at least give taking it further a try, but instead she doesn't.

I also noticed that she hasn't dated or seen anybody either, which also kind of leaves me wondering.

So my question for advice is, basically, what should I do? Do I continue to try to move things forward, or just settle with being best of friends, even though I love her? I don't really know how well I will take it if she starts seeing anybody, because I will inevitably meet said person, and probably see them doing couple-like things, which is fine, she has her own life and is allowed to see whoever she likes, but I just don't know if I could contain my jealous feelings, in fact, I'd rather not have them at all.

Well, this is long and bitchy enough. TL;DR: Friendzoned, and hopelessly in love. What should I do?

[JCC]

That happened to me, EXACTLY that. I'm now with her, so go figure. It depends whether you can see her reciprocating any interest at all; sometimes you have to identify a lost cause, which I never thought my girl was. Don't ever get jealous though, jealousy is petty.

[d0p3y]

If you like pain, keep at it becuase theres alot to be had.

if you don't just move on cut her out of your life untill you find another girl that "truely" apreciattes you.

[Underwater Ophelia]

It's hard to give advice on this without knowing the situation. There are a million different possibilities here. She could love you emotionally, but not be attracted to you romantically/physically/whatever. She could be a terrible person and you can't see it and she just likes the attention. She could have the same feelings for you that you do for her, but she's afraid because she's never really felt that way before. She could be afraid of ruining a good friendship because she doesn't have enough friends she can really trust.

I think JCC's advice was best, but I'll expand on it--even though it's nearly impossible, try to look at it from an objective point of view. Be realistic, and try to identify if it's a lost cause.


(Yeah, I worded that in a weird way. I meant looking at it objectively is nearly impossible, not expanding on what JCC said.)

[Apathy's_Child]

I've been in this situation before. If you're the confident type, I think next time you hang out and the mood is getting around the point you'd usually make a move, try again. (Try and do so when you're both a little drunk, if you can - takes the edge off and allows you to make the converstion more playful than awkward.) If she turns you down, take it with good humor, but ask her right there if there is any point in trying, and tell her in no uncertain terms that if she says no you'll never bother her with this again. If she really does not want you, this offer will appeal provided you make it clear by the way you go about this that you're not gonna turn into a sulky little bitch and wreck the friendship, and she'll take you up on it. If she's reluctant to tell you to leave her alone, it's time to start working out whether she's an attention whore, or just concerned about losing you as a friend if it doesn't work out. Again, this is where a mild level of drunkenness comes in usegful to oil the wheels of conversation.

[HumanePain]

Ah, angsty love! Write down your feelings, no sense in wasting good romantic angst, and the written catharsis will help you feel better too.

I say keep the affection, but keep it to yourself, and earnestly try to get involved in something else, displaying confidence. She may be subconsciously playing hard to get, and if you act with confidence as if you are not interested in her romantically it may beget her romantic response.

I had a best friend who was also an awesomely attractive girl, and watched helplessly as she dated boyfriend after boyfriend, but as soon as I stopped swooning over her and began dating other girls, she perked up and began writing me love notes! I actually had several opportunities to kiss her (she threw herself at me) but by then I was over the crush and just kept her as a best friend (besides I was really into other girls each time she made a play and I didn't want to be a two-timer).

[Still Jack]

I've had a couple of things like that. except for the fact that the other parties wanted to try a relationship with me and I didn't want to because I didn't want to fuck up the awesome friendship. I knew it was gonna be awkward after the relationship inevitably ended because I knew the other parties too well. Maybe that's the kind of situation your friend is in....

[JCC]

HP makes a good point but you should also be wary. Once this girl knows that you're trying to move on it will force her to confront her own feelings about whether she is comfortable seeing that happen, or whether she actually wants to be with you after all. At the same time, it's never advisable to use someone else's feelings as a springboard for your own emotional gain and you can't use people like that, so I wouldn't recommend dating someone just to make this other person jealous.

[ape descendant]

Find yourself. Take up a new hobby, explore your artistic side.. or whatever works for you.

I think its rather retarded to throw yourself, repeatedly, at some one who doesn't want you.

Getting rejected sucks... but perhaps its time to try to put her out of your mind and move on. Maybe get some counciling. Take care of it now before it gets worse.

[Apathy's_Child]

My advice is the best in this thread, because it's the only way you'll get an answer that allows you to move forward one way or another.

Just sayin'.

[KissMeDeadly]

Thanks for all the advice, guys. Really. If I knew you guys, I'd buy you all a beer.

But, here's what I guess I'll do: I asked her if there was really any hope for us getting into a relationship at all, and she said probably not. I didn't get her drunk, because, call me old fashioned, but I just prefer my women thinking straight when making commitments. I'm not trying to have sex with her here (I mean, I guess I am, but I'm not *just* trying to have sex with her) so the, 'get her drunk and hit on her' plan was kind of out the window.

Anyway, knowing that there will most likely be no possibility of a relationship, I suppose the next best thing is to just continue being best friends, and I truly do mean best friends, she's the only person nerdy enough for me to share interests with here.

And I guess I'll start trying to date again, and do my very best to just forget the notion of me and her being anything but friends. Honestly, after I asked her that, I felt a lot better. I think it was the uncertainty that was bothering me before.

And, who knows? Maybe she will show interest in me one day. I've decided I'm not going to push her or ask her out ever again, if she wants me, she knows that she can ask. If I'm not seeing anybody at the time, I might even accept.

But again, thanks a lot you guys. You've really helped out. We're all one, big, psychopathic family here (awwww)

[Apathy's_Child]

Originally Posted by KissMeDeadly

Thanks for all the advice, guys. Really. If I knew you guys, I'd buy you all a beer.

But, here's what I guess I'll do: I asked her if there was really any hope for us getting into a relationship at all, and she said probably not. I didn't get her drunk, because, call me old fashioned, but I just prefer my women thinking straight when making commitments. I'm not trying to have sex with her here (I mean, I guess I am, but I'm not *just* trying to have sex with her) so the, 'get her drunk and hit on her' plan was kind of out the window.

The getting drunk part wasn't about trying to get her in the sack man, just about everyone being a little less inhibited than usual. Whatever comes out with someone you know well is bound to be something you've thought about before, so I doubt she'd wake up thinking, "Shit, what did I do?"

Still and all, sorry to hear it didn't work out. I still think "probably not" is a little vague, so you're probably righ to treat it as a definite no and see where life takes you.

[d0p3y]

Originally Posted by KissMeDeadly

Thanks for all the advice, guys. Really. If I knew you guys, I'd buy you all a beer.

But, here's what I guess I'll do: I asked her if there was really any hope for us getting into a relationship at all, and she said probably not. I didn't get her drunk, because, call me old fashioned, but I just prefer my women thinking straight when making commitments. I'm not trying to have sex with her here (I mean, I guess I am, but I'm not *just* trying to have sex with her) so the, 'get her drunk and hit on her' plan was kind of out the window.

Anyway, knowing that there will most likely be no possibility of a relationship, I suppose the next best thing is to just continue being best friends, and I truly do mean best friends, she's the only person nerdy enough for me to share interests with here.

And I guess I'll start trying to date again, and do my very best to just forget the notion of me and her being anything but friends. Honestly, after I asked her that, I felt a lot better. I think it was the uncertainty that was bothering me before.

And, who knows? Maybe she will show interest in me one day. I've decided I'm not going to push her or ask her out ever again, if she wants me, she knows that she can ask. If I'm not seeing anybody at the time, I might even accept.

But again, thanks a lot you guys. You've really helped out. We're all one, big, psychopathic family here (awwww)

Cheers. ^__^