Is this normal?

[Barfing_Rat]

I havent talk about my relationship so far. But today I just cannot help it but start to wondering if this is even normal or not and try to figure out what exactly is wrong.

I have been in a long distance relationship for about a year and half. We met when she was visiting my city, and end up staying in touch. We clicked really well at first and we always really enjoy eachother company. At that time she just got out of a relationship and she have a house and was in school and stuff. So she wasnt able to move here right away. So we end up doing long distance relationship.

Ever since mid of spring, we have been having a LOT of problem. I've been starting to really want to get out of the house and do things, but I have very limited free time because of everything I'm doing plus she live on other side of the country so that mean we're at three hours difference of time. So if I get home too late then it is very late for her. If I get on at time, it is just really early for me. So I just feel like I never really have time for anything outside of my rigid life style and if I complain about it, she complain about how she have no time for anything because she have to get up go to work and school and stuff then by time she get home, she's already tired and just want to be with me. If I want to do anything until late then I have to really watch my step and be very careful about how often I do it or she'll get very bitter and upset. So it is really frustrating for me because I feel like I have no free time at all and by the time she go to bed, I'm basically at home and it is too late to do anything or make a plan. It suck!

Also she is extremely sensitive and really clingy and jealousy. Since she doesn't have too many friends, I was happy when she have one male friend because at least it make her less miserable when I'm not around for her all of the time. But if I want to go out do anything with a female friend, she get very jealous about it and question me throughly and if I do thing with same girl more than once or more than one girl in short span of time, she get all upset and mad about it.
If I somehow hurt her by trying to do right thing, which happen often! I always end up know I'm in for one long night ful of her questioning me and tell me about how she couldnt believe how insensitive and cold I could be and make me admit things and answer difficult questions, and make me sweating bullets. Then after that she still isnt great to be around for a couple days.
Also she always want to do EVERYTHING with me. If I talk about how I want to go do something, she say she want to go with me and stuff. She also hate the idea of us being around anybody else. Let say I am talking to her about how I want to try hike through the rain forest, she'd say "I'd like to do that" then if I say something about needing to get a couple people to do that. She'd get really sad and say she was hoping it was just us two and other things like that. She even say she is jealous of my male friends.

If we are arguing or debating, if I ask her a question, she'd just sidestep it or give a vague answer that will just keep her out of any possible trouble. If I give her that sort of answer, she throw a huge fit.

She also is lamost always living in state of extreme miserable because of not being able to be with me. She cannot stand not hearing from me for more than a day, it drive her crazy. Me... On other hand it is next to impossible for me to miss people. So you can see where all problems come from.

She's suppose to move here in about three months. I can't help it but start to wonder what it would be like in real life after a long term. When we visited, everything was great, but I know that long term it will not be the same.

I use to really love being with her and talking with her. I feel like she realy understand me and we have a lot in common and everything. But... lately I am just starting to feel like I have to watch every steps I make and I am always getting to point where I'm always stressed out and worry about talking to her and even got tempt to avoid her just because I cannot really stand it any longer. She's a really sweet girl and very loving and grat to talk with when she's in good moood but if I do anything wrong, I know I'm gonna to regret it big time.

I hope someone can help me out because I am not sure of what to do any more and start t consider tell her I cannot stay in this relationship any more.

[Technowitch]

Yikes. Sounds like there's some major issues going down.

You said that she had just gotten out of a relationship when she met you, right? Do you know what her previous partner was like? Why and how they broke up? She might still be carrying some baggage about her ex. Try talking to her; be as non-confrontational as possible, and don't try to run the conversation as an interrogation. Ask her why she seems so anxious all the time, for starters.

Good luck.

[Barfing_Rat]

Yes that is right. Her previous partner was a really loser who is just happy to be a average mr joe. Have no goal in life, like to play video game all day, is dumb as hell (no I didnt say that because I dont like him,I mean it literally, he is unbelievable stupid!), have nasty temper, and is more like a child who have to be take care of than a boyfriend. He basically treat her like a maid or slave.

She left him because she's fed up with how he's living. She was hoping he'd get up and do something and have a life instead of work and come home to play video game or stay home all day and do nothing on weekend and never want to do anything else.

I tried to talk with her about jealousy issue and she just say she's a jealousy person. As for clingy, she says she love me and miss me so it is hard for her to be away from me.

I really do want to amke thing work out but... I am just getting to point where I always feel like I can never do anything without upsetting her and I always end up have to be the one who do all explaining, apologizing, take the blame, etc... And it happen so often that I just feel like I'm always guilt about something. It's start to pushing me away. But if I tell her this she'll say "so I can't tell you how I feel?" or something.

[Tea and Cake or Death]

I was in a bad relationship like your once. It might hurt, but I think you should cut your losses. Besides, Chico is full of young hot girls. Just be careful. The stats on the STDs roaming about Chico are scarry.

[Underwater Ophelia]

It seems like this type of relationship just isn't working out.

Fortunately, you probably don't have too deep of a connection with her, so moving on with your life will be easier than you might think.

Remember, even if the two of you don't work out this time, that doesn't mean you can't try again in the future when you're both more stable and more mature.

[Solumina]

It seems like she has a really unhealthy attachment style and needs far more from you than you can provide (though that is no fault of your own, sh requires much more than anyone could be expected to give). This isn't something that will change, it is just something that you will grow to resent more as time goes by. I think it would be best for you to end the relationship as it isn't healthy for either of you, and you deserve someone that is going to add to your life, instead of someone who takes so much.

[Barfing_Rat]

Thanks for all advices. I've decided I'll wait until she get in one of her really nasty mood in rows then I'll end it. That way I can point everything out and get her to see my reason. I'm NOT gonna to live with someone who cannot leave me for more than a couple hours, chew me out for every small mistakes I make, etc...

I am really sad about this though. It is just sick to think about how many people avoid me like plague. Well I guess I'll be ok anyway. I've always been a loner and dont need anyone. I prefer to go back to being that way than being kept on a very tight short leash. Thanks everyone.