Break ups

Velvet Rain Drops · 04-13-2006, 07:42 PM

This may be a stupid thread, and please forgive if a thread like this has been made befor.

Has any one on this site ever fallen in love with some one?.. Then have that some one cheat on you? I have. The question is how do you get over it.. how do you move on? What if you saw him/her with some one else.. even one of your friends?
What would you do? Would you comfront them right there?
If this ever hapend to you I would like to know how you got through it, because it may help me get through it, and may even help others.

A Simple Poet · 04-13-2006, 08:13 PM

I read your post concerning your unfaithful boyfriend. Have you decided to cut him loose, then? It is probably the best thing. He'll only cheat again, especially if he is young.

Of course, I am not privy to all of the intangibles of your relationship and far from qualified to give this kind of advice. Plus I am a guy, and cannot percieve the feminine mind with regard to such things. I have heard it said with firm cliche that the pain lessens everyday, but who am I to say that.

I'm sorry for your pain, kid.

Cicero · 04-13-2006, 08:53 PM

I understand completely. I was once a victim to a similar horridness, as has almost every one of my loved ones.

Love at a young age is a dangerous thing. I never thought I'd get over it, but it is possible. Poet is right, cut him loose. Cheaters are nothing but worthless scoundrels.

It will sound harsh, even entirely impossible, but when someone you love and trust betrays you like that, keeping them in your life will only cause further pain - and so my best suggestion is to cut him loose and cut him out. Completely. Don't see him (if possible, although some social situations force it), don't talk to him, and do everything you can to keep yourself busy and not think about him.
And finding a rebound helps, too, if only for a short while

I apologise if I'm reading too much into this and your relationship with this boy, but after having been through something so similar things such as this strike a very deep vein within me. I won't be ageist and cast this off as some adolescent wandering, because I remember the passionate feelings that came with the age. When male human beings are young they can be either the sweetest of things, or the most cruel and decieving. I have experienced the former, which quickly degenerated into the latter. Ghastly, ghastly men! (Though I admit, once they pass the age of 19 - or much sooner for some lucky chaps - they can become quite charming)

Good luck with everything. And do your best not to think about it. Look to the future. Think about your plans and your aspirations above all else.

Oh and one last thing: all confrontations I've known of only ended in tears. Best to leave them in their foolish relationship. If they're the sorts to betray a friend, it's obviously doomed.

Velvet Rain Drops · 04-14-2006, 08:52 AM

The only thing is I don't think i can face him. He wants to meat me today in the park, but I don't think I can go. I loved him with all my heart. I know I should break up with him but what if he Wiggles his way out of it and tells me its over and I forgive him?

edible_eye · 04-14-2006, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Velvet Rain Drops

... but what if he Wiggles his way out of it and tells me its over and I forgive him?

then you're not looking for help, you're trying to coax others into justifying why it's ok to be treated like a second rate piece of meat.

and in that vein, yes - this was a stupid thread.

dump him or be cheated on again. it's that simple. to stay with him gives him permission to treat you like shit.

succubus,queenofvampires · 04-14-2006, 09:48 AM

EDIBLE!!!! You're back!!

Welcome, we missed you!!

Phayte · 04-14-2006, 09:48 AM

I've known many cheaters.. they never change. Just get on with your life. If you want to forgive him then do it, but don't go back to him.

Your worth more then a second rate peice of meat as Edible put it.

Don't set yourself up for more pain and humiliation.

edible_eye · 04-14-2006, 09:58 AM

i'm back today. i'll be gone again tomorrow.

thanx though, succubus.

even though i feel good doing what i feel i need to do, i miss this place and people like yourself as well.

succubus,queenofvampires · 04-14-2006, 10:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by edible_eye

i'm back today. i'll be gone again tomorrow.

thanx though, succubus.

even though i feel good doing what i feel i need to do, i miss this place and people like yourself as well.

Why do you have to leave again?

Velvet Rain Drops · 04-14-2006, 10:17 AM

Ok I met up with him and I told him that I knew hes been cheating. I told him I never wanted to see him again. when I walked away he told me he was sorry and that it wouldent happen again. I still left him.

edible_eye · 04-14-2006, 10:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Xnguela

That takes a lot of courage. I'm glad you made the right decision.

i agree.

the hard part now will be to stand by your decision. cry, scream, do what you must - but respecting yourself enough to NOT be treated like shit will be solid ground you can hold for your whole life.

you're worth it.

don't ever doubt that.

and don't ever let ANYONE who doesn't respect you enough to be faithful water your worth down.

although i don't know you - i'm proud of you for standing tall.

edible_eye · 04-14-2006, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by succubus,queenofvampires

Why do you have to leave again?

i "have to" leave again to chase a dream, succubus - no matter how cheesy that sounds.

g-net is a perfect distraction to that dream because i can procrastinate within this cyber-realm indefinitely.

if my dream fails, i'll be back permanently

if i succeed, i'll be back anyway.

other than that i'm sure i'll pop in from time to time, but for the most part - until i get my stuff finished, i'm on hiatus.

Velvet Rain Drops · 04-14-2006, 11:52 AM

My ex keeps calling me. he wants to talk and work things out. I told him to leave me alone, but he wont. My friend .... well old friend wants to make things right between the three of us. They have come to my house three times alredy and wont stop calling my cell. I really don't know what to do.

edible_eye · 04-14-2006, 12:39 PM

why does your old friend find it so important to a.) "make things right" between the three of you, and b.) discount your decision as though his / hers is more important than your own?

Sobeh · 04-14-2006, 12:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by edible_eye

why does your old friend find it so important to a.) "make things right" between the three of you, and b.) discount your decision as though his / hers is more important than your own?

^^

In addition, to have someone wanting to make things 'right' without having said friend get upset at the ass who made things wrong in the first place is ignorant favoritism. I'd say you were kind of shaking down your relationship tree and some nasty apples are hitting the yard. Be strong, and trust that you know what's best for you. Because you do.

Phayte · 04-14-2006, 02:36 PM

Don't give into them. You are the most important person in this situation. They will stop eventually, but if they don't stop you screaming at them to stop might help. I've found that simply avoiding things doesnt help anything.

Solumina · 04-14-2006, 03:19 PM

They just want you to say that what they did is ok so that they can stop feeling bad that they got caught. Don't give in, they made the choice and they have to pay the price. You were already hurt, why shouldn't they hurt too?

A Simple Poet · 04-14-2006, 06:00 PM

Solumnia stole my thunder, but yes. They merely seek to justify their actions. Don't cave Velvet, I too am proud of you. You did the right thing and there will be other boyfriends with better scruples (I hope).

Velvet Rain Drops · 04-14-2006, 06:37 PM

Thanks. All of you really helped me get through this. I know it will be hard but the worst is over. You have shown me that I did what was right and that made me feal a lot better about myself.
Thank you!!! <3

Przfinestrep · 04-14-2006, 09:10 PM

i get you......but why do u want to be with a guy that dosnt want to be with you....i mean just for get about that loser......he'll just keep braking your heart!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Godslayer Jillian · 04-14-2006, 09:41 PM

Please!!
Spelling!!
Or are you a troll?

A Simple Poet · 04-15-2006, 03:33 PM

I think it's the spelling.

Sobeh · 04-16-2006, 10:42 AM

Damnit, Troll! I wish I could quit you....

(hey, we're in the break-ups thread)

Queenofdarkness57 · 04-16-2006, 10:43 AM

My mom caught my dad cheatin on her with one of her

Queenofdarkness57 · 04-16-2006, 10:48 AM

My mom caught my dad cheatin on her with one of her students( she teaches cosmetics stuff). She confronted him and he still denied it. There was a lot of yelling, crying, and pain... But she didn't leave him because she didn't want to lose us. I can totally feel your pain Velvet. And the most difficult part is that he still is. We can't stop him, we just learned how to deal with it. You should have someone who's always there for you. Although my sister and I were very young when it fiorst happened, if it weren't for us I think my mom would have commited suicide. Be strong and accept the fact that once a cheater...always a cheater. Although you will never be able to forget about it, move on with your life.